


Unknown Number

by Another_Freak1258



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Bottom Sam, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Violence, Emotional Sam Winchester, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hair-pulling, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, Lucifer's Cage, M/M, Making Love, Original Character(s), Original Winchester Character(s) - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Phone Calls, Possessive Lucifer, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Dean, Protective Lucifer, Rimming, Sam is a Tease, Slow Build, Texting, Top Lucifer, Torture, Virgin Lucifer, Work In Progress, a lot of crying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-04 10:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 97,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3065186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Another_Freak1258/pseuds/Another_Freak1258
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucifer is out of the Cage. The Cage was affected by the Fall, and the only person he can really turn to is Sam. Through many texts, phone calls, and secret meetings, Sam discovers he might not be that bad - but with Abbadon, Metatron, and the Mark of Cain to deal with, the hunter's life is becoming busier and more complicated by the minute. During this journey, Sam does the unspeakable.</p><p>He finds himself falling in love with the Devil. </p><p>(Abandoned work. Sorry, everyone.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Taking place in the middle of Season 9. I can't remember EVERYTHING that happened, so just... Don't kill me if something is missing or wrong... This goes for all the chapters! And it's fan fiction anyway so... I can technically write whatever I want!
> 
> Here's the cover: https://33.media.tumblr.com/479cac128f68faf8bd3a6e8add2bf860/tumblr_nhxm0g1Ev41tcb36po1_400.png

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets a text. It sort of changes his life.

Of course it would happen the second Sam got a real phone. 

 

A _real_ phone. Because him and Dean had been using them more and it just became a regular thing for some reason. Did it really need to be questioned? Talking to your brother on the phone was _normal_. Finally, Sam had a _normal_ thing.

 

So, inevitably, something extraordinarily impossible came along to ruin the normality. And when this certain something came along, Sam felt his blood run cold. He blinked at the screen, a slightly blurred **Unknown Number** buzzed above the text: **Sammy...**  


 

It buzzed again, flashing the words: **How are you, Sammy?** And the brunette all but chokes on his own spit, his terror forcing adrenaline to rush through his person. This time, Sam actually sees the text bubble form, and it suddenly says,  **Long time no spooning...**  


Sam drops the phone - and it thankfully lands on the bed - before he even notices what he's doing. He's panting, feeling the urge to run away, even though their isn't really anything to run _from_. The hunter's eyes dart around the empty motel room, his fingers itching to respond to the text despite himself.

 

There were two things he _knew_ were impossible: 1) Lucifer getting out of the Cage, and 2) Lucifer knowing how to use an iPhone. Yet, like always, the impossible things still happened as if that were completely possible. Sam grabs the phone with reluctance, fingers shaking ever so slightly. _What should I—He can't be out. This has to be some sort of sick joke._  


 

But the thing was, it really couldn't, because Sam was the only one who heard that phrase. Logically, the real Lucifer, even if he managed to get out of the Cage, wouldn't even know that Sam had hallucinations about him. Unless... Well, technically it could be some freaky vessel connection crap, but that was unlikely, too. It could be a demon, one that just somehow _knew_.

 

Sam finds himself typing, **How do you even know how to text?** And this is crazy and Sam knows it, but it appears that _he_ is crazy _because all of this isn't real and can't be happening_. His phone vibrates, causing his eyes to glance downwards. **Wanna talk about the Cage, Sam?** A bittersweet laugh crawls its way out of Sam's throat, and he feels like throwing up. As a last ditch effort to resist whatever is happening, Sam responds, **No. Go away.**  


 

Across the country, Lucifer is typing back gleefully, happy to finally contact his senpai. **I'm bored**. Which is true, but he really should be being more serious, after all, Sam needs to help him. Though, he's only - well, Lucifer isn't quite human, but he's definitely found himself in a predicament pertaining to it. But, it seems Sam is on the same page, and Lucifer's stolen iPhone vibrates. **I don't think you're capable of not being bored.**  


 

He laughs a tad at that, an almost-smile on his face. His fingers tap rapidly on the screen: **I missed you**. And, as expected, Sam responds with: **I hate you.** That tugs a bit at his heart, and Lucifer is suddenly very worried. He shouldn't be able to feel like this, yet it's happening, and Sam's causing it. Lucifer types back, **I love when you get all frustrated.**  


 

Sam scoffs at this phone, basking in the surrealism of it all. Is he having a casual chat via text with Satan? **You aren't capable of love** , Sam replies, thinking of the Cage; of all the horrible, unspeakable things that Lucifer did to him down there. **Who is this?**  


 

Lucifer smirks, typing:  **You know... Your bunk buddy... Would you rather I call, Sammy?** Sam thinks about this for a moment. Why would Lucifer need to call? He should be able to just pop in if whomever the brunette is texting actually is the archangel in question. It's probably a demon, like he considered before, but Sam can't figure out how a demon would _know_.

 

Maybe he should block the number. Though, more problems could arise from that rather than fix any. And Sam would like to have Lucifer as a contact - because he _needs_ to, now he's _obligated_ , _not_ because he personally wants to.

 

Sam's tapping at the phone, wondering how to respond. The obvious hits him, and Sam asks: **Can't you just visit me? Why are you using a phone?** He feels like a genius, and smugly watches the reply bubble form. Sam has to double-take when he realizes he's smiling - because no, he's _not_ happy, he's _scared, terrified, confused_.

 

Lucifer bites his lip, and rubs the back of his neck - and he has to remind himself that it's not really his, technically it's his vessel's - the very human-like gesture admittedly scares him. **I seem to have found myself in a predicament... I need to call you.** It's not like he's expecting to be welcomed with open arms, but Sam can't be _that_  mad at him still, he's different - he feels different, and something has horribly, _horribly_ wrong. His - and it really is his, he took it and now it's his - phone buzzes and he reads the text. It wasn't hard to get Sam's number, he asked around in the hunter community and all pointed to someone named 'Garth' and all he literally had to do was ask for Sam's number. The archangel should really tell Sam sometime that him and Dean should look into that, because _anyone_ could get their number if they knew who is ask. **Fine, go head.**  


 

Sam is doubtful, but that's okay, because when the Cage spit him out he got stuck in Nick again. Peculiar and unexpected, but perhaps God felt pity on the man, and resurrected him after Lucifer was unable to continue using him as a vessel any longer, and traded Nick for Sam. Lucifer imagines that Sam thinks of him as Nick, that he associates the archangel with this vessel. Therefore it with be rather easy to prove he's really Lucifer, since he is in possession of Nick's voice.

 

Lucifer taps the screen a bit, trying to figure out how to call Sam. It took him a while to even text him. But Lucifer's a quick learner - always has been - and discovers the option about two minutes later. He's seen humans do this before, and the archangel hesitantly raises the iPhone to his vessel's ear. It buzzes ever so often, for about ten seconds at least, until it goes silent.

 

"Sammy?" Lucifer asks with an uncharacteristic, timid voice. He hears on the other end what can only be described as an almost-silent, strangled yelp. Suddenly, all reluctance disappears, and his tone is confident and snarky as he adds, "Don't pretend you're not happy to hear my voice..."

 

Sam all but throws the phone across the room when the voice of his tormentor fills his ears, but he manages not to, and whimpers instead. "How do you..." the hunter whispers. His voice somehow finds confidence, and he clears his throat before repeating with disbelieve loudly, "How do you even know how to work an iPhone?!"

 

A baffled expression plasters itself on Lucifer's vessel. "Really? That's what you want to know?" the archangel muses, "Let's just hope it's extremely replaceable... Because I don't really want to be... What do you call it? Arrested." A noise of protest screams at him from the other end, and Lucifer is terrified when he realizes that the focused sound hurts his ears.

 

"You stole it?!"

 

Lucifer grimaces silently from the assault on his vessel's eardrums. "How else would _I_ get a phone?"

 

Sam finds himself practically facepalming fondly, and pinches himself as punishment. "Why..." he's quieter now, and the brunette feels a headache coming on. "Why are you... What predicament did you find yourself in? No, wait. Better yet, how are you out?! Yeah, riddle me that, Satan!"

 

Lucifer chuckles, feeling a wave of sentiment wash over him from hearing Sam so flustered and annoyed. He voices his pleasure, basically purring, "Oh, I love to hear you all frustrated, Sammy."

 

"I could block your number; don't test me," Sam threatens, almost growling into the phone. The hunter has an array of emotions to pick from, and he's currently settling for anger and spite. It pisses him off a tad more when Lucifer chuckles again.

 

"Sammy, me and you both know you aren't going to do that. Not until you know it's me... Maybe even after you realize it's me..."

 

The human legitimately shivers at the Devil's words, because despite himself, he already believes he is talking to the real Lucifer one way or another. Thankfully, the hunter regains his composure quickly. "Don't change the subject," Sam warns, though, there is no real heat behind his words.

 

Lucifer complies, answering nonchalantly, "Don't know. Cage opened, I got out." Sam blinks slowly, dumbfounded.

 

"It just... Opened?"

 

"Yep," he answers, popping the 'p' playfully. Even though Sam can't see him, he looks at his vessel's nails in mock disinterest.

 

Sam scoffs, before arguing, "Yeah, and you expect me to believe that? Someone had to have had to let you out. Or you're not really Lucifer." 

 

Tone becoming almost friendly and casual, Lucifer says, "Oh, Sammy, c'mon... I need - "

 

" _You_ need?!" Sam suddenly yells into the phone, much to Lucifer's discomfort. "You need something, huh? Why on Earth, pray tell, why would _I_ help _you_?!" Lucifer blinks, a bit taken back. He didn't anticipate Sam being _this_ angry with him. "And I swear, if you say it's because I'm your vessel, I _will_ hang up and block this number."

 

The archangel definitely understands he needs to take a softer approach, and allows his voice to turn quiet and practically motherly. "Sam," he begins, "I... Please, just tell me where you are."

 

The brunette takes a deep breath, willing his body to calm down. Yelling at Lucifer won't accomplish anything, and while he doesn't owe him squat, he should at least listen. After all, Sam has a feeling that Lucifer being out of the Cage will become a problem later. Sam rolls his eyes. _As if it isn't already_ , the hunter thinks.

 

"I'm not helping you; for all I know this could be a trap," Sam states dismissively, crossing an arm over his stomach, leaning forward a bit off the bed. On the other end, Lucifer groans in frustration, rubbing his vessel's face.

 

"Sammy, you know I'm much less predictable than that. And sorry to get your hopes up, but this is definitely not a trap. I am... Please, Sam, I - please tell me where you are," Lucifer pleads, his tone sincere and soft. Much like when they first met. Sam hesitates, swallowing the rock in his throat again nervously.

 

The hunter turns towards the window, looking for the Impala. _Dean would just make this worse_ , Sam thinks, wanting to bite his nails but stopping himself, _And he's not going to be back for hours_... "Lucifer, I'm going to ask you once more: why are you asking me for help?" 

 

The Devil swallows as well, rubbing his face tiredly. Whatever's wrong with him, it's really, really unnerving. He feels too... _Human_... "Because... Sam, I don't have anywhere else to go. Please... I... Give me a second chance..." Lucifer feels passionate, and is grateful when Sam allows him to continue.

 

"I know... I know what happened... _After_. I'm sorry that I... Began our conversation with that crap but I - I needed you to know it was me. I'm not lying to you, Sam, and I promise that I'm not a threat. I've told you I don't want the apocalypse, and I still don't. Just... Help me." 

 

Sam sighs almost silently, letting the archangel's words sink in. "Are you human?" he finally asks, after a minute of silence. Lucifer was scared he hung up thirty seconds in. The brunette looks outside again, paranoid. He feels like he's doing something he's not suppose to, and yes, he arguably is.

 

Lucifer hesitates, and Sam double-takes on how human it sounds. "Not... Not exactly..." Lucifer's walking down the street at this point, trying to find a bus station. He has some pick-pocketed money, and he needs to get to Sam as soon as possible. Like he told Sam, maybe be doesn't to start the apocalypse. Maybe be just wants to find some and annoy him and help him and follow him around. Maybe he likes Sam a little more than he should. Maybe he feels bad everything. And as much as he'd like to be a full-powered archangel again, it wouldn't be the end of the world if he stayed like this - pun intended - or became a human. As terrifying as it is, he'd do anything for Sam. Maybe he'd like to grow old with Sam. "I'm not fallen either. I'm just... Weak. Hence the whole 'not a threat' thing," Lucifer adds.

 

Sam drums his fingers on the bed, the springs digging into his rear uncomfortably. His heart's still beating rapidly, but he's managing to stay still. "Okay... And... How exactly am I suppose to help? I assume you want to be full-powered again, but to my knowledge," Sam growls the last sentence thinking of Gadreel, "an Angel practically heals on it's own if it has a vessel." _He better not be trying to get me to say yes_ , Sam thinks angrily.

 

The archangel snorts. "I don't need help with _that_. I need somewhere to stay," Lucifer says as if Sam's an idiot, squinting his eyes. "Nick's doing a pretty good job - considering he's not even suppose to be alive - "

 

"So you can switch consciences?" 

 

Sam scratches his nose. He's not as erratic now, thankfully, but he's still on edge. Nick's voice is deep and natural, as far as Sam's concerned it's soothing. But he can't let that fool him, because this is still the one who tortured him - whose existence caused him see hallucinations and go insane. Didn't get him wrong, he hates Lucifer with a firry passion, and this is probably going to be one of those horrible mistakes, but everyone does deserve a second chance. "Yeah. Nick's not very happy about it, he was in Heaven with his family," Lucifer answers, feeling a pang of something heavy on his chest. _More feelings? What's this?_ he wonders.

 

Sam feels the same thing, but he can recognize the feeling: guilt. It doesn't matter that he wasn't directly involved with Nick's resurrection, he still feels responsible. It seems like it's a Winchester thing. He closes his eyes mournfully, opening them two seconds later. Not wanting to revel the existence of the bunker, Sam says, "You - you do realize Dean and I travel around the country, right? You couldn't settle down and heal, and you'd constantly be in danger. Not to mention _Dean_ , not like he's going to be fine with you hitching a ride with us."

 

"That's not - I know. But, I don't have anyone else..." Lucifer can't think of much else to say, and he waits for Sam's verdict on the situation. He definitely doesn't want Dean to know, he'll only serve to complicate this situation. But he'd only be looking out for Sam, and Lucifer can respect that. The archangel isn't interested in hurting Sam - before he was, when they were in the Cage, but Lucifer's had a lot of time to think about that. Now that's the last thing he wants. Sam is important to him, and he'll do whatever he has to to prove to the brunette that he doesn't have any interest in world domination or violence.

 

Sam lets out a long sigh, not trusting himself to say the right thing. Lucifer's apparently harmless, but he's still _Lucifer_. The hunter's already decided that he might as well, because if he doesn't the other will bother Sam until he does. " _Okay -_ Where are you?"


	2. The Start of a Beautiful Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Lucifer talk. And then they become boyfriends. :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't perfect, and I am sorry. Also, I am a rather busy person and it'll probably be a while before the next chapter.

Lucifer and Sam have one of the most uncomfortable conversations in the history of everything when Sam manages to get him. The archangel makes his interest in Sam very clear, not even bothering to put it lightly. Lucifer explains to Sam everything that happened, and the human assists him with things in turn. He only has about an hour or so, though, because Dean'll get suspicious if he's gone too long. Sam gives him some credit cards, tells him how to do this and that, but nothing too complicated to explain like driving. But he covers the basics like purchasing things, shaving, and using the Internet. It's like Cas all over again as far as Sam can tell. He supposes that Lucifer's current state of mind is a lot better than being hellbent on world domination, though. So he's not going to complain.

 

They do this for a week. Having conversations over text, or meeting up, even talking for hours on the phone. It only takes Sam a little while to decide Lucifer actually isn't an unbearably horrible person, and he finds himself actually growing attached to the guy. Dean hadn't asked him about why he's been so busy, nor why his phone is buzzing so often. The younger hunter knows that Dean'll pick up on it soon, but he's been dealing with the Mark, and is too preoccupied to really look into things. They're together when it happens, blabbing on and on about nothing. It's nice, and Sam's smiling. 

 

The brunette's washing down a quick McDonald's breakfast with a coffee. It tastes horrible and Lucifer agrees, but they drink it anyway. It seems as if Lucifer's fallen into that habit - not wanting to waste anything. Sam's glad he's not taking his assistance for granted, and sets his portable paper coffee cup on the motel table. Lucifer's laughing along with him, and the human can't remember the last time he had something this _wonderfully easy_. As crazy as it sounds, Sam feels _safe_ of all things around Lucifer. He makes sure to remind Sam constantly that he regrets everything that happened - that the Cage was a mistake and that when he imagined meeting Sam for the first time, it went very differently. ("So sorry, Sammy - it was so unforgivably horrible and I'm sorry. It was supposed to be different when I found you...") And his nightmares that emerged after he found out that Lucifer was out again have lessened.

 

The brunette's forgiven him for that stuff. Though, he's not naive, and still watches Lucifer skeptically. But his stupid, sentimental brain is telling him that it's okay, that Lucifer's different and _cares_ about him. Sam hasn't had a relationship like this in too longer. Too long since he's had someone he can just sit down and talk to for hours. As their laughs die down, Sam takes a quick swig of his coffee, with a small smile on his face. He states softly, "God - I really hope this isn't a ploy to get me to say yes."

 

He sees Lucifer's expression shift to seriousness, and he waits for Sam to look him in the eye. A tad reluctantly granted, but he manages. "Sammy," Lucifer says, his eyes soft and tone stern but fond, "I love you." He has said this before, of course, every damn time he sees Sam. At this point, the brunette's starting to understand that he really _does_. Lucifer looks away, taking a drink of his own coffee. "It isn't, but you technically don't know if I'm lying or not. Though, trust is an important part in any relationship."

 

The taller man looks away. Sam doesn't say anything for a moment, but when he does, his voice comes out almost disinterested. "Every single person I've ever trusted has betrayed me at some point." The blond turns to him, a look of pity on his face. It still amazes him how similar him and Sam are - even if the hunter was made for him, it's wonderful how he can sympathize with so many things.

 

Their eyes lock again. "Do you want to talk about anything, Sammy?" He shakes his head in response, tapping the motel table.

 

"No," Sam elaborates, "and I gotta say, you're definitely changing my opinion of you, but I still thinks it's a bit stupid to trust the Devil." Lucifer tilts his head quickly, his eyes darting to the ceiling in hesitant agreement.

 

The archangel takes another drink. Looking away, he says, "Point taken, but you'll eventually need to talk in order to get your feelings out." Sam smiles at his - Burden? Angel? _Friend_? - _friend_ , finding another thing he enjoys about Lucifer. For an angel, the guy definitely understands emotions, and it's refreshing being able to talk about things like that seriously. Dean breaks the 'no chick-flick moments' rule often enough, but he rarely allows Sam to say what _he_ feels. It's usually his big brother's emotional constipation they deal with.

 

"So..." Sam muses, meeting Lucifer's piercing gaze. _Were Nick's eyes always that color?_ "...What is this exactly?"

 

Lucifer doesn't understand what Sam is asking, and tilts his head in a very Cas-like way. Sam wonders if he's going to have to classify that as angel-like now. "What's what, Sammy?" That did take while, however, getting use to Lucifer calling him Sammy, knowing he wasn't mocking him. That was reserved for Dean, but Sam has given up correcting him. 

 

Sam motions between him and Lucifer, but the archangel's eyebrows simply attempt to disappear into his hairline. Sam rolls his eyes fondly, because it really is like dealing with the ineptitude of Castiel again. "This. Y'know... You and me..."

 

The archangel's expression fades into his playful demeanor, picking up his drink as to take another sip. He smiles into the cup, saying, "The start of a beautiful relationship," before drinking down the last of his coffee.

 

-

 

The next time Lucifer says it, Sam actually acknowledges it. They're texting when it happens. Dean's out, probably already bedding a sleazy women who decided to take him home for the night. **I love you** , Lucifer texts him out of the blue, and Sam finds himself staring at the letters for a good two minutes. It's different when he's actually _looking_ at it, and he texts back: **How do you know?**  


 

Apparently the blond doesn't sense the seriousness of Sam's question. Because on the other end, Lucifer laughs to himself, a smirk on his face. **I want to be inside you, Sammy...** This causes Sam to roll his eyes, understanding the joke but also underlying innuendo. The brunette decides not to ask again, including rephrasing the question. Sam's fingers tap at the screen, and he comments, **No. Stop being a pervert.**  


 

Lucifer smiles as he types back, **Hey, you're the one who wanted to talk to me. This is what you signed up for.** Sam sighs, responding in mock annoyance, **Sadly.** So what if he texted Lucifer first? He was bored, and the other is very good at distracting him from all the craziness in his life. Sam thought that was rather ironic, but he didn't look too far into it. He's grown to appreciate Lucifer's antics and boldness. The brunette won't admit this to anyone, but he likes the archangel's compliments. When he's alone, he full-on _blushes_ \- him, a thirty-some year old man, blushing at a _text_ that means _nothing_.

 

His phone buzzes, causing Sam to look down. Lucifer's reply reads: **But you love me, anyway!** Sam wonders if Lucifer understands what he's saying. The brunette winces, remembering _that look_ \- because even if Lucifer doesn't understand the importance of those three words, the blond definitely feels some form of emotional connection with him. The archangel doesn't necessarily hide his attraction to Sam - but Sam can't really use just that information to support his conclusion. He _doesn't_ know what Lucifer feels, after all, he could simply care about Sam to a family-like extent and he's just confused. He's more or less human now - which means he has to learn all the things humans do. This is what the brunette tells himself, that Lucifer simply cares for him like family, and he's simply sexually confused. It gets harder every time, though, because he catches Lucifer sometimes staring at him like - like how he stared at _Jess_.

 

-

 

Lucifer's walking down the street when Sam calls him. He's about one town over from where the brunette currently is, for visiting purposes. And when the Devil pulls out his phone and sees Sam's picture he smiles. Answering it, the blond brings the phone up to his ear. "Hey - "

 

Before he can say anymore, Sam interrupts him loudly. "Do you really,  _really_  like me or do you just want to get into my pants?" Lucifer actually stops walking, because that's the last thing he expected Sam to greet him with. His eyebrows knot together in confusion, and he's silent for a moment before answering.

 

"A little bit of both."

 

Lucifer expected a reluctant laugh, at least a chuckle - but he faces silence on the other end of the call. He hopes he didn't just ruin everything. "At least your honest," Sam finally breathes, voice tired and strained. 

 

When he doesn't say anything else, the archangel states, "I don't just want you for your body, Sammy." 

 

Sam shakes his head. "No, Lucifer, you're just confused. You don't love me like that." Sam doesn't know if he's trying to convince Lucifer or himself these days. 

 

"Okay, if you could get passed all the things that happened in the Cage I honestly believe we could have a happy relationship. Even when we have to deal with your brother, I think we could make this work. I do love you. _I have before you existed_." When Sam only responds with shuttered breathing, Lucifer adds, "What do I have to do to prove it to you?"

 

Sam laughs. But it's not a happy laugh, it's sarcastic and cold. Lucifer's stomach doesn't agree with Sam's change of attitude, and he looks for a bench to rest on. "I - I can't give you that, I'm not - I'm not even into guys and - "

 

"Why does it matter that I'm using Nick as a vessel?  _I_  don't have a gender," Lucifer interrupts Sam, tone perplexed and sad. If he'd of known this was going to be a problem, he would of found a secondary female vessel when he could've.

 

The hunter rubs his face, already getting a headache from this conversation. "Okay, but you're in a male vessel and I - " Sam's never explored  _that_  territory, hasn't really thought about it, nor had an opportunity to experience anything by extent. Sam thinks of Nick without giving consent to his brain. It's not that he doesn't like him - because he has to admit, Nick has a very ascetically pleasing person - and it's not like it's gross when he thinks of kissing him, it's just - Okay, he might be a bit gayer than he originally thought. "Fine. Yes, that's I guess that doesn't matter, but you're still - " The brunette can't think of anything to argue about.

 

"Why - ugh, words can't describe how I feel right now..." Sam shares, leaning against the Impala. He's thinking of Nick's body again, and it should bother him because he's never even  _looked_  at a guy like  _that_  but now there's Lucifer and - and everything is just so confusing, so complicated.

 

Lucifer, voice timid and reluctant, pushes his luck, asking, "...Do you feel like you love me?" 

 

"No! I mean, maybe, I - Lucifer, you've - I think you have actually managed to get me to care about you!" Sam exclaims angrily, biting the insides of his cheeks nervously. He feels like a teenage girl, but this is okay - they could do this Sam thinks. "I - I don't know if I _love_ you but... I... I wanna give us a shot. That's why I called, more or less."

 

Lucifer almost drops his phone, a grin forming on his face at Sam's words. "R-Really? Sammy, that's wonderful!" The brunette finally gets over himself, and finds enough amusement from Lucifer's excitement to laugh. "You have to be patient with me, though, I still don't understand everything - and the last thing I wanna do is mess this up..."

 

Sam chuckles again, and he feels  _happy_.  _This is a good thing - he has a good thing in his life._ "Nobody's perfect, I know it'd take awhile..." Sam laughs again, joyful. "I - I think this might be okay."

 

Lucifer's smile falters, and he asks quietly, "But... What are we going to do about Dean? He's... Not going to be okay with this." Sam's grin drops too, and he groans discontentedly. He knows better than being happy for a whole two seconds, because then something like this happens. It could be worse, though, so Sam isn't going to complain heavily.

 

"Ugh. Good point."

 

Lucifer starts walking towards the bench again, saying, "Don't worry, Sammy, we'll think of something." First Dean had to be aware that the Cage was affected from the Fall, then perhaps they could move on from there. The human lets out a humorless huff of air out of his nose, scratching his forehead.

 

"See, now stuff like that sounds sketchy."

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Well, you're a grownup. You can make your own decisions. Why don't you just tell him that?" Before Sam can say anything in response, the blond quickly adds, "If Dean really cares about you, he'll eventually understand."

 

Sam laughs, because thinking of Dean actually respecting his choices and being understanding is just too rich. "How would I even start that conversation? 'Oh, hey, Dean. Funny story, I'm dating Satan now! He's actually a pretty nice guy once you get to know him!' You see how that sounds?" The hunter absentmindedly thinks about how dramatic his life is.

 

Lucifer sighs, throwing a hand into the air. "Screw him! You'll find a time to tell him at some point." Sam laughs softly, tapping the hood of the Impala. 

 

"Soon, I promise. But he's dealing with... Stuff right now."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Lucifer chit-chat 'bout stuffs. They're so cute, aren't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Hope you guys love it! And comments help me write faster. Seriously. They make me feel so bad that I upload early.

Dean definitely isn't understanding when he finds out.

 

Sam vaguely remembers their fight when he wakes up, tied to his bedpost. It takes him an embarrassingly long time to free one hand, and he immediately calls Lucifer. Thankfully, Dean was fuming enough that he didn't think about taking Sam's phone - but that makes the brunette wonder if he should be worried about the fact that he _didn't_ think of taking Sam's phone. "Lucifer," he pants into the cellular device, "Dean didn't take it very well..."

 

On the other end, the archangel makes an unimpressed face. _Did you think he would?_ "What happened?" he asks instead, noticing Sam's labored breath. "Are you okay?" If Sam's calling him, the most likely scenario is that Dean is hunting him down - which, while admirable, Lucifer knows is unnecessary and tedious. But, if this was the case, Sam probably would of tried to stop his brother, and that wouldn't of gone over well. The brunette was supposed to of called him hours ago - (technically he said sometime during the evening and it's eight currently, but he can't help but count every second) - so although his facade says differently, Lucifer is worried that Sam's hurt. The older hunter wouldn't go too far, but thinking of Sam in any kind of pain puts knots in his stomach.

 

"Not exactly... I... I'm tied to a bedpost."

 

Lucifer blinks. So much for injured. "You... How..." he breathes, dumbfounded. Dean bounded his brother to a bed to keep him from leaving? He smirks, stating smugly, "Kinky." The other rolls his eyes and scoffs, annoyed.

 

"This is serious - I'm still stuck and I don't know where he is!" Sam tells Lucifer, halfheartedly pulling at the ropes. "Can you come help me or something?!"

 

The archangel laughs, answering, "Yeah. Where are you?"

 

-

 

About a week or so later, Lucifer brings up the subject again, and texts Sam: **So, has Dean talked to you yet, Sammy?**  


 

Sam is caught a bit off guard at the text. He hasn't seen nor had any sort of contact with Dean for a week, and he's starting to worry. He should of waited longer, they have too much on their plate to be fighting over this. The brunette responds quick enough, answering, **No, he's not answering my calls or texts. I don't know where he is.**  


 

The blond thinks for a moment. The solution to finding Dean should be as simple as the ABCs - Especially when you have so many resources to find him with. **Does Castiel know?** Lucifer asks, the first idea that pops into his head. Sam sighs and types away at the screen, informing, **Cas isn't answering. But, I saw Crowley earlier today. He's... He wouldn't tell me, but he knows where Dean is. They might be going after Abbadon without me. I don't know what exactly is going through Dean's head right now.**  


 

With pursed lips, the archangel carefully responds. He has to tread carefully when it comes to Dean, he's realized. Lucifer types: **I wouldn't be surprised if they went after Abbadon. But that could be a good thing. I mean, maybe it's not just because Dean's mad at you. Maybe it's because he cares about you and doesn't want you getting hurt.** He's wonder whether or not he should call Sam now, because while texting is pretty useful, they both tend to type very long paragraphs. Not to mention it's been a day since Lucifer's seen Sam, and he'd like to hear his voice.

 

Quickly, Sam replies with wide eyes, **But I can't just do nothing! Dean needs to just get over himself so we can kill Abbadon and Metatron, get rid of the Mark, and deal with you and Michael. And by 'deal' I mean figure out what the fuck to do with him.** How could Lucifer expect him to lay back and not worry about his brother? He's out there doing who knows what and Sam is at a lost. Jesus, he's losing his touch, isn't he?

 

Wanting to remain honest yet polite - as polite as Lucifer can be, anyway - Lucifer explains further. **I'd be kinda glad if Dean went after her without you. Then I'd know you're safe.**  


 

Sam rolls his eyes at that, and retorts, **People in my line of business are never safe.** The hunter figured out that a long time ago, and Lucifer needs to understand he's always going to be in some form of danger. It's the Life, and... That's just how it works.

 

The other understands that, sure, but that doesn't mean Lucifer's happy about it. **Yeah, but it's like you don't even care if you're safe or not. It's like everyone else's life comes before yours and I don't like that.** the blond states, flopping down on a comfy green couch.

 

  
**That's because only a few actually know what's out there - So we're obligated to protect the ignorant, with our life.** Sam blinks at the screen after he hits send, and adds, **I understand what your saying, though.** **Most hunters don't really have anything to stay alive for, I guess.**  


  
**But I have Dean, Cas, and you now.** Sam smiles stupidly at the text, sighing happily. He watches the text bubble form, and waits for the other's reply.

 

  
**Exactly.** Lucifer argues a moment later, **So why can't you just leave it to someone else? Why does it always have to be you?** Now that Sam tells him everything, it feels like the brunette always gets the short end of the stick, and Lucifer would be much happier if he - Well, if Sam wasn't in danger.

 

With another sigh, the brunette types: **But it's not me this time, it's Dean. He's the one who has the Mark. I'll just... Be backup.** Sam hits send, and watches the reply bubble form again.

 

**Okay, this is ridiculous. I'm calling you.**

 

Sam nods to himself with a chuckle, and about five seconds pass before Lucifer's picture appears on the screen, his phone buzzing. Sliding to answer, the hunter brings his iPhone to his ear. "Hey," he says, smiling a little. God, he's such a girl, isn't he?

 

"Hey, Sam?" Lucifer asks, smiling, too. He's glad to hear Sam's voice - always is - but he doesn't bother saying hello because they've been texting each other previously. To him it just seems unnecessary. Though, Lucifer is changing the subject, because he doesn't think he'll be able to get Sam to change his mind. 

 

"Yeah?"

 

And okay, maybe this isn't a completely different subject, but it's probably far enough from what they were previously discussing for the taller man to not realize that Lucifer is simply trying to get him to tell him what he wants a different way. "Have you ever thought about what your life would be like if you weren't a hunter?" he asks. Lucifer is generally curious. He used to know everything about Sam - from the number of his eyelashes to his first teacher. But, this vessel seems to be failing him slowly, and it can't hold every last memory and fact Lucifer's consciousness possesses. He isn't going to tell Sam, of course, because it's probably nothing.

 

"Of course I have," the brunette answers. He's not only thought about it, he's _tried_ it. It's never worked out. Not with Amelia and definitely not with Jess. "That doesn't matter, though. Why?"

 

Lucifer shrugs to himself, and stretches a bit on the couch. "I don't know. Do you want a normal life?" Again, the archangel is simply wondering. Sam deserves something like that. Something with a nice girl, definitely not with him.

  

On the other end, Sam chuckles, saying, "I'm beginning to think that this is normal for me."

 

The other shakes his head with a sigh. "Well... If you would of had a normal life, then you wouldn't have met me, I suppose. And I don't know what I would do without you." It's so surreal. Thinking, saying these things...

 

Sam thinks about it for a moment, too. "Technically you'd still be in the Cage... But I get the sentiment. I feel the same." If the Winchester's weren't so important to 'God's plan' or whatever, Sam would of had a somewhat normal life. As appealing as that sounds, the hunter can't help but think of Lucifer. "While I'd really like something normal - an apple pie life with Jess and a couple kids - I think... These days... I'm pretty happy. Because this? This is what I was meant to do."

 

Lucifer expected a different answer, and makes a surprised noise. "So, if you had the chance to choose between this life and a normal, white picket fence life... You would choose this one?"

 

"Yeah," Sam states breathily. "A normal life would be too... What's the word?" He makes a mock thoughtful sound. "Boring," he finishes with a smirk.

 

Lucifer smiles knowingly, and a few beats passes before the taller man sighs. Sam combs his hair with his fingers, and his voice sounds stressed. "But... We really do need to talk about this. The Cage, I mean. Michael... We have to find him, and... What would we... I imagine you _really_ wouldn't want to deal with him, and we don't need a freakin' apocalypse right now..." Sam babbles, "If we found him and Adam... What would we do?"

 

As Sam predicted, the archangel confirms, "I really don't want to deal with him."

 

Even Sam agrees. "No one does. But... We have too. Whether anyone likes it or not. Do you think there's anyway he could just... Go back to Heaven and help fix it? After this whole 'Heaven is locked' thing blows over?" After all, between them and Cas, they'll figure out how to unlock Heaven's gates at some point.

 

"But do we have to find him? Can we deal with one thing at a time? Let's find Dean right now. And if Michael shows up then we can deal with that then."

 

The brunette nods in agreement, even though Lucifer cannot see him do so. "Yeah, that's what I was going for - but we need a plan, y'know?" Sam says. "Need to make sure everyone knows."

 

"How can everyone know if Dean won't talk to you?" Lucifer asks sassily. Sam's noticed that he is very polite anymore, but he's bearable. It's understandable, human emotions must be very confusing to someone like him. They were to Cas, so they must be even stranger to the blond.

 

Sam sighs, and runs a hand through his hair. "Like you said, one problem at a time. I'll tell him once he gets that stick out of his ass," Sam answers. Dean has to deal, because Sam finally has something nice. As much as he really doesn't deserve it, it's about time he's gotten something nice. The younger hunter can understand Dean's frustration on the matter, the disapproval, but he doesn't agree. The brunette thinks of Michael again, and purses his lips before saying, "But when - _If_ \- he does find us... And he's like you are... We... Luce, we're going to have to help him."

 

"Yeah..." Lucifer agrees reluctantly. He doesn't like Michael, and the older archangel sure doesn't like Lucifer. It's because of the Cage. Before it was just about the Plan, but now it's both. Lucifer sighs internally and externally. "I know. It's the right thing to do and all." He's really starting to hate these human feelings. Like guilt. That one is particularly horrible.

 

Sam tries to think of something positive, because he knows how screwed up Lucifer's relationship with his brother is. "And it would be better if we befriended him or whatever. Make it easier for him to give up the whole 'my one purpose in life is to fight my little brother' thing." The taller man swears it started out completely on the bright side. Sam blames the situation.

 

"Yeah, I guess," Lucifer spits out. He sounds like a toddler, and Sam rolls his eyes.

 

Thinking for a moment, something pops into Sam's head, and he freezes from anticipation. "I - Wait," he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

Lucifer feels that same feeling of suspense, but to a much smaller degree. "Huh?"

 

"Lu, can... Can you hear prayers? I mean, you're an archangel - and while I imagine not too many people pray to you, there have to be a few..." Sam shakes his head, as to clear it. He's babbling, and that never gets anything done. Sam tries again, saying, "I mean... Can I try it? I... Or do you already know whether or not you can hear prayers?"

 

Listening for a moment, the archangel doesn't pick up much of anything but fuzz. It could be too far away to interpret, because he's weak. "I don't know if I can," he answers.

 

"Want me to try?"

 

The blond thinks for a moment. It's not like it could do any harm to either of them, so he answers, "Yeah."

 

Nodding to himself, he gets off the bed. "Okay, well, I'll do the same thing I do when praying to Cas," he says. "I'm going to put the phone under the covers." Sam doesn't wait for any word of approval, and does as he said, walking to the other side of the motel room for good measure. Sam feels like an idiot as his hands fold, and he coughs awkwardly before he looks to the ceiling out of habit. _Lucifer...Can you hear me? Picking this up at all, Lu?_ he prays. 

 

"I can hear you!" the blond exclaims. He then realizes that the phone is still under the bedsheets, and waits for the sound of Sam's telltale breathing to repeat it.

 

The brunette makes a pleasantly surprised noise in response, saying, "Great! That means if Michael _is_ in the same condition as you, than whenever we're ready to deal with him we can just pray to him!" 

 

The archangel's brow furrows, and he asks, "But what if he doesn't answer?"

 

Sam scoffs at that. "A powerless archangel with no experience of earth - the planet he's willing to destroy - who always got what he wanted? I wouldn't be surprised if he run to us crying." He pauses, and the sass disappears as his tone becomes much more serious. "If we say it right, there's no way he'll refuse coming to us. Don't you think he desperately wants back into Heaven?" Sam adds, sitting down on the creaky bed.

 

"Yeah, good point," Lucifer agrees.

 

Carding his hair with his fingers once more - He really does need a trim soon, but where is he going to find the time for that? - Sam thinks of another thing they should discuss. "I also wanted to ask you, are you better? And by that I mean healing. Slowly, I imagine, but... Getting better?" Sam squints a little, his body trying to make itself smaller. He doesn't want to know if it's getting worse, even if he knows that it should be something he wants to know first and foremost. Sam's a bit selfish like that, but after everything, who can really blame him?

 

The archangel bites his lip - And again, it isn't _his_ , but does that really matter? - sighing quickly. He doesn't really want to lie to Sam, but it feels different than before. It doesn't feel as utterly fatal. Lucifer stops battling himself internally, and lies, answering, "I don't know. I haven't really noticed a change."

 

Sam believes him, not even considering that the archangel could be lying to him. Maybe that makes him a bit naive, something he tries to avoid around Lucifer, but he can't help it. The other's grown on him like a nasty mold, and Sam can see past all the trauma now. He can't ignore it, but there's less. He sighs as well, and asks, "Where are you?"

 

This too could be a dangerous question, and Lucifer laughs wearily. He asks, "That depends... Is Dean after me?"

 

Sam nods, understand the other's concern. Dean can get insane when his younger brother is involved, and the Mark has made him more aggressive. Or, at least it appears to be. Sam's just simply noticed he's been extra stab-y, lately. "I imagine," Sam answers, "but he's not around to creep on my phone." And it's not like that really matters at all anymore, because Dean knows.

 

Feeling like it's okay to answer, but not completely, Lucifer takes a deep breath. There's a slight pause before he answers, "I've been wandering around. Right now I'm just staying in some family's house. They're on vacation. They'll be back in about a week." It's brilliant really, a much better option than those gross motels he's forced to stay in. While he's never talked to Sam about this, he doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. Sure, the archangel uses some of the house's qualities, but he's not _really_ stealing.

 

Again, there are a few beats before someone breaks the silence. This time it's Sam who does so. "...Luce. That's super creepy." How did he figure out how to break in? Was the key under the rug?

 

"It's the best I got. I can't exactly come stay with you. If Dean comes back..." he trails off, half not knowing what to say and half feeling like he doesn't really need to. Sam'll understand.

 

The brunette presses his lips together for a moment tightly, thinking again. "I know. But I was just wondering... Do you think you should talk with Dean?" he asks. This is probably a horrible idea, but Sam doesn't think his older brother can get any more upset. He was _tied to a bed_ the last time they saw each other.

 

Lucifer is also unsure, and replies, "I... I don't know, Sammy." For good reason, too, Lucifer knows. He can't blame Dean at all. Like before, it's immeasurably respectable, even though the two both know it's unnecessary. "He hates me," he adds, trying to convince Sam. He doesn't want to talk to Dean, he'll probably make things worse by accident. Lucifer has long since noticed he has a tendency to do so.

 

"I mean, you have a phone." And that would be awful - Lucifer and Dean talking like they're on Doctor Phil _in person_ \- because it would no doubt end bloody. "'S not like he can trance it or anything, and anyone we've known who could is either unavailable or dead..." Sam feels a pang of longing when he thinks of Charlie, the little sister he never had.

 

Sam yawns, rubbing his face tiredly. He can't even remember the last time he slept well. Probably before Jessica died, in all honestly. "And I know," he says, "but I feel like you should have a word in this."

 

Sighing, the blond concedes. "Fine. I'll call you in a bit if he answers. But he probably won't."

 

-

 

Dean actually does answer, and it's not pretty. Sam's at a bar when the blond calls him back, a drink in his hand. So many things are happening right now, and Sam needs a break. Though, he's been fingering his phone for about twenty minutes, waiting for Lucifer to call. The second it vibrates, Sam slides to answer, and brings it to his ear. "Lu?" he asks immediately. And oh, it would've been so unbearably awkward if it turned out to be Dean.

 

Thankfully it isn't, though. "I talked to him," Lucifer informs. He sounds as tired as Sam feels, and a bit hopeless. Nether of them bother to say hello, and it both makes them a little sad. "He yelled at me about how I was messing with your mind. Then he said if I didn't stay away from you he would hunt me down."

 

There's a pause as Sam waits for Lucifer to continues, and just as he's about to say something himself, he does. "I'm sorry I took so long to call you back... I'm still trying to get over my conversation with Dean. I'm scared he'll never accept me." Lucifer sounds scared, voice exposed and raw.

 

Sam shakes his head, his eyebrows coming together. "Don't worry about it. His opinion doesn't effect mine. If that's what your worried about, that is," the brunette says.

 

Huffing in complain, disagreement, Lucifer shakes his head, too. "But I want him to like me. I don't want there to be only one person in the world who likes me."

 

"That's probably the saddest thing I've ever heard." And damn, isn't that saying something?

 

Lucifer sounds like he understands that, and nods to himself. "I know. It's true, though," he sighs, blinking sadly at wooden floor.

 

The brunette adjusts his hair again, and clears his throat. "Well, I wouldn't get your hopes up. Even if Dean accepts that your..." Sam pauses with a furrowed brow. "What exactly... Are we?" he asks. They are - to Sam's understanding - 'together' but they haven't actually kissed or gone on a date. Well, technically he could argue that they have with all of the secret rendezvous they've had.

 

"Whatever you want us to be..." Lucifer replies. He'd meant it in a hesitant, it's-your-choice way, but it came out rather creepy.

 

Sam laughs weakly, and shakes his head. "Don't say it like that! You sound a serial killer." And, well, Lucifer is technically. Though, he's gotten a clean slate as far as Sam is concerned. "But anyway, even if Dean accepts that we're... _Together_... It takes him a long time to grow attached to someone. And I really don't think he'll ever exactly 'warm up' to you. Best case scenario: he puts up with you."

 

With a serious, concerned tone, Lucifer asks, "Will he ever be able to, though? Accept us?" The blond can't deduce anyone's future actions or likely choices anymore; people are too unpredictable.

 

The brunette nods a bit, and scratches his nose. "I honesty believe that over time he'll put up with you," he responds, sounding sincere and confident. Sam is, truly - because Dean can't hate the archangel forever. As long as Lucifer continues to be harmless, as he is now. "If you... Well, y'know, stop being evil and stuff. Though I've been telling myself that you have, I don't have a clue of what you do when we're not together."

 

"You don't have anything to worry about. Promise." It makes Lucifer feels something nice in his chest when he says that. Anyone other human would identify the feeling as pride.

 

Nodding again, Sam sighs. "Okay. But... What I don't know is the first step. I'm thinking we wait until this whole Mark of Cain thing blows over before we actually... I don't know... Prove you're on our side?" he suggests. It's not a crazy thing to say, since the Mark has made Dean a lot more irritable to say the least. Lucifer makes a sound of agreement, and Sam continues to speak. "I wonder if he's more worried about you being out and apparently good or us being in a relationship..."

 

Lucifer takes a deep breath. "We have to prove it?" he asks rhetorically, tone annoyed and borderline childish. "Dean has some serious trust issues," Lucifer mumbles to himself.

 

Sam huffs humorlessly through his nose, and shakes his head. "Technically you have to prove it. Not me." He sounds childish, too, to be fair. "And don't we all?" Sam asks, referring to Lucifer's earlier mumbled statement. Dean has trust issues for good reasons.

 

"True."

 

Sighing again, Sam's voice becomes stressed once more. He rubs his temples again, musing, "Wait a second - Gee, Luce, I too wonder why he doesn't trust you... It's not like you almost took over the world... It's not like you're the Devil..."

 

He shakes his head playfully in response, smiling. "It's a blessing and a curse," he jokes.

 

Sam laughs a bit, too, but then he cards his fingers through his hair again, stressed once more. "I'm generally frustrated with things right now... I want a break; I wish you were here," he says softly into the phone.

 

"I wish I was, too."

 


	4. Alone Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Season 9 ending. It's going to start getting good in a chapter or two. By that I mean little to no time skips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I took so long, but I have a busy life. Comment your... thoughts. I mean, telling me to continue really doesn't mean much to me because everything is kind of already written in a way... I like hearing what you like or think about it!

Sam catches up with Dean a few days later, getting there just in time to watch him stab Abbadon over and over. Crowley was trapped, and Dean had the most sadistic glimmer in his eyes. That was one of the few times Sam was ever scared of his brother. Completely and truly scared.

 

-

 

They fight about a week or so later - Well, they've been fighting a lot, but this has a greater impact on the younger hunter. He huffs, disappearing to the Bunker to call Lucifer. The brunette wants to calm down a bit, vent. He pulls out his phone, dialing the archangel as his door slams shut.

 

Sam doesn't even give time for Lucifer to say hello. "Dean's... Being awful," he complains, fist clenching. _We are not a team, this is a dictatorship._  


 

Rubbing his face, Lucifer takes a moment to process the brunette's words. He stretches a bit, having woken up from a deep sleep only twenty minutes ago. "Did you stand up to him?" he asks, sounding unfocused.

 

Though, the other doesn't seem to notice, and takes a few breaths to calm down. "Yeah... Mistake on my part. We have the most dysfunctional relationship ever," Sam muses, voice sounding cold and numb.

 

"Sorry about that, Sammy."

 

Sam runs his fingers through his hair, taking a few more deep breaths. "Cas and I locked him up... He's... The Mark's doing _something_. He was being very bitchy and then..." he pauses, knowing that Lucifer will be not be happy with his other news. Sam clears his throat, sitting on his bed. "...Well, Gadreel showed up at the Bunker - "

 

The archangel on the other end suddenly cuts him off, roaring, " _Gadreel_?! What happened?" Lucifer does not want that angel anywhere near _his_ Sammy. He already tricked Sam into letting him use the brunette as a vessel - Sam is _Lucifer's_! _Made to be Lucifer's_! That's like, the ultimate offense! It takes a moment for Lucifer to realize that he broke the light bulb on the fan, and he blinks at it for a moment. It's sad, but also promising.

 

"He's allying with us... Don't be mad...

He's just... I'm not forgiving him, of course - that's a given - but he's our best shot right now," Sam explains sheepishly. It's not like Lucifer really has a say in whether or not him, Dean, and Cas are going to work with Gadreel, but he'd rather not have the blond be mad at him.

 

Lucifer rubs his face, grunting. "Allying... Damn it. Just... What are you gonna do?" he asks. He's been getting updates every so often from the brunette, but they've been communicating less because of Dean.

 

Instead of dodging the subject or putting it off, Sam takes a deep breath. "We're going after Metatron," he blurts, thinking that Lucifer will be upset with this information. He always bitches when Sam's in danger, and he doesn't want to have to listen to his complaining.

 

There's a beat, then Lucifer asks, "Are you trying to kill him?"

 

Sam rolls his eyes, scoffing. "No, Lucifer, we're going to ask him to find a date for a Groupon we have." He pauses for dramatic effect before saying, "Yes, we're going to kill him!"

 

"Well, don't make me feel like an idiot!"

 

The brunette rolls his eyes, and holds the phone to his chest as he ventures out of his bedroom. "Just a second," he says to his chest, walking around. His eyes widen when he realizes that something very important is missing, and runs to check up on Dean. Though, his brother isn't there either, and Sam makes a negatively surprised sound. "DEAN IS GONE!" he screams into the phone. He starts to pace, freaking out. In his blind panic, Sam hangs up on Lucifer, dialing Dean multiple times before calling the blond back. "HE WON'T PICK UP THE PHONE!" he informs loudly, practically pulling his hair out. 

 

Sam looks in the room they were keeping Dean, finding the summoning supplies.  "DAMMIT, HE'S WITH CROWLEY!" he yells back to Cas, whom is actually doing stuff that's useful.

 

The archangel might not be freaking out as much as Sam, but he's concerned too. "What - Gone? Well, find him!" he yells, clutching the wood of the hotel table.

 

Scoffing, Sam hisses sarcastically, "I must applaud you for your genius." Lucifer rolls his eyes, not responding. Sam runs a hand through his hair, sighing. "I might - I'm going to text when I can but..."

 

"But what?" Lucifer prompts, becoming more worried. Well, more worried for Sam.

 

The brunette takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Cas is trying to talk to him, but Sam waves at him, simply following him without listening. "We're doing stuff. And by 'we' I mean Cas, Gadreel, and I," he states breathily.

 

Lucifer groans in disapproval, but he knows complaining won't get him anywhere, and he sighs dramatically. "Okay, fine."

 

Cas is mumbling things - or perhaps voicing his plan, Sam can't tell - and the brunette decides that he needs to solely focus on this. "I'm going to go find him, then. I'll text you when... When I can? I dunno, Dean's probably not going to be hard to find," Sam informs, booking it to the car.

 

"Okay." And then Sam hangs up without another word.

 

-

 

The archangel gets a call later that day, and again, neither of them say hello. But Sam sounds busy - and yeah, he probably is - so Lucifer doesn't say anything. Lucifer simply listens. "Okay, I got Dean, we're going to go after Metatron and I'll... Hopefully we don't die.

I just - " Sam's cut off suddenly. There's a grunt, and bang, and then the phone hits the ground. Lucifer tries his best to hear the faint mumbling, but he can't. The call's suddenly dropped, and the archangel begins to panic.

 

  
**Sammy? What was that? Sam! What happened?** **Sam? Answer me! Please, what happened? Sammy, please! What happened? I swear, if you're dead, I'm gonna kill you. Please just tell me what's happening. Did you lock Dean up again? Sam!** But Lucifer doesn't get a reply to any of them, and he watches the phone for a good hour before it rings. He answers the call as fast as he can, yelling into the phone, "Sam?!" He gets a shush from the brunette, and Lucifer waits as patiently as he possible can.

 

"Wait - " Sam whines softly, rubbing the back of his head. Once he realizes that Dean knocked him out, he groans, looking around for his big brother. "Give me... Ugh, I'm fine," he mumbles into his phone, huffing in frustration. "I'll text you when I can. I'm... I gotta go.

 

Despite his concern, Lucifer understands that he should back off. Sam'll tell him whatever he asks after this is all over. They're open to each other like that, and it'll be fine. "Okay. Tell me as soon as something happens..." he says firmly, like a father almost. Sam nods in agreement, ending the call and setting off to catch up with Dean.

 

-

 

Some time later, Lucifer gets another call. It's silent for a moment or two, then Lucifer finally breaks the silence. "...Hello?" he asks reluctantly.

 

"Lu... Dean's dead," Sam states softly, sounding broken and sad and angry all at once. Lucifer wouldn't be surprised if he was silently crying.

 

There's a good moment of silence, ad Lucifer's lips part audibly. "Sammy. I... I can't believe it. I- I'm so sorry, Sammy," is what leaves the archangel's lips. He blinks at the floor, wondering how he should handle this. Lucifer isn't good at comforting people, not in these types of situations. It's not really his fault, he hasn't really had practice. Though, Lucifer knows what loss is; he knows what mourning feels like. He thinks of Gabriel.

 

Suddenly, Sam can't hold back anymore, and he glances at his brother's corpse. A strangled sob makes its way out of the brunette's throat, and his free hand comes to rest on the back of his head. "I don't..." Sam whimpers, lip quivering. "I don't know what to do..." Big, fat tears roll down his face, and he sounds like a whining puppy.

 

Lucifer's eyes widen. He doesn't like Sam sounding this way at all. "Sammy, he's... He... Was... Your brother. I'm so sorry this happened. I wish I could fix this for you..." he says lamely. What else is he supposed to do? It's not like they're even face-to-face, which makes Lucifer's crappy comforting even less effective!

 

Suddenly overcome with the urge to throw the phone, Sam growls, "I... Dammit!" His breathing becomes even more ragged than before, and Sam starts to slip into the angry stage of grieving, having fell into depression right away.  "Why do you have to be - " Realizing this suddenly, the human closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths, turning away from Dean's corpse. "No, you're fine... Not your fault, not your fault..."

 

Being himself, the blond manages to ask the wrong question. "Sam, are you okay?" Concern is laced in his tone, and Lucifer flinches a bit when he's met with a cold laugh.

 

"No, I'm not okay! _What kind of question is that_?"

 

Lucifer rubs his face with his free hand, taking a deep breath himself. "...I'm sorry. I just... I've never really cared if someone died. Or how their family felt after they were gone." _Lie. Gabriel_. He'll open up to Sam about that one day, but for now he's content with keeping his own problems to himself.

 

"I'm... What do I do?" Sam mumbles, eyes opening. He suddenly realizes the entirety of the situation, and looses it the second his eyes meet Dean's inanimate body again. "C'mon, there has to be something, there's _always_ something..." Sam begins to pace, trying to remember something - _Anything_ Cain might have mentioned or perhaps a spell of some sort. Sam remembers that he has one of the oldest living entities on the phone, and begins to ramble. "Do you know anything?! Anything at all?! 'Cause I know no one will deal - We're... Oh God, this can't... LUCIFER, YOU'RE AS OLD AS TIME! THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING!" _Bargaining_.

 

Trying to soothe the brunette, Lucifer waits for a beat of silence to pass before letting his tone slip into that motherly, slimy voice he uses on occasion. "Sam, just stay calm."

 

Apparently this is also the wrong thing to say, because Sam sure doesn't listen. Lucifer rubs his face again, feeling sympathetic and useless. "The Hell am I supposed to - " Sam's eyes widen, and he freezes, realizing. _Hell_. "Dammit, I... Crowley got him into this mess, he's going to get him out," he decides coldly, looking at Dean's body once more before leaving the bedroom. "I'm going. Thanks for nothing."

 

Panicking, the archangel's voice bleeds desperation. "Sam, wait! Please, I know this hurts but... Don't do anything you'll regret," he advices. Lucifer, of all people, knows what anger and revenge can do to a person, and he really doesn't want to ever witness Sam going through that. Lucifer knows that he already has, a few times, but that's behind them. _This is now, and that was then_ , Sam had said to him once. It's what he resorts to, when they're talking about something in the past. Despite himself, the blond has no doubt that Sam'll say it a few more times throughout their relationship.

 

Sam's reply is said matter-of-factly, tone still cold and hard. "I already have." Immediately after the words reach the archangel, Sam hangs up the call.

 

-

 

Not even a half hour passes before Sam calls again, and Lucifer fumbles with the phone, almost dropping it. "Lucifer. Dean's gone." Before Lucifer can process Sam's words, he ponders the fact that neither of them say hello anymore - save for last time, when he said it awkwardly - and he wonders if this is just going to become a thing for them.

 

When the brunette's words are processed, seconds have passed, and Lucifer can't reply because he's cut off by Sam's screaming. Again, he almost drops the damn phone. "Like, _fuck_! DON'T - CROWLEY - " Growling, Sam stops talking.

 

Lucifer takes the opportunity to get a few words in, speaking timidly. "Gone? What do you mean gone?" Did Crowley tell Sam that the older hunter's passed saving? That this time around, _nothing_ can bring him back at all? The blond worries his bottom lip, waiting for a reply. When he gets one, he flinches again at the volume, deciding to hold the phone further away from his ear.

 

"HE'S _GONE_! WHAT DO YOU MEAN GONE? I MEAN GONE, DUMBASS! HIS BODY IS GONE. AND - " Sam cuts himself off, taking a few deep breaths. He manages to continue calmly, seemingly indifferent as he examines the goodbye Dean left him. "And he doesn't want me to look for him. He left a fucking note. A _Post-it_ note."

 

Sam sounds like he's going to continue, but he doesn't. He ends up running his fingers through his hair, stressed. The brunette feels rather bad about taking out his emotions out on Lucifer, but it's not his fault. So many things are happening - _have happened_ \- and it's understandable that Sam would need an outlet; would need someone to vent to. He can only hope that the archangel understand that. Sam sighs, still trying to calm down.

 

Lucifer takes the hint, pressing lightly, "Well, are you gonna look for him?"

 

Blinking stupidly, Sam's head tilts in confusion, brow furrowing. "Why wouldn't I? He's..." _He's my brother_ , goes unsaid, and Sam clears his throat. "Do you... How could... Whatever. He's out there," Sam states, and it sounds like he's reassuring himself. Saying that Dean left the note, and it's not some cruel trick that Crowley or one of his lackeys is playing on him.

 

"Where are you gonna start?" Sam purses his lips as he takes a moment to look at the note. He's overcome with the need to find his brother. To hold him in his arms and tell Dean how much he _loves_ him. Though, Dean doesn't want him to, which makes everything so much more bizarre.  _Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who go out and get them._  


 

Sam shrugs to himself, picking up the sticky note. "I don't know... I'll..." he trails off, sighing again. Lucifer's starting to realize that he does that when he's not going to continue.

 

"Sammy, don't... Don't lose your mind trying to find him." He still sounds like he's waiting for Sam to lash out at any moment, and the hunter feels guilt pool in his gut.

 

Releasing a shallow breath, Sam nods in agreement, mainly for himself, since Lucifer cannot see him. "I won't... But... First of all, Jesus... You have to cut me some slack, my brother just... Whatever the hell is happening - But you're not useless, I'm sorry. That was out of line," Sam apologizes, adjusting his hair again. He's been doing that more often, because it's actually been getting a bit too long for his liking. Though, it's not like Sam really has the time for a haircut, nor is it a necessity to get one.

 

Sensing that Sam wanted to continue, but didn't know what to say, Lucifer clears his throat. "But? It's okay. I understand. You lost your brother." Yes, Lucifer can understand _that_. And while Sam didn't kill Dean with his own two hands, he probably feels like he has. Guilt's like that sometimes. Or always - For Winchesters, anyway.

 

"Yeah... And... I need you here, okay?" Sam finally spits out. He hasn't seen Lucifer in person in awhile, because of Dean. And Sam doesn't know why it was kind of hard to say, but nevertheless, it proved to be so.

 

Lucifer honestly thought that Sam was going to say he might not see him for a month or so, that he needed to do this on his own with no distractions. While the archangel knows he should say that, he finds himself simply asking, "What?" Sam doesn't seem fazed by his confusion, and waves a dismissive hand to himself, continuing.

 

"You don't have to do any field stuff, I mean.

But I need you here, at the Bunker. I want to come get you," Sam explains, words flowing easily with a matter-of-fact tone like before. It's like a dam has broke, and the brunette feels a bit better. As better as he could possibly feel at something so trivial and stupid, that is.

 

The archangel's still perplexed, borderline _baffled_. He's notorious for ruining and corrupting everything he touches, and yet Sam still wants him to tag along? They haven't started a physical relationship yet, and while Lucifer wouldn't mind one, he definitely would never push Sam for it. He's kind of been expecting Sam to say that whatever they have should just stay the same, and that they should stop pursuing something more then what they have. Isn't a lack of physical contact a sign of drifting apart? "But why do you need me?"

 

A few beats pass, and Sam's free arm hugs his upper stomach. "Luce... Don't tell you have a weird self esteem issue..." he says, almost completely calm again. Lucifer does that, can only distract him when he has no intention of doing so. Thus far, at least. Sam decides he should clarify what he means before the blond can respond, explaining, "Not for Dean. For me. I... I love you. I think... This could be the best to have you move in. Ugh, I sound like an asshole. I mean, Dean'll be upset a bit, but he owes me for knocking me upside the head... And getting himself killed..."

 

Lucifer's heart - he's pretty sure that's the proper phrase, considering that his chest feels fluttery - swells, and he ignore the 'I think' part of Sam's statement. "Thanks, Sammy. I love you too. I'll always be here for you," he promises, meaning it.

 

"That's a yes? I can't be alone right now..." he says quietly, feeling weak.

 

Nodding to himself, the archangel takes a moment to recall his location. "Of course. I'm in Detroit," he informs, sounding unsure. Though, Sam's all over the place still, and starts towards his room to pack for the trip.

 

"Okay. Okay I'll..." he pauses, voice fading. Lucifer waits a moment, hearing the telltale sound of double-clicking the home button. Sam uses his Maps app to calculate the route, memorizing it before bring the phone back to the side of his head.  "I'm ten hours away from Detroit. I'll be there around noon," he informs, sandwiching the phone with his shoulder and head as he continues to throw a few clothes into his duffel. "Where... Can you give me somewhere specific?"

 

A beat pauses before Lucifer answers, "Viking motel."

 

Sam doesn't really want to have to find the exact hotel Lucifer's staying at, so he retries, "Excuse me? Landmark? Street name?"

 

Lucifer gets up and pulls back his curtain, looking out the window, unsure. "Do you need a specific address?" he asks, scanning the surrounding signs. The blond can't see the road from here though, and he huffs frustratedly.

 

"That'd be nice. Or I could just pick you up at a building," Sam suggests, hearing the blond's frustration. He zips up his duffel and throws it over his shoulder, heading to the garage. Dean's taken the Impala, so the brunette takes one of the Bunker's cars. Sam gets in, tossing his duffel in the backseat before opening Maps again. "How about Campus Martius? It's like a park... Have you seen it?"

 

Lucifer pulls back the curtains again, spotting the lush green grass. "Yeah. Okay," he says, biting his bottom lip. He steps back, beginning to gather the few items that he owns.

 

"Okay. Around noon... I'll be in a weird car... Dean took the Impala..." Sam informs. He buckles up and turns the car on. It works, and the fuel is full, so Sam opens the garage door and starts pulling out. "See you soon, Lu. I'm leaving now."

 

Bunching up his clothes in the small bag Sam gave him, Lucifer replies, "See you. Love you."

 

"...You too."


	5. Sam's Sexuality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam picks up Lucifer and has a panic attack. Oh, and their physical relationship begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. It's a longer chapter, though. Comment below how we're doing!

As soon as Sam nears where he said he'd pick up Lucifer, he calls him. "Hey. I'm almost at Campus Martius... Are you... Where..." Sam sighs, squinting at the surrounding buildings. "I'm going to park the car, I'll be in the middle of the... Parkish area. It's right in front of the entrance. You'll see me when you get here."

 

Nodding, Lucifer clears his throat and looks out of the glass door. "Oh... Okay," he responds, a smile tugging at his lips at the sound of Sam's voice. "Hello," he adds, not able to help himself.

 

Sam smiles a bit at that, chuckling softly. He begins to drive a bit slower, nearing a car in front of him. "Fine, but there's no parking there. So... I'm just going to stop in front of it, okay?"

 

"Okay," the archangel confirms, still looking at each end of the street for Sam.

 

Before the brunette hangs up, he nods to himself, saying, "Just... Hopefully it's me."

 

-

 

When Lucifer spots the odd automobile, he leans forward a bit to see if the man inside is Sam. When it parks in front of the building he's in illegally, he dashes out, deciding it is Sam. The human notices him, and he opens the passenger side for him. As Lucifer gets into the car, Sam greets him awkwardly. "Hey..."

 

The archangel tosses his little bag in the back with Sam's duffel and he eyes it in confusion. "Hi, Sammy, I missed you. Didn't realize it'd be such a long drive," he comments, referring to Sam's luggage. 

 

Sam shrugs in response. "I missed you too. And ah, well, it's just in case. I'm used to not knowing how long I'll be gone from the Bunker," he explains. He suddenly remembers that they're in the middle of the street, and shifts gears. "It's not that long of a drive, so I don't plan on stopping. Do you think you'll be able to sleep in the car?"

 

"Yeah, I can sleep," the blond answers, adjusting the settings of the chair.

 

There's an uncharacteristic awkward beat of silence between them, and Sam clears his throat. "Okay... I - What do you think happened?" he finally asks, unable to hold back anymore. Sam doesn't really want to talk about what's going on. Because if he gets too passionate about it, he might take his anger out on Lucifer. The brunette _really_ doesn't want to do that.

 

"Happened?" Lucifer prompts, double checking. He doesn't want to bring up a topic Sam would rather not discuss. It'll be a very long drive if Sam's mad at him, and he prefers not to cause him distress of any sort, anyway.

 

Sam clears his throat again. He thinks about how to word it for a moment before answering, "I mean, Dean just up and disappeared. I imagine Crowley brought him back... But Dean wouldn't just... Leave." That would be very uncharacteristic of his older brother, and Sam still can't come up with any pleasant explanations for Dean leaving after he was resurrected.

 

After considering this information for a moment, Lucifer sighs. "I don't know... but I promise we'll find him," he assures. It's a pretty crappy assurance, but he's trying his best to comfort Sam.

 

And it's not that Sam isn't comforted by Lucifer's words, because he is to some degree. But it's simply a tad concerning that the second thing that existed can't remember anything that could assist them. Hell, the thing that actually created demons and the Mark doesn't remember doing so. Sam knows that Lucifer mentioned to him - or maybe he asked, it was before Sam started questioning his sexuality - that since he was tossed into Nick, thousands of various memories and information has become lost to him. Lucifer said it was most likely because of his weak state, and that Nick wasn't built to hold so much knowledge. That makes sense, he supposed at the time, but Sam really wishes that Lucifer could remember _something_ about the Mark of Cain. 

 

"Yeah..." he sighs, not knowing what else to say to that. "I'm sorry about... I'm in a bad place right now..."

 

Lucifer shakes his head, looking over at the brunette. "Don't be sorry. I understand," he replies sincerely. While he doesn't want Sam to take out his frustration on him, the archangel certainly wouldn't antagonize Sam back if he did.

 

It takes a few moments for Sam to muster up an actual sentence about what he wants, because he knows what he wants is unbelievably selfish. "Dean's... I need... Would I sound selfish if I said I wanted to get my mind of all this crap?" he asks reluctantly, making sure to voice his own disapproval of what he wants - _Needs_ , his mind spits back.

 

Disagreeing, Lucifer shakes his head again. "No, not at all," he responds, waiting for Sam to pick a topic. Casual conversation he can do, after all, in the early stages of their relationship they both babbled about practically nothing for hours.

 

Sam thinks about something they can discuss, and Lucifer in general continues to pop up in his mind. "Can we... How about you. How are you doing, Luce?" he asks, letting out a big breath he didn't know he was holding. Sam already feels a ton better - After all, suppressing your problems until they blow up in your face is the Winchester way.

 

"...I-I'm... Good, I think."

 

The brunette's too caught up on his own thoughts to notice how reluctant Lucifer is. Sam does, however, realize that Lucifer sounds pretty unsure of himself. "You think?" he repeats, sounding like he doesn't follow. "Anything... Different? Better or worse?" It's quite possible the archangel simply doesn't know where to look to see if he feels better. But then again, why wouldn't he know where to look?

 

Lucifer swallows, replying, "Um... I'm... I-I... Think I'm getting better." In all honesty, Lucifer worried that he's fading, because that's what it feels like. Even though telling Sam any different would be a lie, Lucifer doesn't believe it too unbelievably horrible to consider it unthinkable. It's more like a white lie, really. Besides, it's protecting Sam in the long run; the blond really doesn't like when Sam worries about him, he already has so many problems.

 

"I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but what makes you think you're getting better?" Sam presses, starting to pay close attention to how hesitant Lucifer is to talk about this subject. There's no reason for him not to be getting better, so why isn't he sure of it?

 

Rubbing his face as to refresh himself, Lucifer coughs a few times into his shoulder before continuing. "I don't know... I just... Feel... Neutral? I think that's the word I'm looking for."

 

Sam nods, glancing at Lucifer from time to time as he watches the road. "That's good... I'm sure you're not to excited at the thought of being human until... Y'know," the brunette comments unenthusiastically. It's a no brainier really - Who would want to be a human when they could be a practically immortal, powerful archangel? Disclosing the fact that this is Lucifer we're talking about, of course, considering that most would probably wish to be Michael or Gabriel.

 

"Yeah," Lucifer hums, understanding that Sam's referring to death.

 

Nodding like a man agreeing to die, Sam sighs softly before saying, "That's understandable, though. To be honest, it really does suck." The brunette might not mention this for awhile, but he's a bit scared that Lucifer'll become different after healing. Sam remembers that it effected Cas a bit, practically erasing all of the human gestures and skills they were feeding him. To be honest, Sam doesn't really understand why Lucifer would stick around if not to gain his trust only to stab him in the back the first chance he gets. He feels awful for feeling like that, though, because he knows that Lucifer deserves complete trust after everything. For all they know, Lucifer might not of laid a finger on him in the Cage, and both of them tortured themselves by thinking all of that up. Sam wouldn't be surprised.

 

"But what... Stage? I mean, what do you _have_ to do? What do you not have to do? Like... Eating, sleeping, that kind of stuff."

 

Lucifer takes a second to recall all of the things he's been doing that are most definitely new. "I have to eat. And I don't always have to sleep. Sometimes I just get this wave of exhaustion and I have to sleep. But I'm never just a little tired. It's either exhausted or not even a little bit sleepy.

Weird. But then again, weird's kind of my thing."

 

Nodding, the brunette glances at Lucifer before settling his gaze into the road. "But otherwise you've been fine? I figure that your phone hasn't been tracked, considered the fact that you're here and all," Sam comments casually. It's weird that Lucifer hasn't been tracked or arrested, considering how attached people are to their phones these days.

 

"Yeah, I've been... Great," Lucifer answers reluctantly. It's not exactly a lie, because things haven't been spectacular. Lucifer doesn't know how the hunter's survived so many musky motels. But, on the other hand, things have been as okay as they could be. He's not living it up, but at least Lucifer isn't out on the streets.

 

Sam's quiet for a moment, thoughtful. He tilts his head suddenly, squinting at the road. "What do you mean 'great'? You've practically been homeless and - " He isn't cut off. Sam simply stops talking. Lucifer takes the hint.

 

"...Sorry. That wasn't what I meant," Lucifer says sheepishly. It's so hard to explain how he feels - Mostly because he hasn't had decades of practice like most humans. It's easier to express his feelings through actions, he's found, and sometimes through expressions. After a beat of silence, Lucifer finally composes a sentence. "It's fine. I mean... I've got you. That's all I really need."

 

Sadly, Sam smiles at the blond. "I know what you mean..." he replies, turning back to the road after a moment or two. Even a nice, heartfelt moment isn't worth crashing the car.

 

"Yeah." Lucifer nods in agreement shallowly.

 

Again, that Godawful silence bleeds into the air. It's awkward and thick and definitely new to the both of them. Sam takes a deep breath, deciding he can't avoid this conversation any longer. "Okay, we need to talk about this. How this is going to happen. I figured that we'd start - I mean _I -_   _I'll_ start with demons, Crowley's jockeys might know a thing or two."

 

"What do you mean 'I'? Don't you want my help?" Lucifer asks incredulously. If Sam wants him around, why wouldn't he want him to actually be useful? He'll feel like a burden if he doesn't somehow help Sam.

 

Sam makes a deciding face, as if he can't find the right words. "Well, I mean you're healing and everything..." he starts, sighing. "I don't think that field work is what you need to be doing right now," Sam states honestly, glancing at the archangel for a split second.

 

Shaking his head, Lucifer expresses his disapproval. "Don't worry about me. I want to be there to help you. We both know you won't be okay again until we find Dean," he retorts.

 

The brunette shakes his head, too. "No, Lu. I know you want to help but I can't..." Sam practically gets choked up, throat constricting. "I can't lose you, too..." he whimpers, holding back tears. _I'm so weak_ , Sam internally curses.

 

After processing the brunette's words, Lucifer frowns. His eyes turn understanding and sad, and he explains softly, "Sammy... I'll... I'll be fine. I need to help. I couldn't live with myself if I knew you were doing all this on your own. It's too much."

 

Sniffling, Sam shakes his head again in disagreement. "No, Lu. It's not. I've been doing this for a _long_ time, demons aren't hard to deal with anymore. It's like a milk run. You'll... You can man the computer, I'll show you how to find demon activity. That's how you can help," he tries, wanting to meet in the middle.

 

"I don't mean dealing with demons." Lucifer sighs frustratingly, eyes resting on the side of the taller man's face. "I mean... Listen, Dean left, okay? And he doesn't want to be found. Just knowing that has to be a lot for your mind, and I know you want to find him. And I want to help you. This is too much for you to handle on your own."

 

Sighing deeply, Sam reluctantly nods. It really is, and it's pointless to reject help. They'll probably find Dean faster, and Lucifer, while healing, can probably still hold his own. "Fine. Okay," he breathes, still nodding slowly in agreement.

 

A smile tugs at the archangel's lips, and he sighs inaudibly. "Thank you," Lucifer replies, looking out the window again as he purses his lips.

 

After a few minutes of quietness, Sam finds the strength to continue, chest still aching. Him and Dean are unhealthily codependent, and Sam always feels like a piece of him is missing when he knows that Dean is currently unobtainable. "Okay... Okay...  It'll be really obvious if Crowley and Dean are bromancing all over the country together. And, like you said, apparently he doesn't want to be found. Therefore it's no secret he's out there. I have no doubts that any demon will tell us what happened."

 

Nodding barely, the blond rubs his temple. He can't remember, and it's pissing him off. Lucifer used to know _everything_ \- any he's loosing so much knowledge! "Where do we find a demon, again?" he asks after making a few frustrating noises.

 

Sam's brow furrows. Lucifer created demons, how doesn't he know that? Swallowing, Sam decides not to mention it. "We summon them," he answers. "I'm thinking crossroads, myself. They're the easiest. We just set up a devil's trap and... Persuade them to help us."

 

"Okay," the archangel agrees. It sounds like a good place to start.

 

Sheepishly, the brunette clears his throat. His palms become a bit sweatier. "But... I mean... I'm going to do it. You can... You see this is why it's weird!" he exclaims, tired of being uncomfortable around Lucifer. The archangel's one of the only people that he feels somewhat content around - surprisingly - besides his older brother, and Sam hates that there are things getting in the way of that contentment.

 

Lucifer snorts. "You're with the Devil. Your life is weird," he states indifferently, shrugging.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam responds, "Well, _yeah_  -But... That's not..." After another moment of awkward silence, the brunette can't take it anymore, and blurts, "Torturing! There, I said it! I'm just not comfortable... With you and..." Sam doesn't need to finish, so he doesn't.

 

Wanting to make Sam feel safer, Lucifer quickly nods. "Okay, I understand that. If you don't want me to torture anyone then I won't but... You want to torture people?" he asks hesitantly.

 

With wide eyes, Sam immediately denies this. "No! It's not like I want to! But I can't... I don't feel comfortable having you... With... Everything... I don't know, my brain's being stupid." It's not completely unethical that Sam would be, though. After all, he was - _probably_  - tortured by the archangel in the Cage, and then was haunted by hallucinations of him to the point were he almost _died_.

 

"I understand," Lucifer says softly, feeling guilt boil in the pit of his gut.

 

Sam clears his throat awkwardly. "Yeah... Sorry, I just..." he trails off, sighing at the road.

 

"Don't be sorry," Lucifer insists at his words, head snapping up to look at Sam. This is on him - It's complete inexcusable to allow the hunter to think anything he's experienced is his fault. Lucifer doesn't deserve anything he's getting from Sam, he knows that, and that fact only serves to make him want to please Sam stronger.

 

Sam's voice suddenly brings him back to reality, and the archangel looks at him intently. "...I'm... I just hope I'm not just pushing a bunch of crap onto you because I'm... Compromised..." he's saying. Lucifer nods briefly before looking out the window again.

 

"I get it."

 

Nodding, too, the brunette swallows. "Okay... Sorry... I'm past it, you know! Everything... I just... Old habits die hard, right?" Sam states, chuckling coldly before biting his lip.

 

"Right, I guess..." Lucifer agrees reluctantly. He still doesn't really understand what Sam's on about - not really - but he does know it's his fault. But what isn't his fault these days?

 

Shaking his head, Sam side-glances at the blond. "I'm sorry I'm being difficult. And dumb..." he breathes, pursing his lips.

 

Huffing, Lucifer twists his upper half to look at Sam. "Stop apologizing. You're going through a lot. You don't need to be sorry," he tuts in disapproval.

 

Not having the energy to argue, the brunette replies, "Okay." At the comfortable silence that follows, Sam's eyes drift to the radio - if you could even call it that, since it's so old fashioned - and sighs. "I don't... I'd put on music, but I can't... Dean's... And... God, I am a mess aren't I?" Sam laughs bitterly, internally mocking himself. He can't help it, the habits gone on too long for it to be breakable.

 

After thinking for a moment, Lucifer looks back at the brunette. "Yeah," he answers, though it's a rhetorical question. "But you're a mess that we can clean up. It'll be fine. I swear."

 

"Okay. Let's..." Sam tries to think of something they can discuss, something safe. Alas, he cannot find a suitable subject, and clears his throat again. Giving up, Sam looks to Lucifer. "Can you distract me?" he asks softly, hesitant.

 

Lucifer recognizes Sam's tone as needy - not in the bad way, just... The archangel can't explain it - and nods before his brain registers the request. "How?" he presses, brow furrowing.

 

Shrugging, Sam sighs. "Tell me... Any notable experiences?" is what comes out of his mouth.

 

"Notable experiences?" Lucifer asks, growing even more confused.

 

Making a indecisive sound, Sam shrugs again. "Y'know... Hoping from one town to another... You have to of ran into some new things... Stuff like that," the brunette explains.

 

Lucifer thinks for a moment. "I don't... Well, this... This one lady tried... She tried to hit on me," he tries, unsure if this is something Sam wants to hear about or not.

 

To the archangel's surprise, Sam chuckles briefly. "Really?" he asks, smiling from ear to ear. That, of course, causes Lucifer to smile, too. "I mean, I really shouldn't be surprised - Nick is... Well, y'know..." Sam blushes a bit, much to his amusement. He's also glad for the suggestive comment, because he wants Sam to be attracted to his vessel.

 

Smiling slightly, Lucifer nods. "Yeah. I was getting food at this restaurant and she came up to me while I was waiting for my food. She was wearing these short shorts and she sat across from me and I asked if I could help her and she tried to look all sexy but she looked like an idiot, honestly. I just told her to go fuck herself and she backed off," he says, looking proud of himself.

 

Although Sam snickers, he knows that that kind of behavior definitely shouldn't be praised, and the Lucifer is sort of impressionable these days. "That's not nice," he tuts, trying his hardest to drop his smile. It doesn't work, and deep down Sam's thankful.

 

"I know, but I was... Stressed."

 

Sam's smile finally drops at the seriousness of Lucifer's tone. "That's... Well, not _that_ , but I've had older women hit on me before. I understand that it can uncomfortable, but I'm surprised you didn't take her up on her offer." After all, it's not like they've started a physical relationship yet. Jesus, Lucifer _has_ to be a little frustrated down there. "You have to run away as soon as you can," Sam adds quickly, not wanting Lucifer to give him a lecture about how 'perfect' he is and how he'd never cheat.

 

Sure enough, Lucifer seems derailed. "Ha! Anyone would be attracted to you," he states, and Sam wonders if he jinxed himself.

 

"...I haven't had a guy ever hit on me," Sam informs, lightly arguing with Lucifer's statement. Sure, Sam knows he's a pretty good-looking guy, but Dean's usually the one who attracts the most attention, women and men alike. Though, Dean ignores the men with a _passion_. It's no secret that he and Cas are pinning for each other, after all, and everyone can see how _not_ one-hundred percent heterosexual Dean Winchester is.

 

Seemingly uncomfortable, the blond rubs the back of his neck. "I have. Twice," he states sheepishly.

 

Sam makes a very amused noise, and side-glances at the archangel. "Oh, you've _got_ to tell me how that went down," he snickers, still smiling widely. Even though it's a tad embarrassing, Lucifer has to admit that it makes him feel pleasantly odd when he makes Sam smile.

 

Clearing his throat, Lucifer starts telling Sam about the first time it happened. "Well, before you even knew I was of the Cage, I was just starting out in the real world. I managed to get some money to go buy clothes. So I was in a fitting room and I didn't know that the doors have locks. So I was half naked and this guy walks in and looks shocked and embarrassed at first. Then he just smiled and winked and started flirting with me. I eventually punched him in the face." There's a small pause of silence before Lucifer asks, "Wanna hear about the other time?"

 

Though, Sam hasn't recovered from the first story yet, and his mouth is opening and closing. "You... You punched him in the face?" he confirms, brow furrowing. Lucifer nods, looking like he doesn't understand why Sam is so shocked. "That... That's hilarious... Yes, yes I do want to hear about the other time!" he answers, snickering softly.

 

"Okay, so I was walking down the street, just minding my own business, when this guy came up to me. He was pretty good looking if I do say so myself but not as good as you, of course. So anyway, he looked at me and he looked really curious and he said, 'I have a question.' So I told him to ask away and he goes, 'Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?' I mean, I didn't understand it was a pickup line until I got sad and pissed off and really confused about how he knew and he told me it was supposed to make me feel pretty or whatever."

 

Taken aback, the brunette looks at Lucifer sheepishly. "I am so sorry that happened..." Sensing that Lucifer isn't going to continue, Sam changes the subject a bit. "I feel oddly excluded... Maybe guys feel threatened by my height. That has to be it. Guys have flirted with... Dean... Before." It's a little hard to say his name aloud, and Sam's smile falls a bit.

 

"You're not missing out on much," Lucifer promises, looking at the taller man with amusement.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam sighs. "Well, yeah, but that's not the point! I just... Ugh, I dunno. I'm being weird again. I feel like it should have happened at some point; I mean, I've been all over the country. And if another guy has ever looked at me that way I've never noticed."

 

"Do you _want_ it to happen?" Lucifer ignores the flare of jealous that zaps down his spine.

 

Looking like that idea is absurd, Sam shakes his head. "Not now! Maybe not... I can't even right now. I didn't really ever consider dudes until... Well, until whatever we have happened."

 

"I'm just saying it's awkward as hell," Lucifer states, shrugging. He looks out the window again.

 

Sam shrugs, too. "But I'm just thinking about it is all. Not like if I had of even noticed guys sooner that I would've let 'em pick me up for a one-night stand. Guys are too... Dangerous. Except ones you're familiar with. Well, technically you're arguably dangerous, but that's not the point."

 

"You like dangerous," Lucifer purrs teasingly.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam adjusts his shoulders before slumping into the seat again. "It's true, though! Sometimes I wonder how women have the courage for one-night stands. Anyone could be a serial killer! It's horrible."

 

Lucifer seems indifferent, as if he could expect as much from humans. Sam has no doubts that he hit the nail on the head right there. "I guess that's true. But some people will do anything for sex," he states, squinting at the passing scenery.

 

"Wow. So wise," Sam comments, eyes drooping a little bit.

 

Chuckling, the archangel nods. "I know," he brags, mock proud.

 

"I'm glad I have you for your wise words..." Sam comments, smiling. After a few moments, it falls, and he asks curiously, "Any chicks flirt with you?"

 

Lucifer looks over at Sam, expression sober again. He shakes his head. "No. They're not attracted to Satan," the blond states, sighing in mock sadness. He's just trying to cheer up Sam by humoring him, really.

 

Taken aback, Sam side-glances at him incredulously. "Wait, _really_? No girls flirted with you? At all? Impossible," he states firmly. Sam isn't stupid, he knows that Lucifer - _Nick_ \- is an attractive man. Hell, he knows that he's... Thought about him before... Like a woman would. Or a man, technically. Sam's not homophobic, he swears, just... Bicurious?

 

"Apparently it's not as impossible as you'd think," Lucifer replies, rolling his eyes. Sam's statement boosted his confidence a bit. "How long do we have left?" Lucifer complains.

 

"You're kidding right? We have like nine hours left." Lucifer looks at him, obviously not happy with his answer. "Oh don't give me that face, you said you were fine with it."

 

Huffing, Lucifer crosses his arms over his chest like a child. "Ugh. Well, I better get comfy."

 

After a few minutes of silence, Sam tries to start another conversation. He clears his throat, commenting, "So, you look relatively good for someone hoping around wherever..."

 

Lucifer nods sharply, reluctantly. He really isn't 'good', but he can't let Sam worry. It's probably nothing anyway. "Yeah, I'm... Just fine."

 

"Well, you're not burning through Nick, which is good. But, I mean, you smell like rain water and honey. Lucifer, why do smell like honey?"

 

With a furrowed brow, Lucifer smells himself, not picking up anything. Damn, humans have a horrible sense of smell - Lucifer used to be able to see every last molecule; smell so distinctly that it was practically surrounding him; and taste to the point where he felt each atom. Now he's reduced to... This petty, human form. It's... _Terrifying_. "I do? Do you like it?" he asks, crouching a bit.

 

"Who doesn't like honey? But, my question remains:  _why_ do you smell like honey?"

 

Lucifer coughs again. "No reason..." he says suspiciously.

 

Sam squints at him, skeptical. "Yeah, sure. But my point is: your hygiene is amazing. So I assume you've figured out how to... Wash yourself... Unless you don't have to. Angel dry cleaning or whatever." Sam feels a pang of sadness when he reminds himself of his brother.

 

Shaking his head, the archangel discredits Sam's assumption. "No, I still have to shower."

 

"And how did that go the first time?" Sam asks.

 

"It was challenging. I couldn't figure out why the water was so cold. Then it was too hot, then too cold again."

 

"That sounds hilarious," Sam comments, giggling a bit.

 

Lucifer glares at the brunette for a few moments. "It wasn't when it was happening."

 

"Well, it obviously wouldn't funny to you."

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Oh, shut up. It was dreadful."

 

"But... Honey? This is baffling. I don't know how to tell you this, but I think you used girl shampoo."

 

"...Oh. This is embarrassing..."

 

Thinking, the brunette side-glancing at Lucifer. "Wait... Did you use conditioner, too?" he asks, curious with lingering - or underlying - amusement.

 

Nodding, the archangel answers, "Yeah. Was I not supposed to?"

 

"Yeah... Umm... Guys don't use conditioner, either," Sam laughs, eyes bright. It makes Lucifer's stomach does flips, and if he was standing he would of swooned.

 

With a blush, Lucifer rubs the back of his neck. "Dammit. I'm so embarrassed right now," he says, coughing awkwardly. To be honest, he doesn't really care, since he still doesn't quite understand gender roles, but there's something new inside him that bursts with embarrassment. Lucifer figured out after a moment that it's Nick's lingering presence.

 

Sam waves a dismissive hand. "Doesn't matter," he assures. "You smell lovely. To be honest, I should use conditioner. I have such luscious hair." He adjusts it subconsciously, flipping it dramatically once he realizes he's doing it.

 

"Don't show off," Lucifer tuts, snorting softly.

 

Chuckling, the brunette shakes his head a bit to move his hair. "I can't help it," Sam replies, grinning. "But okay, enough about your adventures in bathing, what else have you been up to? I imagine you've been pick-pocketing people, since you seem to be more wealthy than you let on. Am I right?" he asks, thinking of the hotel.

 

Lucifer nods sheepishly. "Yeah. But now I know how you and, uh... Dean... Felt. I've been staying in different motels and eating crappy fast food," he explains, grimacing afterwards in disgust.

 

"Ugh, yeah," Sam agrees, face scrunching up in mutual disgust. "I know you're still an archangel, but you gotta stop putting that stuff into your body. It's basically a heart attack in a sack."

 

Shrugging, Lucifer counters, "Some of it still tastes good. It's like an addiction. It tastes like a rainbow."

 

Sam chuckles, shaking his head. "You're thinking of Skittles," he informs. "Have you eaten Skittles?"

 

In response, Lucifer shakes his head. "What are Skittles?" he asks, intrigued.

 

"Candy. You're going to try them while you can actually taste things," Sam states, remembering when Cas tried eating after becoming an angel again. He's not sure if the same rules apply to Lucifer - which they probably don't - but he can't help but say it just in case it does. "But you've... I hope you've been learning other stuff. Like human stuff. Being on the road did wonders for Cas, taught him a lot of human stuff. And you haven't been exposed too long, but I hope that it was at least a good learning experience."

 

Nodding, the blond agrees. "It was." Lucifer's learned many things. Especially things about people, because God knows that was his main source of entertainment besides cable. People-watching intrigued him.

 

"It's a hard knock life, isn't it?" Sam uses, referencing the hit movie _Annie._  


Lucifer's face lights up in understanding, pointing at Sam quickly as one does when trying to say something before another. "I saw that movie! About the orphan whose life sucked but she was still sassy. Then some man/rooster and his girlfriend tried to kidnap her," he exclaims, summarizing the movie.

 

"You saw _Annie_?" Sam asks incredulously, showing his obvious surprise and confusion on his face as his brow furrows.

 

"Yeah. It was on TV one night and I was really bored. There was no one else to torture," Lucifer jokes weakly. He knows it a low-blow, but he often jokes about stuff like this. Sam always seems a bit uncomfortable when he does, though. 

 

Shaking his head, Sam scoffs. "You don't know what Skittles are, but you saw _Annie_ \- " he pauses, the archangel's words sinking in. His blood runs cold, and all at once all of his repressed stress rises to the surface.  "Wait. What did you just say?"

 

"There was no one left to torture so I watched the orphan movie," Lucifer answers, rephrasing his statement differently to make it more interesting.

 

A moment of silence passes, and goosebumps arise on Sam's skin. It's a familiar feeling that's coursing through him, and fear overwhelms him. "Y'know, I'm honestly considering stopping the car. Don't joke about _that_ stuff..." Sam shivers.

 

"I'm kidding, Sammy. Geez, no trust," the blond chuckles nervously. He's looking at Sam, and the brunette seems a bit paler than he was before.

 

"Oh, believe me, there is more trust then there should be but... _God_! Too soon! I'm still... Did you seriously not understand what I was talking about earlier - Oh Jesus, I'm going to have a panic attack in the middle of a busy highway..." Sam's breath quickens, and he grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. "Why - _Why_ would you - "

 

With concern, Lucifer twists his whole body so he's facing Sam. Frowning, he asks with urgency yet confusion, "Why are you going to have a panic attack?"

 

When Sam doesn't respond, Lucifer takes a deep breath to calm himself a bit. "Sam, what's the matter?" he asks levelly. Though, on the inside he's panicking a bit, too. Sure, he knows a lot about Sam, but he doesn't remember much about his history of panic attacks. Lucifer's mind has managed to save the trait generally, but he has no idea how he's supposed to help him through it if one occurs. It's terrifying, how he's forgetting such simple things.

 

Body spazzing a bit, Sam hisses desperately, "Just stop - _stop_ talking for a second!"

 

Lucifer squints. Why would that help anything? It doesn't sound very comfortable at all to imagine having a panic attack without a voice to help you through it. "What? Why?" he presses, wanting - _needing_ \- answers.

 

"JESUS CHRIST!" Sam yells, breath coming in sharp gasps. He's drowning in worry and guilt and stress and _fear_. It's been awhile since he's had this kind of panic attack, but Sam supposes that it's overdue. He'll feel much better about everything that's happening when he's done freaking out. After all, this isn't his first time that something has triggered all of this walls to come down.

 

Lucifer's brow furrows even more, and he leans over closer to Sam. "What's going on? Why are you - What's wrong?" he asks again, desperation and worry bleeding into his tone. So much for keeping a level head.

 

"WHAT DO YOU THINK IS WRONG? I - _Oh God_..." The brunette pulls the car over to the side of the highway, turning it off shakily. "You do realize I'm - I'm a suffering PTSD patient, right? Do you... It was hard talking about it earlier - this is mostly my fault, though, but - Yeah, we're pulling over for a second."

 

Lucifer nods slowly, watching Sam with interest and concern. "Okay... Okay... I just, breathe... Okay..." Sam's saying.

 

After a minute or so of Sam rambling to himself, Lucifer sighs. "Alright, Sam, what's going on?"

 

"Breathe... It's... Breathe... Okay... Okay...

What do you - WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Sam roars, chest tightening. He begins to feel the tears coming, and he's so impossibly scared.

 

Lucifer, again, watches the brunette do this until he can no longer. "Sammy, please. I thought we were doing okay. We were just talking and having a good time. You asked me to get your mind off of... You know... And I did the best I could. Why are you so mad at me?" he asks, voice gentle.

 

"I'm not - " Sam coughs, looking like he's choking. _God_ , it's like trying to breathe through a straw with one nostril. "Give me a second, ugh, you insensitive bastard... Breathe, Sam, breathe..." he says to himself, trying to calm down.

 

Feeling helpless, the archangel remains silent as he watches Sam suffer. It's gut-wrenchingly horrible, and Lucifer wishes that he could touch his forehead and fix whatever's wrong. He's so horrifyingly _human_ these days...

 

A minute or so passes before Sam composes himself, and he's no longer panicking, but he cannot help but to cry softly. He's passionate about the issues he just was forced to confront. "Okay... Okay... Breathe... You - You know - I try, okay? I try to look at you and see... And see only good things because I get it, alright? You're... _Different_... And whatever happened happened and you're here and - I love you. I do. And it's stupid and fucked up but it's true. And I'm passed caring out how fucked up it is at this point, you know? But - Breathe... I...

I - Jesus, Lu, I still...

 

" _I still have nightmares_!"

 

Lucifer is taken aback, expression melting into a unbelievably guilty and heartbreaking one. "Sammy, I - I'm so sorry. I-I had no idea. I just... _I'm so sorry,"_ he says with honestly, firm but gentle.

 

"I know, I know and that's why I thought it would get better but... God, this is _so_ screwed up..."

 

Nodding in agreement, Lucifer intertwines their fingers, squeezing Sam's hand. "I know it is. I know... I can't take that stuff back for you, Sam. I wish I could but I can't. And I'm so sorry."

 

Sam agrees as well, replying, "Yeah, I am, too. But I've said it before, I don't blame you for what happened. And I want to be passed it but... My head just... That's the kind of stuff you can't come back from, Lu..."

 

"I know. I still blame myself, though..."

 

Sighing, Sam squeezes Lucifer's hand back to comfort him. "We were... I know this sounds awful, 'cause you were down there _so much longer_ before but... It was _so long_... I... Humans weren't build to handle that kind of tor - Stuff."

 

"I know. You've been through too much for a human. No one deserves that." Just a hairless ape, impossibly strong. That horrid feeling of guilt pushes on Lucifer's chest again.

 

Crying silently, the brunette continues. "And then... My hallucinations... I just can't..." Sam's voice cracks. "Oh, Luce... I'm sorry I'm being to difficult. This stuff just..."

 

Lucifer shakes his head frantically, leaning towards Sam a bit more. "You're not being difficult. I understand why. You don't deserve what you've had to go through." He takes Sam's hand to comfort him, tracing the veins with his thumb.

 

"You and I? Us..." Sam glances down at their hands, shuttering at the sight. " _Together_... I feel like we've been set up for failure and beaten and scarred so much, and it's because _we have_ and... I'm so happy I have you now, while Dean's AWOL... I can't - I don't think I'd be able to do this on my own..."

 

After a moment, Lucifer squints at the brunette. "I'm getting mixed signals. Are you happy I'm here or not?" he asks, tone genuine.

 

Running his free hand through his hair, Sam chuckles wearily. "Ugh, I don't know, I sound like a girl, don't I?" _There are probably girls who are more manly than me_ , Sam muses internally.

 

"No. You sound like you live a shitty life," Lucifer replies honestly, looking at Sam with soft, sad eyes. He's hates being reminded how tough Sam has it - how tough he still does.

 

Sam purses his lips thoughtfully. "I mean - I'm glad to have a constant, someone like Dean but... More... You're... Even when it's bad - Like what happened before, that causes the... _Y'know_... You're still always there."

 

"And I'll always be here for you, Sammy," Lucifer promises.

 

Chuckling nervously, Sam smiles at the blond. "Love and hate are just two sides to the same coin, right?"

 

"Nice metaphor," the archangel compliments, smiling at the sight of Sam smiling. His stomach does flips again, and Lucifer wonders if this is the feeling Sam had been convinced that he can't possible have.

 

Sam continues to cry silently, feeling exposed and raw. They've had other emotional moments together, but only Dean's really ever seen him break down like this, and it feels extremely intimate. "And I... I'm not saying, well, y'know... 'Cause that isn't what it's about anymore... But I understand what you meant now. About how we're... The same..."

 

"Sam, it's gonna be okay. We'll fix this. I know you're going through a lot."

 

"God, I _am_ in love with you. I really... Jesus Christ, I'm in love with the Devil..." Sam muses, turning to actually face the blond. He smiles weakly, but he looks like he means it.

 

"Never thought you'd say that, huh?"

 

Sam chuckles in agreement, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. It falls to his side, and he sniffles. "I - I know I'm probably really gross right now, but... Can I... Can I kiss you?" he asks reluctantly, looking at the archangel for permission.

 

"Of course. Anytime, Sammy," Lucifer replies, licking his lips subconsciously. His smile falls when Sam leans closer, closing his eyes. The blond follows suit, puckering his lips. It's their first kiss, and Lucifer feels lightening when their lips actually press together.

 

The brunette opens his mouth, moving his lips against Lucifer's slowly. "...Mhmm..." he hums into it, content.

 

Kissing back with much enthusiasm, Lucifer mumbles against Sam's lips, "I love you so much, Sammy."

 

"You taste like blueberries," Sam comments, pulling away for air. He chuckles, eyes opening to meet Lucifer's. They're holding each other in one way or another, and Sam doesn't remembering moving his hand.

 

Lucifer chuckles, too, grinning dumbly. "I love you too..." Sam's words finally register after a moment of confusion. "Blueberries? I didn't have any blueberries today."

 

Shrugging, Sam pecks the blond's lips once more before pulling away and shifting back into the driver's seat more comfortably.

 

"Shall we go? We have a long drive ahead of us."

 

Sam nods in agreement, replying, "Yeah..." He turns on the car, pulling back onto the road and merging. "Thanks... I feel a lot... Better now..."

 

Lucifer leans back into his seat and closes his eyes. "No problem."

 

The brunette's still a little shocked, though - Because he just kissed another _guy_. Sure, angels technically don't have genders, but Lucifer is in a male vessel. He's a guy as far as Sam's concerned, and he's told Lucifer as much before. "That was..." Sam breathes, shaking his head in disbelief. "Yep... I'm definitely questioning my sexuality now."


	6. The Saga of Skittles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer touches Sam's butt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to upload. That's how it is sometimes.

 

About three hours later, Lucifer's waking up from a nap he decided to take. Well, he didn't really decide per say, considering the fact that he all but passed out. Sam didn't think much of it, since the archangel told him about how he's either fully awake or dead tired. "Ugh. How long have I been asleep?" Lucifer grumbles, stretching as much as he can in the confinement of his seat.

 

Sam looks at the clock under the dash, shrugging. "A couple hours," the brunette answers.

 

A bit surprised, Lucifer rubs his eyes. "Geez. What state are we in?" he asks as his arms fall to his sides, yawning afterwards.

 

"Middle of Illinois," Sam guesses, unsure. He's been paying attention to signs of course, but they haven't seen one for awhile. Although, that's usually a sign that they are in the middle of a state.

 

Nodding, Lucifer rubs his face once more before looking over at the hunter. "Can I have some Skittles now?" he asks.

 

Sam thinks for a moment, and as if on cue they pass a sign. Gesturing to it, the brunette informs, "There's a gas station in about 60 miles. We can stop for lunch and get you some Skittles. And water, I'm so thirty right now."

 

"Awesome. And they really taste like a rainbow?"

 

Chuckling a bit, Sam shakes his head. "They taste like sugar, but their slogan is: 'taste the rainbow'," he explains, obviously amused.

 

Lucifer looks at Sam like he's just slapped him. "That's stupid. If they just taste like sugar, then why would they lie and tell us that they are going to taste like a rainbow?" he asks, looking out the window with a huff.

 

Shrugging, Sam replies, "Well, they're all various colors, and it's just a catchy phrase." He remembers their earlier conversation that led to Sam bringing up Skittles, and adds, "And fast food is greasy, not rainbow-y. For the record."

 

The archangel rolls his eyes, looking over at Sam again, unimpressed. "Don't hate on the deliciousness of greasy food," he warns, though there's no real heat behind his words.

 

Sam makes a fake gagging noise, shaking his head in disagreement. "On the rare occasions I have to eat fast food, I can practically _feel_ my  arteries clogging..."

 

"Whatever. I don't know anyone else who doesn't like fast food. Although I guess I don't know a lot of people," the blond responds, sighing. It's not like Lucifer needs to know a lot of people, though. Sam's always going to be enough.

 

Nodding, Sam agrees, "True." It's silent for a moment, but then the human continues. "But it's hard to find much else when you're on the road all the time."

 

Lucifer nods, too. "Yeah, good point..."

 

Remembering what happened when the archangel was asleep, Sam practically jumps in his chair, eyes lighting up. He speaks quickly, in that way that people do when they are in a rush to say something because they want the other person to know about it as soon as possible. "In other news, you missed this crazy guy dressed as a woman - He cut me off about an hour ago. His car was... Well, the only word I can use is fabulous."

 

Lucifer laughs, beaming at the brunette. "Ha! That's amazing!" he exclaims, unable to stop snickering from the mental image of it. Lucifer wishes that he would of been awake to see it.

 

Grinning widely, Sam laughs along. "I know! And I'm not judging, but he scared me! And not because of the get-up - He came out of _nowhere_ , in a steel trap of a car dressed like a woman!" Again, it's not that Sam thinks there's anything wrong with that - save for the part where they cut him off in traffic, that's definitely wrong - but it's not everyday that you see something like that.

 

Lucifer continues to howl with laughter, repeating Sam's words in his head over and over again. It's just too funny not to laugh, and he really wishes he would've been there - _conscious_ \- to see it.

 

"Nothing else, though. I'm used to silent car rides, don't get me wrong, but I was _so_ bored." Sam internally wonders how Dean is able to do this day in and day out. Sure, sometimes he's blasting music and thumping along to it, but these days they drive together in complete silence.

 

Wiping the beginnings of laughter tears from his eyes, Lucifer takes a few deep breaths. "Sorry..." he apologizes, the smile falling off his face. "You could have woken me up." Not just so he could've seen the guy dressed like a woman, but so the hunter could've had someone to talk to.

 

Sam's smile slides off his face, as well. "No, you said it yourself: you're either completely wake or dead tired," he replies. 

 

Lucifer nods after a moment in hesitant agreement. "Yeah, thanks."

 

A smile plays at Sam's lips for a moment or so, but it's quickly extinguished but his omnipresent guilt. "No problem. But... I... I feel like such an asshole," he states softly, pursing his lips.

 

Brow furrowing, Lucifer looks at the brunette with confused, worried eyes. "Why?" he presses, wanting to make Sam feel better about whatever he's on about.

 

"Dean," Sam immediately explains, sighing deeply afterwards. He rubs his face with a single hand before continuing. "I'm not... I'm not freaking out anymore, and I feel bad about it. You just... Calm me? God, that's probably the most ironic thing I've said this week."

 

Lucifer shakes his head in a frantic, desperate way. "It's good that you aren't freaking out anymore. Don't feel bad," he insists, still looking a bit confused.

 

Sighing again, the brunette nods with closed eyes. They open slowly, and Sam watches the road silently before replying, "I know... I know... But, I just feel like I should be. I mean, he's out there, doing God knows _what_ , and I just up and decided to bring home _Satan_."

 

Pursing his lips, Lucifer's lost expression fades immediately. "I'm helping you find him. We just might have some laughs on the way. That's not a bad thing."

 

After a moment or two of internally debating, Sam agrees with a hesitant nod. "Fine. But I still... Ugh, I'm usually more broken up when this happens," he states softly. Sam usually falls apart, either slowly or quickly, and obsesses over finding his older brother. It's going to be so different having someone here with him; helping him find Dean. Lucifer will either be a huge help, or a huge distraction. Currently, Sam is leaning towards huge distraction.

 

"That's proof that you guys die way too much."

 

Sam laughs a bit at that. "And I really don't want Dean to throw in my face that you're Amelia 2.0 when we get him back," he confesses, rubbing his face.

 

Sheepishly, the archangel agrees, "Yeah..." He understands that joke - if you could even call it that - because of that freaky vessel connection. Sam calls it that at least; Lucifer thinks it's romantic.

 

"Don't worry. He'll be thankful that we got him back." Though, Dean'll probably try to kill him again, now that he's thinking about it. Not like they're best friends or anything.

 

Sam picks up on this fact, too, saying, "But he's not going to be happy that you're living in the Bunker."

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "Well he can suck it up and deal with it," he snaps, sighing sharply afterwards.

 

Chuckling at Lucifer sass, the brunette replies, "That's what you say every time I bring this up. And this time... I think I agree. You make me happy - _fuck_ Dean. After we get him back, though. I'm still very worried." After all, when has Sam found someone that makes him happy and will be rather easy to keep? And, of course, by 'keep' Sam means bring along on the road. But if they do get Dean back - which they _will_ \- on the off chance Dean lets Lucifer tag along, he'll insist that the archangel stays at the Bunker.

 

Lucifer's touched from Sam's change of opinion, and he makes an over-exaggerated, heartfelt gesture. "Thank you," he breathes, laughing as soon as Sam looks at his form.

 

Rolling his eyes fondly, the brunette replies, "No problem." A beat of silence passes. "Oh, I forgot to tell you. When I... Stopped texting you earlier yesterday, it was because Dean knocked me unconscious."

 

Sober once more, Lucifer nods to himself in understanding. He's a tad madder at Dean now, because he _hurt_ Sam, then _left_ him. "Oh," the blond grunts. "That makes sense..." He was wondering why Sam stopped mid-sentence, but it wouldn't of taken a genius to figure out that he was knocked unconscious. "What did he do?"

 

Pursing his lips, Sam tries to recall what happened as clearly as he can. "Well, 'we' were going after Metatron, but I guess Dean decided it was his battle and incapacitated me so I wouldn't put up a fight about not being allowed to go with him." But this is a simple deduction, of course. "I was turned around when I was talking to you, so... I was vulnerable..."

 

Huffing, Lucifer uncrosses his arms and throws them into the air. Not too high, since they're in a car and all. "Well, great. Now I feel like this whole thing is my fault. I was talking to you and if I wasn't then he probably wouldn't have knocked you out. And he probably wouldn't be gone right now." Twisted gut. _Guilt_ , Lucifer instantly recognizes. _Ah, I'm getting better at this._  


 

Sam shakes his head halfheartedly. "No, it's not your fault - Dean would've just done it anyway. I think he just... Punched me in the face really hard." That's what happened, right? His nose doesn't sting even a little. Well, at least Sam didn't get a concussion "The last thing either of us need is more guilt. What happened happened... It's no one's fault. Not really. Well... If it's anyone's it's Dean's. He should of let me come with him." Sam tightens his grip on the steering wheel, suddenly annoyed with his big brother. "His fault for being a reckless, righteous, self-destructive jerk..." he spits angrily.

 

Lucifer tries to ignore Sam's obvious frustration, keeping his tone calm and collected as it was before. "If he had let you come with, do you think he wouldn't have died?" he asks thoughtfully.

 

Lessening his hold on the wheel, Sam's scowl drops. Lucifer internally fist-pumps. "I... I don't know. I might've died, though," he replies, sounding unsure and thoughtful himself. "But... We usually win. _Together_... That's our legacy..."

 

"Yeah, I guess. But... If Dean hadn't died... Then we wouldn't be with each other right now. You wouldn't have kissed me..." Lucifer muses quietly, sadly. 

 

Sam side-glances at the archangel, raising an eyebrow. "I still would've kissed you, dumbass. At some point, at least."

 

"Better sooner than later."

 

That gets Sam to smile, and Lucifer feels his stomach fill with jelly at the sight. _Love._ "You greedy bastard," the brunette accuses teasingly, laughing a bit.

 

To which Lucifer laughs, of course. "That's me," he agrees, smiling with just as much humor. He can laugh at himself, even when it's not something that should be laughed at. He's had selfish tendencies in the past, and the blond knows that he's still a bit on the egotistical side.

 

Still laughing softly, smiling, Sam replies, "You'll have plenty of opportunities to shove your tongue down my throat, don't you worry."

 

Lucifer chuckles again, unable to stop himself from looking at Sam's pillowy lips. God, were they always that deliciously pouty? "Better be."

 

"That good, huh?"

 

Rubbing his face in a way that expresses what he's trying to convey, Lucifer answers, "You have no idea, Sammy."

 

Sam chuckles lightly, still smiling. "You're not too bad yourself," he admits. "But then again, that was the first time I've kissed a guy, so... I can't really compare it to anything." Lucifer's lips are rougher, though, comparing them to a female's. Sam had been internally preparing himself for that, though, since he can't deny that Lucifer won't want anything physical during their relationship - Hell, that _he_ won't. Not that it's important, but Sam's body is used to occasional sexual contact.

 

Lucifer is about to respond, but he notices a small building in the distance. He points to it, asking, "Is that the gas station that has the rainbow candy?"

 

Squinting at the building himself, Sam nods. "Yep." He changes lanes, and the brunette reminds, "We're also getting a hot dog, 'cause I'm starving. You can get one too if you'd like. My only exception for fast food." At the silence, Sam turns to look at the archangel. He's making that confused-angel face, and Sam asks, "Have you had a hot dog? They're like the burger's ugly cousin."

 

Lucifer shakes his head. "No. I usually just get burgers. Seeing the words 'hot dog' on a menu kind of freaks me out," he explains, shivering in disgust afterwards to be dramatic.

 

Ignoring that, Sam's expression becomes baffled. Hotdogs are one of the cheapest, quickest meals you can get on the road, so Sam had assumed that the blond had tried one during his travels. "Really? They're not made from real dog," he states, not wanting Lucifer to get the wrong idea. "Hot dogs are made from pigs. Very questionable things from pigs, but still pigs."

 

Huffing like a child, Lucifer crosses his arms. "Fine. I'll try one." Sam rolls his eyes, and pulls into the parking lot. He scans it subconsciously, finding that it's not too busy, but there are a few people at the gas-n-sip.

 

"That is, if they have them. Might not all the way out here..." Sam states, looking for a parking spot. Since it isn't terribly busy, he finds one a little under a second, pulling into it. Taking out the keys and pocketing them, Sam looks over at the archangel. "Okay, do you... I assume you're coming in with me?" he asks, unbuckling. 

 

Lucifer follows suit, nodding. "Sure." They both get out of the car. Lucifer is about to walk up to the door, but Sam stops him. "Don't..." Locking the car, the brunette clears his throat. "Just... Best behavior, Luce."

 

"No promises..." Lucifer replies, walking over to the other side of the car. He looks up at the hunter.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam grabs the archangel's hand. "You're such a child..." Sam starts walking towards the entrance, and Lucifer follows beside him, looking down at their hands. He squeezes.

 

"Kidding. But it was funny, right?"

 

Sam huffs, looking unimpressed. "Sure. Hilarious," he answers, sarcastic. He starts opening the door, sighing, "Come on..."

 

Pulling Sam's hand back, Lucifer lets out of his other hand and opens the door for him. He's watched a few movies on cable, and the archangel has noticed that gentlemen hold doors open for people. "I got this," he insists, smiling softly at Sam.

 

Looking at Lucifer in amusement, Sam enters the gas-n-sip. After he's inside, the brunette hears the door close and Lucifer is suddenly beside him. Sam looks around, scanning for a hotdog spinner. "Well, at least this place looks - Oh, they do have hotdogs." Grabbing the blond's hand again, Sam walks over to the machine with Lucifer in tow.

 

"So where are these... Skittles?" Lucifer asks as Sam looks at the hotdogs. He lets go of the human's hand, picking up a interesting-looking bag of chips. As he waits for Sam to respond, Lucifer drops them, uninterested.

 

Sam watches them fall and quickly snatches them up from the ground. "Hey!" he hisses in disapproval, putting them back and glaring at Lucifer. "Be careful, we're in public."

 

Crossing his arms, Lucifer looks around the gas-n-sip. "Whoa! _Five_ people? I'm trembling," he exclaims, sarcastic.

 

Sam rolls his eyes, sighing. "We'll get the Skittles in a second, here..." he promises, turning back to the machine and getting out two small to-go containers. Sam takes the metal tongs and puts the hotdog in a bun before setting it in the container. He does it once more with Lucifer's lunch before setting down the tongs. Looking at the condiments, Sam asks, "Do you know if you like ketchup or mustard or anything?"

 

Looking down at their lunch, Lucifer scrunches up his nose. "A little bit of both. It just looks weird plain..." he says, squinting at the suspicious meat.

 

After he makes his own hotdog, Sam nods. "I'll help you... Hold this." He closes his container, handing it to the archangel. "And don't eat it, this one's mine." Sam almost says more, but he figures that Lucifer knows that you have to buy before you eat, anyway.

 

Opening up the container as Sam coats his hotdog, Lucifer huffs at the sight of it. "It still looks weird... Why can't it be circular?" he says distastefully. Is he really meant to eat _this_? It looks disgusting. Though, Lucifer's stomach is disagreeing with him. Hunger feels so odd.

 

"I don't know..." Sam shrugs, thinking of an article he read once about hotdogs. It was for a case, of course. "To be honestly, these are choking hazards..." he informs. They are the perfect shape, after all. Sam continues to doctor up Lucifer's hotdog. "Personally I like mustard, but... I'll put one on each end so that way you can figure out which one you like most." Closing the container, he grabs some of the small condiment packets before turning to the archangel.

 

Lucifer's patience has apparently ran out, and the blond huffs, starting to look around. "I want my rainbow candy!" he whines, stomping his foot.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam looks at the archangel with an unimpressed, annoyed expression. "You're going to cause a scene," the brunette states, looking around at the people. "Then no one's getting anything."

 

Doing his best puppy dog eyes, Lucifer purrs, "Please?" Sam doesn't fall for it, and he sighs.

 

"You can hold them," Sam states emotionlessly, handing Lucifer the other hotdog. "Don't do anything to them. We'll find the Skittles now..." He starts looking around for the candy aisle.

 

Looking like he's on a mission, Lucifer looks around excitedly. "Where are my Skittles?!" Sam almost covers the blond's mouth, but he doesn't.

 

"I swear to your dad - " Sam grabs the archangel's wrist and tugs on it, looking around for the candy section. Other people are tilting their heads at them, but Sam tries to ignore that. It's not that he cares what they think, but he doesn't want to get escorted out because of Lucifer. "It's not cute, or funny." Sam finally spots a colorful aisle, figuring it's the candy section. He gestures to it and let's go of Lucifer's wrist. "The candy section's over there."

 

"What are you talking about? I'm hilarious _and_ adorable."

 

Sam sighs, shaking his head tiredly. He starts walking towards the section, Lucifer following. "It's official, I can't take you anywhere - " Sam looks at all the people again, finding eyes still on them. He looks down at the candy. "See! Now even the cashier is watching us, are you happy now?"

 

They both look around, and Sam says, "They're in a red package with a rainbow on it... Do you... Ugh, I can almost taste the diabetes in the air..."

 

Eyes lighting up, Lucifer points to the Skittles. "I found them!" he exclaims proudly. Someone clears their throat, a universal signal to be quiet.

 

Sam nods, following the blond's finger. He goes in front of him and bends down, finding the red-packaged candy and grabbing them.

 

Lucifer smirks. He quickly sets the hotdogs on a nearby shelf, and slaps Sam's ass. To which the brunette jumps, hissing loudly, " _Jesus_!" He quickly rises, the Skittles falling to the ground. Sam whips around to face the archangel, giving him an angry, disproving look. "I - " He glares.

 

Waving a dismissive hand, the blond states, "Don't give my that face. You know you liked it." Lucifer crosses his arms, still smirking.

 

Sam's blush begins to show, and he covers himself with his arms in a violated way. "Why - You pervert!" he whisper-yells. "Yep, I can't take you anywhere!" The hunter's expression fades to simple disbelief. "Did you really just..." He turns towards the fallen Skittles and sighs, backing away from them as his eyes meet Lucifer's again. He points at the Skittles without looking at them.

 

"You're getting them; pick them up," he commands, still blushing with a scowl.

 

The blond squints his eyes and rolls them at Sam. "What? You can't blame me! You have a  _really_  nice butt." Lucifer bends down, slightly shaking butt in front of Sam as he picks up the Skittles, and rises with a smug smile, uncrossing his arms.

 

Scoffing distastefully and looking away, Sam mumbles embarrassedly, "Just..." He snatches the candy from Lucifer violently. He sighs deeply, willing himself to gain some patience. The taller man looks around for the hotdogs, realizing that Lucifer's hands are empty. "What did you... Where did the hotdogs go?"

 

The archangel blinks at him for a moment, his expression turning sober. "I set them on that shelf," he answers finally, pointing his finger at them.

 

"Classy," Sam comments, "now grab them and let's check out before we're arrested." The brunette stomps towards the register, trying to pull out his wallet with his free hand. Lucifer notices after grabbing the hotdogs, and tries to pull out his, stumbling after the hunter. 

 

"Let me buy," Lucifer says, appearing from behind Sam.

 

The brunette rolls his eyes and turns towards him. "Lucif - " Sam stops himself, glancing at the cashier. " _Luce_. You don't -  It's two hotdogs and a pack of Skittles," he states as the cashier rings up the items, hoping to convey to Lucifer that this is a stupid thing to fight over to pay for.

 

"Crap. I've got like two dollars..." The archangel states, blinking at the inside of his wallet. He'd seen a couple on the TV before, and the man payed after they finished their food. Isn't that what a gentleman is supposed to do? Why doesn't Sam want him to buy for him?

 

Sam chuckles a bit. "Exactly. It's like..." He turns back to the counter, trying to look at the screen but finding himself unable.

 

The cashier notices, and looks up at him. "Five dollars," he supplies, waiting for the money owed.

 

"Well, then you pay three dollars and I'll pay two," Lucifer states, already fishing for the money from his wallet.

 

The brunette sighs, and decides that he might as well give in. "Fine. Will that make you happy?" he asks rhetorically. Sam hands the worker three dollars, and Lucifer follows suit with his cash.

 

"Yes, it will," he answers. The cashier squints, looking at Lucifer and Sam funny with a raised eyebrow. But he quickly looks back to the screen, and a receipt pops out of the machine a moment later. He hands it to Sam, and Lucifer becomes even more impatient, excited to try the Skittles and generally just eat. "Let's go," he states, grabbing the Skittles and hotdogs before starting to walk toward the door.

 

Sam fumbles with his wallet and the receipt, and the cashier says almost robot-like, "Have a good day." The brunette nods in respond, trying to follow Lucifer quickly.

 

"Come on, Sam! We have to get back on the road! We still have like six hours left!" 

 

Running out of door, Sam scans the small parking lot. When his eyes find the blond, he's already at the car, trying to open it. "Luce! It's locked!" he calls out, fishing in his pocket for his keys. The human unlocks it with a beep, and power-walks towards the car, watching Lucifer get into it the moment he can. When Sam reaches it, he opens the drivers door before he slides in. "I swear, if something is missing..."

 

"I just want to try this rainbow candy!" Lucifer huffs, a bit more excited than he'd thought he'd be. Humans make very tasty thing he's found, though, so the archangel thinks it's justified.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam snatches up the hot dogs. "Fine." As he fiddles with the packaging, Lucifer opens his candy before trying some. "Oh my Dad! This is absolutely amazing!" he exclaims in approval.

 

"Hey! You stole that joke from me!" Sam accuses before snatching up the pack of Skittles. "You need to eat some actual food before you have all this candy." Placing the candy between his legs to hold them, Sam examines one of the hotdogs, finding it to be his and reaching for the other one. 

 

Lucifer huffs a bit from his lack of Skittles. "I didn't just steal that joke," he assures childishly. They both know that he did, but neither say anything further about the matter. "However..." Lucifer pauses, reaching into his pocket and holding up a twenty dollar bill he got from Sam, "I learned a few tricks while I was away..."

 

After realizing that Lucifer's holding _his_ money, Sam shoots him a mild bitchface. "You - Give." He outstretches his hand. Smugly, Lucifer sets the bill into Sam's hand, making a show of it.

 

Sam shoves the twenty into his pocket, continuing to make the archangel's hotdog presentable. Damn thing rolled over, and the brunette is trying to even out the amount of mustard and ketchup. Lucifer rolls his eyes, gesturing to the food. "I'm hungry. Just give me the damn hotdog," he requests, a bit annoyed.

 

"Ditto..." Sam gives the blond the hotdog, taking it out of the wrap for him. 

 

As Lucifer eats, Sam joins him. But before he takes a bite, the hunter freezes and glances at Lucifer for a split second before squinting. Sam starts to eat the hotdog as sexually and suggestive as he can, and after a moment the archangel notices.

 

At the sight, Lucifer's eyes widen, and something unfamiliar burns in his groin. "Sam, what the hell? Stop it!" he demands, starting to blush.

 

With renewed confidence, Sam ups his game, and starts to make soft moaning sounds. "Mm... So Good..." he purrs before swallowing.

 

Lucifer's breath gets caught in his throat, and he whines silently. "Dammit. Stop it." That weird feeling is starting to become more potent, and after a moment Lucifer wonders if this is sexual desire. "I told you they were shaped weirdly..."

 

Sucking on the hotdog for a few seconds, Sam pulls off of it with a soft pop. He glances over at Lucifer, wearing a mask of innocence. "Something wrong?" he quips, despite it being a question. 

 

The archangel rolls his eyes, sighing sharply. "Sammy, I swear... Just - Just drive the damn car..."

 

Smug, Sam insists, "Let me finish my hotdog..." He goes back to eating it sexually, taking a bite with a lewd moan as he chews.

 

Lucifer continues to whisper-yell, having seen that there are people outside. "Sam, stop doing that!" He hugs his stomach, and his groin continues to stir.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam quickly finishes the rest of his hotdog and Lucifer finishes, too - because of the lack of a distraction.

 

Before they pull back onto the road, Sam hands Lucifer the Skittles and starts up the car, buckling in. The archangel follows suit before starting to munch on the Skittles again, and Sam pulls onto the highway. "For a gas station hotdog, that was pretty good, but I think I'd like bigger things in my mouth."

 

Lucifer swallows his chewed candy, a slight smile on his lips. "Freakin' tease..." he mutters, turning his head and starting to look out the window. He adjusts how he's sitting, thinking of gross things. It actually helps him become more comfortable in his jeans, and Lucifer sighs.

 

Grinning proudly, Sam chuckles a bit. "You frustrated over there?" he asks smugly. "Whatever could have effected you in that way?"

 

"No, of course not. I'm never frustrated..." Lucifer denies. It's kind of true, because he's not as frustrated, but he still wouldn't mind if Sam gave some attention to the naughtier bits on his vessel.

 

Pursing his lips in a tight smirk, the brunette continues to look between Lucifer and the road. He doesn't want to crash, but Sam can't help but continue to glance at the archangel. "Tell me then, Luce, why are you sitting like that?"

 

"No reason. It's just... Comfortable? Does that sound believable?"

 

Still beaming with pride, Sam side-glances at Lucifer's slightly hunched over form before starting to watch road again. "Not one bit." A beat passes, and Sam's smirk falls a little. "Glad to know I can get you pretty excited, though. I still got it."

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer crosses an arm over his stomach. "Don't flatter yourself," he murmurs, snatching up some more Skittles with his free hand and popping them into his mouth. His demeanor instantly changes, and Lucifer groans in approval. "Wow! Whoever created Skittles is a genius!" He examines the baggie as he chews, as if the name of the inventor will be on it.

 

Sam sighs, rubbing his face with one of his hands before holding it out towards Lucifer. "Good to know..." There's another pause, the only sounds being the passing road and cars along with Lucifer's munching noises and occasional moans. "Can I have some? I like the red ones," Sam asks softly. He normally doesn't indulge in candy, but he figured it wouldn't be the end of the world if he had some. _Nope_ , he internally shakes his head, _that phrase is ruined for me_.

 

Looking a bit surprised at the brunette's request, Lucifer digs out some red Skittles and hands them to Sam. "What happened to being a health freak?" he teases, though appearing to be honestly confused.

 

"It's my cheat day? I've already had a hotdog, I might as well." Sam tosses the candy into his mouth. "Thanks."

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Whatever. I'm pretty sure that's how healthy people start to get fat. They take a cheat day. Then another one. Then another one," he replies, still chewing some candy himself. Lucifer's pretty sure that the key to saying healthy is to be abstemious, but the archangel can't deny how hard to would be to do so with candy like this.  


 

"Yeah, well, most healthy people aren't hunters," Sam retorts smoothly. _And don't run for their lives almost everyday_ , the brunette internally adds.

Nodding, Lucifer wraps up the open end of the Skittles package, deciding to save the rest for later. "Good point. I never thought about that."

 

Sam subtly looks at Lucifer's lap, sighing as he turns back to the road. "Well, I guess I didn't you _that_ excited, which is good. 'Cause I'm definitely not pulling over to give you a blowjob," he mutters, mostly talking to himself. Lucifer shoots him a look, and the brunette can only handle of few seconds of eye contact before turning to the road again. "Don't give me that face. It's dangerous. And like you said, I'm obviously not even that good at this stuff..."

 

Expression shifting to one a person would wear when baffled and disbelieving, Lucifer shakes his head. "Of course you're good at it."

 

"Seduction?" Sam asks humbling. He was kidding earlier, because he's never noticed the fact that he could have an effect on another man.

 

"Yeah! You did exceptionally well with that hot dog. Which, by the way, I still think is shaped weirdly. Whoever invented hotdogs must have been horny," Lucifer replies, thoughtful.

 

Sam rolls his eyes with a sigh. "But either way... Since I've told you I've never been with a man, I've by extension never given one a blowjob, so... It'd probably be bad anyway," he states.

 

Both of them don't speak for another ten minutes or so, but then Lucifer fiddles with the wrapper of the Skittles again and Sam snickers.

 

"Hey, Lucifer?"

 

"What?" he asks, reaching in the red package and bringing some Skittles to his mouth before tossing them in. As he chews, the blond watches Sam expectantly.

 

Trying to suppress his giggles, Sam asks softly, "Can you taste the rainbow?"

 

Smiling a tad perversely, Lucifer nods slowly before swallowing. "Oh, I can definitely taste the rainbow..." he purrs, lips pressed together tightly.

 

Sam looks back to the road with an uncomfortable expression. "You are a disturbing person," the hunter states with a shake of his head. "But I love you."

 

Smiling in a dopy way at this, Lucifer chuckles a bit at Sam's face. "I love you too," he replies, looking out the window. A minute or so passes before Lucifer speaks up again. "Hey, Sam?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Are we there yet?" Lucifer asks, looking at the brunette like an impatient child. Sam rolls his eyes at the sight, shaking his head.

 

Sighing, Sam answers, "No. We still have about five hours to go." He'd think that Lucifer would be more patient from his earlier outlook on the long drive, but Sam's starting to notice more and more inpatient tendencies. Sam can only hope that the archangel doesn't continue to ask this question over and over again.

 

Lucifer doesn't respond, and he finishes off his Skittles. He tosses the wrapper in the bag where they put their trash, starting to tap his fingers on the hand rest on the door.

 

Huffing, the blond repeats, "Are we there yet?"


	7. Bunker Blowjobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer and Sam finally get the the Bunker, and their relationship continues to steadily progresses.
> 
> And Lucifer tells Sam something that could change everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this was pretty late, but I feel like I made up for it with the sexy stuff in this chapter.

Two hours later, the two aren't talking - Which Sam is counting as a blessing, because Lucifer's asked 'are we there yet' more times than the brunette cares to count. Coincidentally, as Sam looks over at the blond subtly, Lucifer interrupts the silence with that same question.

 

"Are we there yet? I think it's been five hours."

 

Sighing, Sam looks back at the room and shakes his head tiredly. God, Sam would love some sleep right about now. Sure he can run on empty for awhile, but Sam is pushing his limits at this point. “No, it's been two,” he corrects tiredly.

 

Lucifer actually is surprised, because - “Really? It feels so long.” He looks at the little clock build in the car, and frowns. _So it has only been two._  


 

The next fifteen minutes are quiet for some reason, and Sam becomes as bored as Lucifer looks. Wanting to entertain himself, Sam starts to make soft - almost silence - sex sounds. Every time Lucifer looks over, he stops and pretends not to be doing anything.

 

After a few times, though, the archangel starts to catch on. “Sammy, what are you doing?” he asks, confusion and accusation in his tone.

 

Sam shrugs, putting on a poker face. “What? I'm driving,” he answers, sounding confused himself.

 

“No. Those sounds.”

 

Shooting Lucifer a dumbfounded look, Sam continues to play innocent. “What sounds?”

 

Lucifer sighs. “Whatever.” He looks out the window. A second later, Sam makes a particularly feminine moan. Wanting to check him, Lucifer turns to the brunette quickly.

 

“Sam, stop it!”

 

Still feigning innocent, Sam turns to the blond again. “Stop what?”

 

“You know what,” the blond hisses, crossing his arms. He's not an idiot; Lucifer knows that Sam is making those sounds.

 

Practically smirking, Sam clears his throat. “Stop...” pausing, Sam moans loudly, allowing Lucifer to see, “that?”

 

Lucifer crosses one leg over the other, still hugging his stomach. “Yes, that!” he snaps.

 

Confidence booster from seeing Lucifer's reaction, Sam grunts and let's out a stuttering moan. “Why?”

 

Lucifer hunches over slightly. “Because I said so,” he answers quietly, sharply. Something is happening around his vessels groin, and the archangel is confused and frustrated.

 

Not listening, Sam moans again. He's biting his lip, grinding the seat ever so slightly. Lucifer's breath shutters at the sight, and his pants becoming even tighter. With a seductive tone, Sam asks the blond, “What, are you the boss of me now?”

 

Lucifer grips the seat tightly, his knuckles turning white. He's breathing heavily, and apparently decides that it'll just be easier to agree with Sam. “Yes. Now stop,” the archangel replies, still unable to look away from Sam.

 

Gasping dirtily before moaning, Sam purrs, “What if I don't?” He loves teasing Lucifer.

 

Letting out a groan, Lucifer answers, “Then I will get out of this car and walk the rest of the way.”

 

Sam slowly licks his lips before moaning in mock pleasure. “Oh, really?” he asks darkly. That sends a zap of _something_ right to Lucifer's dick. Sam suddenly smirks, and he starts rubbing off on the seat again. “Oh... But I bet that'd be so loooooooooonnng... And it'd be so haaaaaarrrddd...”

 

“Sam, I swear... Just drive the car and stop making those damn noises,” Lucifer manages to get out, now completely hunched over. This has happened to him in the morning - without warning of any kind, of course - but he's ever been frustrated about it like this.

 

Smirking tightly, Sam stops, but starts again about thirty seconds later. Lucifer gives Sam a bitchface. “Sam!”

 

Groaning, Sam rubs on the drivers seat a little. “Yeah?” he replies. “I don't see what the problem is...”

 

Lucifer tries to hunch over even more, and he starts grinding on his seat. It feels good, so the archangel continued to do it subtly. “Stop it!”

 

With even more enthusiasm, Sam starts making orgasmic noises. He's still worrying his lips, rubbing off on the car seat.

 

Moaning at the friction and sight of Sam, Lucifer feels his dick throb in his jeans. “Sammy, please!” he whines. Lucifer's not sure what he's begging for, though.

 

Knowingly, Sam purrs sexily, “Please what?” Lucifer sure doesn't sound like he wants him to stop, it sounds like he's looking for some help. He grunts again and moans.

 

Glaring at Sam, Lucifer composed himself as best as he can. He tries to sound reasonable and civilized, but there's still underlying neediness and desperation laced in his tone. “Please stop making those sounds,” he begs, trying to keep his voice level.

 

Smugly, Sam scans Lucifer's hunched over form. “Are you frustrated?” he asks, looking proud of himself.

 

“Yes, Sam. I am very frustrated. Now, please. Stop. I'm begging you.”

 

Huffing, Sam slumps back. “Fine... But I'm really bored right now...” Sam suddenly smirks again, which makes Lucifer skeptical.

 

“...What are you smirking for?”

 

Sam doesn't answer the archangel, opting for teasing him some more. “Oh... I wish I had another hotdog... I want something _long_ in my _mouth_...” Lucifer's eyes widen, and he moans as quietly as he can. “Maybe _hard_... _Gagging_ me...” 

 

Whimpering, Lucifer leans over even more. “Sam. Oh God.”

 

With a small smile, the human continues. “With hands in my hair... Tugging on it...”

 

Lucifer takes out his frustration on the brunette, wanting this whole ordeal to stop. “Oh, I'll pull your hair alright. I'll pull it right out of your head!”

 

Sam rolls his eyes, face now sober and indifferent. “Well, that's not sexy,” he huffs.

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes, too. “Just drive the damn car. We're still on the interstate, you know.”

 

“Yeah, yeah... And I'll stop, but seriously, I just needed something to keep me awake and may I say, you did an _amazing_ job...” It makes Sam feel so special, being able to have that effect on someone who is literally eons old.

 

Managing a chuckles, Lucifer says, “You're such a dork.”

 

“I'm your dork, though.” There's a few seconds of silence, but Sam starts speaking again. “Jesus! I should give Dean more credit, how does he drive all the time?”

 

Lucifer nods in agreement, still trying to speak normally. He's pretty sure he knows what the problem is, so he starts thinking of turn-offs. “More importantly, how does he drive with you?”

 

Slowly looking over at the archangel, Sam shoots him a ‘what the fuck’ look. “Well, I don't make sex sounds to frustrate my brother for oh so many reasons. Not even to annoy him. I usually sleep or look out the window.” Sam turns back to the road again.

 

“Sounds boring.”

 

Sam shrugs. “I guess, but sometimes it's kinda nice.” He side-glances at the blond. “But right now? Not nice. I'm so bored.” _And tired._ Sam yawns.

 

“Oh, by the way...” Lucifer starts ambiguously.

 

“Yeah?”

 

A beat of silence. “Are we there yet?”

 

Sam huffs in annoyance. “Really? You got me excited.”

 

As if he can't tell by the scenery, Lucifer presses, “Well, are we?”

 

Shaking his head, Sam sighs. “No, we're not.”

 

“How long do we have left?”

 

Sam looks down at the small clock built-into the car. It's old-fashioned, so it's a bit hard to read. “About three hours. What do you want to do?” Sam side-glances at Lucifer's still hunched over form curiously before looking back at the road with a smirk.

 

“I don't know,” the archangel answers, still trying to think of things that help make him less frustrated. _Human excrement, screaming, Dean Winchester, Michael_ , Lucifer ponders distastefully.

 

Glancing at the blond again, Sam smirks. “I know one thing you probably wanna do...” It was meant to be a comment to himself, but Lucifer heard him and responds anyway.

 

“You know me so well, Sammy,” he purrs, teasing the brunette. Though, Lucifer definitely wouldn't mind. “What do _you_ want to do?”

 

Sober, Sam rubs his face with his right hand before gripping the wheel again. “I don't know. I had an entertainment source but it started getting too cruel.”

 

Lucifer laughs quietly and smiles before becoming serious, adjusting the position of his legs. He's still hard, but it's wavering nicely. Thinking of his brother especially helps.

 

Noticing, Sam's eyes find the archangels crossed legs. “How much did... Is it still...” he trails off, knowing that Lucifer will understand what he's asking.

 

Taking a deep breathe, Lucifer nods hesitantly. “Better...” However, he does keep his legs crossed.

 

Sam leans back, eyes drooping a little. “When we get to the bunker, I'm probably going to sleep right away... After I... Wait.” Brow creased, the brunette looks over at Lucifer. “Are we... Are we going to share a bed?”

 

Smiling, Lucifer nods quickly. “I'd love to.”

 

Lips curling up a bit himself, Sam looks back at the road. “Okay... Are you... Please try not to break anything while I'm sleeping. Since I imagine you're not tired after your four hours and aren't going to just lay with me in bed for until I wake up. You can look around, it's a huge place, but just be careful.”

 

Chuckling, because ‘him’ and ‘careful’ don't really mix, Lucifer replies, “I'll try my best.”

 

Shaking his head, the brunette sighs stressfully. “I'm serious, they're are a lot of things that could hurt you. Or me.” God, he's so tired. He hasn't sleep in what feels like forever. Though, it's not like Sam isn't used to that feeling.

 

“Okay, fine,” Lucifer huffs childishly. He looks over at the brunette, pursing his lips when he notices how out of it Sam appears. 

 

“We have a lot of books, you could probably dick around with those.”

 

Lucifer raises an eyebrow, scoffing. “Books are boring,” he exaggerates, looking out the window. The view's rather dull - he's been watching it for what feels like an eternity, and it's still the same dumb grass - and Lucifer ends up turning back to the hunter almost immediately.

 

Surprised, Sam turns his head completely and looks at Lucifer incredulously. “Really? I imagined you liking books. Oh, well. Just don't molest me in my sleep or set anything on fire and I think we'll be good.” Still shocked, Sam slowly turns back to the road.

 

“I like some books. But I'd rather hang out with you than read,” Lucifer explains. With all the motels and occasional hotels he's been to, Lucifer ended up reading the Bible. It was one of the funniest things he's ever gotten his hands on. Lucifer's pretty sure it's a requirement or something to have to have the Bible in every motel, but other than Cable, there weren't any other ways to entertain himself. Most of the time he couldn't talk to Sam, and Lucifer ended up finding a library card in his pocket. It didn't surprise him, really, because he regularly boodled peoples cash. It just so happened that he swiped a library card instead of a credit card.  


It only worked at a specific library - the one in that town, of course - and Lucifer didn't even get caught. It doesn't surprise him, because the card didn't have a picture on it. And even if whomever he stole the damn thing from ever noticed, he bounced over to the next state before the week ended. As far as that librarian was concerned, his name was Edward Bistline.

Lucifer got a lot of books - none of which he ever returned - and found that he prefers non-fiction. He's read _How to Kill a Mocking Bird_ , _Pride and Prejudice_ , _Gone with the Wind_ , and _The Great Gatsby_. Obviously there were a few exceptions, but Lucifer tended to pick books that were related to reality, ones that didn't stem too far from what really goes on in the world. Or what most people think goes on in the world, at least.

 

“While that's flattering, please don't watch me while I sleep.”

 

Lucifer blinks, recovering from his thoughts. “No promises,” he says after a moment, playful once more.

 

Shaking his head, Sam tells the archangel, “Don't be as creep.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer waves a dismissive hand. “Kidding. I'll keep myself busy,” the blond promises. There's bound to be _something_ to do in an age old war bunker.

 

“Sure...” Sam says, disbelief in his tone. “I probably won't sleep long 'cause of... Well, you know... And when I wake up we can eat something and then start looking for Dean.”

 

Nodding, the archangel agrees, “Okay, sounds good.”

 

-

 

About two and a half hours later, Sam spots a few familiar surroundings, and realizes that they're rather close to the Bunker. “Hey, Luce, we're - ” Sam interrupts himself with a yawn. “Almost there.”

 

“Thank goodness. Wow you really do need some sleep.” Lucifer really wants to stand up, having been in a car for so long without moving much.

 

Nodding, Sam blinks drearily at the road. “Yeah...

Mhmmmm...”

 

Concerned, Lucifer shakes his head. “I mean, seriously, you looks like crap,” he states.

 

Sam rolls his eyes, side-glancing at the archangel for a split second. He doesn't trust himself to look away from the road for an extended period of time right now. “Wow... Thanks... That's exactly what I want to hear everyday of my life...”

 

Wanting to lighten the mood some, Lucifer forces a soft chuckle. “No problem.”

 

“I - I'm just tired,” Sam slurs, as if Lucifer hadn't noticed. “I haven't slept in awhile...”

 

“Well don't fall asleep yet,” Lucifer says, as if Sam didn't know not to, mocking Sam's tone.

 

Sam rolls his eyes, and a bit of drool escapes his mouth. He wipes his away quickly.  “So... I'm curious, what other foods have you tried? You have a favorite one yet? Any you've deemed evil?” the brunette asks, sounding more awake.

 

Shrugging, the archangel think for a moment. “Um... I've tried chicken... It's pretty good. Pizza's probably the greasiest food I've tried but it's really good. Fries are good, too. I don't like peas or eggplant. I absolutely hate salad.”

 

Scoffing, Sam states, “Salad's one my favorites!”

 

“It has no taste!”

 

Rolling his eyes again, the human admits, “I like healthy foods, though, hotdogs are amazing. Before Lucifer can chew him out, Sam adds, “Guilty pleasure... Did you use ranch?”

 

Lucifer blinks silently, hesitantly answering, “No.”

 

“Well, that's the problem. Ranch gives it flavor,” Sam explains.

 

“Oh. Oops.”

 

Nodding, the brunette says, “Yeah. You didn't know, though.”

 

There's a few minutes of silence, and Lucifer notices how Sam slumping a bit in his seat. Wanting to keep him awake for both their sales, the archangel says, “Name some foods. I'll tell you if I've tried them.”

 

Sam takes a few moments to do so, having been caught off guard. “Cake? Spaghetti? Nachos? Rice? Eggs? Bacon? Pancakes?”

 

“I've had cake. Too sweet. I almost threw up.” Lucifer makes a dramatic gagging noise, accompanied by a disgusted expression.

 

“Really? That's unfortunate...” On the rare occasions Sam has gotten to eat cake - well, _allowed_ himself to eat cake - he really enjoyed himself. “What about the rest?” He's sure that Lucifer simply didn't have a good cake, because what kind of cake that they serve at a motel breakfast is edible? Sam had learned that the hard way as a teenager. A part of him thinks that eating that nasty thing is what drive him to salads and protein shakes.

 

Lucifer thinks for a few moments. “I haven't had spaghetti. I saw it once and it looked like worms,” he says, causing Sam to roll his eyes. “Nachos are good. Rice is _really_ good. I love eggs - I had that for breakfast, like, everyday.” Lucifer strokes his chin in thought. “Bacon and pancakes are my favorite breakfast foods, though.” Lucifer only had eggs because they were so easy to make - and, like he said, they taste amazing. Not to mention all the ways you can cook them!

 

Grinning softly, Sam nods. “Cool. I like blueberry pancakes.” He sounds like he's just saying that to make conversation - like when you meet someone and ask about them even though you want to talk about yourself - but Sam does enjoy blueberry pancakes when he has them.

 

“There are flavored pancakes?” Lucifer asks incredulously, pleasantly surprised. “I've only had plain.”

 

Sam gasps, looking at the archangel with bafflement m. “Of course! There's chocolate chip, strawberry, blueberry, passion fruit, cherry, blackberry, raspberry, Nutella, and a bunch more different kinds of pancakes.” Sam hasn't tried most of those, but he's aware of them. “Anyway, I also really like scrambled eggs. Dean used to make scramble eggs for me with hotdog wedges when Dad was gone.” Sam clears his throat, not wanting to dawn on Dean. “But they make different kinds of spaghetti noodles, so you could try those if you'd like. The kind you saw is kind of off-putting…”

 

Smiling excitedly, Lucifer exclaims, “Well, I can't wait to stuff myself with new foods.”

 

Sam chuckles. “Food is pretty amazing, isn't it?” 

 

“You can say that again.”

 

Sam's about to do just that, wanting to get Lucifer back for nagging him with ‘are we there yet’, but he spots the mountain structure that rests atop the Bunker. “Oh thank God!” he exclaims, pointing to it. “The Bunker's under there.”

 

“Whoa. Cool!”

 

Pressing the garage door opener, Sam says, “Here we go...” Once it's open, he pulls in carefully, and the lights licker on. Sam closes the garage before parking next to the various cars. He looks over at Lucifer as he turns off the car. “Yeah, I know. _Really_ cool...” Sam yawns.

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer unbuckles. “Jesus Christ. Go to bed already, Sammy,” he chuckles.

 

Sam unbuckles himself, saying, “Soon enough. C'mon...” He gets out of the car, stumbling gracelessly to Lucifer's door. After Lucifer is out, he slams the car door shut and takes the blonds hand into his own, leading him inside halfheartedly. “C'mon... I'm tired...”

 

Looking at Sam's sleepy form, Lucifer chuckles fondly. “Okay, okay. I'm coming.” _He's adorable._  


Sam leads Lucifer to where his bedroom is located, trying to pull him without lingering. It's really hard, though, because the archangel is looking around at everything curiously.

 

Finally, when they near the door to his bedroom, Sam points to it with his free hand and stumbles. “Whoa! Okay, Sammy... I got you...” Lucifer opens the door, placing a hand on Sam's back. “Come on, Sammy. Let's get you in bed.”

 

Grumbling, the brunette allows Lucifer to take most of his weight. Since Sam isn't struggling or anything, it's rather easy for Lucifer to get him onto the bed. Sam kicks off his shoes, groaning sleepily. Smiling dopily, the archangel pulls the comforter over Sam. “T-Thanks...” Sam tugs the blanket closer.

 

“No problem...” Lucifer leans down and kisses Sam's forehead. “Goodnight, Sammy.”

 

-

 

About four hours pass, and Sam's having a nightmare. He's turning restlessly, moaning in pain. When Sam wakes up, it won't surprise him, because he usually gets nightmares when he's had a panic attack. He suddenly screams, still asleep. Lucifer hears, and he runs to their bedroom only to find Sam whimpering in bed.

 

Lucifer runs to Sam's side, shaking him. “Sammy!” he shouts, worried. Sam struggles halfheartedly in the archangels grip, still turning restlessly and whimpering. “Sam! Sam! Wake up!”

 

Whimpering, Sam's eyes finally open. He blinks around, disoriented. Lucifer sighs in relief, and the brunettes eyes land on him. This causes Sam to fall of the bed, screaming, “AHHHH!”

 

“Sammy, it's me! It's me,” Lucifer says, concerned once more. He goes over to the side of the bed Sam fell, placing a hand on his shoulder as to comfort him.

 

With hands on his head, Sam jerks away from the blonds touch. “N-No...” he whimpers, shivering. “D-Don't... Please...”

 

Heart hurting from Sam's reaction, the blond sighs sadly. “Sam, I'm not going to hurt you. Please,” he begs. “Calm down...”

 

Shivering, Sam remains in the same position, submissive. “D-Don't...” he whines, still crying silently as his body shakes. Suddenly, Sam seems to realize that he's not in his nightmare anymore. He looks up at Lucifer guilty, sad face. “I - Oh God, I'm sorry...” Sam pulls Lucifer down to the ground, hugging him as the brunette sobs in the cook of his neck.

 

Holding Sam tightly, Lucifer rubs Sam's back. “It's okay. It was just a nightmare. Don't worry. I'm here, Sammy. I won't hurt you.” He squeezes Sam comfortingly.

 

Sam sniffles, squeezing the archangel back just as tightly. “S-Sorry...”

 

Kissing Sam's head, Lucifer sighs. “Stop saying sorry. You don't need to be. I love you.”

 

Nodding shakily, the brunette sniffles again. “I...I love you t-too...” Sam pulls his hands back and rubs his eyes, taking some deep breaths. “H-How long was I... Asleep?”

 

“Four hours.”

 

“Well... I'm definitely awake now...” Sam laughs nervously. When he realizes that Lucifer isn't going to laugh with him, Sam's face falls and he clears his throat. “I trust that nothing is on fire? Or destroyed?”

 

Giving Sam a worried look, Lucifer shakes his head. “No...” the archangel answers. “I... Behaved.”

 

“T-Thanks. I... We can still make something to eat... I just - I need a second...” Sam wipes his eyes again.

 

After a moment, Lucifer asks softly, “You okay?”

 

“I - ” Sam sniffles. “Yeah, I... I...” Sam trails off and looks at Lucifer worried face. He suddenly surges up and kisses him, eyes falling shut.

 

Lucifer's surprised at first, but eventually gives in, grabbing Sam's head in his hands as he kisses back, eyes closing. Sam whimpers submissively, moaning softly into Lucifer's mouth.

 

After a minute, Sam pulls back to take a few breathes only to surge forward once more and reclaim Lucifer's mouth “I love you,” Lucifer says against the brunettes lips, voice muffled.

 

Between kisses, Sam replies, “I - love you - too.” Sam pulls Lucifer closer, putting some of the blonds weight on himself. Lucifer runs his hands through the brunettes hair. “What - time - is - it?”

 

Sam opens his mouth, letting Lucifer French kiss him. “Like - two in - the morning,” he answers slowly, starting to suck on Sam's tongue.

 

When they part for air again, breath labored, Sam asks, “Do you - want anything to - eat?”

 

Smirking, Lucifer purrs, “I want a hot dog.”

 

Sam laughs, smiling. “Oh, really? Where did you think you're going to get one?” the brunette asks, pursing his lips.

 

Raising his eyebrows challengingly, Lucifer answers, “Well, I don't know. You tell me.” He starts caressing Sam's lips with his own again, and the brunette takes Lucifer's hand into his, placing it on his crotch hesitantly.

 

Smiling into the kiss, Sam chuckles. “Is this what you mean?” the taller man asks.

 

“Yep.” Lucifer softly kisses Sam's neck. He takes his hand away from the brunettes crouch and takes Sam's hand in favor of it, helping Sam up.

“Bed?” the archangel whispers into Sam's ear.

 

A bit nervous, Sam reluctantly nods. “Y-Yeah...” They stumble onto the bed and Lucifer falls on top of Sam, kissing him. Lucifer kisses Sam's jaw and makes his way to his neck, sucking on it softly.

 

Sam whines, his hips bucking of their own accord. “L-Lucifer...” the brunette moans. Lucifer tugs on Sam's hair in response, and that gets him even more hot and bothered.

 

“Can you...” Sam whines, panting. “I need...” Sam grinds up against Lucifer, whimpering. He really likes how Lucifer is tugging on his hair, it feels nice, and Sam's thinking that he might have accidentally discovered a kink he has.

 

Lucifer slowly brings his hands to the waistband of Sam's pants, teasing the brunette. Lucifer takes his time getting on his knees. He smiles against his cotton, nuzzling Sam's erection through his jeans.

 

Sam blushes, looking down at his lover with red cheeks. It's different with another guy, and it's making him rather bashful. “Lu...” he sighs, sounding out-of-breath. As Lucifer continues to rub his face against the growing bulge in his jeans, Sam moans, wiggling his hips. He really wants to get this show on the road, and Sam bites his bottom lip with a whine.

 

Sliding Sam's pants down slowly, Lucifer keeps eye contact with the taller man. It's kind of creepy, but Sam's focusing on the slow drag of denim over his hardening cock. “Luce, stop being such a tease...” the brunette complains.

 

Smirking up at the human, Lucifer explains, “This is revenge for that freakin' hot dog earlier.”

 

“Ugh...” Sam groans, still wiggling his hips a little.  “Just - Just do _something_...” he begs.

 

Lucifer plays with the waist band of Sam's boxers before slowly pulling those off, too. Sam whines, still squirming. Sam watches his cock spring out, looking away with a dusty blush. “Look at me, Sammy.”

 

Sam lets out a short, high-pitched grunt. “Lu...” he mewls, forcing himself to look at Lucifer. Sam feels hear pool in his stomach at the blonds gaze.

 

Lucifer takes Sam's dick in his mouth, not breaking eye contact. It's hot and stiff against his tongue, and Lucifer takes in as much as he can before gagging. This ends up being more than half of Sam's length, because while Lucifer does have a gag reflex, he's still an archangel and it's barely present. Sam tastes salty and he finds the taste unappealing. Nevertheless, Lucifer starts sucking on it experimentally.

 

Groaning, Sam's head falls back, unable to support itself any longer. “Luce - agh...” Sam's hips buck instinctively, hands gripping the bed. It's not weird having his dick in Lucifer's mouth surprisingly, Sam notices. It feels just like all the other blowjobs he has received. Sam finds himself wondering why he thought it would be any different.

 

Lucifer's face grows red as he moans, causing Sam to yelp when he feels the vibrations around his dick. “Lucifer!” he exclaims. “Ah!” One of his hands comes down to cradle Lucifer's head and Sam looks down at his lover, watching him work. Seeing Lucifer's silent struggling, he manages to find his words. “Are you - Gah! - O-Okay?”

 

Pulling off for a moment, Lucifer takes a few breaths before shaking his head. “I'm... Fine...” he says breathily. Too foggy-minded to disagree, Sam nudges Lucifer down on his cock again, whimpering. He continues bobbing his head up and down and moaning around Sam's cock.

 

“I - GUH! - Take b-back what I said - ” Sam interrupts himself with a moan. “This is amazing...” he states, referring to the fact that inexperienced people give bad blowjobs. Lucifer smiles slightly - as best as he can while sucking dick - and Sam pants, “L-Lucifer, I don't think - I'm...” Sam whimpers, gently pushing his lover's head away before removing his hand completely. “I'm not gonna last much longer...”

 

Lucifer pulls off again for breath, jacking the brunette off as he takes his small break. “Go ahead, Sammy,” Lucifer croaks, voice scratchy. He dives back down, taking Sam's cock into his mouth and going to work again.

 

Whining, Sam squirms. “Ugh... Lucifer!” Sam comes with a yelp, closing his eyes against the sensory overload.

 

Lucifer swallows the taller mans cum, pulling off and tucking Sam away as he basks in the aftershocks of his orgasm. “My turn, Sammy,” he grunts, voice used. Lucifer wipes his mouth before starting to undo his fly.

 

“Just...” the human breathes, dazed. Sam's to out of it to do much of anything right now, and he blinks rapidly. Once he catches his breath, Sam looks at the blond. “Can you... Can you sit on the edge of the bed?”

 

“Sure.” Lucifer gets up and sits back down on the bed, mirroring Sam's earlier position. Sam hums, grabbing a pillow and setting it at his lovers feet. He kneels on the plush pillow.

 

Sam fiddles with Lucifer's zipper, obviously nervous and unsure of himself. “I - I seriously doubt I'll be half as good as you...”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer wiggles his hips. “Don't care. Hurry up!” He feels like he's been waiting for this forever, and the archangel doesn't like how it feels like his jeans are trying to slice him in half.

 

Sam chuckles, pulling Lucifer's zipper down all the way and unbuttoning the top of his pants. “Not so fun when it's you, is it?” he teases.

 

“Shut up.” Lucifer watches with labored breath as Sam yanks his jeans down just enough to grant him access to the door of his underwear. Sam reaches it and pulls out Lucifer's cock. He hisses as soon as it hits the air, change of temperature evident since it's so sensitive right now.

 

Swallowing, the brunette stares at the flesh, watching it twitch in arousal. “I - Screw it, here we go.” Sam grabs the base of Lucifer's dick, pumping it experimentally. He leans forward, licking of some of the beading precum. Sam's face scrunches up a little, not liking the salty taste.

 

“ _Sam_ ,” Lucifer breathes deeply, moaning. It feels a lot better than he imagined, and the archangel whines. Sam takes what he can into his mouth, pumping the rest. He hums around Lucifer's length, using his free hand to place the blonds into his hair.

 

Lucifer moans again, repeating, “Sammy... Sammy... _Sammy_...”

 

“Mmhhm...” Sam hums. He opens his throat, taking more of his lover into his mouth. Sam gags, but he manages to keep taking the new moment, though. Bobbing his head, Sam makes wet, obscene slurping sounds.

 

Moaning loudly, Lucifer tugs at the brunettes hair. “Sammy... Oh _God_. I-I love you... So much....”

 

Sam moans around Lucifer, trying to take more. He gags again, his throat spasming around Lucifer's cock. Spit and precum seeps out of the corners of Sam's mouth, and drips down his neck. His face is red, and tears burn in his eyes from gagging.

 

”Sammy! Mmm... Don't... Don't hurt yourself...”

 

Squeezing Lucifer's right knee reassuringly, Sam continues to bob his head as he chokes and gags. Lucifer runs his hands through Sam's tangled hair.

 

Humming, the brunette starts bobbing his head a tad faster, gagging only once and awhile now. His body is quick to adjust, after all. Sam looks up at Lucifer with big, doe eyes to help push him over the edge.

 

Lucifer groans, leaning his head back on the bed. “Sammy, I'm... I don't... What...”

 

Sam squeezes Lucifer's knee again, understanding that the archangel is close to climaxing. Tears run down his face as he takes as much as he can, fighting his gag reflex. He swallows around Lucifer's cock, wanting to push him over the edge.

 

“Oh God! I'm gonna - “ Lucifer cuts himself off with a lewd moan, coming.

 

Sam panics for a moment, gagging violently as hot fluid shoots down his throat. Sam pulls back halfway, halfheartedly sucking on the blonds cock as he calms. He swallows what he can, some of it running down his chin.

 

Lucifer continues running his fingers through Sam's hair. “I love you, Sammy.”

 

Pulling off completely, Lucifer's softening cock leaves Sam's mouth with a lewd pop. Humming, Sam closes his eyes and leans into Lucifer's hand. “I - ” Sam coughs, his throat used and raw. “I love you too.”

 

Lucifer tucks himself away and zips up his pants. Sam pulls back, grabbing the pillow and tossing it on the bed. He stands and hicks up his pants, making a face.  “...You taste weird.”

 

“Wow, thanks.”

 

Sam plops down on the bed atop Lucifer, humming as he burrows in the crook of his lovers neck. Chuckling, Lucifer plays with Sam's hair.

 

Against Lucifer's neck, Sam sighs contently, muttering with amusement, “But do you want something to actually eat?”

 

“Yeah. We should have those blueberry pancakes you were talking about earlier,” the archangel replies.

 

Thoughtfully, Sam says, “I think we have pancake mix...” Dean has been keeping a bunch of different kinds of homemade things in the Bunker ever since they found it.

 

“Good.”

 

“I - Was that okay?”

 

Lucifer ruffles Dean's hair. “It was perfect.” Humming in agreement, the brunette rubs his face tiredly.

 

“C'mon then...” He gets off of Lucifer, holding his hand out as Lucifer takes it. When they're both on their feet, Sam coughs a few times as he tries to get his words out.

 

Concerned, Lucifer purses his lips. “You okay there?” he asks, squeezing Sam's hand.

 

With a scratchy voice, Sam nods. “I just need some water...” Sam leads Lucifer out of the bedroom, heading to the kitchen. “Have you seen the kitchen yet?”

 

“Yeah. I wandered around while you were sleeping,” Lucifer answers, still looking around as they walk together.

 

“Okay. I haven't... If we have pancake batter, we're going to half to follow the instructions on the back. 'Cause I don't - “ Sam interrupts himself with a cough. “Don't know how to make pancakes.” It's not like he's had any practice.

 

Chuckling, the archangel nods. “Okay. Well let's get you some water first.” Sam lets go of Lucifer's hand once they're in the kitchen, going over to the fridge. He takes out a water bottle and drinks half of it before setting it down, panting.

 

“Jesus, Sammy...”

 

Clearing throat, Sam waves a dismissive hand. As soon as he coughs a few more times and catches his breath, the brunette assures, “O-Okay, I'm better...”

 

Lucifer looks at Sam for a few moment as if he's trying to find a lie, but he shakes his head and smiles a moment or so later. “Alright. Now I want pancakes,” the archangel says, clapping his hands together.

 

-

 

Sam finds all ingredients and devices needed for blueberry pancakes, drumming his fingers on the counter. It's all very domestic, especially when he should be looking for Dean - but it usually takes a while for them to be reunited when stuff like this happens, so what's a day or two of rest going to hurt? The brunette scratches his face, fighting back a yawn. "Okay... What's the first step?" he asks Lucifer.

 

The blond leans over, grabbing the pancake mix. A beat passes as he scans the back of the box, reading over the instructions. "Put one cup of the mix in the bowl..." he reads aloud. Lucifer opens the box and slides the package to Sam. The hunter grabs the scissors and cuts open the bag before dumping approximately one cup of mix into the cup measurer. 

 

"There," Sam pauses, putting the mix in the glass bowl. The brunette sighs, saying,  "I can't believe we're making blueberry pancakes at like three in the morning." Lucifer hums in response, looking over the box for the next step.

 

"Alright... Now half a cup of milk."

 

The taller man pours a half a cup of milk into the measurer. He dumps the contents of the measurer in the glass bowl, setting the small cup down, Sam asks, "Next?" Before Lucifer can answer, the brunette's eyes find the breakfast grill, and he adds, "Wait... I think we should be preheating the grill-thingie..."

 

The archangel looks up from the instructions, agreeing, "Probably a good idea..." He chuckles as Sam turns the machine on. He purchased it recently, and this'll be the first time the taller man actually uses it, so the packaging for it is on the floor. Sam looks down at it, musing, "It cooks eggs, bacon, and pancakes! Oh, wow!"

 

Lucifer smiles at Sam fondly. "And uh... One egg," the blond informs, noticing that Sam is ready for the next step. He inspects the box extracurricularly, amazed at how everything that can be is pre-made.  _Couldn't human just make pancakes from scratch?_ he wonders.

 

"The entire egg?" Sam asks, already reaching for the produce. 

 

"Well, yeah," Lucifer says, giving Sam a  _Seriously?_  look, "except for the shell, I think."  _Are you supposed to use the shell?_ the archangel ponders, looking over the instructions again.

 

The hunter cracks the egg on the side of the glass bowl, snorting, "Obviously." The egg joins the rest of the ingredients in the bowl, and Sam looks around for the wooden spoon to stir the contents. "I was just wondering, since some recipes you only use the yoke or the whites... But I guess you wouldn't really know that, would you?"

 

The blond responds with a simple: "Yeah." and continues to read the box. Sam tosses the eggshell in the garbage from across the room, and it lands in the bin with a crack. Lucifer takes notice, and even though Sam is already mixing the ingredients, he instructs, "Now stir it. Then... Pour the batter onto the grill thing." The taller man groans with a huff, and places the wooden spoon in the bowl. He pushes it towards his lover.

 

"You do it. I've done everything else."

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Ugh. Fine." He grabs it carelessly, stirring the batter for roughly a minute before looking down at it and pushing it towards Sam.  "Is that enough?"

 

While rubbing his face, Sam muses, "Dude... We're totally playing house..." And the brunette can't decide what's worse, the fact that he's being domestic with Lucifer in the first place, or the fact he's  _enjoying_  it. It's concerning, because the second Sam settles down even a little, something devastatingly horrible happens. He would know, since it happens  _every single time._  


 

Lucifer raises his eyebrows, swaying his arms. "Who cares? It's fun. Plus, we get pancakes." They deserve a break,  _Sam_  deserves a break. The brunette looks at the batter, pointing at it with a frown.

 

"No, it still has clumps in it..."

 

"It's supposed to have clumps in it. It says not to over-stir."

 

"Fine. Pass the blueberries."

 

The archangel hands Sam the blueberries, pinching his side lightly with his free hand. The hunter swats his hand away, dumping the cup of washed blueberries in the glass bowl. He begins to stir it carefully, only wanting to spread around the small bits of fruit. "There, now how..." Sam looks in the bowl, setting down the wooden spoon, letting his eyes wander to the breakfast grill with a frown.

 

"What?" Lucifer asks, picking absentmindedly at his nails.

 

"How much do you pour per pancake?"

 

"Um..." Lucifer darts back over to his barstool, reaching for the box. Once it's in his possession, the blond looks it over, answering, "About a fourth of a cup."

 

“Okay...” Sam grabs the fourth of a cup, blinking at the skillet for a few seconds and deciding that he'll have room for five pancakes at once. Grabbing the specula and a plate, Sam says, “Here, you flip them when they're ready, then put them on this.” Sam walks over to Lucifer and motions for him to stand up so that he can sit.

 

Lucifer gets off the barstool, moseying over and standing where Sam was before. “How am I supposed to know when they're ready?”

 

“I think... Well, for one they'll be solid,” Sam answers, chuckling before his tone becomes sober. “When they are little lighter than golden brown, I guess.”

 

Nodding, Lucifer replies, “Fine.” About ten seconds pass before the blond decides that cooking is boring. He points to one of the sizzling pancakes. “Is it done?”

 

Sam shrugs. “Maybe?” It's not like he regularly cooks pancakes. “Well, we have a lot of batter so... Why not? Yeah, flip it. You gotta be careful, though.” They can afford to make a few mistakes.

 

Lucifer puts the spatula under the pancake and lifts it, but when he tries to flip it, it lands onto another pancake. “Oops.”

 

Shrugging, Sam smiles a bit. “It's a double pancake now... I'm not a genius, but I don't think it was done.”

 

About two minutes of Lucifer failing pass before Sam gets off the barstool and walks over to Lucifer, standing in front of him and guiding his hand the way they do in cheesy movies. “Here... Steady as a surgeon...” Pause. “You have to flip it carefully.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer follows Sam's movements. “Nice simile, Stanford.”

 

Sam rolls his eyes, too. He helps Lucifer flip each pancake once they're ready. Lucifer looks over at Sam subtly, before pecking his cheek quickly. That's really all he can do from this angle. Sam blinks in surprise, and Lucifer's free hand snakes around his stomach as he hums. His cheek burns in the lovey-dovey kind of way. “Are they done yet?” Lucifer asks.

 

“No,” the brunette chuckles, shaking his head.

 

“How ‘bout now?”

 

Sam leans back completely against Lucifer, plastered against him. “No,” he repeats. Lucifer leans his head against Sam's, smiling to himself.

 

Grunting, the brunette says, “Now.”

 

Lucifer flips the pancakes, messing up two of them. “Good enough.”

 

Looking at them himself, Sam kisses Lucifer on the cheek and shrugs. “Put ‘em on the plate. I think they're done.”

 

Lucifer puts the pancakes on the plate, huffing. “There. Can we eat now?”

 

Shaking his head, Sam gestures to the bowl filled with pancake batter. “We need to cook the rest of the batter...” As Lucifer groans impatiently in disapproval, Sam grabs the one-fourth cup and repeats the action he did earlier. Sam examines the bowl when he blindly scoops up a very small amount of batter, not enough to make another pancake. “That's all of it,” he informs.

 

“Alright,” Lucifer says, eyeing the pancakes. “I can't wait to eat those. They look so good!” He likes cooking with Sam, even though it takes forever.

 

“You can eat one of you'd like, but it probably won't taste as good without the butter or syrup. We have blueberry syrup and maple syrup, by the way.” Sam sets the one-forth cup in the empty glass bowl, preparing his plate. “But I'm going to wait, then we can eat the ones that are cooking now so they're warm.”

 

Barely even listening to Sam, the archangel exclaims, “Yes!” Lucifer picks up a pancake and stuffs it in his mouth. “Mmm! This is so good!” he garbles, unintelligible.

 

Sam chuckles and hums, obviously happy that Lucifer likes the pancakes. “Good...” He looks at the grill. “You need to flip the pancakes.”

 

Lucifer flips the pancakes, still wolfing down the one he grabbed a minute or so ago. “Can we eat now, Sammy?”

 

“Yeah. But here, you eat like a pig.” Sam leans back again, giving Lucifer a napkin. “You still need to flip them again.”

 

Lucifer wipes his face and flips the pancakes, putting them on the plate. “Now can we eat? I'm hungry.”

 

-

 

“Uggghhhh...” Sam groans, folding his arms and placing his head in-between them. “Ugh, I don't wanna clean the kitchen...”

 

Licking his finger, Lucifer laughs, “Then don't.”

 

Whining, Sam says, “But we have to...” It's a little muffled from the table. “Ugh, I don't even wanna move...”

 

Lucifer waves a dismissive hand even though Sam isn't looking at him, wiping his wet fingers on his jeans. “We'll clean later. Let's just relax right now.”

 

Sam groans into the table. “Can we rest in my bedroom?” A beat of silence passes, and the brunette realizes how that sentence sounded. “And I swear I'm not implying anything...” Sam stumbles to his feet, blinking at Lucifer tiredly. Blowjobs and cooking wore him out hard. “C'mon. And don't think I can't read your face like a book, I think you're the one who wants to mess around.” Rubbing his face, Sam asks, “Would it piss you off if I went back to sleep after a while? I wanna just lay and talk or whatever but...” Yawn. “I only got four hours earlier...”

 

Him and Sam both know that he usually only gets four hours of sleep - _at best_ \- but neither of them mention it. “Yeah, sleep all you need. I'm kinda tired, too.”

 

Grabbing Lucifer's hand, the hunter walks with him to their bedroom. “Suuurrreee. You look fine to me. I think you just want an excuse to touch my body while I'm asleep.” After all, he's either completely awake or dead tired.

 

“No, really! I mean... Yeah, I would like an excuse to touch you while you're asleep. But I really am tired.” He's actually been getting more and more tired. Maybe what he told Sam either has finally passed. Lucifer doesn't think that's a good thing, though.

 

Opening the door, Sam chuckles as they walk inside, still holding hands. “Guh, it still smells like sex in here...” He lets go of Lucifer's hand and takes off his pants, slipping under the comforter. Lucifer does the same and scurries under the covers, causing Sam to chuckle again at how adorable he acts sometimes.

 

Scooting over some more, Sam twists around so he's favoring Lucifer. Once his hair isn't in his eyes and he's relatively comfortable, the brunette stills. “Hi.”

 

Resting head on one arm, using the other hand to play with Sam's hair, Lucifer mimics, “Hi.”

 

Even though Sam likes when people - ones he's familiar and intimate with, of course - play with his hair, he chuckles and asks, “Why are you so obsessed with my hair?”

 

Lucifer shrugs. “It's nice. I mean, it could use a trim. But I like it. You're like Rapunzel.”

 

Blinking for a moment, Sam makes a childish pouty face. “Don't call me that.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer continues to play with Sam's hair. “Fine, Grumpy.”

 

Trying to hide a smile, Sam wiggles his toes, knowing how cold his feet are. He subtly *m presses them against Lucifer's. Lucifer jumps in response, goosebumps running up his leg.

 

“Oh, God! Sam, your feet are freezing!”

 

Smirking, Sam continues to press them against Lucifer. “Yeah... I know...” Sam scoots closer, moving down a bit and slotting his head under Lucifer's. Against his neck, Sam murmurs, “You're such a distraction...”

 

“I know. But sometimes you need a distraction, right?”

 

“True. But I really need to find Dean, but I also wanna lay here with you forever... I'm conflicted.

As much as I'd love to lay with you forever, I think we need to find Dean,” Sam breathes, shifting a little.

 

Lucifer's swallows, and it feels weird on the back of Sam's neck. “Yeah, we should start soon...” the archangel reluctantly agrees.

 

“I know... But I think we should actually start tomorrow. There's a crossroads not too far from here... Later we'll clean and do whatever and in the morning we'll head out.”

 

Smiling, Lucifer sighs. “Awesome. And meanwhile, we can just be with each other.” He wishes that he could give Sam a kiss, but he can't at this angle.

 

“Yeah... I'm so afraid I'm going to lose this. Anytime I have something good, something comes along and ruins it...” Sam admits softly, hesitant to say it out loud. “I've been here with you for barely a day and I'm already spoiled...”

 

Lucifer bites his lip. He doesn't like lying to Sam. “Nothing's going to ruin this, I promise. I'm here... And I swear I'm not going anywhere.”

 

“You better.” Sam sits up, turning around and kissing Lucifer passionately. “I love you...” Sam goes back to how he was originally positioned.

 

“I love you too,” the blond responds without hesitation, sounding pie-eyed.

 

Sam snuggles close to his lover. “But when we get Dean back, I'm going to miss this. God knows why won't get any lazy days...”

 

Lucifer swallows, still mad at himself for not telling Sam. “We'll figure something out.”

 

“I - If Dean's different... Maybe... If there's no loose ends...” Sam hesitates, again, afraid to say it out loud. “I could quit.”

 

Blinking in the silence, Lucifer presses, “Quit?”

 

Sam nods. “Quit hunting. I've tried before, getting something normal. But... Something else always popped up and... The thing is, _this_ isn't normal - so maybe, maybe this could be my ending,” he answers, biting his bottom lip. “Dean can do whatever he wants but me? I - I want _this_...”

 

Frowning, Lucifer snakes his arms around Sam’s stomach. “Sammy, hunting is your whole life. You would really give that up because of me?”

 

“Don't make hunting sound like it's better than it is.” Sam swallows, sighing softly afterwards. “And, of course. I'd do a lot of things for you.”

 

Searching for the right words, Lucifer ends up saying, “I'm just saying... It's what you do. Dean and you... It's what you've always done. What would Dean do without you?”

 

“Hey, it's not like I'm dying. And I know it sounds selfish but... I'm done. After this, after we get him back? I'm done. He can... He can do whatever. I think the safest, best bet we have is here so... I'd still see him whenever he's here... And that'd also give us alone time.” Sam scoots down, turning over so that they are chest-to-chest. He sucks on Lucifer’s Adam’s apple.

 

Lucifer starts rubbing circles on Sam’s back. “Whatever you think is best for you.”

 

Pulling back, Sam examines Lucifer’s stubbled upper neck. “That goes for you too, y'know. You don't have to stay here with me if you don't want to.”

 

Swallowing, Lucifer smiles at Sam. “Of course I do. I wanna be with you.”

 

Sam pecks Lucifer’s lips, putting his head underneath the archangels chin afterwards. “I guess I'm kind of afraid that when you get better that you'll realize that you don't really need me... Or decide to do something else. You'd be all-powerful again and... I'd just be the same.”

 

Lucifer stops rubbing Sam's back, scooting away a little bit. “Dammit, Sammy. I can't do this anymore.”

 

Taken aback and nervous, Sam sits up completely. Lucifer follows suit. “W-What?”

 

“Lie to you. I just can't.”

 

“You're - You've been lying to me? About what?” Sam starts to get angry. Has Lucifer been hurting people? Has he been manipulating Sam?

 

Lucifer looks away sheepishly. “I'm not... I'm not getting better. I just told you I was because, Sammy no one should go through as much shit as you do. I didn't want you to worry.”

 

Relieved yet pissed at the same time, Sam says loudly, “Dammit, Lucifer! You're getting worse? How much worse? Are you... Are you becoming human or are you... Is...” Sam’s voice starts to sound worried and desperate. “Is something else happening? A-At least tell me you're g-going to be okay...”

 

Lucifer looks back at Sam with big, sad eyes. “I don't know if I'm gonna be okay, Sam. That's why didn't tell you.”

 


	8. Secrets Don't Prevent Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer gets worse and Sam has a mental breakdown.

Sam feels the beginning signs of tears, jerking away. He feels so _stupid_. “Dammit, why would you - _Agh_! You didn't - This is important! You shouldn't of lied to me! I... I thought...”

 

Sheepish and sad, Lucifer puts a hand on Sam’s shoulder as to comfort him. “I'm so sorry...” he breathes, voice quiet and raw.

 

“I'm such an idiot!”

 

Lucifer shakes his head, squeezing his lovers shoulder. “You're not an idiot, Sammy,” he says a bit louder than before.

 

“But, I - I knew it! I _felt_ it, but I still didn't _see_ it! And now I know and it’s a problem and it’s going to take you away and - “ Sam catches his breath before continuing to ramble. “This... _This_ is what happens when I'm happy... This is what I get for being happy...” It starts to become harder to deny the tears from slipping down his face.

 

Pursing his lips and blinking at the brunette sadly, Lucifer instructs softly, “Sam, calm down. Please.”

 

Sam scoffs, shaking Lucifer’s hand off of his shoulder. “Calm down? Why are _you_ calm?! Why are - There are no excuses good enough to lie to me! I’ve been treading through shit my entire life; I could’ve put this on my plate, too!” he shouts, clearly upset that Lucifer kept this from him until now.

 

“I wanted to do my best to make sure you were as happy as possible,” the archangel explains, a bit hurt that Sam rejected his comfort.

 

Growling, Sam whines angrily. “Couldn't I just love someone veracious  _for once_? I thought you'd - I thought this would be the one relationship I'd ever have that didn't involve secrets! Because every single one I've had always got torn apart because of secrets! Because I did what I did! And I know you want to make me happy, but I'm scared to _be_ happy! Because the universe sees that, and it thinks it's funny to throw something like this in my face because of it!”

 

Wanting to comfort his lover, Lucifer frowns. He wants to reach out and stroke Sam’s arms, but the archangel doesn't want to be pushed away again. “I'm so sorry, Sammy... You deserve to be happy.”

 

“Everyone deserves to be happy.” Sam sits up, a small, almost nonexistent smile tugging at his lips. “Everyone deserves to be loved...”

 

Tears well it Lucifer's eyes. “Sammy, I'm so sorry. I should have told you.”

 

Nodding, Sam’s tiny grin falls. “Yeah, Lucifer - I... Please don't hide things like that from me... I can't...” he pauses, turning to face Lucifer. “The grief of the news can barely compete with the betrayal I feel when... Things like this see the light of day...”

 

Lucifer rubs his eyes, not wanting to cry. Crying makes him feel weak, _shows_ that he's weak. Lucifer wants to be strong enough for the both of them. “I know I should have told you, Sam. But I - Thinking about it... I don't really regret it. It was worth it... Being able to see you happy. I mean, Sammy, you should have seen your face over the last few hours. You were so happy.”

 

“But that's why I'm pretty sure it is my fault, though! Cuz one way or another, Luce, I'm a bad luck charm. People like Dean and I... We're poison... And anyone we care about is always in the crossfire.” Sam looks away, voice breaking a little. “We're not allowed to be happy.”

 

Reaching out and taking Sam’s hand into his, Lucifer is thankful when the brunette doesn't pull away. “Of course you're allowed to be happy. Don't think that you're not.”

 

Tears burn in Sam's eyes, and he sniffles. “Luce... I can't... W-What exactly is happening to you?” A part of him hates how raw and sensitive he can be, but it's so refreshing and freeing to be able to wear his heart on his sleeves.

 

“I told you... I don't know. But, to be honest, I feel like crap.”

 

Sam shakes his head, squeezing the hand in his. “No, that's not what I meant - But... You mean like ‘dying’ crap or ‘human’ crap?” the taller man asks. “Cuz since you're supposed to be an archangel, I'm sure being human wouldn't feel spectacular.” Before Lucifer can answer, Sam continues. “Cuz sometimes when something happens to Cas he slowly dies, but other times he's becoming human.”

 

Taking a deep breath, Lucifer holds Sam’s hand like a lifeline. “Okay well, you want me to be honest. I feel like I'm dying, Sammy,” he says.

 

Sam makes a sound of protest, tackling Lucifer in a hug. He sobs into Lucifer's chest, unable to pull himself together. “No, you - Stop lying! You swore you weren't going anywhere!” he cries into his lovers chest, words muffled a bit. “You - You just can't!”

 

Lucifer chokes out a sob, whispering, “I'm so sorry.” He holds Sam firmly, like he's something to be treasured.

 

“NO! Stop talking like that! Stop talking like it's true! The Cage couldn't have given you to me just for you to be taken away again!” Sam wails, obviously not willing to accept this news. “We don't know - You could - You'll be fine! Lucifer, YOU HAVE TO BE FINE!”

 

Sighing, Lucifer squeezes the brunette. “Sam, please...” he whispers, not wanting to argue about the inevitable. “Stop trying to find a bright side.”

 

Sniffling, Sam holds back more cries of agony. “Oh, God - You've already given... G-Given up?” He pulls back from the blond and looks at him with watery eyes. “No! Stop it!”

 

“Sammy, I gave up a long time ago.” Again, why dread the inevitable? Why not just enjoy life before it's snatched away from him?

 

Looking at Lucifer absurdly, Sam stutters, “W-What do you mean?” He shakes his head. “I... No! I'm a Winchester! We're stubborn! We don't just lay back and take it! We always find a way - Every damn time! Even when every odd's against us; even when it's impossible!”

 

Lucifer shakes his head, rubbing his eyes as to get rid of the wetness. “You're going to have to this time. Please. I can't watch you try so hard just to fail. I can't watch you fall apart like that.”

 

“Well I'm going to be even more broken if I just sit back and watch! I'm not going to let you leave - “ Sam takes a deep breath, his body shaking violently. “You can't! You - I said this is it and it is! This is my ending! You _can’t_ leave! I've been through hell - _literally_ -and horrible, awful things that would destroy most people ten times over, but I'm still here! I'm still here and you're here and you can't just be ripped away from me!”

 

Cradling Sam again, tears start falling down his face. “I'm so sorry. This isn't your ending, Sam. It's mine. I need you to go on living. Choose the life you want. Keep hunting with Dean or go find a real job and live a normal life. Whichever one you want.”

 

But Sam is still rambling about his shitty life. “All that crap? I could deal. I came and conquered and defied the odds - But this? This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me! For once in my life I can actually see a light at the end of this fucking tunnel! For once I don't see myself dead in a few years! The universe can't take you! It's taken away too much already; it's not that cruel.” Sam sniffles, considering what Lucifer said previously. “But I don't want normal! I want you! I chose you! It's already done - I can't... Oh, God...”

 

Stroking Sam’s arms comfortingly, Lucifer says softly, “You'll survive this. I promise.”

 

“No, I - “ Sam cuts himself off, shaking his head. “God! I'm being so selfish, aren't I? I should be thinking about you - you're the one who's going through this - I'm so sorry!” he explains, realizing that Lucifer is comforting him while it should be the other way around. “You deserve so much, Lucifer, but you definitely do not deserved this...”

 

Forcing a smile, Lucifer nods. “It's okay. It's okay. I'm okay...” His smile falls, and the archangel looks terrified. “Oh, God. No I'm not.”

 

Watching as tears fall down Lucifer’s face, Sam squeezes his lover. “No, you are! You are because I'm here and I'll fix this - I promise I'll fix this! You know! I know you do! And I know, too! I do impossible things, this'll just be another one... W-We'll be okay, alright? We've both lost too much for this to be fair in the eyes of anyone.”

 

Lucifer sniffles, looking at Sam hopelessly. “How, Sam? How are you going to fix this?”

 

Swallowing, the brunette starts rambling, “I - We'll find something! There's alway's something! They're - they're so many books here about useless crap - maybe we could find something... Or, or - I don't know! But we will! You'll be okay!”

 

Ever the pessimist, Lucifer shakes his head. He says despairingly,  “I don't think we're going to find a way out of this.”

 

Whimpering, Sam mewls, “Please... Please just stop... Neither of us needs that crap in our heads...” Seriously, why does Sam aways end up being the schlemiel? Why can't something good happen _for once_? “Luce... You gotta... You gotta be okay... Please... I can't... Oh, God!” Sam starts sobbing into Lucifer's chest, making his words slightly muffled.  “I CAN'T LOSE BOTH OF YOU! YOU HEAR ME?! I CAN'T LOSE BOTH OF YOU!”

 

Lucifer starts audibly sobbing, too. “I'm... I'm so sorry, Sam.”

 

“PLEASE! I CAN'T BE ALONE AGAIN - YOU CAN'T - “ Sam bleats, whispering, “Why does everyone always leave?”

 

Lucifer rubs his eyes with a fist before sniffling. His nose is becoming clogged, and the archangel finds it rather annoying and uncomfortable. “We'll find Dean... Before I go... We'll find him, I promise. You won't be alone.”

 

“Don't devalue yourself... I need you, too...” Sam murmurs mourningly. “I just... Why can't we just have this? Why is it always us? _We_ 're always the ones to be forsaken...”

 

“You'll survive without me. Okay? You'll be okay.” Lucifer needs to hear Sam say it. Say that he'll be okay; say that he'll move on and be happy without him.

 

Wailing, Sam shakes his head in disagreement. It feels like Dean all over again, because he's already going through the five stages of grief. It seems like he's stuck on denial, but the brunette continues to sway into bargaining. “No... No... Please... Stop talking like that... You're fine, you're gonna be okay and we'll find Dean and we'll live here and do nothing all day and grow old and - “ Sam starts focusing on sobbing, words fading out as he cries.

 

Body shaking with sobs, Lucifer says, “Sam, stop trying to be optimistic.”

 

Sam immediately spits back, “Then stop being pessimistic!” He pulls back so that they are practically nose-to-nose, staring into each others watery, pained eyes.

 

“How? I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die and there is nothing you can do to stop it!”

 

Skating his head frantically, Sam gripes, “Just stop... You gotta get better! Please! Please, please, please... I need you! I love you!”

 

Sam's words pull at his heart, and Lucifer will miss the ways that Sam makes him feel. “I love you too, Sammy,” he says in a low voice.

 

Shuttering, the taller mans lips quiver. “Why - Why don't you want to even try and stop it?! Don't you care about me enough to try?! You're acting like you _want_ to die!”

 

There are a few beats of silence as Lucifer considers this, and the brunette gives his lover time to think the accusation over. Though, the longer Lucifer takes, the more disturbed and worried Sam becomes. “Sam... All the... The things I've done. To you... To everyone I've ever hurt. Maybe... Maybe I-I deserve to die.”

 

“No! STOP IT! NO ONE IS DYING! You don't - You've realized that you were wrong and you're different now - All those who seek forgiveness with be forgiven, right?” Lucifer doesn't respond, but it's not like Sam gives him any time to. “But if you really don't want to fight this, then I am not gonna help. I know what it's like when you're ready for it; when you know it's time and you accept it. I-I will respect your decision... But...”

 

Scoffing, Lucifer looks at his lover with an ‘are you kidding me?’ expression. He knows Sam better than Sam knows Sam, and Lucifer knows that he's about to hear a speech about how unbelievably spectacular he is. “Sam, you had a nightmare, what, like, two hours ago? About me! I saw you when you woke up. You couldn't even look at me!” he exclaims, clearly upset that Sam is just letting this slide like a stubbed toe. “Why do you even love me?”

 

Expression turning sheepish, Sam blinks at the shorter man for a moment or two. He didn't expect to be asked that, thus caught off guard. “Because - because...” he starts, considering this.

 

Before Sam can actually answer, however, Lucifer says matter-of-factly, “Can't think of anything? Exactly! I don't deserve your love, Sam! No matter how much I want it, I don't deserve it.”

 

Huffing, Sam challenges, “Well, why don't you riddle me the same thing then! I'm just another human! They're countless people in the world - _better_ people - better in every way! But you picked _me_!” Before Lucifer can reply, Sam rambles angrily,  “EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE LOVED! IT'S ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS WE'RE PROMISED IN LIFE; THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS US GOING HALF THE TIME!”

 

After recovering from the loud burst - because they are almost nose-to-nose and neither of them have hearing problems - _yet_ \- Lucifer nods with a sigh. “You're right, Sam. And that's why I love you. Because you keep me going. I know I'm dying. But you're the reason I want to keep living.”

 

“Then don't give up! Fight! Win! If you can't do it for yourself, do it for me!” Sam yells, once again testing both of their ears.

 

“Everything I do is for you,” Lucifer says with a raw voice that Sam has never heard. It's beautiful, really. “Of course I'm going to keep fighting. I love you too much to let you go.”

 

Chuckling a bit sadly, Sam gestures to Lucifer dumbly. “And that's... That's why I love you... How unconstitutional you are...” It's very comforting having someone love you when you know that someone would do anything for you.

 

A few more regretful tears slide down Lucifer’s face. “I'm so sorry I kept this from you.” It's not like Lucifer even needs to say it, because anyone would be able to tell that he's apologetic and contrite by how shamefaced he looks.

 

“No...” Sam takes a few deep breaths, wanting to calm down a bit. Lucifer follows suit. “I-I hope I don't sound horrible when I say this... But I understand what you meant, and... Thank you... Today was nice...” he says softly, smiling fondly. “Ugh, who am I kidding? Today was perfect... I... I can't thank you enough for giving me today...”

 

Looking even more compunctious, Lucifer apologizes, “I'm sorry for ruining your day.”

 

Sam sighs, shaking his head softly. His head hurts from all the crying, so he doesn't move it side to side too much. “Stop it... You didn't ruin anything... None of this is your fault.” Smiling miserably, Sam gestures around them. “God, now I really wish we could just lay on this bed forever...” he chuckles weakly.

 

Kissing Sam passionately, Lucifer pulls away rather quickly to say, “I love you.”

 

Sam, on the other hand, kisses Lucifer roughly, holding onto him as if he might suddenly disappear. When they part, Sam nods in agreement, still barely moving his head. “I love you too! I love you so much!” Sam kisses his lover again, parting his mouth this time.

 

Lucifer French kisses Sam while tugging at his hair, saying in between small pull-aways, “Sam - I'm - “

 

“Yeah?”

 

Pulling away completely, Lucifer puts his head in his hands. “I feel... Light-headed.” Not five seconds pass before Lucifer literally falls off of the bed, barely catching himself.

 

“Lucifer!” Sam exclaims, getting off the bed and going to his lovers side. He tries to help Lucifer back on the bed, extremely worried. “Here... C'mon, buddy... You're okay, you're okay...”

 

Lucifer hangs onto the brunette, saying weakly, “I can't... I'm so dizzy. I can't see anything.” He tries to stand on his own but stumbles, and Sam thankfully catches him.

 

Starting to panic, Sam manages to get the shorter man onto the bed. “Here... C'mon...” He looks to the ceiling, voice cracking. “Oh, please... We need more time...”

 

Taking deep breaths, Lucifer rubs his head. Sam starts to cry softly as he puts the covers around Lucifer.  “Luce... Are you...” he says nervously. “W-What's happening?”

 

Lucifer grabs Sam's hand, squeezing it tightly. “I don't know.” Lucifer takes another deep breath. “I think... I think I'm okay now, just... A bit weaker.”

 

Whimpering, Sam says softly, “Lucifer... I-I can't deal with this... I can't! I CAN'T! I CAN'T!” He falls to his knees, holding onto Lucifer’s hand like it's a lifeline. “Please...”

 

“I-I'm... Okay, Sammy.”

 

“But you're not!” Sam almost immediately shakes his head. “Oh God, now you've got me saying it!” he exclaims, sniffling afterwards. “I _need_ you to be okay... I love you... So much...”

 

Lucifer smiles a bit, eyes fluttering. “I... I love you too. Remember what I told you. I'm gonna keep fighting.... I'm... Gonna keep fight just for... For you.” It's actually kind of difficult to get words out right now.

 

“Okay... Thank you... Because I need you so much... Otherwise...” Sam wipes his eyes, chuckling sadly but fondly. “Who's going to annoy me? Who is going to wake me up with kisses in the morning? Who's going to cook with me? Who's going to comfort me after nightmares? Who am I going to try new foods with? Who's going to be a sarcastic bastard only to turn it around and make me laugh until my sides hurt? Who am I going to tease when I'm bored? Who's going to hold me when I cry?”

 

Still holding his hand, Sam gets under the covers with his lover. “Sam...” comes Lucifer's voice. “I'm sure you don't need me that much...”

 

“You've said it yourself, Lu...” Sam replies, shaking his head. “We're two halves of a whole... I can't give you up after I've felt what it's like to be whole. I need you like how plants need sunshine...”

 

Weakly, Lucifer says in response, “I-I feel... Honored...” Lucifer smiles slightly before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

 

Sam watches him before whimpering. Minutes later, he cries himself to sleep, exhausted.

 

-

 

Five hours later, Sam wakes up from a, thankfully, dreamless sleep. He rubs his face, looking over at Lucifer. “Hey, wake up...”

 

Lucifer groans and rubs his face before opening his eyes and looking at Sam. “Morning, Sammy.”

 

Sleepily, Sam yawns before replying, “G'morning... How are you feeling?”

 

“Ugh. Don't keep asking that. I feel like crap -same as yesterday...” the archangel groans. His arms fall to his sides, and Lucifer turns to look at his lover. “How'd you sleep?”

 

Sam shrugs, not really wanting to talk about himself. He'd rather discuss how Lucifer's feeling for obvious reasons. “Okay... No nightmares.”

 

“That's good.” Lucifer sounds relieved, as if Sam having nightmares was the biggest problem on their plate.

 

Nodding in agreement, Sam props himself up so that he is holding eye contact with Lucifer. “Yeah... Okay, I'm sorry, but we have to talk about this. How are you _really_? Weak, okay, seems legitimate, but how weak? Can you get out of bed? Can you run?” he asks. “As much as neither of us doesn't want this, we can't ignore it.”

 

“Let's see.” Lucifer holds his hand out, sitting up weakly in the bed. “Help me up, please.”

 

Sam gets out of bed, stumbling over to Lucifer’s side. He takes the blonds hand and pulls him up. Lucifer stands up too fast and gets a head rush, causing him to stumble a bit. Sam holds onto both of Lucifer's arms, trying to steady him. “Okay... Easy does it...” Sam says, still trying to steady his lover. “Are you... Better? Can you stand on your own?”

 

Standing up normally, Lucifer nods. “I think I'm good... I just... Have to take it slow,” he answers.

 

“Okay... We...” Sam carefully removes his hands, still feeling like Lucifer could topple over any second. “If you were better I'd want you to join me, but since you're like this, I'm going to go take a shower. I'll cook some scrambled eggs for us after I'm dressed. Then we're going to gather some supplies and head out to that crossroads I mentioned.”

 

Smiling slightly, Lucifer nods. “Okay. Just... Don't have too much fun in there without me, alright?”

 

Sam mirrors Lucifer's expression before becoming serious again. “Are you... Do you want to just stay in here, then?” At Lucifer's thoughtful nod, Sam asks, “Do you need me to help you onto the bed?”

 

“No, I'm - “ Lucifer starts to walk to the bed but trips. “Yeah. Yeah, I need your help.” Sam takes Lucifer's forearm with one hand, the other around his waist. He helps his lover onto the bed safely. “Thanks, Sammy.”

 

“No problem. Okay...” Sam walks over to his dresser, getting a change of clothes before disappearing into the bathroom, closing the door.

 

About fifteen minutes later, Sam has just gotten out of the shower. Though, he quickly realized that a very important thing was missing from the bathroom. “Oh, Christ... Unbelievable...” he breathes, annoyed. He opens the door a small bit, hiding behind it. “Lucifer?”

 

Tilting his head a bit at Sam’s strange behavior, Lucifer gestures with his hand for his lover to continue. He nods, asking a little hesitantly, “What's up?”

 

“I - Uh... Well, I sort of forgot that I was washing the towel I had - it was really dirty after I used it last, because I had to wipe myself down before showering - and I... Since it's washing it's not in here and...”

 

“Yes?”

 

Sam blushes some, scooting back shyly so that Lucifer can only see his head from his eyes up. “...Well, since you can't get out of bed without my assistance I... I need to go get the towel myself.”

 

Understanding, Lucifer smirks. “Go right ahead, Sammy,” he all but purrs, folding his hands and putting them under his head.

 

There's a beat of silence, then Sam states, “I'm naked.”

 

“I know,” Lucifer immediately replies, looking as though he's about to grab a bowl of popcorn and get comfortable.

 

Sighing, Sam swallows nervously. _It's because this is a guy. It's not Dean - I'm not ready._  “C-Could you... I mean, I know you've, y'know, but I'm _completely_ naked and...” he says. “I don't know why it's so hard to ask but, could you look away or something?”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer groans, “Ugh. Fine.” Lucifer pulls his blanket over his head. “You can come in now!” he yells after a moment of silence. His voice is muffled, but his words are still rather loud.

 

Sam peers out, wanting to make sure it's safe before leaving the bathroom. “T-Thanks...”

 

Lucifer peeks one eye out of the blanket as Sam opens the door all the way, making his way to the laundry room as quickly as he can.

 

A minute later Sam returns, a towel around his waist. Sam looks at Lucifer, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks for respecting my boundaries...” he says softly, a little flattered for whatever reason.

 

“No problem...” Lucifer's mind is buzzing with thoughts. _White lie - Rewarding. Damn, cock, calm down! Sam has a nice butt. Like, a really nice butt. Am I gonna die before I get inside that thing? Not that it matters, because it doesn't, but I would like to. A lot. Ah, thank you, cock. Boners are so frustrating..._  


With a nod, Sam disappears in the bathroom again, emerging a few minutes later. He walks over to help Lucifer out of bed. 

 

“How are you doing? With... You know... Your brother being missing and all,” Lucifer asks as Sam helps him to his feet. He wobbles a bit, and his lover takes most of his weight. Lucifer can't help but feel a little bad about being so dependent now.

 

Shrugging, Sam smiles chastely. “I'm adjusting. I feel better that we're actually going to go do something today, though.” Sam feels the old sweat on Lucifer’s skin. He makes a face, his eyes darting between Lucifer and the bathroom. 

 

Hesitant and nervous, Sam asks, “Do you... Do you need to bathe, too?” Before the shorter man can answer, Sam quickly adds, “I mean... I could help you if you wanted... But I'm sure we could find a way for you to safely do it yourself.”

 

Lucifer smirks like he did earlier, and Sam feels violated from Lucifer simply _looking_ at him like that. “I would love your help, Sammy.”

 

“Stop that, I'm serious. You're too weak for any... Activities.” Sam wishes that he wasn't, because he would rather not have Lucifer die a virgin. He feels obligated to get him laid before he bites it - But then again, Lucifer isn't _actually_ going to die.

 

Smirk falling, Lucifer looks away, embarrassed. “I know. Thank you... For helping me.” It appears as though it took a lot of effort to get those words out, and Sam laughs with nod.

 

“No problem. I'm going to run you a bath. Think you could handle it? I can clean up and cook and get everything ready while you do.”

 

Lucifer looks back at Sam, grinning a small bit. “Yeah, I'll be fine.”

 

“Good.” Sam helps Lucifer to the bathroom, setting him down on the closed toilet seat before turning around and squatting as to run the bath. Sam starts the water, making it slightly warm. He sighs, saying, “Okay... Well... You're alright with scrambled eggs and bacon?” Sam twists his head to face his lover.

 

Nodding his head as much as he can - it hurts if he moves it too frantically - Lucifer answers, “Yeah, sounds delicious.” He knows about those foods, and the archangel would love to try Sam’s cooking. _Sam's like my housewife now. Win for me, Michael. Your move_ , Lucifer’s mind rambles.

 

“Okay... ” Sam scans Lucifer's face, squinting. “You looked, didn't you.” It isn't even a question. It's most definitely a statement, and though Lucifer is caught a bit off guard, he smiles.

 

“You know me so well,” he laughs, enjoying how Sam moves his hands through the air like he's disgusted.

 

“You pervert!”

 

“Oh, shut up.”

 

Over the running water, Sam exclaims, “Not only did you _not_ respect my wishes, but you've also ruined the surprise. Now you're going to know everything when we finally... You know...” he trails off, checking the water.

 

Shrugging, Lucifer’s smirk falls gradually. “Oh, well. I can live with that.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam continues to avoid Lucifer’s and watches the water. “I imagine I meet your standards?” It's not what he wants to say, but it's what comes out of his mouth. _I just wanted it to be a surprise; I wanted it to be special._  


“Definitely,” Lucifer replies, voice smooth as can be.

 

Sam stops the water, standing up. “Can you undress and get in by yourself?”

 

There's a couple moments where Lucifer considers this, and he ends up deciding that he'll be able to handle it. “Yeah.”

 

“Okay. Call me if you need anything or come see me when you're done. I'll be in the kitchen probably.” Without another word, Sam leaves the bathroom.

 

-

 

About an hour later, Lucifer stumbles into the kitchen and leans against the wall, breathing heavily. “Is my food ready yet?”

 

Sam points to a plate. “Yeah. Here, I'll get it.” He grabs Lucifer's plate, walking with him to the study. “I've already eaten my breakfast, and I got the car ready too. I'm just browsing online for anything weird. Couldn't hurt, y'know?”

 

“Yeah.” Lucifer carefully sits down, moving like an old man.

 

Sam sits down across Lucifer, pulling his laptop in front of him and continuing his research. “I trust everything went well?” the brunette says, a hint of amusement in his tone.

 

Lucifer takes a big bite of his scrambled eggs, loving the fluffiness. “It went fine. It was tiring, though,” he answers, talking with a full mouth. Usually Sam scolds him for that, but this time he doesn't. Lucifer wonders if it's because he's dying.

 

“Listen...” Sam says, voice very serious. He looks up from his laptop, into Lucifer’s eyes. “Are you sure it's a good idea you come with me?”

 

Lucifer forces a smile and makes himself look full of energy. “Yeah, totally!”

 

Not seeming swayed or impressed at all, Sam says, “Cut the crap, Lu.”

 

Swallowing, Lucifer takes another bite. “Crap? What crap?” he asks, feigning innocent.

 

“You're barely able to leave the bed, let alone the Bunker!” Sam exclaims, a little hurt that Lucifer is lying to his face.

 

Sighing, Lucifer shakes his head as his facade drops. “I'm fine. Please. I need to help you.”

 

“I'm willing to let you come if you must, but you're waiting in the car. I'll be fine, it's nothing I haven't done a thousand times before.”

 

Eyes widening, Lucifer shakes his head more hysterically than he’s allowed, causing him to wince. “What? No! I want to join the action!”

 

Snorting, Sam retorts, “You mean the action of me literally just talking with a crossroads demon? Yeah, you'll have a front row seat in the car.”

 

Swallowing the food in his mouth, Lucifer dramatically rolls his eyes. “Fine. You're so bossy sometimes.”

 

“Stop complaining, it's better than nothing,” Sam says a little harsh, obviously not amused by Lucifer’s behavior. He reminds the brunette of his brother, and that actually makes him a bit happy. “Now finish your food, we're leaving when you're done.”

 

“Whatever.” Lucifer stuffs one last bite in his mouth before pushing his plate away. “Let's go.”

 

Sam closes his laptop, running with the plate into the kitchen and putting it in the dishwasher before appearing again. “Ready?”

 

“Yep.” Sam helps Lucifer to the garage, and into the car, before walking to the drivers side and getting in himself.

 

“It's only about fifteen minutes away.” Lucifer nods, looking out the window. God, he's _so_ dramatic. Which - looking at his past choices - makes _a lot_ of sense.

 

Sam starts the car, buckling in, driving out and away after closing the door. “I'm serious about staying in the car. I'll be fine - Demon's usually just say piffle stuff until you actually get them talking. Y'know, crap that's meant to get to you... It's probably a good thing you're staying in the car.”

 

Understanding that Sam is implying that he'd easily get angered by the demon picking on Sam, Lucifer reluctantly nods. “I know. But if I see anything suspicious, I'm getting out of the car and coming to you. Even if I have to crawl.”

 

Although Sam sighs, he can't help but feel his heart warm with the idea of Lucifer crawling to help him. It's just so... Romantic. “It’s not like I can do anything to stop you, I guess.”

 

“Nope,” Lucifer replies playfully, trying to lighten the mood. It doesn't work at all. Sam doesn't even glance at him, acknowledge it one bit.

 

“Normally we'd do this during night, but if you haven't noticed this place isn't populated in this area,” Sam informs, sounding like he's teaching a class. “Therefore it's safe to take awhile. And it might, usually does.”

 

Nodding, Lucifer swallows his disappointment. It's kind of hard, because he feels sad that he can't make Sam happier _and_ like he has failed his lover. “Okay. So, what exactly are you gonna ask the demon?” Lucifer asks, turning away from the window in favor of looking at Sam.

 

Sam shrugs. “Anything they know about Dean or Crowley. I can't be too picky.”

 

“How long do you think it'll be until we find him?”

 

Finally glancing at Lucifer, Sam shrugs again. “Not too long I would imagine, but we still don't know what happened.”

 

“Okay.”

 

About twelve minutes later, Sam parks on the side of the road, about thirty feet away from the center of the crossroads. “I'll be a few minutes.” Sam gets out of the car, going around to get the box and getting the kit out of the trunk. He shuts the trunk, walking up to the crossroads. He sets the box and kit on the ground, digging around in the kit for the spray can. It takes Sam a few minutes, but he covers the area in a Devils trap, wiping his forehead and looking back at Lucifer.

 

Lucifer watches Sam with concentration and a small smile on his lips as Sam puts the spray can back, grabbing his pistol, and turns off the safety. He double-checks to see if a Devil’s trap bullet is in the gun.

 

Sam gets out the wrist and angle brackets, along with the small hammer to stick them in the ground. He kicks the kit aside, towards the car, and picks up the summoning box. He walks to the middle, palms sweating, and bends over. Beginning to dig, Sam stops immediately once the hole is deep enough. He places the box in it, quickly covering it up. Rising quickly, the brunettes eyes start darting back and forth. He puts his hand on his pistol, ready to shoot.

 

A demon with long red hair and red eyes appears. “What?” she says, obviously annoyed. Sam quickly shoots the demon, right under the kneecap.

 

“Ah! What the hell?” She looks up at him, now kneeling because of the pain. The demon seems to realize that he's not a regular human for a split second, but then she falls back into a facade.

 

Sam grabs the shackles quickly, forcing the demon to the ground. He places the restraints on her wrists, hammering them into the dirt before forcibly twisting them into the ground. Holding down the demon's kicking legs, Sam does the same to her ankles. “Sorry to whomever is possessed right now... You’ll be fine...” he promises, giving the demon a weak smile.

 

Growling, the demon struggles. “What’s all this for, Boy Scout?”

 

Standing, Sam brushes himself off. “I need to ask you a few questions. Which I really hope you have the answers to, because so far your acting as if you don't know who I am.”

 

“Someone has high self esteem,” the demon hisses, laughing coldly afterwards. “Fine, what do I have to answer?”

 

Sam pulls out an angel blade, stroking it absentmindedly. “Do you know where my brother is?”

 

Looking at the angel blade, the demon gulps, once again showing fear before almost instantly hiding it again. “No,” she answers, looking smug. “Who's your brother?”

 

“Do you really want to test my patience?”

 

Smirking, the demon rakes her eyes over Sam’s person, making a show of checking him out. “I don't know... Do I?” she purrs, eyes flickering back to green.

 

Sam sighs, not ready to do anything just yet. “Then would you be so kind then to tell me what's been happening recently, with your - What? King? How's Crowley these days?”

 

This actually makes the demon look rather irritated. “I don't know,” she says, actually sounding like an annoyed coworker. “He's been all over the place lately.”

 

Brow furrowing, Sam presses, “All over the place? Why?” He adds to his question before the demon can respond. “You see, I heavily believe that Crowley knows where my brother is, and I'd really like to find him, so could you just make this easier for everyone and answer my questions?”

 

“No one knows.” She’s lying, of course, looking at Sam like he’s an idiot as to make him believe that she’s telling the truth. “He's spending his time at bars with some guy,” the demon says vaguely.

 

Sam blinks at her dumbly for a moment, but quickly recovers. “Why am I finding this hard to believe?” Sam laughs at her. “C'mon you can't possibly be this useless. I would get the one demon who didn't know jack...” he mocks, trying to egg the demon on to tell him what he wants to know.

 

“I answered your question, didn't I?” the redhead asks too sweetly, sneering at Sam.

 

Looking thoughtful, Sam twirls the angel blade in his hand threateningly. “Hm, maybe I should check higher up the chart... You crossroads demons are so low rank...” the hunter states, clearly insulting the demon to manipulate her into trying to prove that she does know things and matters a lot. “Why would Crowley be spending time with a random guy at bars, huh? You see what I'm saying?”

 

“How would I know?” she exclaims, pulling at her bounds. “That's all I know. His name is... Ugh... It starts with a ‘D’...”

 

Sam starts walking away, before stopping mid-step. “Dean wouldn't be hanging around with Crowley of his own accord... Is this ‘guy’ a demon by any chance?” It’s probably not Dean, then.

 

The demon just glares at Sam, lips pursed tightly.

 

“Oh for the love of - Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii - “

 

Through the pain, the demon screams out, “Wait!”

 

Sam stops, raising an eyebrow. “Wanna corporate now?” he says, mimicking the too-sweet tone the demon was previously using. Sam looks down at the angel blade, a sad look in his eye. He waits for the demon to explain.

 

Rolling her eyes, the redhead says, “Yeah, he's a demon.”

 

Sam sighs, looking at the demon. “Thanks. I'm almost sorry this is going to hurt.” He steps closer, clearing his throat. “Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica. Ergo draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica adjuramus te. Cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque aeternae Perditionis venenum propinare.” This, as per usual, expels the demon and red smoke exits the girls body.

 

Sam puts away his angel blade and quickly untwists the restrains, picking them up. He runs over and tosses them into the kit, reaching in and getting the first aid he brought. He approaches the girl, wondering whether or not to remove the bullet while she's unconscious. Deciding yes, Sam squats on the ground, pulling, thankful the girl was wearing shorts when she was possessed. Sam quickly patches her up, checking her pulse. Finding her alive, he grabs everything and quickly retreats to the car, tossing everything in the trunk. He takes one last look at the girl before getting in the drivers seat.

 

Sam still has that same sad expression, and he puts the keys in the slot. Lucifer gives Sam a curious look. “Well?” the blond says.

 

“I - “ Sam chokes a little, mournful. “I think Crowley had a demon possess Dean’s dead body.” The hunter looks turns the key, backing up before turning back onto the road, driving towards the next nearest crossroads.

 

“Why would he do that?”

 

“I don't know. It's the only - “ Sam feels tears burning in his eyes. “Thing that makes sense. The demon said Crowley hitting bars with a guy. A demon whose name begins with ‘D’. I’m just... Putting two and two together...”

 

Lucifer puts a hand on Sam's back and looks at him with worry. “We'll find him, okay?”

 

“Yeah... We need to get whosever wearing him out... But...” Sam suddenly stomps his food. “DAMMIT!”

 

Lucifer flinches at the sudden outburst. “Sam! It's okay. It'll be okay,” he promises, not knowing if it’ll be okay at all.

 

Shaking his head, Sam rambles, “He’s - He’s still dead, Luce. I thought - Ugh, I don't know what I thought...”

 

“I'm so sorry, Sammy.”

 

“I - “ Sam laughs sadly. “I guess I really will be all by myself again soon, won't I?”

 

Tears well in Lucifer's eyes. “No... Oh, God Sam. Don't say that. We'll figure something out. Like you said last night, we need to keep fighting.”

 

Sam nods halfheartedly, still driving the car. “I know. I know what I said, and I plan to, really... But... What _are_ we going to do? We gank the sonvabitch riding my brother - maybe Crowley - but then what? We don't even know what's wrong with you - “

 

Lucifer cuts him off. “We'll figure it out. One step at a time, remember?” he tries to assure.

 

“That was before you fell down; that was before you couldn't get in and out of the bed on your own!” Sam suddenly turns around, heading back to the Bunker, deciding he's heard enough and doesn't need anymore information.

 

“I'm sorry, Sammy.”

 

Toning softening, Sam whimpers mournfully. “I just don't want to lose you... And I don't know where to start...”

 

“This is all my fault...” Lucifer’s insists, trying not to let Sam’s reckless driving bother him too much. “If I would have have just told you sooner then maybe we could have stopped it from getting worse...”

 

Sam shakes his head in disagreement, lessening the pressure he’s putting on the gas petal. “I don’t really think we could've in all honestly... I’ve known for a day and we still don't know what’s wrong with you, let alone how to fix it...” He looks over at Lucifer. “Do you... Do you have any idea what the problem is? Is it your grace?”

 

Angry that Sam seems to think that he knows everything - and that it feels like Sam has asked him this a thousand times - Lucifer exclaims, “I told you, I don't know! I just feel like I'm fucking dying, Sam! Okay?”

 

Almost chocked up, Sam yells, “And how would you know what dying feels like, huh? How do you know?!”

 

“I don't know! I just imagine this is what it feels like!”

 

Sam forces a smile. “You - Y'know... You and I are gonna laugh so hard when you just become fallen. Laughing about how you thought you were dying when you were just becoming human...” Sam chuckles too happily.

 

“How do you know that's what's happening?”

 

Sam laughs again, a worrisome, insane expression on his face. “Well, you're definitely not dying, it's just not going happen - So what else could it be, huh? See! Nothing!” The brunette laughs again, disturbingly.

 

Becoming a bit unnerved, Lucifer makes a concerned face. “Sam, calm down. You're having a psychotic breakdown,” he says slowly.

 

“I'm not having a breakdown!” Another horribly creepy laugh escapes Sam's throat. “I would know, I've had them before, when I saw you everywhere and couldn't sleep? Yeah! I went fucking nuts!” A smile seems carved into Sam's face, and he grips the wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white.

 

Lucifer's eyes widen with worry. “Sam, just stop the car. Pull over and we'll talk, okay? Just stop the car, Sammy.”

 

Sam ignores Lucifer, pushing on the gas petal a little more. “But this? Oh no, couldn't be better! It's not like my brothers dead corpse is being ridden by a demon and my lover is slowly fading into nonexistence!” Sam pauses before chucking happily. “Oh, wait...”

 

Glancing at the road with fear, Lucifer continues to yell at the brunette. “Sam, slow down! Stop the car! Please, Sam! Pull over!”

 

“Why do you want me to stop the car, Luce? We're having so much fun, though. Such a productive conversation...” Sam hums, easing off the gas a little, but still not enough to be comfortable.

 

Looking at Sam like he’s insane - and at this rate he might be - Lucifer’s shakes his head as much as he can. “This isn't fun, Sam! You're scaring me. Now stop the damn car.” He coughs.

 

“No, We're almost to the Bunker, when we get there we can bake something! You'd like that wouldn't you?” Sam pauses thoughtfully. “Oh, this is just a joke isn't it? You're playing a prank on me, aren't you, Lu?” Sam laughs borderline crazily for ten straight seconds.

 

Lucifer groans in frustration. “No, Sam! This isn't a joke! Sammy, please, I'm begging you stop the car or I'll open my door and jump out,” he threatens, wondering if Sam will even care when he’s like this.

 

The hunter rolls his eyes, reluctantly complying. “You are such a drama queen.” The car halts, and Sam turns to Lucifer, looking far too happy. “Yes, my dearest?”

 

“...Sammy, what's going on with you?” Lucifer asks cautiously, unsure.

 

Sam’s eyes kind of just twitch, and he laughs again. “Well, for one I feel amazing - is this okay? It feels _amazing_. But I'm going to be all alone soon... But it's okay, because this - this feels amazing and do you wanna make out?”

 

“No, Sam. I do not want to make out. I need you to think straight for me. Please.” Lucifer wishes that he knew what was going on it Sam’s head.

 

Sam's face turns sober and he looks away. “Why? So I can have a different kind of meltdown?” the brunette says. “I like this high - Didn't I mention it feels amazing? I just... Sorry, I got a little carried away there...” Sam closes his eyes, rubbing his temples.

 

“Sam, I - God, I don't even know what to say.” Well, Lucifer’s relieved at least.

 

Sam leans back in the drivers seat, looking at the clouds. His voice is quiet and timid. “Maybe we should just give up...”

 

“No. Don't say that.” Lucifer grabs Sam's hand.

 

Shaking his head, Sam explains. “I'm not saying I'd not rather have decades to spend with you, I'm just saying it might only a week - maybe even a few days before... Before...” A tear escapes Sam’s eye, and he can't bring himself to finish.

 

“Sam, please. I've never heard you talk about giving up. I don't like it.” Tears sting Lucifer’s eyes.

 

“I want... I want this feeling to go away... I want to feel like we have all the time in the world. Like I did when I picked you up...” Sam admits faintly. “I know it's unhealthy to ignore your problems but... I just wanna forget... And I'm sorry if that sounds selfish.”

 

Biting his bottom lip, Lucifer asks, “Can we just... Pretend I never told you? Pretend that we have all the time we need?”

 

Sam side-glances at Lucifer, giving him a horribly sad, pathetic look. A look he’s seen before in the Cage, all those years ago. “I... I wish it was that simple...”

 

Lucifer leans his head back and sighs. “I wish I never told you. It would be so much easier.”

 

“I'm glad you did, though. Cuz it woke me up and told me that you won't always be here and that we don't have forever. I... There are still so many things we need to do before you...” Again, Sam can't finish.

 

Shaking his head carefully, Lucifer says, “Come on. Let's go back to the bunker.”

 


	9. Goodbye, My Lover...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer's sickness catches up to him.

“O-Okay...” Sam starts the car again, merging back onto the road. “I wish you weren't so weak, though... I - Gah, I'm being selfish again.”

 

Smiling a small bit, Lucifer musters up the will to nudge Sam. “Don't worry. I still have enough strength to kiss you,” he promises.

 

Sam finds enough humor to playfully smile, driving slowly once more. “Well, what if I wanna do more than kiss?”

 

Lucifer sighs and maintains his weak grin. “Well, I can always try, right?” Truth be told, though, Lucifer knows that there’s absolutely no way he’d have enough strength to have sex with Sam. It’s not like it really matters, but it’s one of those things that he’d still like if it happened.

 

Frowning again, Sam shakes his head. “I... I wanted it to be because it was in the moment - because _it is_ special... I - I don't want it just because you're... Dying...”

 

“I understand.”

 

“But I... If it doesn't happen on its own soon, I - I still want to.” Sam manages to form a small smile again. “I can't let you die a virgin, after all.”

 

Lucifer chuckles slightly at Sam. “Thank you, Sam.”

 

Arriving at the Bunker, the garage door opens and closes behind them. Sam carefully parks the car, unbuckling as he takes out the keys. The brunette gets out without a word, sadly walking over to Lucifer's door and assisting him out of the car. “Do you... Now that I know Dean's gone... I can take care of him later, after you... Y’know...”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

Sam feels his heart clench in his chest and he continues helping Lucifer into the Bunker. Upon reaching the study, Sam whimpers, barely holding himself together. “W-What do you want to do?”

 

Barely even considering this, because he’s so tired from walking inside, Lucifer answers, “I need to... Lay down.”

 

Sam nods, helping Lucifer to their bedroom. They stumble into the dark room, and Sam turns the lights on. He assists Lucifer onto the bed. The hunter takes off Lucifer’s shoes and decides to join him, kicking off his own. Sam gently slides under the sheets next to Lucifer. “I'm sorry, Lu.”

 

“Stop saying that. Why are you sorry?”

 

“Because I'm acting like your only purpose is to keep me company, that I'm dying and not you.”

 

Shaking his head so faintly that Sam doesn’t even notice, Lucifer’s coughs a few times. “Don't worry. You just don't want to be alone. I understand.”

 

Sam’s hand gropes under the bed, finding Lucifer’s and intertwining their fingers together. “I'm so scared... And...” Sam trails off, not really wanting to admit what he’s about to say. “When you're gone, I think... I think I'm giving up.”

 

“Giving up?”

 

Swallowing, the taller man nods. “I won't be able to breathe without you, Luce - I'll be alone and... It's not like anyone'll be here to miss me... S’not like I don't know what’s waiting for me, anyway...”

 

Frowning, Lucifer whines in the back of his throat. “Sammy, don't. Don't even think about that.”

 

“Why? I have and... I'll do it. I won't have _anyone_ , Lu... I can't start over again...” Sam takes a few quick, shaky breaths. “It's better to have a quick death then to slowly slip into madness...”

 

Wanting to get some sense into his lover, Lucifer clears his throat. “Sam, I know you've given up on me. Hell, I've given up on me. But there may still be hope for Dean. Don't give up on your brother. And... What about Cas? He cares about you.”

 

“Cas is dying, too...” Sam informs softly, rubbing his eyes. “He's running on stolen grace... And please don't fill my head with that crap, Luce. Dean is dead, it's the only explanation.”

 

Lucifer whines, wanting to shake his head but deciding against it. “But you have to hold onto something. That's the only way to survive after I'm gone.”

 

“But that's - “ Sam sobs, squeezing Lucifer's hand. “That's the _point_... I-I won't be able to survive a-after you're g-gone...”

 

“No, Sam. You will. Please hold on. For me.” A tear slides down Lucifer's cheek.

 

Sam chokes up, sobbing. “F-For you? What would you want me to do?”

 

Lucifer hugs Sam tightly. “Well, for one, I don't want you to give up.”

 

“Obviously... But what... What else? I can't just forget any of this happened...” Sam takes a few deep breaths, trying to stop crying. He sniffles.

 

“That's exactly what you're gonna do. You're gonna choose the life you want. Do you want to be a hunter or live a normal life?” Lucifer asks.

 

Sam whimpers, fighting the urge to sob uncontrollably. “But I want _you_...”

 

Brushing a piece of hair out of Sam's face, Lucifer says, “No. Forget about me. Pretend I don't exist. Which life do you want?”

 

Unable to hold back, Sam starts to weep hysterically, barely intelligible. “N-Nor-normal...” he answers shakily.

 

Sobbing, Lucifer tries to compose himself enough to continue speaking. There’s a minute or so of deep and shaky breaths. “Well... When I go... You're gonna go find a job and you're gonna stay in one place and live a normal life. Okay?”

 

“O-Okay-y...” Sam buries his face in Lucifer's chest, wailing. “I - “ Sam’s still crying hysterically, voice muffled from Lucifer’s chest. “I love you so much it fucking hurts!” Sam fists Lucifer’s shirt, trying to get as close as possible.

 

“I love you too, Sammy.” Lucifer's eyes close and he falls asleep almost instantly. Crying takes a lot of energy out of him.

 

Sam cries softly into Lucifer’s chest, stroking his face, peppering kisses, and worrying himself to death as Lucifer sleeps. The hunter waits for Lucifer to awake, hoping that he will.

 

-

 

Lucifer groans as he rubs his face. His eyes open and he sees Sam sleeping next to him. He shakes him slightly. “Sammy. Wake up.”

 

Sam makes a discontent face, obviously wanting to continue sleeping since he didn't get to for very long. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes before looking at Lucifer and snuggling closer to him. “G’morning...” It’s probably actually around dinner time now, though.

 

“Hey, sleepy head.”

 

Sam leans over and kisses Lucifer, not wanting to actually wake up and face the real world yet. In-between kisses, the taller man asks, “How’d you sleep?”

 

Playing with Sam’s hair, Lucifer answers, “Okay, I guess. How about you?” He coughs a couple times. Sam looks over at the clock.

 

“Same...” Sam pulls away, opting for burrowing under Lucifer's neck. “Do you want to go make dinner or - or would you rather stay here and I'll do it? You slept so long l fell asleep, and it's almost five.”

 

Forcing a cheery tone, Lucifer answers, “Let's go make some dinner together.”

 

“Are you...” Sam says skeptically. “If you're not up for it, I understand.” Sam can't meet Lucifer’s eyes from this angle.

 

Lucifer grabs Sam's face, forcing him to look him in the eye. “Sammy, I'm fine. Now come on, let's go,” the archangel insists, forcing a smile.

 

Sam searches Lucifer's face, still looking sad and defeated. “We have those pasta noodles I told you about... Pasta's pretty easy to make...”

 

“Okay, whatever you want.”

 

“C’mon, then...” Sam wiggles out of the bed, walking over to Lucifer’s side. He removes the covers and holds onto him, assisting him out of the bed. “Do you need to use the bathroom or anything trivial like that?” Lucifer shakes his head very, very gently. Though, Sam catches it. “Okay...” Sam helps Lucifer out of the bedroom, not bothering to make the bed. They slowly shuffle into the kitchen, where Sam gingerly sets Lucifer on a chair before gathering the ingredients for the pasta. “I know you told me not to ask but... How are you feeling today?”

With a pleading look and tone, Sam adds, “You can give it to me straight, Luce... Pretending like nothing’s wrong won't make it true.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer retorts sassily, “Well it’s not like telling you how I really feel will save me, right? So what’s the point?”

 

Sam makes an agitated face, his voice bleeding silent aggravation. “Because I'd like to know if you're about to drop dead in the middle of a conversation.” Sam turns the stove top on angrily, flipping the buttons harder than necessary.

 

Not really thinking, Lucifer shouts bluntly, “I could drop dead any minute, Sam!”

 

Sam freezes, a mournful look on his face. His head drops, and he can't bring himself to do much of anything other than say, “Then screw this. If you're hungry we can both eat a granola bar or something. If it’s like that... Well, what do _you_ want to do?”

 

Lucifer puts his head in his hands and rubs his face. “I don't... I don't want to do anything! If I'm gonna die then I don't see the point in getting up every morning just to see how broken you are. It's too hard.”

 

He finds the courage to look guiltily at Lucifer, but before the shorter man notices, Sam looks back at the countertop. “I - Luce, I don’t want you to feel like that. Worry about you, not me. I want you to be happy; to enjoy what little we have left...” Sam wants to cry again, and he wonders why he isn't. After a moment the hunter supposes he's simply out of tears.

 

Tears sting Lucifer's eyes, but he bites them back. “I just... I can't... Why is this so hard?”

 

Sam doesn't know how to respond and grips the countertop. He can't for the life of him think of how to make this even a little better. “All I want is to make things a bit more bearable for you... If I have to be strong enough for the both of us, then I will.”

 

Shaking his head, Lucifer whimpers, “No... I can't... I can't do this...” Lucifer slowly starts to stand up and limp away but he stumbles and falls.

 

“Luc - “ Sam gets to Lucifer's as quickly as he can. “Lucifer!” Sam kneels next to the fallen man, checking over him. Brokenly, Sam speaks as he tries to get Lucifer to his feet. “C’mon... You gotta get up...”

 

Lucifer weakly pushes Sam away, sick of being so dependent by this point. “No. I can... Why can't I do something for myself?!”

 

Sam’s taken aback, and he stops helping Lucifer up despite himself, but Sam continues to crouch by Lucifer’s side. He feels hurt, and looks down at Lucifer with a mix of betrayal and confusion, hoping he can actually get up on his own. “I - ... Sorry...”

 

Finally letting some tears go, Lucifer explains, “I just - I have to look at you... Everyday. And you help me and I love that about you but I see how torn up you are inside and it's so hard to watch. And I just feel so useless. Why am I even here, Sammy?”

 

With a pitying expression, Sam answers, “Because I love you; I love you with all I got and I want you to be comfortable and happy...”

 

“BUT I'M NOT HAPPY! HOW CAN I BE HAPPY WHEN I KNOW IM DYING AND YOU'RE GIVING UP ONCE I'M GONE? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAPPY KNOWING THAT, SAM?!”

 

Flinching from Lucifer’s outburst, Sam holds back tears, his lip quivering. He looks at his feet. Sheepishly, the brunette whispers, “I-I'm so sorry...” Not knowing what else to do, Sam careful hugs Lucifer, holding him likes the archangel is his everything. And, well, he practically is.

 

Lucifer cries into Sam's shoulder, holding onto him as tight as possible. As Sam does, his own tears escaping his eyes. “Just... Just tell me to do something - anything... I understand that you feel like a burden; I feel useless, too... But I promise you, Lucifer, you're not, and I'm going to be by your side until the end of this.”

 

“Sammy, I don't want to die,” Lucifer admits. “I want to stay with you.”

 

Shuttering violently, Sam holds onto Lucifer tighter. “I k-know... I want to grow old with you but... I don't think we can cheat this, even if we got a demon to accept a deal to save your life they'd probably only give me a year to live - not that any demon with any sense would deal with a Winchester - and on the off chance they did and gave me ten years, I'm afraid whatever’s happening to us is out of their control...”

 

“Sam, please. Just tell me you're not gonna give up on me. I know I told you to, but please... I need to figure this out. I need to live. I need to stay with you.”

 

Nodding, Sam sniffles. He clears his fluttering throat before saying, “Okay... But... Where are we going to even start?”

 

“I don't know. But there has to be something. I can't leave you,” Lucifer’s answers, no longer sounding completely hopeless.

 

Sam nods again, pulling back a little. He’s not sure what else to do. “We need... We need to find out what’s wrong with you... Um... Do you think another angel would be able to tell?”

 

Lucifer works up enough strength to shrug. “M-maybe. I don't know. Can we try?”

 

“I want to,” Sam immediately answers, excited that they are already forming a plan, “but I’m not sure if Cas qualifies as a ‘normal angel.’ Maybe I could see if he knows anyone that’s trustworthy to take a look at you? I’m pretty sure they caught Metatron, and that Cas has his... Posy... Back.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.” Lucifer has a coughing fit, and Sam rubs his back comfortingly until he stops.

 

Obviously concerned to the bone, Sam continues to stroke his lovers back, asking, “I - Do you need anything to eat? I understand you don’t want me to baby you, but I want you to be as comfortable as you can. While you’re doing whatever you’re doing, I’m going to phone Cas - fill him in on everything.”

 

Giving Sam a weak smile that makes the brunettes stomach curl distastefully - because he’s seen that smile before, he’s _given_ that kind of smile to his brother before - Lucifer replies, “I'll just have a sandwich.”

 

“Okay...” Sam pulls back from Lucifer, arms falling to his sides. “Do you want me to help you to bed and I can just bring in the sandwich when I'm done?”

 

“Yeah, sure. Thanks, Sam.” Lucifer forces a smile, trying to bite back the annoyance that comes with being an invalid. _Always a burden to those who are unfortunate enough to care, Brother_ , Lucifer can practically hear Michael saying.

 

Sam makes a face, knowing Lucifer is using mock happiness from the way he calls him ‘Sam’ instead of ‘Sammy.’ The hunter helps him up, limping them both back to his - _their_ \- bedroom. Turning on the lights on, Sam carefully places Lucifer on the bed. He tucks him in, leaning down and pecking the weak mans lips lovingly. 

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Sam looks at Lucifer sideways, obviously confused. What could Lucifer possibly be sorry for? It’s not his fault he’s sick, and it bothers Sam that his lover seems to think that it is. “For?” the taller man presses.

 

“For putting all of this on you,” Lucifer’s answers, surprising Sam in a way. This is worded differently than the brunette expected. “I mean, your brother died and then I come in and tell you I’m dying.”

 

Sam shakes his head dismissively. “No, don’t be like that. ‘S not your fault, we went over this. I’m glad you told me, so now we can stop messing around and actually help you.”

 

“Then whose is it?”

 

“It’s nobody's fault. It’s a good thing you didn’t wait any longer than you did, anyways...” Sam sits on the edge of the bed hesitantly, not sure if it’s worth it. After all, he has to go make Lucifer a sandwich. _You really are a housewife now, aren’t you?_ Sam’s mind tries, internally snickering. _No, Sam. You’re in a bad place right now - ha, my life is a bad place - but that’s no excuse for sexist jokes. There’s never an excuse._  


Lucifer chuckles breathily, fighting back coughs. God, he’d really like a water right now. His mouth and throat feels so dry, and it’s the oddest sensation. “Thanks.”

 

“Yeah. What do you want on your sandwich?”

 

Lucifer sighs, still wanting to do something for himself. “Just mayo, ham, and cheese,” the archangel answers. That’s one of the only foods that he’s aware that he really likes. Hell, it’s one of the only sandwich combinations he knows. The others one, of course, are: Grilled cheese, peanut butter and jelly, and fried peanut better and banana. Lucifer’s particularly fond of the last one, and he wishes that Sam was going to make him one of those instead. Though, the shorter man doesn’t want to be more of a bother than he already is, and he knows that those take longer to make and are more difficult to perfect. Not that he needs a perfect sandwich or anything.

 

“Okay.” Sam rises, awkwardly shuffling out of the room. He returns about ten minutes later, a plate in one hand and a water bottle in another. “I brought you a water, too, gotta have something to wash it down with.” Lucifer’s been hacking out his lungs, so naturally Sam made sure to accompany his meal with a cold water. “And if the bread looks funny that’s because it’s whole wheat. It’s better for you, so... I buy this kind.”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes playfully, grinning a bit. And it’s the best he’s emotionally felt in awhile, because it’s not a fake smile. “You and your health.”

 

Sam shuffles over, handing Lucifer the plate and drink with a small smile. “But it tastes better, too! In my opinion, anyway. And it costs more so you better eat it.” He glares at Lucifer’s teasingly. Sam continues to just stand there, obviously wanting to see his lover eat his creation. “And tell me if I put enough mayo on it.”

 

Taking a bite of the sandwich, Lucifer nods slightly. “Yeah, it's perfect. Thanks, Sam.”

 

“No problem. Yell for me if you need anything, I'm going to go call Cas,” the taller man informs, gesturing back to the door with his thumb.

 

“M‘kay.”

 

Sam lingers for a moment longer before darting out of the room. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding when he reaches the hallway. About ten minutes later, Sam returns, a visible weight lifted off of his shoulders as he walks over to his lover. “Luce! Cas told me he’s sending someone here, to the Bunker... Her name’s Hannah...”

 

“That's good, right? She might know what’s wrong?”

 

Nodding, Sam takes one of Lucifer’s hands into his. He doesn’t even mind that there’s some sticky mayo on his fingers. “I think so. I've seen angels look at people and know what’s wrong with them. Like a freaky illness x-ray thing... But... Well... If it doesn't work still be polite and everything. She's doing this for Cas, not you - and she was reluctantly to help anyway because you're, y'know, Lucifer?”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer’s replies, “Yeah, okay.” As much as he’d like to be diagnosed, the archangel isn’t looking forward to the inevitable criticism and complaint he’s going to get from this angel.

 

“But since the Fall, angels can't just pop in and out of place. Cas isn’t coming he said - but... Hannah... She'll be here first thing tomorrow. So...” Sam looks at the clock on the wall. “We have... A little bit to wait, since it’s only six o'clock...”

 

“Okay. Thanks again... For everything. What would I do without you?”

 

Sam looks at Lucifer, not wanting to answer. “Do you need anything?”

 

Lucifer shakes his head carefully. “Will you lay with me?” the shorter man asks.

 

“Of course.” Sam walks to the other side of the bed before climbing in, sliding under the covers. He scoots closer to Lucifer, and forces him to snake an arm around his waist.

 

Lucifer takes a deep breath and winces in pain, causing Sam to jerk back a bit, feeling horribly guilty and selfish. “Sorry... Did I...?”

 

Closing his eyes, Lucifer replies, “No... Um... My whole body just... Hurts.” The wisest thing he’s ever said.

 

“Do you want me to go get you some strong painkillers or morphine?” God knows they have a lot of each at the Bunker. Hunts can get really crazy sometimes.

 

“No. I don't think that'll help. Besides, I'd rather be in pain than have you work your ass off for me.”

 

Sam smiles a bit, touched by Lucifer’s commitment and love. “It’d be no trouble, honestly. I don't want you to be in pain when you don't have to be. Morphine might give you a small high, too.”

 

As tempting as that is, the archangel answers, “No, Sam. I'll be - I'm okay for now.” Lucifer takes slow, deep breaths, wincing every once in a while.

 

“I don't understand why you're doing this to yourself. I'd feel better if I knew you weren't in this much pain.”

 

Lucifer sighs wheezily. “I'm okay,” he insists, a small bit annoyed that Sam keeps pestering him about this stuff. “Don't worry. I'm just, uh... Tired.”

 

Trying to lighten the mood, Sam’s lips turn up and says, “You sleep like a cat these days.”

 

Smiling slightly, Lucifer retorts, “Can you blame me? Hanging out with you is exhausting.”

 

“In what ways? I can think of many people who’d deem me rather boring first glance.”

 

Lucifer smiles a little wider. “Well, first off, your health is so annoying. Like, seriously, whole wheat bread? Who eats that?” he asks rhetorically.

 

Scoffing, Sam says in a deliberately dumb voice, “A lot of people.”

 

“Really? That's hard to believe.” Lucifer seen so many rotund people on his human adventures.

 

“It's very popular.” Sam waits for Lucifer do continue naming things with a small grin.

 

Lucifer’s smile is now halfhearted, but at least it’s real. “Your hair. Have you ever heard of a haircut?” the shorter man teases.

 

Sam rolls his eyes, saying his explanation as if it should be obvious. “The longer my hair is the more powerful I become.”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Oh, really? I - “ Eyes widening in sudden panic, Lucifer brings his hands to his head. “Ah!”

 

Sam’s small smile fades, and he jerks up to look at Lucifer. “Lu? What happened?”

 

“It - It's happening again. I'm dizzy a-and my head is pounding.”

 

Whimpering, Sam’s eyes start to burn as he watches Lucifer desperately. Is this it? Is Hannah going to be too late? “Lucifer, I - Oh, God, what am I suppose to do?”

 

Lucifer holds out his hand, his other leaving his face. He looks around, panicked. “God, Sam. I can't even see you. Where are you? Take my hand.”

 

Sam doesn't hesitate to link their hands together, he lifts Lucifer up a bit, propping him up on some pillows before allowing him to sink down on them. “I'm right here, Luce. You're going to be okay.”

 

Squeezing Sam’s hand with a groan, the blond whimpers pathetically, “My head hurts, Sammy.”

 

Sam's eyes are wild and nervous, and they dart around the room. “What - I don't... Please tell me something, tell me to do something...” the brunette says desperately. “You're going to be okay, Luce... Hannah's on her way and... And... And you can't bite it now... We have hope!”

 

“Just - Just stay with me... Please.”

 

Nodding rapidly, Sam says soothingly, “Yeah, of course... You're going to be okay, I'm right here... C'mon, whatever's happening, you gotta fight it.”

 

Lucifer feels himself getting weaker and loosens his grip on Sam's hand. “Sammy, I love you... so much.” He sounds so _gone_.

 

“No, stop it! Don't say it like this is the last time you are!” Sam exclaims, holding Lucifer’s hand like a lifeline. “We're so close! You can't - “ Sam’s voice cracks, and his grip on Lucifer's hand tightens even more. “You can't leave now!”

 

Gathering all the strength he has left, Lucifer chokes out, “That's what love is, though. It's loving each other like it's the last time you're ever going to see each other. You taught me that, Sammy.”

 

“What's happening? Are you - What’s - Please tell me you're going to be okay! As okay as you have for the past day, at least!”

 

Lucifer squeezes Sam's hand one last time, whispering dustily, “I love you, Sammy.” His eyes twitch shut and his head falls forward.

 

Sam's eyes burn with unshed tears and a cries outs, throwing himself at Lucifer without discretion. “NO! YOU CAN'T, PLEASE - “ Sam sloppily checks Lucifer's pulse, his own heart practically stopping when he doesn't feel a soft thump-thump. “No... You gotta...” Sam takes Lucifer's head in his hands much like he did when Dean died before hugging him tightly, sobbing loudly. “Please.... I can't...” he sobs, barely comprehensible. “Lucifer... I'm sorry... I love you too...”

 

He continues to cry violent, wailing into the now empty room. “NO - PLEASE, I CAN'T, LUCIFER, I NEED YOU! I LOVE YOU!” Sam ends up basically climbing on top off Lucifer, mourning for him loudly. “No... No, no, no... NO, please! NO, NO!” He sounds like a two year old, but Sam can't seem to say anything else. He looks up suddenly, screaming, “GIVE HIM BACK, DAMMIT! THIS ISN'T FAIR! WHY DO YOU MAKE ME WATCH EVERYONE I LOVE DIE?! I NEED HIM, OKAY? PLEASE! I'll DO ANYTHING! I - “ Sam lets out a choppy sob. “I LOVE HIM! PLEASE! Please...”

 

Sam slides down Lucifer's body, slotting his head between Lucifer's - No, it's not Lucifer anymore. It's Nick's dead body, but the sentiment is still makes it the archangels - shoulder and head, weeping into his neck quietly. Dean and Lucifer are both gone, and Sam is broken again, completely unable to form any thought or words that don't have to do with death or sadness. Even those he has to force out of his throat.

 

The brunette cries for hours in that spot, only composing himself enough to call Cas and scream at him about Lucifer's passing. That Hannah isn't need any longer. That it's just the dying angel and Sam now - and the brunette doesn't even bother mentioning that Cas'll be gone too soon. The angel manages to calm him down a bit, but only enough that he can understand what Sam is trying to say. Ten minutes after starting the call Sam hangs up, joining his lover's dead corpse in h -  _their_ room. He sobs some more somehow, and his head pounds and his heart clenches repeatedly.

 

After a while longer, Sam's sobbing turning into crying, which turns into soft weeping, then he falls asleep. No doubt not ready to face the reality of sleeping with a dead body.


	10. "Tell me what you really think."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer comes back from the dead, and sexy times finally occur... But their relationship takes a turn for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear live_laugh_murder,
> 
> If you read this, please edit any mistakes you find, alright? Love you. xoxo

Lucifer’s eyes suddenly snap open as he takes a big breath in, trying to sit up. He finds that he can’t, however, and realizes that Sam is on top of him. He smiles, whispering, “Sammy?”

 

Sam, still sleeping, continues to practically suffocate himself with drying tears and snot, face buried in Lucifer's neck.

 

Pleasantly confused, Lucifer’s tries to sit up again. He ultimately fails, and the blond squirms around a bit. Sam mumbles at his movements, but otherwise continues to sleep. Though, he does squeeze Lucifer unconsciously out of habit.

 

Lucifer looks down at Sam’s sleeping body and instinctively starts playing with his hair. “Sammy... Wake up,” Lucifer’s says, speaking louder. He feels different, but  _oh_ , his throat is fairing much better now.

 

Waking up, Sam rubs his eyes with a groan. He needs to bury Lucifer before his rotting body starts to decompose, and the brunette is definitely not looking forward to that. His eyes flicker open, but he dives back into Lucifer’s neck with whine. He doesn’t want to face the harsh reality of the world just yet.

 

“What happened, Sammy?”

 

“Ah!” Sam jerks back, yelling in surprise. Well, he’s completely awake now. “L-Lucifer?”

 

Wiggling underneath Sam, Lucifer replies, “Yes?”

 

“You - You’re alive!” Sam almost chokes Lucifer when he starts hugging the life out of him. He’s crying again, but they’re happy tears. Sam babbles, “I’m so sorry I was being an idiot! I love you so much! I told you you’d be okay! You’re alive and everything's okay and - “

 

Interrupting Sam, Lucifer asks, “What happened? All I remember is this sharp pain in my head. And then it was dark.”

 

Sam stops himself. He pulls back a bit, crying joyfully at the sight of Lucifer alive, his eyes burning with life. He kisses him sweetly but roughly, still holding onto him tightly. When Lucifer’s words actually sink in, Sam grows confused. “You... You died,” the brunette explains, a bit weirded out that Lucifer doesn’t seem to recall this event. “I don't know how - or why, but... You’re alive!  _Oh, God_ , Lucifer, don’t ever do that again!”

 

Lucifer’s stomach drops, and he gets this eerie feeling. “I died?” he asks, obviously shocked by the news. Archangel’s can only die by his sword. “Then... Why am I alive? You didn’t do anything?”

 

“Don’t act like if I died you wouldn’t sob over my corpse until I was a skeleton,” Sam says sassily. Yes, his sassy little Sammy.

 

“Oh, my God. I can't believe it. I'm alive. Sammy, this is great!” Lucifer finally returns Sam’s hug, previous events slowly creeping into his head. He sort of remembers what happened, but it’s not like it matters.

 

Sam laughs happily, wiping his face on his sleeve. Though, Lucifer’s still skeptical about this whole ordeal. People don’t just come back from the dead, but then again, Lucifer is an archangel. “But... How?”  _Or... Was. Am I... Human now? I feel... Different..._  


 

“I - I don't know, but I'm not to look a gift horse in the mouth.” That’s just not something Sam grew up doing. Good things rarely happen to people like him. “Are you... How - how do you feel?” the human asks nervously.

 

  
_Surprisingly okay, considering... Weaker, Sam. I’m fine... I think I’m human. Nick, are you there?_  “I feel fine,” is all that comes out of his mouth. Lucifer suddenly shivers, his teeth chatter comically. “I'm freezing, though.”

 

Giggling a bit, Sam replies, “That's weird, considering I'm kind of on top you... Here... Do you know - I miss you so much! Don't leave me ever again!”

 

Sarcastically, Lucifer teases darkly, “Oh, I'm so sorry for dropping dead. I'll make sure to be more delicate with your feelings next time.”

 

“That’s kind of insensitive,” Sam laughs, unable to express any emotion except pure joy, “but I’m too happy you’re alive to chew you out for it!” Sam slams his lips against Lucifer’s passionately.

 

Lucifer kisses Sam back with the same amount of lovingness, but pulls away too soon for the brunettes liking. “But seriously, I'm starving.” He can’t remember ever feeling this hungry.

 

“Okay, but...” Sam hesitantly grinds down on Lucifer, a blush on his face. He really wants to start something, because this is the perfect moment.

 

Smiling - it’s a borderline smirk, but Sam knows the blond well enough by now that he can read his more complex expressions - Lucifer flips Sam over and continues kissing him.

 

Sam moans into Lucifer's mouth, barely pulling away only to breath, "I - Don't start something you're not going to finish..." Sam bucks his hips up, whining and squirming underneath Lucifer. The blond smiles into the kiss, pulling away and playing with the bottom of Sam's shirt before pulling it over his head. He tosses it somewhere, attacking Sam's mouth again as he pushes Sam into the bed.

 

Lucifer's fingers run all over Sam's stomach as his eyes glide over his now exposed chest, marveling at the toned, soft skin. Sam moans, making a soft, nervous sound afterwards. He tugs suggestively on Lucifer's shirt. "Are you... Is this?"

 

Lucifer nods with a happy expression with underlying excitement. The blond looks at Sam's chest again with blown pupils. He can't believe that this is  _just for him_. Lucifer makes a move to start kissing Sam again, but he places a hand on his chest and stops him, saying, "Here's the deal..." Sam's face is terribly red as he explains, much to Lucifer's amusement. He enjoys seeing Sam so flustered. "We - Okay. This is going to sound horrible, but I need to go to the bathroom... And, I'll be as quick as I can, but this is kind of how it works... You can go grab something to eat quick if you want..." The hunter finds himself too embarrassed to meet Lucifer's gaze.

 

The other isn't having any of that, however, and grabs Sam's face, forcing him to look Lucifer in the eye.  He has this big, dumb grin plastered on his face, and he suddenly pecks Sam's lips. "Okay, Sammy," he responds.

 

Sam squirms out from under Lucifer, darting into the bathroom quickly. Just before the door shuts, the brunette calls back to him, "Come back into the bedroom when you're done!" With a sigh, Lucifer stands up and walks to the kitchen. He makes a sandwich, devouring it in record time. He chugs down the rest of Sam's open water bottle before heading back to their room. Lucifer climbs on the bed, noticing that Sam's still in the bathroom. He lays down, getting under the covers, getting himself all deliciously worked up over what's about to happen.

 

Sam stumbles out of the bathroom gracelessly, and Lucifer looks at him with dark eyes. Getting into the bed awkwardly, he joins Lucifer under the covers. "I - Okay... Do you..." The blond reaches out to pull him closer, only to find the human stiff as a board. He frowns.

 

"Sammy, why are you so nervous?" he asks with concern and confusion. Lucifer can't comprehend why Sam would be nervous, sex is suppose to feel good. Otherwise humans wouldn't do it, so why is Sam so scared?

 

"B-Because I've never done this..." Lucifer still doesn't understand, and strokes Sam's exposed chest. Wanting him to be closer, so much closer. He manages to soothe the hunter, and pulls him near enough to whisper in his ear.

 

"It'll be okay. I'm going to take care of you," Lucifer murmurs softly. He wraps an arm around Sam's waist and kisses him passionately. Just as Lucifer thinks Sam is going to deepen the kiss, the other human pulls away, much to Lucifer's frustration. He pants with lust-blown eyes as Sam babbles.

 

"I know more or less how this happens, since we started seeing each other romantically I looked into it, but... Do  _you_  have any idea how this works? I know you're a virgin and everything, but do you know  _anything_?"

 

"Well, like you said,  _I'm a virgin_. So no, I have no experience in this field. I'm was just gonna wing it." Lucifer's still breathing heavily, wanting nothing more than to jump Sam's bones already. The brunette shivers under his lover's practically predatory gaze, and continues speaking, not comforted by the blond's words at all.

 

Sam shutters, "O-Okay... But remember, sex is about communication, so... If I do something you don't like, tell me." Oh, always so selfless his Sammy is.

 

"Oh, Sam. You and your inspirational words... Just shut up and come here." Lucifer slams his lips onto Sam's once again, to which his partner gives him a sound of surprise. Lucifer smiles, sucking on the brunette's bottom lip eagerly. He climbs on top of Sam. The pressure in his groin lessens when he presses Sam onto the mattress, but not by much.

 

Lucifer moans into their kiss, grinding down on Sam harder, allowing the taller man to lick into his mouth. The Devil feels Sam smile as he fingers the buttons on Sam's pants. "Luce - " Sam whines, helping Lucifer by shimmying out of his pants. His heart beating rapidly as he tugs on Lucifer's sweatpants, throwing his own to the floor.

 

"Sammy..." Lucifer wiggles out of his pants excitedly, panting into Sam's mouth. The hunter successfully removes Lucifer's sweatpants with his help, throwing it to the floor, too. Sam's hands fly to Lucifer's waist, pulling him down on him, their clothed erections rubbing together.

Sam groans into Lucifer's mouth, mewling as he bucks his hips against his lover. Lucifer moves his mouth to Sam's jaw, then to his neck, kissing and sucking the skin.

 

"Lucifer!" The brunette groans desperately. Sam mewls, squirming helplessly under him. He reaches his hand towards Lucifer's waist, tugging at the blond's boxers.

 

"Mmm, Sammy..." Lucifer's voice is pure sex, his tone raw and sinful. Sam feels his dick throb at the sound of it, and whines, needing  _more_.

 

"L-Lu..."

 

Sam looks at Lucifer with lidded eyes, who's still sucking hickeys onto his neck, letting go of his boxers and struggling out of his own. "Sammy..."

 

The human moans lewdly into Lucifer's mouth and a groan escapes Lucifer's lips. While dry humping Sam, he pulls back, panting, "I love you so much, Sammy."

 

Sam pulls his underwear off, still yanking at Lucifer's impatiently. "I - I love you too," Sam says in response. Lucifer complies with no hesitation, sliding out of his boxers completely. Sam bunches their underwear in his fist, tossing them to the floor before emerging his hand under the covers again. He holds Lucifer by his waist, stroking the now sweaty skin.

 

" _Lucifer_!" Sam lets out a positively sinful moan, humping upwards desperately, almost overwhelmed by the feeling of all of their skin touching.

 

Lucifer moans loudly, "S-Sammy." Sam continues to make lewd noises, which Lucifer's dick is very much enjoying. Sam nervously allows his legs to part completely, pulling Lucifer closer, his eyes shut tight as they kiss. The blond subconsciously positions himself at Sam's entrance, eagerly sliding his arousal over the sticky skin. He wants nothing more than to slide into the brunette and make love to him until they both see stars, but he finds enough control to ask: "You ready, Sammy?"

 

Sam practically jumps out of his skin at the suggestion and Lucifer's eyes fly open. The hunter looks terrified, and shakes his head violently, placing the palm of his hand on the center of Lucifer's chest. "W-Wait! It - it doesn't work  _exactly_  like that..." Sam presses down on Lucifer's chest, looking embarrassed and sheepish. The shorter man is spooked, scanning Sam with concern and worry.

 

"W-What did I do?" he asks nervously. He seems to be making Sam very nervous for whatever reason, and he feels horribly in over his head. The taller man manages to make eye contact with Lucifer, whom is staring at Sam like a kicked puppy.

 

"Get the - Open the night stand top drawer. It's got some lube and condoms. But I don't think... Just get the lube." His eyes darting away from Lucifer's. "You have to... Stretch me out..." Sam pauses, his face getting redder, "So I can... Y'know..."

 

Lucifer feels like an idiot because  _yes, that makes sense_ and he almost really,  _really_  hurt Sam - which is unacceptable. He pulls completely away from Sam, whom looks kiss-bitten and disheveled, opens the drawer and grabs the only bottle in the drawer, looking at Sam. "This?" the blond asks, curiously turning the bottle in his hand and threading it through his fingers. He didn't really consider that there would be lubricant - but again, thinking about,  _it makes sense_  - and also considering that same sex partners probably face more difficulties than opposite sex partners. Lucifer's eyes flick up from the bottle, meeting Sam's.

 

"Y-Yeah," the hunter answers, looking down at Lucifer's very potent arousal, which is still bobbing up and down slightly and curled upwards. Sam considers himself a little above average, but Nick was very well endowed.

 

  
_Very_.

 

"Only use enough to cover each finger and... Be  _careful_ , and  _slow_... Okay? You start with one and - Ugh, I'm being so clinical about this, aren't I?" Sam chuckles nervously. He has the steps for this memorized, of course, ever since he started seeing Lucifer romantically. And he'd seen gay porn before - who doesn't look once and a while out of curiosity?

 

Lucifer, whom is still huffing with that dangerous glint in his eyes, puts some lube on his pointer finger. The blond scoots forward, hovering over Sam once more. "Okay..." he whispers, pushing the digit inside Sam without warning.

 

Sam yelps, hissing, "You have to be  _slower_! I know - I know you're excited and everything but you can't just stick it in there!" It burns and  _oh God,_  how is he going to fit that  _thing_  inside him? The taller man takes a deep breath, willing his body to relax. "Ugh, I'm not being sexy am I? Just... Please be more gentle..."

 

"Sorry, Sammy." Lucifer uses his other hand to pour lube on his middle finger, sliding it in slowly beside the first.

 

Sam's eyes burn with tears and he whines again, halfheartedly swatting at Lucifer's hand to go away. "One - one at a time... You gotta..." The brunette can't find the strength nor energy to explain further, and whimpers painfully.

 

Lucifer yanks his hand back at Sam's words, a heavy weight on his chest. The taller man yelps at the quick movement and Lucifer leans in on himself sheepishly. "Sorry! Oh, God. This is awful. I'm ruining this whole thing," he says guiltily, not meeting Sam's eyes.

 

"No, no it's not your fault. You've never done this before - Just... Doing this'll hurt me, no way around it, but you gotta be  _really_  careful and gentle and slow or it'll hurt even more...

I'll survive, though... Just... This is why I'm nervous because you don't  _understand_  and - "

 

Lucifer interrupts him, apologizing, "I'm sorry. God, this is so embarrassing." Sam waves a dismissive hand at his partner, taking a few deep breaths.

 

"It's okay... Just... Remember to use the lube. You..." Sam blushes again, but manages to continue. "You use one finger first and... When you get it kinda-but-only-barely-loose, add another and so on..." the brunette explains, silently cursing himself for being so shy. He normally isn't, but this is unexplored territory, and the fact that it's also new for Lucifer is even more unnerving.

 

"Okay..." the shorter man looks down again, taking a few more breaths as to calm his racing heart. Sam's definitely right about him being excited, but he wants the hunter to be comfortable. "Here it goes, I guess," he warns, putting a little more lube on his pointer finger and slowly pushing it in. He feels Sam tense up, and he stares down at the visible skin of his finger. "Is - is that okay?"

 

The brunette lets out a sigh he didn't realize he had been holding, and breathily answers, "Y-Yeah... Just move it around... Remember, you're stretching me for... For..." Sam tilts his head a bit and looks at Lucifer's still angry-looking erection, gulping. Honestly, how is  _that_  going to fit  _inside_  him? If a single fucking finger makes him feel like he's being split open, there's no way Lucifer's shoving that -  _repeatedly_  - inside him without Sam simply  _dying_.

 

Lucifer starts moving his finger around, and once he feels it's time, he gently pushes another finger in. This lasts about two seconds, until Lucifer slides them both out halfway, realizing it's too dry. The blond pours some more lube on his middle and pointer finger before pushing them back inside the human. Sweat's beading at his forehead from focusing, and he too ponders how he is actually going to fit inside something so  _small_. Sam whines at the intrusion, faking a soft moan as to make Lucifer feel better. In all honesty, the brunette's starting to worry that he won't enjoy this all together.

 

He continues moving his fingers in different ways, scissoring Sam carefully. "You okay?" Lucifer asks, dark eyes flicking up to the brunette's. Sam is so tight on his fingers, and just imagining his dick in that space is keeping him going.

 

"Y-Yeah..." Sam lies, disliking the burn of his walls being stretched.

 

Reading Sam like a book, Lucifer asks skeptically, "You sure?" But Sam doesn't answer, and pulls Lucifer down to kiss him. Sam takes Lucifer's free hand and puts it on his wavering erection suggestively before moving the hand to Lucifer's, pumping it slowly.

 

A loud moan escapes Lucifer's lips, and as his eyes close, he breaths, "S-Sammy..." Again, the pressure of his arousal is lessened, but not by much. Sam carefully bucks his hips up into Lucifer's still hand, keening softly.

 

"Can you... I need..." the taller man mewls, trying to focus all of his attention on the feeling of Lucifer's large hand on his dick. When he slowly starts pumping Sam's erection, Sam moans, pushing back on Lucifer's fingers. "M-More..." At his request, the blond pumps his hand slightly faster.

 

Moaning lewdly, the human instructs, "I - Add the last one..." Scared to hurt Sam, Lucifer reluctantly adds the last finger, and moves it around. Sam's back arches off the bed and he groans painfully, his face scrunching up. "C'mon...  _Stretch_  me..." The brunette stops pumping Lucifer's erection, not wanting him to be too worked up before they even start.

 

Lucifer moves his fingers around for what feels like forever. He looks up, grimacing. "Is that enough? I hate hurting you." Sam shakes his head in response. 

 

"No... A little m-more..." Sam notices Lucifer's expression and frowns. "Please stop feeling bad... This is going to hurt me no matter what. But it'll start feeling better after a while."

 

The blond sighs. "M'kay..." He keeps moving his fingers around, occasionally pushing them in and out slowly. About two minutes pass before the brunette has worried himself to death, panting heavily.

 

Sam mewls, "I - Okay. Luce, you can... Put it in..." The hunter catches himself, adding quickly, "But put  _a lot_  of lube on it first!"

 

"Okay." Lucifer pulls his fingers out, and Sam groans at the loss. He pulls away, looking for the small container of lube. Once he recovers it, the blond squirts a generous amount on his arousal before throwing it aside. Crawling forward, he hooks Sam's ankles over his shoulders, scooting until his erection is touching the brunette. He positions himself at Sam's entrance, and thrusts himself in without another word, pushing in and out of his partner.

 

Sam winces, his eyes closing, and curses himself for not explaining further. He clutches the bedsheets so desperately his knuckles turn white. His voice is strained and softer than a whisper as he says, "Slow." A tear escapes Sam's eye, but neither of them notice.

 

"Sorry," Lucifer grunts, slowing his pace down. The blond is pretty sure he found Heaven again, because Sam is so impossibly, deliciously  _tight_. It really does takes everything he has not to fuck into the brunette with all he has.

 

Mean while, Sam is willing his body to relax, trying to steady his breathing, for Lucifer's sake. This is for him, anyway, and Sam wants him to enjoy this, because he's giving him a special thing. Lucifer isn't dumb, though, and closes his eyes. His head is hung as he finds his voice. "S-Sammy, is this... Is this okay?"

 

Sam opens his teary eyes, managing a small smile. "Y-Yes..." Sam looks at Lucifer expectantly, not at all finding the look of pure bliss he imagined he'd have. Sam chokes back a sod and looks away before Lucifer can open his eyes. He feels like failure, because either he can't satisfy Lucifer in general or he's been so selfish that he's made Lucifer guilty. As a last ditch effort, Sam starts making fake moans. "F... F-Faster..." If he can convince the blond that he's enjoying it, perhaps he can actually indulge in the feeling of Sam.

 

Lucifer quickens his pace and bites his lip, a small moan escaping his mouth. It's hard to go faster, but not to be allowed to go as fast as he wants. Though he's still iffy about this whole thing, because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the hunter is not enjoying this. The blond frowns, his head still bowed.

 

The hunter would very much like to be praised about how good he feels, how amazing it is to be inside him. But Lucifer is remaining silent. Which is surprising in more ways than one. Sam had expected him to be chatting nonstop, and maybe that's why it hurts that he's not constantly complimenting the human. Sam feels his heart clench, and hides his heartbroken face by turning away. Sucking up the pain, Sam begins to meet Lucifer's thrusts, moaning like he did when they were in the car. "Harder... C'mon..." Sam's terrified, but manages to say, "T-Take what you want..."

 

Lucifer breathes deeply in turn, and thrusts harder inside Sam. It's not much closer to what he wants, but still very enjoyable. The blond's eyes flutter open, and he watches himself disappear into Sam, only to reappear. Again and again. Lucifer moans at the sight. "Sammy..." he pants, practically drooling.

 

Sam reaches forward, bringing Lucifer closer. He starts French kissing him, making fake moans and meeting Lucifer's thrusts. Sam's hand snakes around to pump his almost nonexistent erection, trying to distract himself with the pleasure. Lucifer moans into the kiss as Sam sucks on his tongue. The brunette suddenly pulls away from the kiss, panting into their shared air, "C'mon... Let me hear you... Talk to me, what does it feel like?"

 

"It feels... A-Amazing." Lucifer throws his head back and moans. "I-I've never felt this... before, Sammy." It's almost a stupid thing to say, because it's obvious that he's never felt this. Since he made it very clear he was a virgin. 

 

Seeing Lucifer's exposed neck, Sam takes the opportunity to suck on Lucifer's Adam's apple. He pulls back for only a second, asking: "What else?" before attacking it again.

 

"I - " Lucifer lets out an obnoxiously loud moan. "No one's ever... Ever loved me like... Like you. It feels like... like I have all the time in the... Mmm... In the world." He groans lewdly, continuing to hump into Sam eagerly, all traces of remorse gone. Sam blinks at the touching answer, deciding not to attempt to get Lucifer to spew out compliments like he'd wanted, imagined. The brunette is surprised when Lucifer thrusts again and he lets out an honest moan. It feels weird, and still hurts a little, but it's a lot better. Sam fucks back on Lucifer's dick softly, pulling his head back down to make out with him again.

 

Lucifer continues to thrust while moaning and grunting into the kiss. His hands trail down to grip Sam's ass, massaging the flesh there. After about two minutes pass, Sam's leg start to cramp up from the unfamiliar position, and he scoots a bit to be more comfortable. He wiggles his butt by extension, and Lucifer's dick brushes over something extraordinary in turn. "AH!" Sam cries out from the pleasure of it, whining when it fades.

 

The shorter man is too lost to notice Sam's discovery, and quickens his pace. The room is completely silent other than the sound of Sam's moans, Lucifer's grunts, their lips moving together, and the obscene sound of slapping skin. Sam tilts his hips, making it so Lucifer brushes over his prostate with every deep thrust. They pant into each other's mouths, marveling at the feel of one another. "Sammy..." Lucifer breathes. Whining desperately, Sam quickens the pace of his hand, whimpering in pleasure. 

 

"Please, Lucifer... M-More..."

 

The short man's thrusts grow more erratic, and he finally understands why humans do this act so often. "Oh, God! Sam!" he shouts, his hands clamping down on Sam's skin.

 

Sam tilts his hips sideways a bit more, moaning loudly each time Lucifer hits his prostate. The hunter greedily push back on it, mewling as he pumps himself harder. Pulling away from their kiss, the brunette takes a moment to breath before saying, "I - I love you!"

 

The blond loses all discretion, thrusting into Sam brutally. "I-I love you t-too," he shutters back. 

 

Sam feels himself nearing his orgasm, and after opening his eyes he doesn't think Lucifer's too far behind. "I -  _oh God!_ " The taller man arousal is on fire with pleasure, and it feels  _so good_. "L-Lu, I'm gonna - " Sam can't hold it anymore, and he comes all over his stomach and Lucifer's chest, closing his eyes tightly from the sensitivity overload.

 

Sam's entrance spasms from his orgasm, his hole fluttering around Lucifer's dick. Lucifer moans sinfully, announcing, "I'm almost there! I'm - "

 

Suddenly, that marvelous feeling of climaxing vibrates through Lucifer, and he pumps his cum deep into Sam. The blond closes his eyes and breathes deeply, relishing in the feeling of it. He stops thrusting.

 

Sam simply takes it, overcome. Lucifer takes a few deep, shaky breaths. His head falls, resting on Sam's neck. "I love you, Sam," he pants, bringing his hands around his lover's middle, hugging him lovingly.

 

The hunter giggles, breathing heavily, as well. "I love you too..." Sam wiggles his hips a little, trying to remind Lucifer to pull out. It takes a lot of effort to do so, since he feels boneless and satisfied.

 

Taking the hint, Lucifer pulls out and flops over, lying back on the bed. The brunette feels warm liquid seep out of him and keens when Lucifer moves away from him. Sam mourns the lost body heat, disliking the empty feeling he now has and stickiness of Lucifer's release. Wanting to snuggle post-intercourse, Sam mumbles, "You know, there's this thing humans like to do after sex..."

 

Smiling at Sam blissfully, Lucifer amuses him. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

 

A dumb smile splits Sam's face. "Cuddle," the brunette answers, looking at Lucifer dopily, hormones still making his brain foggy.

 

"Oh, really?" Lucifer looks at the ceiling, putting a hand under his chin in mock thoughtfulness. "That sounds weird... I wonder why they would do that." He looks over at Sam, still grinning, excited to see his reaction.

 

Sam finds the energy to tackle Lucifer with a mischievous smile, digging his hands under his lover's armpits. "Well, if you don't wanna cuddle me, I can always tickle you!" he states, not even thinking about the fact that they're both still completely naked. Though, Sam does take a moment to enjoy how beautifully domestic all of this is.

 

"What?! No! Agh!" Lucifer screams and laughs as Sam tickles him, halfheartedly pushing the brunette away. But Sam continues to tickles Lucifer, stoping after about thirty seconds, too tired for more. He lays on top of Lucifer.

 

"That was... Different," Sam states absentmindedly. 

 

"Different? How?"

 

Sam rolls his eyes. "I mean the sex."

 

Lucifer smiles and starts playing with Sam's hair, saying, "I have a strange urge to braid your hair." Sam shoots a Lucifer a look, ignoring him. 

 

"But that was... Good?"

 

"Yeah. Anything with you is good," the blond answers matter-of-factly.

 

Grumbling, the taller man complains, "Ugh. I don't wanna move." Sam's eyes close, and he uses Lucifer's chest as a pillow.

 

"Can we just lay here forever?"

 

Looking at Lucifer, the brunette responds, "No, we have to go take a shower." Then, as an afterthought, Sam adds, "Dried cum is a bitch to clean."

 

Lucifer groans in disproval. "Fine."

 

Sam attempts to get up, only for eyes to widen. He lets out a shriek, losing any progress towards the bathroom. Lucifer's eyes dart to him in concern. "What?" he asks Sam worryingly.

 

Sam looks just as confused as the other. He thinks for a moment. "I - Oh." The hunter looks over at the bathroom, wondering how he's going to make it all the way there.

 

"You okay there?" the blond repeats. Sam gives Lucifer a small smile, carefully exiting the bed. Sam tries to limit the movement of his lower body, making him look pretty dumb. Wincing with every moment, Sam waddles to the bathroom.

 

The shorter man stands up and follows Sam to the bathroom curiously. Hearing his partner's footsteps, Sam turns to face him gingerly. "You joining me? It'll save water." The hunter winks, despite not having any interest in continuing their adventure.

 

"Well, we have to be good to the earth, of course." Lucifer puts a hand on Sam's back. "You okay?" he asks with soft eyes. His hand trails up, halfheartedly massaging Sam's shoulders.

 

"Yeah," the brunette answers, his eyes fluttering at the feel of Lucifer's hand squeezing his tension away, "Just sore. So no funny business." Despite his words, Sam swallows back the pain and bends over completely with a smirk, right in front of Lucifer, messing around with the water settings.

 

Lucifer smiles and rolls his eyes before lightly slapping Sam's butt. To which Sam jerks a little, but continues to turn the water on before rising. "You know, I'm not even sure if we're both gonna fit in here. It's..." Sam trails off and pulls back the curtain carefully, as to not let any of the water out.

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes, pushing Sam gently. "Just get in," he instructs, starting to become cold. Sam looks at Lucifer with an 'are you serious' look, and sticks his hand under the water, his eyes not leaving the blond's. 

 

He looks at the brunette expectantly and he supplies, "It's too hot, calm down, I've never ran a shower without being  _in_  it first." The hunter looks to the settings again, and leans over a lot more carefully than the first time. He makes the water cooler, and stands up completely again. He's more than aware of the cum leaking out of him, and Sam's a bit worried about it, but he doesn't think it'll have a negative effect on his body. But it'll be a bitch to find every damn drop that hits something.

 

"Can we get in now?" 

 

Sam looks back at Lucifer, sticking his hand under the water. “Yeah. But damn, someone’s excited.” Sam stands up completely again, and waddles to the edge of the curtain, stepping in. The brunette carefully walks to the front of the shower and waits for Lucifer to follow. “It's... Warm. Can you get in?”

 

Nodding, the blond follows Sam, carefully getting into the shower with his lover. Sam closes the curtain after Lucifer, and looks down at him with a smile. “Every time we stand next to each other I always forget how much taller I am than you...”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. “Shut up. Sassy beats tall any day,” he retorts, crossing his arms.

 

Smirking, the brunette replies, “You just keep telling yourself that, shorty.”

 

“You're so mean to me,” Lucifer says, pouting like the drama queen he is.

 

“Here... Why don't you go in front of me so...” Holding back a laugh, Sam manages to continue with a dumb smile and choked tone, “So you can see...”

 

Still pouting, Lucifer huffs. “What’s so funny?” he presses, glaring at Sam. He knows what Sam’s talking about, of course.

 

“Nothing... Here...” Sam places his hands on Lucifer’s shoulders, turning them sideways. Their fronts rub together as Sam puts Lucifer in front of him. “There. Now use the shampoo and give me the soap.”

 

Lucifer hands Sam the soap and grabs the shampoo, squirting some into his hand. His lover looks at his hand. “Jesus,” the brunette muses, “you do use a lot of shampoo. For future reference, you only need like half of that.” Sam backs up and starts to rub the soap all over his body.

 

“Whatever,” the shorter man huffs. Lucifer puts the shampoo on his head and starts to rub it in.

 

Sam leans sets the soap down on one of the ledges of the tub behind him, and bats Lucifer's hands away from his hair, rubbing the shampoo with his own hands. This causes Lucifer to smile, and he hopes he can do the same for Sam. “Wait...” Sam quickly grabs the bar of soap and rinses it off. He continues to massage Lucifer’s scalp with one hand, the other holding the soap out to the shorter man. “Clean yourself. Especially your chest.”

 

Taking the soap bar, Lucifer rubs it all over his body. He makes sure to get his chest, like Sam said. There’s still cum on it, after all.

 

“So... We should probably talk about the fact you mysteriously came back to life,” Sam says over the running water.

 

Shaking his head, Lucifer groans, “Ugh. Can't we just enjoy this? Let's talk about it later.”

 

Sighing, Sam replies, “Fine. Rinse your hair.” He steps back to allow Lucifer to do just that, putting his head under the water and running his hands through his hair a couple times. “Now give me the shampoo... I... I need to be in front again.”

 

After handing Sam the shampoo, Lucifer turns. Once the brunette is sideways, too, their fronts rub together again and Sam clicks open the shampoo bottle before squirting a lot into his hand.

 

“Hypocrite.”

 

Sam scoffs, raising an eyebrow at his lover. “I have more hair than you,” he explains.

 

“Yeah. A  _lot_  more. You should go get a haircut.”

 

Shaking his head, Sam gives the shorter man a puppy dog face. Lucifer’s sighs, shaking his head, too. “Well... I do like your long hair. It’s fun to play with.”

 

Sam leans forwards carefully, pecking Lucifer on the lips. The brunette turns around and rubs the shampoo into his hair. He smirks. “I know.” Lucifer smiles to himself, wondering how he got so lucky to be with Sam.

 

Quietly - barely heard over the water for that matter - Sam comments, “I like when you tug on it.” He’s not sure if it counts as a kink or not, but the taller man really enjoys it for whatever reason. Sam’s not sure if he always has but never had the time to notice, or if he simply developed it somehow. Either way, it definitely gets his rocks off.

 

"Like this?" Lucifer lightly tugs on Sam’s soapy hair, making the brunette giggle.

 

“Not exactly. The next time you want a blowjob you should ask me about it...” Sam purrs, looking at Lucifer for a split second and winking. He steps forward to rinse off shampoo, putting his head under the relaxing spray of the water.

 

Smiling wolfishly, Lucifer replies, “I'll remember that...” He likes pulling on Sam’s hair himself. Like he stated previously, it’s fun to play with.

 

Sam steps back, out of breath, and turns towards Lucifer. He's pretty sure that long showers - which are always far and few in between - make him tired because of the warm air he’s inhaling. Then again, Sam could always be completely wrong. It's just one of the tedious things that crosses his mind on one of his long drives with Dean. “Okay. We should probably get out now and then cook something. Like red velvet cake. In celebration, of course...”

 

“Yum!” Lucifer agrees, the running water no match for his loud voice. “Okay.”

 

Curiously, Sam looks at his lover and yawns. “Have you ever had red velvet cake?” he asks.

 

“Yeah. I was hungry and I saw this birthday party going on. So, I went inside, grabbed a slice, and then I left.” Lucifer says it like it’s so causal to steal from children on their birthdays.

 

Sam blinks, barely able to process this information that Lucifer’s throwing at his face. “You...”

 

“Yep.”

 

“I... You...” After a few moments, Sam sighs. “I honestly don’t even know if I should be surprised anymore...”

 

Chuckling with a shrug, Lucifer says in agreement, “I don't know either.” He can understand to an extent why this wouldn’t be seen as kosher, stealing being a sin and all, but Lucifer isn’t exactly bothered by the fact. A small part of him - okay, maybe it’s not _that_ small - likes causing mischief. Lucifer’s always been that way.

 

Sam sighs again, but this time it’s more fond than annoying, before kissing Lucifer coyly. The kiss doesn’t last very long, because Lucifer pulls back a moment later to say, “Now, come on! I want cake!”

 

Rolling his eyes, the brunette replies sassily, “Then get out of the shower and dry off.” Sam turns around and shuts off the water, leaving them both wet, bodies slowly becoming colder from the dissipating steam.

 

Lucifer gets out of the shower and grabs the towel, drying himself off as Sam said. Not that he needs step-by-step instructions. Behind him, Sam steps out of the shower with a wince, waiting for Lucifer to be done with the towel. “We’re lucky I actually did the laundry,” Sam comments as the blond dries off, “otherwise we’d both have to run around the Bunker naked looking for a towel.”

 

Chuckling, Lucifer’s finishes drying himself off, commenting sarcastically, “My savior.” He hands Sam the slightly damp towel. “Though, I don’t think I’d mind seeing your beautiful, naked body all day...”

 

Sam giggles with a blush, whipping Lucifer’s exposed butt before drying himself off with a smirk. “Can’t say I would mind seeing you in all your glory all day either.” Lucifer jumps a bit from the towel, rolling his eyes and smiling.

 

While drying off, Sam continues pressing for information about the cake Lucifer stole. “How did you walk into a house and steal a piece of cake?”

 

Lucifer turns to face Sam, expression sober. He shakes his head. “They were in their backyard by their pool. I walked up to a kid and I asked what kind of cake it was. He told me then I pushed him into the pool. While he was trying to get out I got my piece of cake and ran.”

 

After a minute of silence, Sam simply states, “You are a horrible person.”

 

“What can I say?” Lucifer replies proudly with a smile, gesturing to his person. “I’m Satan.”

 

Sam wads the towel up, looking at Lucifer funny. “You don’t push people into pools,” he scolds, sounding like a strict dad, “and you don't steal their cake!”

 

“Why? I was hungry. I wanted cake!” Lucifer’s crosses his arms, prepared to defend himself. “That’s what I was doing when Dean had you tied up.”

 

Sam makes a move as to say something, but doesn’t. They don’t need to continue this conversation, no matter how ridiculous Lucifer’s being. “Just... C’mon, we gotta get dressed. You should see if there are any clothes that fit you... You can't wear the same thing forever.” Technically Lucifer has a few different outfits, but he usually wears the same one. Sam doesn’t know why, nor how often it’s cleaned, and he frankly doesn’t care.

 

“My clothes are comfy!”

 

Shaking his head, Sam hangs up the towel and they both go into the bedroom. He replies, “You’ve worn that same one for... God, was it the one you wear wearing when you got out?” Maybe Lucifer’s attached to it for some reason?

 

Lucifer huffs unhappily. “Fine,” he says, sounding like a put-down teenager. “ _I guess_ I see your point.”

 

“Exactly, just... Borrow some of my clothes.” Sam waddles over to his dresser, his butt still aching. “You might be swimming in them, though. Since I'm taller than you.” Sam opens his dresser, throwing clothes at Lucifer.

 

Putting on one of Sam’s shirts and a pair of jeans - Lucifer’s _usually_ don’t wear underwear - the blond looks at himself. “Your height is unnatural, Sammy.”

 

“Unnatural?” the taller man snorts.

 

“Yeah! I mean, is there anyone who’s taller than you?” That’s such a dumb question.

 

Sam rolls his eyes. “Of course, but I haven't met them. You didn’t meet anyone taller than me on your journeys?” He might of, but Sam doesn’t recall. It’s not like it’s life-changing information that’s slipping is mind, though.

 

“No. I'm telling you, I'm pretty sure you're related to Bigfoot,” Lucifer teases, looking around their bedroom for a belt. If he’s going to wear these pants, he’s going to need one.

 

Sam chuckles, saying, “Well, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing that's happened to me.” That gets Lucifer to smile before he finds a belt, sitting down on their bed as he slips it on. Sam turns around, holding his own change of clothes, laughing. “Yeah... We're going to have to go shopping for you...”

 

Adjusting his belt, Lucifer whines, “Now get dressed! I want cake!”

 

Sam quickly - as quickly as he can with a sore ass and limited movement - throws on his clothes, awkwardly looking away for whatever discernible reason. “Okay... I'm pretty sure we have red velvet cake mix... Though, if I'm wrong, we could just go to the store. You need clothes, anyway.”

 

“Okay.” Lucifer stands up and grabs Sam’s hand before dragging him to the kitchen. And, although Sam is being dragged, he notices that the shorter man is walking a tad slower than usual because he knows that he’s sore from their activities. Sam smiles as he allows himself to be pulled.

 

“You have an unhealthy obsession with food.”

 

Not even bothering to deny it, Lucifer nods. “I know. Food’s good!” he exclaims, excitedly. That red velvet cake he got from that birthday party was really good, and he can’t wait to taste it again.

 

There’s a few beats of pleasant quietness, but then Sam breaks the entire mood. “But, Lucifer, we should really talk about - “

 

With a tired sigh, the blond interrupts, “No. Not now.”

 

Sam huffs. “Why?” he whines, almost perfectly mimicking Lucifer’s ‘why not, Sam?’ voice. He doesn’t understand why Lucifer’s is putting this off, and it is only making him worry more. Is there something the blond isn’t telling him? Is Sam out of the loop _again_?

 

“Because... I just came back from the dead. You don’t have to be alone anymore. _And_ we just had sex. Don’t ruin the mood.” Though, they both know that Sam already has.

 

Sighing, Sam internally agrees. “We're going to talk about it at some point,” he says like a mother. “You can’t avoid it forever.”

 

“I know,” Lucifer replies, nodding as he glances back at his lover. “We’ll talk about it later. I promise.”

 

Reluctantly, Sam says, “Okay.” They both enter the kitchen. “Let’s find the cake mix...”

 

-

 

“Okay... It's still baking...” Sam informs five minutes after they put the damn thing in the oven, as if fifteen minutes have already gone by. “Where should we... I think there’s a mall on the other side of town. After we eat our cake, do you wanna get you some clothes at JCPenny?”

 

It takes Lucifer a moment to remember that JCPenny is a store, giving Sam a weird look. When he remembers, though, the shorter man nods curtly. “Sure,” he practically chirps, once again in a fantastic mood. Coming back to life, having sex with Sam, and having cake? _This is the best day ever_ , Lucifer muses.

 

“We’re going to get you some gentlemen clothes,” Sam is saying when Lucifer comes back to himself. “Or, well, whatever you want, I just imagine you liking fancy clothes.”

 

Lucifer smiles. “Yeah, I do.” He’s a fancy kind of guy. Heaven - when he was apart of it, anyway - will do that to someone. Such high standards it’s ridiculous.

 

Grinning, Sam gestures to himself by pressing his palm against his chest. “I, myself, prefer lumberjack clothing,” he says with a chuckle, kind of joking but not really.

 

“Yeah, I noticed,” Lucifer laughs, thinking about how hunters always wear flannel for some reason. Are those the cheapest kinds of clothes? Or is it just an unsaid dress code so that they can identify each other?

 

“But I have a ton of fraud credit cards, so you'll be able to get whatever you want.” Sam leans against the counter, crossing his arms. “Though, we gotta get you all kinds of clothes. And... I need to get a few things, too...”

 

Ever curious, Lucifer raises an eyebrow. “What do you need?” he asks.

 

With a smug, tight smile, Sam replies dismissively, “Nothing you need to worry about...”

 

Lucifer squints at Sam suspiciously. “What?” he repeats. “What do you need?”

 

Giving Lucifer a knowing look, the brunette shrugs. “It's a surprise,” Sam explains, making Lucifer groan impatiently. He _hates_ waiting for things, let alone surprises. Lucifer’s too curious to wait for long periods of time, and Sam _knows_ that. “Oh, be quiet, you. You’re the one who asked. But... Trust me, I think you’ll really like it.”

 

Lucifer smiles and puts his hand on Sam’s waist. He leans over and pecks Sam’s lips lovingly. Sam smiles into the kiss, and just as he’s about to deepen it, the oven beeps. Pulling away hesitantly, the taller man informs, “Ah, cake's done.”

 

Closing his eyes with a sigh, Lucifer leans back to his original position. When he realizes that the cake is done - he’s a little pouty about the fact that Sam pulled away so soon from kissing - his eyes shoot open. “Oh, yay!” he exclaims, uncrossing his arms and following Sam to the oven. He looms over the brunette’s shoulder.

 

“We still have to wait for it to cool,” Sam states, getting some oven mitts from the cupboard in front of him. “And put frosting on it.”

 

Lucifer groans, obviously wanting to devour the cake this very second. You’d think that rotting in the Cage for eons would have made him patient, but that’s definitely not the case. “ _Fine_... It said that ‘cooling time’ is about five minutes.”

 

“You and that damn box,” Sam chuckles, opening the oven and taking out the cake. They actually did a pretty good job. “You like white frosting?” Sam sets the cake on the counter before closing the oven.

 

“Yeah.” Does that mean there are other types of frosting? Oh, the possibilities!

 

Sam gets the frosting out, along with a butter knife. He hands them to Lucifer after he takes off the gloves. “Here, try not to stab anyone.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer huffs in disappointment before responding, “Can’t make any promises...”

 

Sam gives Lucifer a disproving look before shutting off the oven. The brunette takes the gloves, putting them back in the cupboard. “Five minutes you said?”

 

Fiddling with the butter knife and frosting, the blond says, “Yeah... Um... Sam?” His voice is reluctant and soft, much different than it was previously.

 

“What?” Sam asks, turning around to face his lover. He hopes that Lucifer’s finally ready to discuss him coming back to life mysteriously. They really need to, and it’s hurting the trust in their relationship.

 

But, instead, Lucifer asks, “Do you still... Have you had anymore nightmares?”

 

This catches Sam off guard, and he manages to hide his disappointment. “I... Why?” Is Lucifer still worried about Sam having nightmares about him? It happens sometimes, sure, but not since the last time; the time that the blond knows about.

 

“Just... Wondering,” Lucifer replies, speaking with more confidence. He’s more certain of his words. “I worry about you sometimes.” _More like all the time..._ Lucifer internally sighs.

 

Sam looks at the ground with a shake of his head. “No,” he answers, rubbing his face. “No, I haven’t. But I’m not going to lie, I don’t - I’m probably going to have more. I mean, I _will_ , but... Sleeping next to you helps...”

 

Hesitantly nodding, Lucifer looks down at the floor, too. “...Okay,” he says quietly, awkwardly clearing his throat.

 

“Is... Do you think the cake’s done cooling?”

 

Lucifer looks up, scanning the pastry. “Yeah, probably,” he replies, watching the steam float off of it gracefully. Sam turns around, facing the cake himself.

 

“Okay...” Sam gets out a large plate before he plops the cake onto it. He sets the shaped pan into the dishwasher. Looking at his lover, the brunette says, “Do you... You can put the frosting on it if you know how. Since I did most of the other stuff...”

 

Smiling slightly, Lucifer joins Sam by the dessert. “Stop taking all the credit,” he teases, opening up the frosting before he starts spreading it with the butter knife.

 

Sam pinches Lucifer’s butt without looking, watching him spread the frosting. The brunette rests his head on Lucifer’s shoulder. “I _did_ do most of the work.”

 

Lucifer jumps a little before melting into Sam’s side, and the brunette leans down to playfully nibble on his lover’s neck. When Lucifer finishes frosting the cake, he announces, “Done!”

 

Sticking out a finger, Sam steals some of the frosting. He pulls away from Lucifer and tries it. “Mmmmm... I'll get two plates. Cut it.” Sam grabs two small plates from the cupboard, setting them down next to the cake.

 

Lucifer does as instructed, cutting the cake and putting a rather large piece on each plate. Sam grabs one of them, getting two forks before shuffling into the study. He walks slowly, holding have a couple winces. Grabbing his own plate, Lucifer follows Sam.

 

Sam sits down and starts eating his cake. After a few moments of them humming pleasantly, clearly enjoying the cake, the brunette says softly, “Lucifer...”

 

Looking up from his dessert, Lucifer swallows the cake in his mouth. “Yeah?”

 

Poking the piece of cake with his fork, Sam asks, “How... How are you feeling?” Maybe Lucifer is finally ready to talk about him, well, coming back to life. It’s borderline normal for Winchesters these days, but they still need to discuss Lucifer’s... Resurrection.

 

“I'm... I'm okay,” Lucifer answers hesitantly, not knowing what else to say. He feels great, honestly.

 

Sam squints at him, clearly not believing the shorter man. “Are you actually okay or are you lying to me? I didn’t do anything, and I'm pretty sure you didn't, so... Why did you just come back from the dead?” It’s not like Lucifer would have had any time to figure out how to cheat death. Sam was at his side constantly and he’d been really sick.

 

“I'm fine. And I don't know what happened. One minute I was dead and the next I wasn't.” It’s more clear to him what happened now, since it’s been a few hours since.

 

Nodding with a ‘no shit, Sherlock’ sigh, Sam replies, “Yeah, I noticed. But... I... Are you going to be okay?” He looks up at Lucifer, and the blond’s Adam’s apple bobs.

 

There’s a minute of awkward silence. “I think so,” Lucifer finally says, blinking at his lover. “I don't feel like I'm dying anymore...” And, this is true. Though, the blond doesn’t know what to do with the information. It’s scary, because he’s definitely not an archangel any longer.

 

“Well, that's good.” Sam offers Lucifer a small smile, biting his bottom lip afterwards. “I - _Ugh_ , are you...?”

 

Shrugging, the blond says, “I feel... Different. I don't know how to explain it.” That’s true, too. Lucifer’s pretty sure that this weird feeling is just vulnerability, however. He feels a lot more human than he did a week or so ago. _Just another weak mud monkey..._ rings his older brother’s voice, oh so loud in his head.

 

“Different?” Sam’s voice thankfully snaps Lucifer back to reality, and the blond looks down at his cake so that he can cut off another bite. “Hmmm... Do you...” Pause. “Do you think you're human?”

 

Lucifer has no idea why he’s been avoiding this inevitable question, and he reluctantly nods. “I don't... I think so. I mean... I definitely don't feel like an archangel.”

 

Getting another bite of cake himself, Sam swallows before asking, “Is there anyway we can check - and damn, this is a good cake...”

 

“I don't know... Maybe.” Pause. “Yeah, it turned out great. The fruit of my labor.”

 

Sam suddenly smiles - and okay, maybe it’s a bit forced, but he can tell Lucifer doesn’t want to linger on this subject any longer - and says, “Well, I’m just glad you’re back.”

 

Obviously relieved, as Sam predicted, the blond nods quickly in agreement. He takes another bite of cake, talking with his mouth full. “Me, too. Otherwise who would cut your hair in your sleep?”

 

“And all you did was stir the damn cake mix, read the instructions, put frosting on it and -

Wait. What? What did you just say about my hair?”

 

Lucifer’s smirks playfully, swallowing the sweet dessert in his mouth. “Nothing,” he chirps. “It’s a surprise...”

 

“I swear to your dad, Lucifer, if you cut my hair while I'm sleeping, you aren't getting _your_ surprise,” the brunette threatens, making Lucifer roll his eyes dramatically.

 

Cutting off another piece of cake, Lucifer asks thoughtfully “How long are you planning on growing it out, anyway?”

 

“I - “ Sam takes another bite of his cake, continuing with a full mouth. “I don't know... I guess it could use a trim... Maybe I’ll get it cut a little at the mall.”

 

“After you get my surprise?”

 

Sam hums, thinking about how this whole thing should go over. “Hmmm... I don't know... Could I leave you in the car? I don’t like the idea of you being by yourself at the mall.”

 

Lucifer replies playfully, “You must have good judgement...” Swallowing, the blond nods, now serious. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

 

“You could bring a book or - “ Sam cuts himself off when he remembers that Lucifer mentioned that he doesn’t particularly enjoy reading. “Well, you’ll just have to figure it out. I’ll be, like, an hour if I get a haircut.” Finishing his cake, Sam takes Lucifer’s plate along with his to the kitchen and puts them in the dishwasher with the butter knife. He puts the frosting away before returning to the study. “You ready?”

 

“Yeah, let’s go.” Lucifer stands up and grabs Sam’s hand lovingly, and the brunette squeezes it. They walk to the car happily, hand in hand.

 

-

 

“Okay...” Sam stops the car, looking over at Lucifer with a serious expression. “Best behavior... Lots of people are gonna be here and... Don't do anything illegal, alright?”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer huffs, “ _Fine_.”

 

Sam nods at Lucifer before getting out of the car, walking over to his lover’s side and opening the door. “Let’s get you some clothes first, okay?”

 

“Alright.” Lucifer gets out of the car and grabs Sam's hand again. He feels a little weird about the fact that Sam opened the car door for him, as if he couldn’t do it himself. He was... Struggling with his seat belt, okay? At least he wears one. “Lead the way.”

 

Sam looks down at their intertwined hands, obviously distraught. “Uh...” he grumbles nervously, starting to blush.

 

“What?” Lucifer asks, confused. “Are we not supposed to hold hands in public?” Haven’t they before? They’ve been in public together many times, but... Maybe they haven’t held hands. Is this seriously something that other people look down on?

 

Shaking his head only makes Lucifer more confused. “N-No it's just... People don't really like...” the taller man tries to explain. “I mean, we’re both guys and they don't...”

 

“Fine.” Lucifer let’s go of Sam’s hand reluctantly, sighing afterwards. The fact that they can’t express love for each other in public because they are the same gender is absolutely ridiculous.

 

Frowning, Sam rubs the back of his neck with a awkward cough. “Sorry. It’ll attract attention. Most likely unsavory attention...” Sam blushes an even deeper red before sighing deeply, walking towards the entrance. Lucifer follows Sam.

 

As Sam and Lucifer enter the mall, they are greeted by sounds and smells of all kinds, and Sam looks around. “Ah! There it is.” Sam points to one of the shops, a larger one, with a big bright **JCPenny’s** blinking above it. He walks towards it, dodging all kinds of people. “We gotta find the men's section.”

 

Lucifer follows Sam, looking around curiously. “Why is it called ‘JCPenny’s’?” the blond asks, looking up at the big red sign.

 

Shrugging, Sam answers, “I don't know. But they do have some really nice clothes.” He’s gotten some of the best quality flannel shirts here before. Though, him and Dean are usually too busy to go to a place so nice.

 

They enter the store, going up a small set of stairs. “Do you...” Sam looks around, trying to find the men’s section. “There’ll be a sign hanging somewhere...” He scans the ceiling.

 

Lucifer looks around, helping his lover. He immediately spots it, pointing literally in front of Sam’s face. “Found it!” he exclaims proudly, wiggling his finger a little bit. 

 

Sam hushes Lucifer, and heads towards the sign. But, even though the brunette strictly told his lover to be on his best behavior, Lucifer yells, “I’m amazing!”

 

Head whipping back at Lucifer’s outburst, Sam stops walking and grabs his hand, not even realizing it. “Shush! We don't need any unnecessary attention!” he whispers, as if they’re infiltrating a secret base.

 

Lucifer looks at their hands for a moment before meeting Sam’s annoyed gaze. He smiles a little bit. Once Sam realizes, he blushes, letting go of Lucifer’s hand like it’s on fire. “Just... C'mon...” he grumbles, continuing towards the men’s section. This hurts Lucifer some, but he brushes it off as he followed Sam.

 

-

 

Sam’s hands are full, and he can barely see over the pile he’s carrying. “JESUS! How much do you - Ugh, just find the damn dressing room, we've been here _forever_.” It’s technically only been an hour, though.

 

Looking around for a dressing room, the blond points at something Sam can’t see. “There it is. I found it! Another point for the Devil!”

 

Sam kicks Lucifer. He normally would have slapped his forearm, but since his hands are full the brunette can’t really do that. “Be quiet!” he hisses into Lucifer’s future clothes - if they fit, anyway. “You’re going to scare somebody!”

 

“Ow! What was that for?” Lucifer’s knows the problem, of course, he just wants to mess with his lover a little. Again, _mischievous_.

 

“You can't just - “ Sam shifts from side to side, wanting to set down this pile of clothing. He groans, suggesting, “Why don’t we play the quiet game? Now... Lead me to this changing room, please.”

 

Raising an eyebrow, Lucifer scoffs. “ _The quiet game_? That's the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!” Though, the blond does as instructed, leading Sam to the changing room. “Here.” 

 

The dressing room is surprising empty, and Sam stumbles into the room, throwing the clothes onto a chair. He turns around and grabs the blond’s forearm, pulling him in as well. “Whew! Okay... This is... Okay, this is a pretty big dressing room...”

 

“Hey, Sammy. You wanna see one the things I grabbed?” Lucifer holds up a pure white suit, looking very cheeky.

 

Sam doesn’t even want to know where Lucifer picked that up. He didn’t think that JCPenny’s was _this_ fancy. “Now what are you gonna do with that?”

 

Looking at the brunette like he’s a idiot, Lucifer huffs. “I'm gonna wear it,” he says surely, looking it up and down with this weird glint in his eyes. “I'll look snazzy.”

 

“Nope, I'll buy you this stuff, but you don't need a - “ At Lucifer’s puppy dog expression, Sam groans dramatically. “ _Fine_. Whatever. Now, do you need me to wait outside or...?” And that’s a stupid question, because they made love today for God sakes. Now it’s weird for them to be in the presence of each other when they’re changing?

 

Thinking the same thing as Sam, Lucifer makes a weird face, tilting his head a tad. “Whatever works for you...” he says slowly, unsure.

 

Sam sits in the other chair innocently. He’s obviously only staying to he can admire Lucifer’s naked body. “I better stay here, then. Who knows what else you ‘grabbed’...”

 

Lucifer starts trying on outfits, stopping every so often to ask Sam how it looks. He’s acting like a woman, and it definitely doesn’t make Sam smile. Not even a little. “You’re not getting the sombrero, Lucifer.”

 

“Why not? It's awesome!”

 

Sam stands up, grabbing the sombrero. He says strictly, sounding like a parent, “You. Are. Not. Getting. The. Sombrero.”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer huffs, “Bossy.” When he gets a bitchface in return, the blond whines like a child not getting his way. “Please Sammy? I want the sombrero.”

 

“No.” Sam sets the sombrero aside. “And be quiet! If they find out two people are in here, security will freak out.”

 

Lucifer picks up the sombrero and puts it on before doing a puppy dog face. “Please?” he asks sweetly, using that ‘say yes’ tone that Sam _hates_. It makes him shiver, and the blond seems to realize for the first time why that would bother his lover.

 

“Sorry, no,” the brunette answers, rubbing his arms. Damn, that gave him goosebumps. Though, since he’s a Winchester, Sam plays it off rather well. He grabs the hat and tosses it aside once more, crossing his arms. “And do _have_ an inside voice?”

 

“No, I don't,” Lucifer scoffs, as if the idea of controlling the volume of his voice is absurd. He looks at the denied item, exclaiming, “But I want the sombrero!” He goes to pick it up.

 

Sam stops Lucifer from getting the sombrero, shushing him. “I - “ Sam smirks.

 

“What?”

 

“How about...” Sam suddenly drops to his knees, already trying to undo Lucifer’s belt. “We play the quiet game?” he purrs seductively, voice promising much pleasure given on his part.

 

Smirking himself, Lucifer leans back against the wall. He quietly replies, “Sounds fun.”

 

Sam opens Lucifer’s pants, pulling down just so. The brunette nuzzles Lucifer through his boxers, sniffing and licking through the cotton. Lucifer moans at the simulation, causing Sam to smile smugly. Sam pulls back a little and looks up with the best seductive face he can, whispering, “Quiet.”

 

Biting his lip, Lucifer tries to stop himself from moaning loudly. It’s harder than his cock, though.

 

“Good boy,” he teases, nudging the growing bulge with his face again. Sam sighs against it contently, as if there’s no where else in the entire galaxy that he would rather be. The thought alone makes Lucifer’s cock jump. Sam’s still nuzzling him through his underwear, and Lucifer whines. He wiggles his hips, trying to hint to Sam to pull his boxers down.

 

Sam rolls his eyes and stops teasing Lucifer, pulling out his erection through the slot in the fabric. He watches the flesh twitch up and down for a moment before kitten-licking the head.

 

Moaning before Lucifer can stop himself makes Sam pulls back just enough that he's only breathing hotly on Lucifer arousal. “Be quiet or I'll stop...” he threatens.

 

Lucifer closes his eyes and whispers, “No. Don't stop.” A part of him doesn’t think that his lover would leave him hanging like that, but the rest of him knows that _he_ would under the right circumstances. And, well, Sam and him are essentially the same person.

 

Pitying him, Sam nuzzles Lucifer’s cock. He licks it, allowing the warm flesh to pass over his wet lips but not letting it slip into his mouth. Lucifer bites his lip again and let’s a shaky breath out. Foreplay is so evil.

 

Sam takes both of Lucifer’s hands and presses them into his hair before letting his own hands fall to the ground. The brunette presses a kiss to the head of Lucifer’s cock, getting close enough that his lips move against it as he whispers, “Lucifer... I want you to fuck mouth... But you can’t make too much noise... Or I'm going to pull away...”

 

“O-Okay.” Lucifer moves Sam's head so it's over his dick. A moan escapes his lips as Sam’s mouth moves further down. His lover stays lax and opens his throat. Sam fights his gag reflex and waits. Lucifer thrusts his hips and runs his fingers through Sam’s hair.

 

Sam gags a little, and his hand comes up to push Lucifer’s hand down on his head, trying to show him that the brunette wants to be handled roughly. And Lucifer gets the hint, pushing Sam’s head down further on his cock. He accidentally lets out a loud moan.

 

Looking up at Lucifer disapprovingly, Sam squints at the blond. “S-Sorry,” Lucifer says, continuing to push Sam’s head down and eventually lets out a groan. “Sammy...”

 

Sam sighs wetly, disappointed. He wants to be used, but his lover apparently thinks he’s made of glass. Though, after a minute, Lucifer finally gets a tad rougher. He thrusts deeper into Sam’s throat, loving the way it flutters and squeezes his cock.

 

Spit runs down Sam’s chin and neck, and he gags a little violently, his eyes watering. He pulls back abruptly, put Lucifer lets him. He whispers scratchily, “Harder... Don’t be shy...” The brunette sinks down on Lucifer’s cock again, once more lax.

 

Lucifer moans loudly once again before pushing Sam’s head down roughly on his cock. He grabs the brunette’s hair again, guiding him back and forth as he skull-fucks him. Lucifer bites his lip and moans again before thrusting harder, causing Sam to choke around him.

 

Letting out the loudest moan yet, Lucifer’s hands tug on his lover’s hair. He remembers their conversation in the shower, making sure to run his fingers through it. His other hand guides Sam’s mouth with his brown hair, making the taller man moan around him.

 

Sam halfheartedly pinches Lucifer’s calf, but groans against him at the feeling of Lucifer tugging on his hair. He wants to be controlled with it, and this might be closest he’ll get for awhile, so he doesn’t pull away.

 

Lucifer groans as he continues to fuck Sam’s throat. “I-I’m almost there, Sammy,” he informs quietly, warning his lover of his impending orgasm.

 

Rutting against Lucifer’s leg like a horny dog, Sam swallows around the blond’s arousal. This causes Lucifer to throw his head back with a groan, coming down Sam’s throat.

 

Sam swallows down as much of Lucifer’s ejaculation as he can, but a bit of it runs down his chin along with his spit. Sam milks the blond throughout his orgasm, and pulls away with a lewd _pop_ a moment or two later, looking up at Lucifer.

 

Smiling down at Sam, he says, “Forget what I said about the quiet game being dumb. We should play it more often.”

 

Sam rolls his eyes and gets up, making sure he’s m not too aroused. He’s pretty sure that he’d be kicked out if he walked out of the changing room with a boner. “You’re still not getting the sombrero.”

 

Lucifer pouts, huffing, “ _Fine_.”

 

Voice raspy, Sam comments, “Now... You made such a mess...” Sam looks at himself in the mirror, wiping his face. This makes Lucifer smile for whatever reason. “C’mon, you cheeky bastard...” Sam points to the clothes, sitting down in the chair again. “You gotta finish trying on this stuff.”

 

After taking ten minutes to do so, Lucifer’s examines himself in the white suit. “Do I look sexy?” He does a dramatic pose for Sam, looking like an idiot.

 

Sam rolls his eyes. “I think I’d look better in it,” he replies sassily. Oh, if only Dean were here.

 

Lucifer smiles dumbly. “Yes. You certainly would.”

 

Looking at his lover with a raised eyebrow, Sam responds, “Whatever. How much left do you have to try on?”

 

“Just one more thing.” Lucifer picks up the sombrero and puts it on. “Done.”

 

Sam quickly takes out his phone and snaps a picture, saying, “You’re not getting the sombrero!”

 

“Dammit.” Lucifer takes off the sombrero and throws it at Sam before picking up the clothes. “Whatever. Let’s go.”

 

Setting the sombrero aside, Sam stands up. He sighs, thankful that he does not have to carry the clothes this time. “Where did you even get a sombrero, anyway?”

 

“Not sure. I either picked it up off of a shelf or took it off of a little kid.”

 

Sam looks at Lucifer with wide eyes. “You took it from a little kid?!” he yells a little too loudly. Sam hopes he didn’t attract too much attention, especially the owner of said sombrero.

 

Nodding sheepishly, Lucifer looks around nervously. He’s seem enough cartoons to know that a buff guy is going to pop out of no where and kick his ass. “Yeah... He’s probably out there looking for it right now.”

 

“And you wonder why I don’t like to leave you alone.”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes, saying, “Yeah, yeah... You ready?” He’s still standing in the same spot, waiting for Sam to lead him to the checkout. These clothes are heavy, and he can’t see very well with them piled in his arms.

 

“Yep.” Sam walks out of the dressing room discretely as possible, still worried about his outburst. “C’mon, let’s find the checkout.”

 

-

 

About an hour after Sam left Lucifer in the car, he returns with a blank, discrete bag. His hair is slightly shorter, but not by much. Sam gets into the car, relieved to see Lucifer in it. “Please tell me you didn't set any infants on fire.”

 

“Maybe one or two...” Lucifer answers, looking away coyly. He laughs after a money, shaking his head. “Did you get my surprise?”

 

Sam sighs deeply. “Y’know, I’m regretting that I told you about this surprise at this point...”

 

Rolling his eyes, Lucifer replies, “I’m not.” Sam gets his seatbelt on as the blond continues to ask questions. “What is it anyway?”

 

“Okay, firstly, I'm not going to tell you,” Sam says with annoyance clear in his voice. “Secondly, please don’t look in that damn bag. Thirdly, you’re not getting your surprise for a day or two.” He looks over at his lover. “I didn’t plan on telling you at all, and you’re definitely not ready for it.”

 

Brow furrowing, Lucifer presses, “Ready for it? Do I have to prepare or something?”

 

“No.” Sam starts the car, backing it up. He huffs, mumbling, “But I certainly do...”

 

Lucifer puts his head back and rests it on the seat. “Ugh. I'm so impatient.”

 

Sam pulls out of the parking lot, starting to drive towards the Bunker. “You could get it tomorrow, but I don’t think that you’ll be up for more... Stuff... At this rate.” After all, they had sex and then Lucifer got a blowjob. The most an adult male can orgasm in an hour is sixteen, let alone how many times they can orgasm a day, but once you’re used to it it’s no longer fun.

 

Squinting at Sam skeptically, the blind slowly nods. “Okay...” Well, at least now he knows that it’s a sexy surprise. That once serves to make him more curious and impatient, though.

 

Sam sighs. “We gotta find... Dean... Well, y’know what I mean.” There’s a pause, because Lucifer always seems to know when the brunette is going to continue speaking. “He...” Sam’s eyes turn mournful.

 

“It’s okay, Sammy,” Lucifer’s assures, trying to comfort his lover. He turns so that his body is facing Sam completely, and it’s only at this moment that he realizes that he didn’t buckle his seat. Oh well, Sam is much more important than his own worthless existence.

 

“It’s... It’s really not...” Sam chokes back tears at the nickname. Most of the time it goes over his head, but now it’s like he’s hyperaware of it.

 

Not knowing what else to say, Lucifer sighs. “I’m sorry,” he breathes, feeling like a failure for not thinking of something better to say. _You’ll always be a failure, Lucifer. You should_ always _feel like one_ , Michael’s voice says.

 

Sam wipes his eyes. “No, I’m okay... I just wish... We should wait a day or two, let more information spread. Then we can hunt down Crowley and in turn find the bastard riding my brother.”

 

Lucifer nods, but there’s still worry written all over his face. “You sure you’re okay, Sammy?” the other human asks once more, worrying his bottom lips for a moment.

 

“Yeah. I'm fine. I'll... I got you, don't I?”

 

Again, Lucifer nods, but he continues to express his concern. “That doesn’t mean you’re okay,” he counters softly. “Just because you have someone to comfort you.”

 

Suddenly Sam just snaps. Lucifer doesn’t exactly blame him, but he hopes that they don’t have a repeat of the last time Sam had a meltdown. “Why... Why would I be okay?! My brother is dead!”

 

“I'm... I wish I could fix everything for you,” Lucifer replies, meaning the words with every inch of himself. And, normally, that be a lot more. He’s human now, though.

 

“I know.” Sam sniffles, and his lover thanks his stars that it appears that Sam isn’t going to have another fit. “You don’t gotta, though. You do enough by just being here.” He takes a deep breath, looking over at the blond for a moment. “I'm so lucky to have you here. The _real_ you.” He looks away, focusing on driving.

 

Smiling sadly, Lucifer swallows. “I’m lucky that you love me. Hard to believe that you don’t hate me for all the things I did...”

 

Sam looks at Lucifer once more, expression unreadable. “You love me, right?”

 

Caught off guard, Lucifer nods nervously. He’s unpleasantly curious about what this question is going to lead to. “Y-Yeah. Why?”

 

“Then I know. You’re different; it doesn’t matter what you’ve done. We’re... The same.” _M.F.E.O... Literally._  


 

Heart warmed, the blond manages a half-smile. “Thank you...”

 

“No, Luce, thank you. The only... The only stuff you really even did was in the Cage. The hallucinations... That wasn’t you. I was just... T-Traumatized...” Sam replies, sighing sharply. A tear finally escapes his eye, but Sam wipes it away too quickly for Lucifer to say anything.

 

Sam’s words make his stomach drop. “Traumatized... From what I did to you.”

 

Hesitantly nodding, the brunette blushes. Lucifer supposes that he’ll never know why. “Well, yeah, but... The hallucinations were the worst of it and - I'm not making this better am I?”

 

“No not really,” Lucifer answers with a cold laugh. “But nothing you say is gonna take away the guilt I feel.”

 

Sam looks at Lucifer again, swallowing. “Hey, stop that. We’ve both done things we regret. I love you with everything I got. Luce, I forgive you - I did a long time ago.”

 

There’s a few moments of silence, and when Sam finally looks back at the road, Lucifer asks, “Do you think... Do you think you’ll ever stop having nightmares?”

 

“I-I don't know. I stopped having nightmares about Jess a long time ago. So... At some point, of course.”

 

Lucifer turns, looking out the window with a miserable expression. “When you had that nightmare... And I tried to help you... You were afraid of me. I mean, I just touched you and you jumped. You were so afraid. It was so hard to watch.”

 

Scoffing, Sam spits, “Well, I mean... Can you blame me?” Pause. “I - Oh God, that can out wrong...” At this, Lucifer completely turns his person away from his lover, hiding his tear filled eyes.

 

Sam chuckles nervously. “I should just stop talking, shouldn't I?”

 

And, while neither man knows this now, what Lucifer says next effects their relationship in the most horrible way. It gets worse from here on, and it was because of these very words: “No. Just keep on talking. Tell me what you really think.”

 

Sam, through his frustration, starts taking it out on Lucifer. “What do you want me to say?” he exclaims, growling afterwards. “You made your choices down there! You took me apart again and again and it left scars! Of course I’m going to have fucking nightmares! And...” He starts crying. “And just when I thought I was over I saw you everywhere! You didn’t let me sleep and I couldn’t tell what was real and what was a hallucination! You... You kept telling me I was still down there with you, that everything that was happening was just part of a sick game! You wouldn't let me sleep and I saw you _EVERYWHERE_! SO YES! I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT IT!”

 

Lucifer is shocked that Sam would say those things to him. He looks at Sam with bitter eyes and says as calmly as he can, “Stop the car.”

 

Through tears, Sam yells, “Why? You’re the one who asked!”

 

And then Lucifer starts yelling. “JUST STOP THE CAR!” Sam swerves a bit, but pulls over on the side of the road. Lucifer gets out and leans against the side of the car, taking deep, shaky breaths.

 

Sam, whom is still too angry to see the effect of his words, gets out of the car, too. “What are you doing?” he huffs, going over to Lucifer’s side. “You really did ask! What did you think I was gonna say? Y’know, maybe I _should_ be wondering why I don’t hate you...”

 

“Just shut up, okay? I don't need you to make this worse!”

 

This baffles Sam, and he makes sure to expression that fact by screaming and waving around his hands. “ _Worse_? WORSE?! I DON'T THINK THIS RELATIONSHIP COULD GET ANY WORSE! 

I DON’T EVEN SEE WHAT YOU’RE UPSET ABOUT, YOU DID WHAT YOU WANTED DOWN THERE!”

 

Lucifer screams back, “GOD, JUST SHUT THE HELL UP, SAM!”

 

Sobbing, the brunette replies angrily, “YOU - YOU HURT ME! AND YOU LAUGHED!”

 

“I KNOW WHAT I DID! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A BIT, OKAY?” Lucifer’s requests loudly, his patience dwindling quickly.

 

Sam shakes his head, still weeping as he argues with his lover. “WHY? SULKING ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD ISN’T GOING TO MAKE THIS BETTER!”

 

“NOTHING IS GOING TO MAKE THIS BETTER, SAM! I JUST NEED TO BE BY MYSELF!”

 

“NO! YOU ARE NOT WALKING AWAY FROM THIS!” Sam grabs Lucifer’s forearm.

 

Lucifer pushes Sam away. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” he roars, causing Sam to stumble a bit. But the taller man steps forward and grabs his forearm again.

 

“‘DON’T TOUCH ME’?” Sam mocks, enraged that Lucifer would dare to say that. “YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I SAID THAT DOWN THERE?!”

 

Lucifer pulls himself out of Sam’s grip again. “JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” the blond warns, practically growling like a rabid dog.

 

Sam gets closer to Lucifer. “YOU’D LIKE THAT WOULDN’T YOU!? SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO SEE HOW BROKEN YOU’VE MADE ME!” the brunette yells at the top of his lungs. “HOW HORRIBLE YOU ARE - I TRY TO JOKE ABOUT IT, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU WERE THE ONE CARVING MY SKIN JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE BORED!”

 

Lucifer steps back more, on the verge of snapping. No matter how upset he is with Sam, he sure as Hell doesn’t want his lover in the crossfire of his rage. “GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, SAM!”

 

“WHAT? DON’T YOU REMEMBER? DON’T LOOK BACK AT THOSE MEMORIES WITH A SMILE? YOU USED TO LOVE SEEING ME IN PAIN!” Sam takes another step forward.

 

Turning around, Lucifer starts walking away. This makes Sam scream, “NO! YOU GET BACK HERE!” He jogs after Lucifer, catching up to him and grabbing his wrist.

 

Lucifer snaps around and backhands Sam’s nose with his free hand.


	11. He Loves Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Sam has a night terror, Lucifer questions if he's really in love with the brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience, I'm trying to get chapters out as quick as I can, but I am lacking inspiration. Please leave a thoughtful comment about what you like in the chapter and I might update faster. That will be all. ;)

Sam stumbles back from the force of the impact, slipping on a stone. He falls to the ground, holding his nose in shock as he blinks up at Lucifer.

 

Lucifer just stares right back, baffled that he just hit Sam. He didn’t even think about it, he was just so angry that it happened. That doesn’t make it any less his fault, though.

 

When Sam starts to subconsciously scoot back, the blond takes a step forward as to help Sam up. “Sam... I - “ 

 

Sam’s eyes widen, arms coming up to protect his head. “No, please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry...” Sam begins to shake in fear, obviously thinking that Lucifer’s going to start beating him or something.

 

Eyes stinging with tears, Lucifer breathes, “Oh, my God. I... Sam, please.” He bends down and tries to put an arm around Sam.

 

Sam jerks away, breathing heavily. “Oh - Oh, God - Get away from me!” he screams, pushing Lucifer away. He begins to have a panic attack.

 

“Sam, please...”

 

Shaking in terror, Sam repeats like a prayer, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...”

 

Lucifer whines in the back of his throat, shaking his head. “Sammy, don’t be sorry,” the blond requests softly, still unable to completely process what he just did. “Please... Please calm down.”

 

Whimpering, Sam curls in on himself pathetically. “Please... Please don’t... I’m sorry... I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he sobs.

 

“It’s okay, Sam,” Lucifer promises, bending down and placing his hand on Sam’s back gently. He’s very thankful when the brunette doesn’t pull away or flinch.

 

Sam just continues to cry, hugging himself. “Don’t hurt me...” It’s obviously that this is so traumatic for Sam because it reminds him of the Cage. Lucifer wants to shoot himself he’s so disgusted.

 

“I won’t. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

 

Slowly looking up at Lucifer, Sam pulls his hand away. This, of course, reveals his bloody nose. It says almost bitterly “Won’t... Won’t hurt me, huh?”

 

It’s almost like Sam is mocking him, and the blond nods slowly, as not to startle his lover. “I won’t. I swear.” Though, seeing the actual damage he caused makes Lucifer’s stomach turn distastefully.

 

Sam breathes heavily, still shaking and weeping. Lucifer rubs his back soothingly, and this calms the brunette down a little more. “I’m so sorry, Sammy.”

 

“I - I’m the one who should be saying that...

I p-pushed you t-too far... I’m s-sorry...”

 

Lucifer runs his hands through his hair, shaking his head. “It’s... God, It’s not okay. This is... So messed up.” How could he hit Sam like that? Like he was putting a dog in it’s place or something?

 

Sam stumbles to his feet, looking at Lucifer meekly. “Do you...” he starts, voice coy and hesitant. “Do you wanna g-go back to the B-Bunker?” At Lucifer’s nods, Sam starts to walk over to his side of the car. “I - Sorry...”

 

“It’s... Okay. I’m sorry, too.” Lucifer opens the passenger’s door and gets in, and Sam follows suit. He examining himself with a wince. Sam starts the car, pulling onto the road, shaking still. “I’m really sorry... For everything.”

 

Looking at Lucifer with scared eyes, Sam shakes his head jerkingly. “No, nope. N-Not your fault.”

 

Lucifer disagrees, saying, “Yes it is. Everything.” He looks out the window, worrying his bottom lip.

 

Shaking his head again, Sam laughs nervously. “No, no...” he repeats, obviously not believing his words. “E-Everything’s fine. I-I lov... Lov... Love y-you... Everything’s f-fine.”

 

“Stop saying that,” Lucifer demands. “It’s not fine.” He can’t believe that Sam isn’t yelling at him, that he isn’t leaving him because of this. That’s what he deserves.

 

“No, everything _is_ fine,” Sam continues to insist, shaking his head. “Why don’t we just... F-Forget that h-happened, yeah?” Lucifer catches a glimpse of his nervous smile.

 

Lucifer looks at Sam with worry but before he notices. He turns away and stares out the window. Sam whines in the back of his throat when he isn’t answered.

 

“Okay, okay... Everything n-not fine. Whatever y-you want, b-babe...” Sam puts on another nervous smile.

 

Tired of this new attitude, Lucifer sighs stressfully. “Sammy, stop,” he demands lightly, trying not to sound like he’s giving a command.

 

Immediately, Sam glances at him with a troubled frown. “W-What?” he inquires nervously.

 

“You know what,” Lucifer answers, looking over at his lover with concern. Sam’s nose I all purple and a small amount of blood is dripping from it. “You don’t have to act like everything’s okay; you don’t have to be afraid of me.”

 

Sam instantly denies this. He shakes his head feverishly. “What? A-Afraid of you? I'm n-not afraid of y-you. I lo... Lovv... Love... Y-you...” he assures shakily, faking a smile.

 

This only serves to sadden Lucifer further. “Please don’t lie to me...” That’s the last thing their relationship needs after this disaster. Of course Lucifer knows that was domestic violence, but Sam seems like he doesn’t want to call it that. And Lucifer’s knows if he says it out loud - if either of them do - that it will make it all real. Neither of them want to admit that was abuse.

 

“I - I’m not l-lying to you,” Sam responds quietly, focusing his gaze on the road a little too excessively. “You love m-me, and I lo - lov... Love you. So everything’s okay. You love me and y-you’re sorry.”

 

That’s all true - but Lucifer’s still worried that Sam is just _saying_ that he loves him. What if this is it? What if he’s ruined everything? “Yes, I love you. But please, Sammy. Let’s talk about this.”

 

Finally, Sam seems to start talking more like himself. “I - Shit, Lucifer! That was domestic violence, I - “ He cuts himself off, leaving them both emerged in awkward silence. Well, Sam’s said it. It’s official that the shorter man abused him.

 

“What...” Sam finally cuts the air with his voice, swallowing after he trails off. “How are we...” He knows what he _wants_ to say, but the brunette hasn’t a clue how he’s supposed to put it into words. It’s not the first time he’s has this problem, so it’s eerily familiar. 

 

Lucifer seems to be in the same place, saying, “I know, Sammy. I’m so sorry.” And he really is. He’s still in shock that he even _did_ that. How could he treat the most important person in his insignificant existence like that?

 

At least Sam is back to his senses. Now he understands how horrible all of this is. “It’s - Oh, God... Lucifer, this... This isn’t fine! Oh, God!” he exclaims, swerving the car a small bit. Not even to really worry Lucifer, though.

 

“I’m sorry,” Sam says. He takes a deep breath. “I’m taking responsibility for this. I pushed you too far - My bad, this is my bad.” 

 

“It’s not your fault. It’s mine,” Lucifer says intently, now completely facing his lover. “I’m the one who... Who tortured you... This whole thing is my fault.” Everything bad that’s ever happened to Sam feels like it’s his fault. Sam was created for him, and where was he when his mother burned? Where was he when he cried after he got his first gun?

 

“I... Lucifer...” Sam breathes, making Lucifer wait with the upmost focus. When Sam doesn’t say anything, he gently asks the brunette to continue. “Seriously,” Sam continues, “this mess is my fault - I... God, those were horrible things I just said... I shouldn’t of said them, that’s why this is my fault.”

 

Shaking his head, Lucifer turns back to the window and sighs. “But those things were true,” the blond says quietly.

 

“If _anything_ , they were exaggerated,” Sam replies with a huff. “I... No comment, I’m leaving it at that.” He doesn’t want to say something bad by accident. “But... I am so sorry I brought that all up... I’m just so upset with what’s going on with the whole Dean situation and... I’m sorry, okay?” But it’s not like he can fix all this with a simple apology.

 

Lucifer nods slowly in reluctant agreement. “It’s... It’s okay. I’m sorry, too,” Lucifer says, looking over at Sam for a moment before turning once more.

 

“I know. But...” Sam glances at himself in the mirror again, looking at his nose sadly. “I...” he trails off. _If they hit you once..._  


 

“What?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

But Lucifer continues to insist Sam finish. “Sam, what? What were you gonna say?” he presses, turning to face his lover.

 

Sam shakes his head. He seriously doesn’t want to give Lucifer another thing to feel guilty about. “Don’t worry,” the brunette assures, “we’re okay now. The issue has been addressed and dealt with.”

 

Though, the blond is still on edge about everything. Not to mention that he is super stubborn and curious when it comes to stuff like this. “Please,” Lucifer repeats. “Tell me.”

 

“Lucifer, please! I don't want to make this worse than it already is. Drop it.”

 

“Fine,” Lucifer huffs with annoyance as per usual. He crosses his arms, or perhaps hugs himself. Sam doesn’t blame him for either, whichever he’s doing.

 

Sam sighs tiredly. All of this is just so stressful. “Okay.” Lucifer stares out the window, trying to avoid looking at Sam.

 

A few minutes later, Sam grunts, and touches his injury with a whine. Lucifer finally allows himself to look over at Sam. “Are you okay?” he whispers, as if talking any louder would be a bother. Sam knows better, though.

 

Nodding, Sam bites back a pained whine. “I... I think you broke it,” he says reluctantly, not knowing if he should share this information with Lucifer in the first place. It might just make him feel worse.

 

And, of course, that’s exactly what happens. “Oh, God. I’m so sorry,” the blond says, frowning at Sam. It’s clear that he’s being honest, and Lucifer’s also been saying ‘sorry’ since they’ve gotten in the car. It’s starting to lose value since he’s using it so willy-nilly.

 

“No, I’m okay,” Sam assures, worrying his bottom lip. “I’ve... I’ve had worse.” He gives Lucifer a small smile, but it doesn’t make him feel any better.

 

Lucifer, ever guilty, asks, “You sure?” When he doesn’t get an answer as soon as he was expecting, the blond presses, “Are you okay?”

 

“I...” Sam considers lying, but he knows that they need to stop lying to each other. That only created problems before and Sam can’t imagine how bad it’ll be in what they have now gets worse. “No, I’m not,” he replies. “My nose is least of my problems, though. I... I don’t know how to fix this.”

 

“God, Sam. I’m so sorry,” Lucifer says again, missing the sight of Sam rolling his eyes. It’s starting to get annoying. “I wish I knew how to make everything better.” As soon as the blond says that he suppresses a face palm, because that’s one of the lamest things he could say in this situation.

 

However, Sam sighs with a nod. “Me too,” he agrees. “This... I...” Sam looks at Lucifer and smiles softly, halfheartedly. “I love you, I think we could move pass this. Even if everything that has to do with relationships says to GTFO if something like this happens. I pushed you way too far, and I know that if I don’t do that again, _this_ won't happen again.”

 

This makes Lucifer want to smile, but he doesn’t. They aren’t out of the woods yet. “So you’re... You’re not... Afraid of me?”

 

Sam chooses not to nod, instead explaining, “I think my subconscious is to a certain degree, since I still have night terrors... But... Not terribly.”

 

Lucifer takes a deep breath. “Okay.” He’s just going to have to get over himself. Sam is the victim here, not him.

 

“How about you? Are you okay?”

 

There’s a beat of silence. “Yeah... I’m fine,” Lucifer says unsurely. He’s not elated obviously, but he feels a little better than he did five minutes ago.

 

“If I am expected to be honest with you, you gotta be honest with me.” Sam turns left, merging into the fast lane once more afterwards.

 

Nodding, Lucifer assures his lover that there is no need to worry about him. Sam needs to worry about himself. “I am. I swear. I’m okay.”

 

Sam feels a little concerned and hurt. How could Lucifer be okay after fucking hitting him? _That asshat!_  “O-Okay?” He quickly recovers, however. “That - That’s great.”

 

“Yeah. It is.”

 

Admittedly a little scared, Sam stares at the road and focuses on driving. “Mhm...” he hums, worrying his bottom lip.

 

Lucifer tries to get his mind off of their argument. He changes the subject, asking the age old question, “So... Are we almost there?”

 

“Yes...” Sam, wanting to clear all of this up unlike Lucifer, says, “How - How are you fine? You just... I’m not trying to make you feel bad but... This is worrying! Please - and I’m going to sound like an asshole for saying this - please tell me you’re not fine!"

 

“Why do want me to tell you that I’m not fine?”

 

Sam’s nose throbs, and he laughs bitterly. He’s not yelling, but his tone is loud. “Because you literally just - just - You hit me! You can’t be okay with that!”

 

“Of course I'm not okay with it!” Lucifer exclaims, hurt horribly that Sam would think that. He takes a deep breath. “I... I feel awful.”

 

“Well, then say that! I - I don’t...” Sam rubs his face carefully, mindful of his nose. “I’m done with lying.”

 

Agreeing with this, Lucifer nods. It’d nice if neither of them lied to each other. Hopefully the mutual promise will last. “Okay. I’m sorry.”

 

“Yeah, I know.” Sam takes a deep breath, because he's becoming angry again, and he wants to calm himself down. Sam just wishes Lucifer would stop saying ‘sorry’ because it really doesn’t mean much if he says it too often.

 

“Okay...” Lucifer lets out a long breath. “I love you.”

 

“I-I love you too. We should... I...” Sam pauses, looking at Lucifer. “We should take a break, I think.”

 

Lucifer’s world stops. “W-What?”

 

“I...” Sam taps the steering wheel, forcing himself not to look over at his lover. Lucifer’s probably got on the most devastating look on his face, and Sam doesn’t want to see it. “You heard me.”

 

There’s a few moments of silence. “But... Why?” Lucifer asks quietly, heart twisting in his chest.

 

“I... I think we should just keep our association with each other strictly business. I... Because I need a break. Don’t you?”

 

Shaking his head frantically, Lucifer replies, “N-No. I don’t need a break. I’m happy with you.” He really has ruined it. They’re going to be friends for awhile before Sam tells him that he wants to remain friends, that they aren’t ever getting back together.

 

“Oh, c’mon, you’re not the least bit sick of me?” Sam asks, apparently unable to believe Lucifer. Or maybe it’s just easier for the brunette to pretend he’s on board with all this.

 

Lucifer shakes his head again. “No, Sammy. I’m not. I love you.” Lucifer’s vision blurs with tears, and he bites his bottom lip. “Please... Don’t... Don’t do this.” He has a burning feeling that if they spilt up, they’re not getting back together.

 

Sam swallows, looking sideways at the shorter man. “I love you too, I just need...” The brunette’s eyes find the mirror again, and his nose throbs once more. “I just need a little break. Not... Not too long, I promise.”

 

Closing his eyes, a single tear rolls down Lucifer’s cheek. “O-Okay. Fine.” He goes back to staring out the window, suppressing his sobs. He’s not going to embarrass himself anymore than he already has.

 

Sam notices, and states again sadly, “Really, just a day or two - Maybe three. I - Please don’t cry, Luce.” Lucifer doesn’t respond, just keeps focusing on the nature outside “Lucifer.” Sam stretches out his name, annoyed.

 

Without looking at Sam, Lucifer responds coldly, “What?” 

 

“Don’t be prissy about this, okay? I love you. I don’t want this thing between us to end, I just need a _break_ ,” Sam stresses, not wanting Lucifer to get the wrong idea. “You... You didn’t ruin anything if that’s what you’re thinking...”

 

Though, Lucifer knows better, and he is aware that all of this is his fault. He’s made peace with the fact. “It’s... It’s fine... I understand.”

 

“Really?” the brunette asks with disbelieve. They started this whole ‘no lying’ thing, so Lucifer must really -

 

“No. Not really. I don’t get why you want this...” Lucifer huffs, sounding like a child at this point.

 

Sam feels a little hurt, but he doesn’t say anything about it. “Because, Lucifer. I don’t... I'm sorry. I lied.” There, now they’re even.

 

Taken aback, Lucifer turns a bit to face his... Well, Sam isn’t really his lover anymore, is he? “What?” Is he supposed to refer to the brunette as his friend now? God, they really have taken two steps backwards.

 

“I’m... Jesus, Luce! You backhanded me! I - I’m a little scared, okay? It’s stupid and unnecessary but...” Why does he even need to explain this? Lucifer should just have the common sense to _see_ it! “You hit me! There’s... I want to move pass this, I really do. But... If they hit you once, they’ll hit you again. Do you get it now?” Sam blurts, almost instantly regretting his words. Why can't he just keep his mouth shut today?

 

“But, Sam, it won’t happen again! How many more times do I have to say I’m sorry?”

 

Groaning, the taller man explains, “You don’t - You can’t just fix this with a simple sorry!”

 

Wanting to mend whatever he’s broken, Lucifer takes a deep breath. “Then how do I fix it?” he asks, looking at Sam with intent.

 

“I don’t know. But...” Sam takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry too, okay? But this is how it’s gotta be.”

 

Lucifer scoffs, turning towards the window again. “Yeah, okay,” he huffs, once again a spoiled child. “Whatever.”

 

“ _Whatever_?” Sam replies, making a face. How come Lucifer can’t act like an adult once in his life? He was the second thing that was created, you’d think he’d be a tad more mature.

 

“Yeah, ‘whatever’... It’s not like I can stop this. It’s not like I can make this okay. I wish I could make everything good again... But I can’t. So, yeah. _Whatever_.”

 

“You...” Sam watches the road mournfully, seeing the Bunker in the distance. “I’m so sorry I allowed this to happen.” He honestly is, and that bothers Lucifer. Everything that just happened is his fault, and Sam needs to understand that.

 

Sam glances over at the blond, but Lucifer is still looking out the window. He focuses on the road again. “Stop apologizing, okay? It’s not gonna make a difference,” Lucifer says.

 

“That’s not the point!” Sam feels the blood finally reach the top of his lip, and his tongue darts out instinctively to taste it. It’s cold and metallic; a reminder. “I - You’re right. We’re... Oh, God...”

 

Lucifer sighs and continues looking out the window. The rest of the car ride is silent, and they pull up and enter the Bunker. When the car stops, Sam looks over at Lucifer awkwardly. He hates it. “I - We’re here,” the brunette tries, and he swears it sounded better in his head. Less dumb.

 

“Yeah, I can see that. Thanks,” Lucifer says rudely, a scowl on his face. Lucifer opens his door and gets out of the car.

 

Sam blinks sadly, looking away. He gets out of the car a second later, already dreading how Lucifer’s attitude change will effect them. He walks to the trunk of the car, and starts unloading it. He almost asks for help, but stops himself.

 

Lucifer walks inside and goes straight for the bedroom, sitting on the bed. He needs time to think, collect his feelings and figure out what he’s going to do.

 

The brunette unloads the trunk by himself, over the coarse of five minutes. He puts Lucifer’s ‘surprise’ in the pantry, knowing he’s too sulky to attempt to cook anything. He debates for a good minute whether or not he should go into the bedroom, and he ends up darting into one of the spares to use the bathroom. Is he suppose to just go about his day? It feels weird not having Lucifer by his side constantly. 

 

The hunter decides on using his laptop in the study, and tracks any weird demon-like activity, in hopes of finding the demon possessing his brother. He feels lonely, and he hates it.

 

Lucifer lies down on the bed and feel tears coming to his eyes. He puts his head under the blanket to muffle his loud sobs.

 

Despite Lucifer’s effort to conceal his cries of angst, the Bunker is so quiet that Sam notices the spurts of weeping and mournful moaning, and he winces. He didn’t mean to make Lucifer cry, but he supposes it’s only natural. Should he let him be? The sight of Sam might anger him - And the brunette doesn’t think he can say anything to make him feel better.

 

Lucifer’s body quivers with sobs and it becomes hard to breath. He inhales shakily and manages to quiet himself. Lucifer takes the blanket off of him and lies his head on the pillow. He takes more deep breaths and falls asleep to the sound of his breathing instead of the sound of Sam’s.

 

A few hours later Sam finds the courage to face Lucifer - Only to find him asleep in their bed. Sam blinks tiredly, and grabs his pillow, heading to one of the spare bedrooms. As he settles himself, he hopes for a dreamless sleep. He falls asleep to the thought of Lucifer’s heartbeat.

 

-

 

  
_Sam groans - and he’s there again and_ no, no, no _! Why - He’s supposed to be out! He can’t still be here; it’s impossible! The brunette is struggling against the bounds, but it’s no use and he’s coming! Sam can hear his tell-tale laugh, the sick, maniacal one that makes his blood run cold. He cries out, over and over for someone to help him. But no one ever comes. No one but him._  


_The second a knife is pressed into his skin the hunter screams out. All he can see is red, all he can feel is pain, and all he hears is the sound of laughter._

 

-

 

Lucifer wakes up about six hours later to Sam screaming. He wants to get up and help him but decides to leave him be. If it continues, he’ll go help him.

 

  
_Sam whimpers as he feels his lips stitched together by his tormentor. (“Too loud, Sammy, if you’re good I might take these stitches out later and use your beautiful mouth for a better purpose.”) And he sobs as much as he psychically can. He knows there’s no use fighting it - But he can't help it. Dean would want him to. And oh, how much he needs his big brother right now; to save him from this Hell. After his mouth is properly sewn shut, Lucifer goes back to carving patterns into his skin. He struggles against the bonds some more - (“You look so pretty when you squirm, Sammy...”) - and he cries. His mouth_ burns _, and he’s in so much pain. He’s thankful that Lucifer seems to be in a good mood, though, because he doesn’t think he can handle another game of ‘Operation’ at this moment in time. It’s harder to scream through the stitches, but Sam still tries, as loud as he can._  


 

Lucifer opens his eyes again when he hears Sam’s screams. He stares up at the ceiling and after a couple minutes, he decides he can’t listen to it anymore. He gets out of bed and walks to the spare bedroom Sam is in. The sight of Sam squirming and screaming is too much. Lucifer rushes to Sam and shakes him. “Sam! Wake up!”

 

  
_The brunette cries out in worry when he sees the Cage shaking. Did Dean finally come? Is he about to be saved? Lucifer squints at him, and Sam stares back skeptically. “It’s all just a game,” he abruptly says. The Devil suddenly strokes Sam’s exposed chest. “A fun, fun game...” he snickers. Sam cries out again, almost choking himself with his own blood. It’s pouring into his mouth and down his chin and_ will it ever stop _? The brunette struggles, and Lucifer steps away, only to backhand him out of the blue. Sam screams, but no one ever comes._  


_No one but him._

 

Lucifer continues to shake Sam desperately. “Sam!” he yells at his unconscious form. “Wake up! Please!”

 

The brunette’s eyes snap open, and he realizes _he’s free, he’s free, he’s free_! Sam doesn’t have time to count his blessings, but he’ll be so mad. But... It’s a game, isn’t it? Whatever Lucifer sick mind has come up with, it’s just a game. 

 

Sam realizes that Lucifer’s leaning over him, and he starts weeping horrible. He’s not free and he’s going to be so angry. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” And what else is he to say? Lucifer will do whatever he wants to the brunette. “Please, I didn’t know - “ But Sam’s  _free_. The hunter suddenly falls to the floor, tangled in his blankets. He has to get away. _He needs to get away_! “Get - Get away from me! Please, no more!” he yells, trying to get to his feet. He stumbles, and attempts to run away from his tormentor, his heart beating rapidly and adrenaline pumping through his veins.

 

“Wait, Sam! Please, I won’t hurt you!”

 

Sam doesn’t make it too far down the hallway. He slips, and whips around just in time to see Lucifer chasing him. He can’t escape, there is no hope.  Sam knows he’s done for; he’s caught. He covers his head with his forearms, and starting to shake violently. Sam begins begging, pleading for it to stop. “Wait! I’m sorry! No, please, I’m sorry! I won’t run - I’ll be good, I promise!” He’s sobbing, and the taller man knows he’ll be punished for it, but he can’t stop.

 

Lucifer kneels down by Sam and grabs his forearm. “I’m not gonna hurt you,” he promises with a soothing, soft voice. The last thing he needs is to scare Sam any more. “Please, listen to me.”

 

Sam jerks away only to lean into his touch seconds later. Lucifer doesn’t like it when he flinches. “I’m sorry...” he whimpers, hugging himself. Lucifer’s words aren’t even sinking in he’s so terrified, and the brunette feels sick all of a sudden. He can’t take anymore pain.

 

“Sammy, please. Look at me.” Lucifer grabs Sam’s face in his hands carefully, knowing that the other doesn’t seem to appreciate the physical contact. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

  
_It’s just a game_ , Sam remembers, _he’s lying_. “I - I can’t take anymore... Please,” he cries. Maybe if he can get away he can find a knife and - maybe wherever he is he can finally die - cut his wrist to the bone. Could Lucifer bring him back? Or would that be the answer to eternal peace? The brunette begins to think of another escape route.

 

“Sammy, please listen to me. I’m right here with you. I’m not going anywhere, I swear. I’m here and I’m going to help you. Whatever you need... I’ll do it for you. Please just tell me what you want me to do for you.”

 

Is this a trick? Sam blinks at Lucifer, and he continues a shake, taking quick, short breathes. “G-Get away from m-me!” he demands, struggling to get away. He has to find that knife.

 

“Okay, okay!” Lucifer let’s go of Sam, following up on his promise. It might not be the wisest thing to do, but the blond is thinking that Sam needs to make his own decisions. He’s not going to play whatever role Sam currently thinks he is.

 

Sam stumbles back, clumsily getting to his feet. He needs a knife. The brunette sprints to the kitchen from muscle memory, and runs to the drawer for anything sharp. He distantly knows he’s in the Bunker - But he has to still be in the Cage right? That’s where he is, yeah. _It’s a game_. He continues to quickly search for a sharp tool to slit his wrists with.

 

Lucifer runs after Sam and finds him in the kitchen. In a panic, he asks, “What are you doing?”

 

“No...” Sam whines. “C’mon, c’mon...” He continues to search, looking back at Lucifer warily.

 

“Sam, stop!” Lucifer yells, unable to remain quiet. How the Hell is going to keep calm and gentle when Sam’s frantically looking through the knife drawers? “Look at me! Please...” What if he’s too far gone? Then... Then Lucifer will truly be alone...

 

The brunette finds a butcher knife, and makes a move as to use it on Lucifer, but quickly brings it to his own neck. He looks at Lucifer, but not because the blond wanted him to. “Don’t come any closer, you bastard!”

 

Lucifer freezes, though it’s of his own will. He’s shocked to the bone, not able to comprehend the sight before him. It’s surreal. “Sammy, what are you doing?”

 

Sam presses the blade into his skin, just enough to draw a little blood. It hurts, but it almost feels like freedom. “I’ll die, right? That’s what you’re afraid of? That your favorite toy will be gone? I’ll do it - I’m gonna do it!”

 

“Stop it! Please... Don’t do this. I-I love you.”

 

Sam laughs at that last sentence, because that’s just too rich. He absentmindedly looks around. “I’m sorry, Dean,” he apologizes, knowing his big brother would expect more of him, want him to be stronger in this situation.

 

“D-Dean?” Lucifer’s voice cracks, and he doesn’t understand. He’s completely lost. Tears fall down Lucifer’s cheek as he speaks. “Please... Drop the knife. I’m begging you.”

 

When Sam’s eyes settle on Lucifer again, he gasps, and complying as the knife falls to the ground. It doesn’t cut him, thankfully. His neck burns, and he can’t breathe through his nose. It comes back all at once that he’s not in the Cage - and that this is Lucifer - the one who loves him. “...L-Lu?” he asks, hands coming back to grip the counter.

 

Lucifer steps towards Sam cautiously, not willing to believe that this whole catastrophe is finally over. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s me.” Lucifer sobs as he pulls Sam in for a hug and squeezes him tightly. “I’m here.”

 

Sam stiffens in his hold, and can’t look at him. Though, he accepts the comfort. He hadn’t had a night terror like that in a long time.

 

“Sam, I’m so sorry.” Lucifer knew that his actions caused great suffering, but it’s completely different to actual _see_ the damage he’s caused.

 

Eyes blinking open, Sam pushes Lucifer away. He remembers what transpired earlier. “Don’t be,” he says quietly, looking at the ground. He starts to shuffle away, intent on returning to the spare bedroom. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

 

“Sam... Don’t leave.” How could he after what just happened? How could anyone just walk away from _this_? Lucifer doesn’t think he will ever be able to understand Sam Winchester.

 

The brunette stops in his tracks, still shaking a bit. Sam turns to face Lucifer, but he can’t actually meet his eyes. “Why?”

 

“B-Because you can’t have something like that happen and then just walk away! You nearly killed yourself.”

 

Sam looks at the forgotten knife on the ground. He manages to meet Lucifer’s gaze, cringing with a shrug.

 

“Sam, please,” Lucifer begs, looking at Sam’s shadowy form. “Come here. We need to talk about this.”

 

“I don’t...” Sam forces himself to take a step forward, put off by Lucifer’s presence. “What’s there to talk about?”

 

Lucifer tries to find the right words, biting his bottom lip. “I can’t... You’re scared of me.” The brunette hesitates, but slowly nods. Still not meeting Lucifer’s eye contact.

 

Another tear escapes Lucifer’s eye. “I don’t know why I even try anymore.” It seems like no matter what he does, Sam is always going to be unhappy. He’s just not enough.

 

Sam awkwardly backs out of the room. He tries to slowly shuffle out of the room. “Sorry I woke you up,” he repeats.

 

Lucifer looks up to the ceiling, thinking of who he used to be. Thinking of his family. After a minute he hangs his head and walks back to the bedroom. Getting under the blankets, he buries his face in his pillow, trying to make his sobs quieter again.

 

Sam doesn’t manage to fall asleep again, instead listening to Lucifer’s cries and wondering what tomorrow will bring.

 

-

 

When Sam gets out of his bed about three hours later, he finds the courage to go to his bedroom to see Lucifer. They parted in a bad way, and Sam had a few hours to collect his mind. He’s composed, and ready to fix this.

He hesitantly thrusts his head past the threshold, looking at the bed. “Luce?” he murmurs.

 

Lucifer’s head is still buried in the pillow when he says, “What do you want?” Lucifer turns over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling with glossy eyes. When he realizes Sam couldn’t understand his muffled voice, the blond repeats with annoyance, “ _What do you want_?”

 

“Um... Good morning.” (“ _Good morning to you! Good morning to you! Our day is beginning, so good morning to you!_ ”) Sam shivers.

 

There’s a few seconds of silence before Lucifer sighs deeply. “What’s the point of this?” he inquires.

 

Sam feels more comfortable, and holds himself with less unsureness. “The point of what? Casual conversation? Baby steps, dumbass.” Sam hopes that the playfulness will reach Lucifer, and not anger him.

 

Though, it doesn’t. His voice remains apathetic. “You’re not making this any better. Just go away.”

 

Sam feels his heart clench at Lucifer’s  words, but he finds the strength to ignore him. “Do you wanna join me in the shower? Or - Or help me make breakfast?” he asks hopefully.

 

Starting to become more irritated, Lucifer all but growls. “Are you deaf?” he hisses. “Go away!”

 

The brunette starts to feel the beginning signs of tears. He presses on, “I - I could go get your surprise ready if you want, or - “

 

“DAMMIT SAM! JUST GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!” Lucifer screams angrily, leaving no room for argument.

 

Taking a deep breath, Sam ventures into the bedroom, trying to calm his racing heart. He really wants to flee, because of his newfound fear of seeing Lucifer angry, but chokes back his tears in despair. “Luce... Please...”

 

Lucifer sits up and looks directly at Sam. “NO!” he roars, showing his ‘ _friend_ ’ the rage in his eyes. “WHY WON’T YOU JUST GO AWAY?!”

 

Sam flinches, but holds his ground. A beat of silence passes before he answers through tears, “B-Because I love y-you...”

 

Lucifer stares at Sam in silence before saying softly, “Get out.” His expression and tone is neutral again, unfeeling. Sam searches his past lover’s eyes once more, surprised to find a bit of remorse.

 

Since he so desperately wants to fix all this, Sam continues to be stubborn. “Please, I - “

 

Pointing to the door, Lucifer orders, “Now.”

 

Sam shakes his head and scoffs. Discovering more confidence - probably because of the blond’s steady voice - Sam asks, “Why are you pushing me away?”

 

Unable to maintain calmness, Lucifer snaps again. “WHY CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I DON’T EVEN WANT TO LOOK AT YOU RIGHT NOW?! GO AWAY!”

 

Sam practically falls down from the force of Lucifer’s words, and his facade crumbles. He cries out, and beginning to weep, his arms hugging him more than resting crossed. He runs out of the room, and shuts the door with a bang. Sam doesn’t have the strength to continue, and slides to the floor against the door, a hand over his mouth as he sobs.

 

Lucifer listens to Sam’s sobbing for a couple minutes before taking a pillow and covering his ears, trying to block out the sound.

 

A few minutes later, Sam finds the strength to take a shower, and makes hash browns with waffles. He makes a plate for Lucifer, returning to their - _his_ room - an hour later. Hesitantly knocking on the door, Sam says quietly, “Lucifer... I... I made you brunch...”

 

Lucifer ignores Sam.

 

The brunette looks down at the dish. “It’s hash browns and waffles...” Sam doesn’t have the energy to make it sound more enticing. Lucifer should simply be hungry.

 

“I’m just gonna leave this here then... I’m going out for a bit... I’ll be back in about four hours, okay?” Sam sets the plate down before hesitantly walking away.

 

Lucifer stays in bed, leaving the food outside the door even long after Sam’s gone. How is he supposed to eat when he feels so alone and sad?

 

-

 

When Sam sees the untouched food four hours later, he feels like dying. He throws the cold food away, mourning his wasted hard work. But the loss isn’t as tragic as the other two he’s facing on a daily basis: His dear brother and lover.

 

The hunter walks to ‘their’ bedroom again, stopping at the closed entrance. “You can’t sulk in there forever...” he muses, resting his head on the door.

 

This time he actually gets a response. “Leave me alone, Sam,” Lucifer requests with that blank tone.

 

“Okay...” Sam complies, going to work on his laptop for a few hours again. He’s past trying to reason with Lucifer. It’s become obvious that they’re not going to fix any of this until Lucifer’s ready to do so.

 

Sam ends up going out again instead, and comes back with fried rice and egg rolls for dinner. He eats his alone, in silence. But when he’s done, he tries to see Lucifer again.

 

“I have dinner,” Sam explains, his explanation for his visit choppy.

 

Lucifer hesitates, leaving Sam miserable, but eventually answers. “Okay.” He knows that he can’t avoid talking to the brunette forever, and Lucifer _is_ really hungry.

 

Sam eyes widen, and he allows himself to feel hopeful. He shakily opens the door, entering the room with Lucifer’s food in tow. “I - “ Desperate to make conversation, Sam states, “I picked this up from HyVee... Sorry if you were expecting something homemade.”

 

Lucifer swallows, looking paler than usual. “It’s... It’s fine.” He doesn’t look or sound uninterested anymore, instead giving off a more sick and exhausted vibe. Sam supposes that he must be at this point, on both accounts.

 

When their eyes meet, they blink at each other awkwardly. A moment passes before Sam realizes they’re staring and he scoots forward, handing Lucifer the baggie at a reasonable distance.

 

Lucifer takes the HyVee bag and opens it, pulling out the food one by one. “Th-Thanks,” he stutters, not really looking like he means it. Sam can tell he’s hungry, though.

 

Sam scratches the back of his neck. “Y-Yeah, it’s nothing. Just something to keep you going; two vegetable egg rolls and fried rice.”

 

Nodding, Lucifer takes a small bite of an egg roll.

 

“Oh - “ Sam makes a move to approach Lucifer, but stops himself. “You - There’s a red sauce thing in there that you dip the egg rolls in. It’ll taste better.”

 

“O-Okay. Thanks.” Lucifer takes the sauce out and dips the egg roll in it before taking another bite. He looks at Sam. “...Could you leave so I can eat my - Sorry. That was rude.”

 

Sam almost rolls his eyes fondly. He doesn’t, however. “No, if you want me to leave, I’ll leave. Whatever you want, Lu,” Sam states sadly, looking at his feet.

 

About a minute of quiet passes, and Sam is about to actually leave with Lucifer finally speaks up. “No... Stay.”

 

Sam looks up, pointing to the bed. “Can I...” Lucifer seems to understand that the taller man wants to sit down and reluctantly nods.

 

“Y-Yeah.”

 

The taller man hesitantly sits on the edge of the bed, folding his hands. “I - Sorry I was so nosy earlier,” he apologizes.

 

“No, it’s... It’s fine. I’m sorry for being such a jerk.”

 

“No, you had every right to be a jerk,” Sam states, looking down at the food. A part of him is upset Lucifer eating on the bed, but he knows that’s not what really matters right now. “Is it good?” The brunette looks at him again.

 

Lucifer takes a bite of his rice, eating very small portions. It reminds Sam a little of how he used to eat when he was young and awkward. “Yeah. Thanks, Sam.” Dammit, now ‘thanks’ is starting to become annoying just like ‘sorry’ did earlier.

 

Managing to smile, Sam watches the blond with soft eyes. A moment of silence passes, then Sam suddenly says, “I miss you.”

 

Lucifer hesitates, but eventually replies, “Yeah... I, uh... I miss you, too...”

 

“I - I don’t wanna break anymore, Luce.”

 

Suddenly losing his appetite, Lucifer sets his food aside. “I just... I don’t know if I’m... If I’m ready yet,” he admits, making Sam gap in confusion.

 

Sam wants to tackles Lucifer is a hug, kiss him until they fall asleep. But he knows that would be inappropriate. He misses Lucifer so much it hurts. “Oh.” Sam knew Lucifer would be reluctant, but most of him thought the shorter man would welcome him back with open arms. “I - oh.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No, no,” Sam says, waving a dismissive hand. “No, I respect that, it’s fine. I - Sorry I - “ Sam sighs sadly. “Sorry.”

 

Lucifer rubs his face, sucking out the food stuck in his teeth. He’s never had ‘fried’ rice and vegetable egg rolls before, and the blond decides that he likes it. “Don’t be.”

 

Sam clears his throat, wishing to change the topic. “I went out and had another chat with a demon. Nothing new...”

 

Though, the shorter man doesn’t seem to reciprocate the want. “Oh... I - God, Sam. We _have_ to talk about this.”

 

Sam looks confused. There are so many things they need to talk about. “About what?” he asks, needing a clarification.

 

Looking at his friend like he’s an idiot, Lucifer answers, “About the fact that you almost slit your own throat last night... Because of me. And now you’re acting like nothing happened.”

 

Sam blinks, debating how he should handle this. “I’m okay now,” he states. Again, this sounded better in his head. “It was a night terror - You triggered it. Not your fault, it was an _accident_. Sorry I scared you.”

 

Lucifer smiles bitterly. “And this is why I’m not ready to be with you again. _I_ triggered that. I caused you to almost _kill yourself_.”

 

Wanting to brush this under the rug, Sam insists that everything is fine. “Please, it was just a nightmare. People have nightmares.”

 

“People don’t have nightmares about the people they love!” Lucifer snaps, pursing his lips together angrily.

 

Sam doesn’t have a retort for that, and says instead, “What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry I had a night terror?”

 

Lucifer shakes his head, sighing tiredly. “No. I want to figure out when we can fix this... _If_ we can fix this.”

 

“Well, I for one want to fix this right now. I’ve told you, being intimate with you helps fight them.” This is true, of course.

 

However, the blond doesn’t seem too persuaded. “For how long? We both know you’ll get another one eventually. And who knows what it’ll make you do?”

 

“Why don’t we live in the now for once, Luce?” Sam takes Lucifer's hands in his lovingly.

 

Lucifer pulls his hand back from Sam almost immediately, making the brunette’s heart sink. “It just doesn’t feel right. I know that there’s still a part of you that afraid of me.”

 

“Can - Can I at least sleep in our bed?” Sam asks with a kicked puppy tone.

 

At least Lucifer doesn’t hesitate too much when he’s asked the question. “Uh... Yeah, sure.”

 

The brunette feels like he did during that damn night terror. He just wants to curl up and die. Looking at Lucifer longingly, like he’s dreading the answer to whatever question he’s about to inquire, he asks, “Do you... Do you still love me? Or have you just finally realized how broken I am?”

 

Lucifer sighs, sick of stupid questions like these. “Yes, I... I still love you.” There’s little to no reluctance, but it still worries Sam. “It’s hard to love someone when they’re afraid of you, though.”

 

“I’m afraid of _him_.”

 

Tilting his head slightly in confusion, Lucifer presses, “Him?” He’s pretty sure he knows what Sam is talking about, it’s just awful strange for him to refer to him like that.

 

“The... The other one,” Sam explains, looking sheepish almost. He’s twiddling his fucking thumbs, even. “The... Nightmare Lucifer. The Before Lucifer. Whatever you wanna call him.”

 

Lucifer slowly nods, understanding. That makes sense, and it makes him feel a little better. At least Sam isn’t scared of him altogether, just aspects of his personality. “Yeah, but he’s gone now. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

 

“Exactly.” Sam takes Lucifer’s hands in his again, more hopeful. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

 

Lucifer pulls his hands away again, though, making Sam want to cry. The taller man seriously thought they were making progress. “But he’s always gonna be a part of me, Sam. He always will be.”

 

Sam tilts his head, squinting. “Again, _exactly_ , he’ll always be there... So why worry about it when there’s nothing we can do?”

 

Then Lucifer says, “Please, Sam. Can we just not do this right now? I need some time.” It’s as if their entire conversation meant nothing, that none of that was productive.

 

“Why?” the brunette asks sadly, looking at their hands again. He hugs himself, not meeting Lucifer’s gaze.

 

“I thought you were gonna respect my decision,” Lucifer says sassily, but without the actual sass in his tone.

 

“I never said I wasn’t, I’m just asking _why_. You were the one who was against this ‘break’ in the first place," Sam retorts.

 

Lucifer scoffs, looking offended. It’s ridiculous how he thinks it’s okay for him to throw Sam’s words back in his face, but when the brunette does it’s out of line. ”That was before you almost killed yourself, Sam!”

 

“Fine.” Sam abruptly gets off the bed. “I - “ Thankfully, the brunette stops himself from saying anything, and starts to leave the room.

 

Ever curious, Lucifer asks the question that seems to be his favorite these days. “Wait. What were you gonna say?”

 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m upset, and it’s not true.” Sam’s chest clenches in angst, and he turns to face Lucifer. “I came in here to show you that I was ready - because _you_ , this you - helps me. I just... I’m sorry, okay?”

 

“Just... Let me... Can I just think about it?”

 

Sam looks down and moves his foot, twisting it against the floor. “Fair enough,” he agrees. “How - how long?” The hunter’s eyes find Lucifer’s again.

 

Shrugging, the blond answers, “I don’t know... A few days.” That should be enough time for him to figure out what he wants.

 

Sam nods, swallowing. “I take back what I said then, about the bed.” He looks at it. “If you need space... I’ll keep using the spare...”

 

Lucifer is thankful that Sam took back the request, slumping a bit as his body relaxes more. “Yeah... Um... Thanks. And I’m sorry.”

 

With an indifferent expression, Sam insists, “You don’t have to be.” Again, Sam makes a move as to exit the room, so Lucifer could possibly finish eating without distractions, but stops. He’s turned away from Lucifer, practically out the door, when he comments, "I just... You said we can’t make this any better, and maybe that’s true, but then why does this feel like we’re making it worse?”

 

“Trust me, Sam, It can’t get any more worse.”

 

Sam laughs bittersweetly at the answer. “Gotta agree with you there. Leave it to me to ruin everything, huh?” Sam starts leaving again.

 

The brunette continues to be stopped, though. Lucifer doesn’t want to part each other when either of them is sore about this too much. “No, Sam. You don’t ruin everything.”

 

Sam turns around, standing in the doorway. The brunette’s eyes are burning with unshed tears, and he’s too depressed to even feel bad about giving Lucifer one of his famous puppy dog faces. “How - “ His voice breaks, and he feels like he’s drowning. “Do you not see it? It’s the little things! You don’t wanna touch me, you don’t like being reminded I exist - You don't even call me _Sammy_!” Pause. “And - “ Sam laughs bitterly again. “You’ve even shown visible difficulty saying that you love me!”

 

“Sam - Listen. I love you, okay? At least... I want to love you. And I’m trying. But none of that is your fault! If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.”

 

The brunette blinks, unable to make any other movements. “Are you... You... You don’t love me anymore?”

 

Lucifer is silent for a good minute. He doesn’t want to answer, so he waits for the taller man to scoff and leave, but Sam simply waits. “I...” Lucifer finally starts. “That’s... That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

 

Choking on his own emotions, Sam makes a noise that sounds like a dying animal. He can’t hold back his wails of pain nor tears, and stumbles, taking that final step out of the room. He sobs his way to the spare bedroom, feeling like he did when Lucifer died all over again.

 

Lucifer shuts his eyes, feeling horrible. He pulls the blankets up over him and tries to clear his head, though it seems impossible.

 

Sam leaves the bunker about a half an hour later with a sole purpose in mind. He should of seen this coming, he’s Sam Winchester, _he_ doesn’t get nice things. The brunette does remember one way to make the pain go away, a way his brother used more often than not: Alcohol. He drives to the local bar with a red face, but if anyone says anything or notices, he won’t care. Sam just wants to feel a little better, even if it damages his body.


	12. A Thorny Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Productive conversations and a horrible argument occur. Sam likes to think he’s in control of what Lucifer does, since he’s been showing him the ropes of being human, but the brunette quickly realizes that he can easily be overpowered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the story gets darker...

-

 

He’s very lucky that the bartender notices his sway when he tries to leave - because God knows Sam would’ve ran into a tree before he got home. The brunette manages to find a place he could be dropped off by a taxi that was close to the Bunker - but not too close. It’s very late, and since he’s close to the Bunker, not many cars are there to endanger Sam. He’s happy and hiccuping when he makes it back, stumbling over his own two feet. Sam can barely see straight, and he absentmindedly wonders why he went out to get hammered, why Lucifer didn’t join him. Happiness bubbles in the pit of his stomach when he thinks of the blond and he giggles. It takes him about ten minutes to find the hallway leading to their room, and he strips off his pants when he spots the door, leaving him in his boxers.

 

Sam giggles again, and slurs, “Luci...” He nearly trips over his pants, but saves himself somehow, slowly - (read: drunkly) - making his way to their bedroom.

 

Lucifer moves around in his sleep, restless.

 

“Luuuuccccccccccccceeeee,” Sam drawls out, his syllables mashing together yet still intelligible. The brunette continues to trip down the hallway, a dumb smile on his face. His vision sort of blurs for a moment, but he quickly recovers. 

 

Lucifer mumbles and flips over onto his stomach, his face buried in the pillow.

 

Sam hiccups again, finally reaching the doorway. Gracelessly, he attempts to turn on the light, smacking the wall a few times in the process. Sam’s eyes find Lucifer rather easily, and he giggles again. “Lucifer...” he purrs, shuffling towards the bed. He meant to hover above the other, but Sam’s current lack of coordination causes him to kind of just fall on top of him. Halfheartedly pulling the covers back, the brunette shakes his lover. “Luuuuuuuuu!” he sings drunkenly.

 

Eyes shooting open, Lucifer tries to sit up but finds that he can’t. “Sam?” he questions. “What are you doing?”

 

The brunette smiles at Lucifer, and continues to burrow himself in the bed. “Lu! I - “ Sam hiccups. “I neeeed yooouuuu!” Sam attempts to kiss the shorter man.

 

Lucifer manages to push Sam off of him and stand up, leaving the taller man alone in the tangled sheets. “N-No!”

 

The hunter ends up being pushed to the side, and hums as Lucifer’s skin brushes up against his. _Oh_ , Sam muses foggily, _he’s playing hard to get_. Sam twists on the bed, and looks over at Lucifer coyly. “Luucce.”

 

“Sam, you need to go to bed. You’re drunk.”

 

Sam pouts. “N-No! I... I need...” He reaches forward comically, tugging at Lucifer’s shirt suggestively.

 

“Stop it!” Lucifer grabs Sam’s shoulders. “Sam. Go to sleep. You’re so drunk right now.”

 

Sam scoffs obnoxiously. “‘M not drunk,” he denies. He gives Lucifer a once over before deciding to tug at the blond’s sweatpants instead.

 

Stepping away from the drunken man, Lucifer sighs. “We’re not doing this,” he says tiredly, stressed. “Please, go to bed.”

 

Confused, the brunette frowns. “Why? Don’t you want me?” he slurs unhappily, blinking slowly.

 

Lucifer is silent for a few seconds. He reluctantly answers, “N-No.” Lucifer isn’t sure if that’s a lie or not.

 

“I don’t understand,” Sam states, hiccuping again. The brunette falls off of the bed, tumbling towards Lucifer. He tackles him in a hug, and rubs against him lewdly. “C’mon,” Sam garbles, “I waaant yoou... Ya gotta...” He squeezes Lucifer’s dick through his pants playfully. “Ya know ya want meeee.”

 

Lucifer jumps, but can’t help smiling a little bit at the hunter’s cuteness. “Stop!”

 

Sam looks at Lucifer with a blissful, dumb grin. “Plllleeasse...” he asks, almost unintelligible. He wraps his arms around Lucifer and sniffs his musk, sighing contently in the crook of his neck. Sam mumbles into his skin, rubbing against him still, “Waant yooouuuu.”

 

Lucifer pushes Sam away again. “Please, Sam. Go to bed,” he begs.

 

The brunette in turn giggles, “Only if you come with me...”

 

“No.” Lucifer grabs Sam’s arm and starts to lead him out of the room.

 

“Why not?” Sam slurs.

 

“Because I said so. Now come on.” Lucifer leads Sam to the spare bedroom.

 

The brunette whines, and twirls Lucifer behind him, pressing up against him with absolutely no subtlety. Sam grinds back, a flirty smile plastered on his face. “I - “ He hiccups. “I wanna be naaaaughty with yooouuuu...”

 

Lucifer pulls away again, still smiling slightly. “I told you, no. Now let’s get you in bed.” He starts taking Sam to the spare bed he’s been sleeping in again.

 

Giggling like a schoolgirl, Sam pulls Lucifer down on the bed with him. Peppering his face with sloppy, open-mouthed kisses.

 

Lucifer pushes Sam away once more. “Stop.” As he tries to cover Sam up, he says, “I’ve already said no.”

 

The brunette squirms unhappily, and still unaware of the events that transpired earlier, he complains, “What? Don’t ya looove me anymooore?”

 

Lucifer’s face falls and he doesn’t respond.

 

Sam sighs discontentedly, and he mewls in disapproval when he sees Lucifer start to exit the room. “Nooo!” he keens. “Pleaaase... Lay wit mee...”

 

Looking back at Sam, the blond shakes his head. “No...” Lucifer breathes, voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

 

Sam, although undeniably drunk, manages a pretty good puppy dog face. “Pwwwease?” he whines, both arms reaching out to Lucifer. “I wanna cuudddle!”

 

“I’m sorry. I... No.”

 

The brunette falls back completely, pouting like a child. “You - “ He hiccups. “You don’t love me, do ya?” Again, Lucifer doesn’t respond.

 

Sam crosses his arms. “All I waaanttteeed waaas for yoooou to looove me allllllll nighhhtt loooonnnggg...” Sam states, stilling reaching out for Lucifer.

 

Lucifer rubs his face before starting to leave again. He doesn’t want to deal with this anymore. Lucifer’s never experienced a drunk Sam before, and he’s awfully persistent.

 

“Nooo!” Sam whines. “You gotta give me a g’night kissy, Luucee!”

 

Lucifer stops and turns around again. “No goodnight kiss tonight, Sam.” Jesus, is he ever going to leave this room?

 

Sam stays quiet this time, and pulls the blankets over his head.

 

Whispering, “I’m sorry,” Lucifer finally leaves the room. He takes his time shutting the door, thinking that Sam passed out.

 

A few minutes go by before Sam stirs again, and he plops out of the bed with a frown. Walking to their bedroom as quickly as a drunk moose can, he slips in, and giggles in a way someone would when they knew they were being naughty.

 

Sam climbs into the bed clumsily - since he’s not only intoxicated but the room is pitch black - and burrows under the covers, snuggling up against Lucifer.

 

Instinctively, Lucifer turns over and cuddles Sam. Nothing he hasn’t done a thousand times before.

 

The brunette smiles, and kisses Lucifer passionately before tucking himself under the blond’s chin and closing his eyes.

 

When Lucifer smells the alcohol on Sam’s breath he opens his eyes and jumps. “Sam! What are you doing?”

 

Sam’s answer is muffled and groggy, “I wanted ta sleep in our bed.”

 

“Sam, please. Go back to the spare room and sleep.”

 

“Why?” the taller man yawns against Lucifer. “This is... Is _our_ bed. ‘M s’posed ta sleep ‘ere...”

 

“Yes, but we’re... It’s complicated... But we’re not really _together_ at the moment. So... If you’re sleeping in here, I’ll go in the spare room.”

 

Sam isn’t sober enough to understand, and reaches out, grabbing Lucifer and wrapping his arms around his middle, snuggling happily. “Ain’t com-pli-caated...” he murmurs. “Sleep.”

 

“Sam... Please, listen to me. I’m begging you. _Listen to me_.”

 

The brunette mumbles something unintelligible into Lucifer’s neck, but when he pulls back a little as to flop a leg over Lucifer, he mutters, “Love ya.” Then, Sam digs his face into Lucifer’s neck again, falling asleep.

 

Lucifer takes a deep breath and carefully gets out of bed, starting to walk towards the door. Sam doesn’t notice, now asleep.

 

The blond looks back at Sam one last time and sighs before walking out of the door and making his way to the spare bedroom. He lies down and falls asleep.

 

-

 

Four hours later, Sam wakes up with a splitting headache, an overexerted body, and nausea. He can’t exactly recall what happened prior to his intoxication - but he definitely knows he went out, got drunk, and came back. He attempts to get out of the bed, only to get a head rush and fall down. The brunette gets a icky, sick feeling, and vomits on the floor in front of him.

 

Lucifer wakes up in the spare room and goes to check on Sam, only to find him vomiting on the floor. “Sam, are you okay?”

 

The brunette groans, not even noticing Lucifer’s presence. He attempts to get up, his position much like that of a push-up’s, but falls down again. Luckily, not into his vomit.

 

Lucifer stands there, wondering if he should go help Sam. Eventually he walks over to the taller man and puts a hand on his arm, trying to get his friend up.

 

When Sam notices the pressure on his arm, he blinks a few times before looking up. Sadness and angry mixes together in his veins, and he pushes Lucifer, struggling out of his grip. “No, go away...”

 

“No, Sam. You need help.” Lucifer grabs Sam’s arm again.

 

“Let go of me!” Sam hisses at Lucifer. He then promptly hisses in pain at the volume of his words.

 

Lucifer lets go of Sam and looks at him before saying, “Please. Let me help you.”

 

Grabbing the bed as to hoist himself up, Sam growls, “I don’t want your pity; stop pretending like you care...” He grunts, trying to get on top of the bed.

 

“I’m not pretending.” Lucifer grabs Sam again and helps him onto the bed.

 

Sam starts shedding angry, resentful tears. But he looks at Lucifer longingly despite it. “Go away! You don’t love me! It was just a game!”

 

Guilt spreads throughout Lucifer’s body. It’s an unsavory, icky feeling that the blond doesn’t like at all. “Please, Sam.”

 

Scoffing incredulously, the brunette inquires, “ _Please what_?”

 

“Let me help you.”

 

Sam sighs, and thinks of the puke. He groans in discomfort and disgust. Pulling his head under the covers, the brunette doesn’t say another word, much like when he did last night.

 

“Okay, fine. I’ll just... Clean this up.” Lucifer cleans and disinfects the tainted floor before going to the kitchen and making breakfast. He brings some back to Sam, hoping that it’ll cheer him up or something. “Sam? I-I made blueberry pancakes. It’s like... The only thing I know how to make.”

 

The brunette blinks for a few moments before beginning to weep, clutching his covers.

 

“Sam?” Lucifer walks over to his friend and sits on the bed. The warm plate feels good on his exposed thighs, no matter how strange that might be.

 

Sam’s moans of depression become louder, and all he wants to have Lucifer back, but he knows he can’t. The blueberry pancakes just reminded of a better time and caused him to break down. The brunette fights back the urge to launch himself onto Lucifer, and tries to quiet his crying.

 

Lucifer sets the pancakes aside and says, “I’ll just... Leave those there then... I’m - I’m sorry.” He turns around walks out of the room.

 

“Please don’t leave me...” Sam whispers, shaking from the force of his sobs.

 

But, of course, Lucifer doesn’t hear Sam and walks to the study to eat his own pancakes in silence.

 

Sam continues to wail, and eventually ends up eating the damn pancakes. He cries his way through it, and when he can't take it anymore, the brunette stumbles disorientated into the study. When he spots Lucifer, he sobs harder, and throws himself at the blond’s feet.

 

“Sam? Come on. You... You should rest.”

 

“PLEASE LOVE ME!” Sam sobs, practically kissing Lucifer's feet.

 

Lucifer’s eyes sting with tears, watching the brunette’s pathetic form. “Sam...” he all but whimpers. “Please. Let’s... Let’s get you back in bed.”

 

“I NEED YOU!” Sam’s shouting is barely understandable, but he continues. Snot and tears runs down his face unattractively, and if Lucifer was close enough he’d be able to smell the vomit on Sam’s breath. “PLEASE LOVE ME AGAIN!” he begs, still basically worshipping Lucifer; still looking at him like he hung the moon and gave him life.

 

Tears escape Lucifer’s eyes and he stands up, grabbing Sam gently and helping him up too. “Come on... Y-You need some r-rest.”

 

Sam pushes himself to the ground again. “I DON’T NEED ANY REST, LUCIFER! I NEEED YOOUUU!” He begins to violently weep at the blond’s feet.

 

“I can’t do this right now, Sam. Please... Let’s just get you back in bed.”

 

“TOO BAD! I CAN’T DO _THIS_ ANYMORE! AND DAMMIT, I’M NOT TIRED!" Sam kisses Lucifer’s feet again, stroking his lower legs lovingly. It bothers him that the blond thinks he needs to sleep this off or something. The problem is obviously needs much more attention; things like this don’t just fix themselves.

 

“Please, Sam...”

 

The brunette death grips Lucifer’s ankles, still crying brutally. His head throbs with every movement, every word, and he thinks he needs another drink. 

 

Lucifer grabs Sam again and tries to help him up. “C-Come on.”

 

Sam yanks himself away, realizing that he really has ruined one of the most wonderful things he’s ever had. “Fine,” he whispers dejectedly. “I’ll be in the bathroom.” He walks away gracelessly, almost tripping multiple times. Sam has to rub his face on a few occasions, and tries to choke back his sobs.

 

Lucifer sits back down. He wants to go see Sam but at the same time he’s not sure.

 

When Sam makes it to the spare bedroom, he shuffles into the bath, and continues to cry. The punishment is weak, and he could do better, but he can’t find the strength to get up after he starts to cry again.

 

A few more tears escape Lucifer’s eyes as he pushes his plate away and thinks about how much has changed.

 

Sam curls in on himself, practically screaming in angst. He ruined it. He ruined _everything_... _Again_... Lucifer deserves someone so much better than him, someone who isn't broken. 

 

He really wants to turn to the bottle again, but he’s sick and tired of this. He needs an aspirin, some water, and possibly another nap. No - he’s not tired. Managing to blow his nose, he thinks about all the things he ruined again, how much he’s ruined Lucifer. Sam always pretty prized their relationship above his others, because he _knew_ that Lucifer would always love him, always and forever. Unconditionally. A bittersweet laugh echoes throughout the bathroom. _Yeah_ , Sam thinks, _just a fun, fun game_...

 

Lucifer decides to go check on Sam in the bathroom after a few minutes. Once he enters, the blond swallows. “Are you... Are you gonna be okay, Sam?” he asks softly.

 

Not bothering to look at Lucifer, Sam replies, “No.” He doesn’t even feel sad anymore. He’s so depressed he _doesn’t feel_. “It’s no wonder you don’t love me anymore... Look at me... Crying in a fucking bathtub...” Sam laughs coldly.

 

“I told you, Sam. That’s what I’m trying to figure while we take this break.”

 

Again, the brunette takes a good twenty seconds to say anything. “Did you mean any of it?” Sam asks brokenly.

 

Confused, Lucifer leans against the door frame as his brow furrows. “Any of what?”

 

Sam sighs tiredly. “Did you even... Did you ever actually love me? Or was it just a joke?”

 

Lucifer’s naturally baffled that the brunette could think that, and he shakes his head frantically. “A joke? No, of course not!” Lucifer assures, sounding offended and shocked.

 

The brunette looks over at Lucifer in disbelief. “You don’t gotta lie to me... How could I of deserved someone as special as you?” Sam ponders aloud.

 

“Sam, I loved with everything I had. But... Something changed when everything happened.” Everything feels different, and Lucifer needs to figure out what he wants before they continue this relationship they have.

 

Sam laughs insensitively again. “Yeah, I noticed. You stopped loving me. Gee, I can pick ‘em, can’t I?" The brunette looks over at Lucifer, noting his tears. “You can cut the crap. If you don’t love me then you don’t care about me...” Sam states sadly.

 

“I’m not saying I don’t... But even if I didn’t love you... That - that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t care about you.”

 

Sam blinks, freezing. “You mean _don’t_.” Otherwise Lucifer’s implying that he does still love Sam. He doesn’t want any false hope.

 

Rubbing his face, the blond sniffles. “I’m not sure what I mean,” he admits, cursing himself for being so confused. “I’m not sure how I feel yet.”

 

Sam gets out of the bathtub. “Cut the crap,” he repeats, “it’s obvious how you feel. You don’t love me, you don’t wanna kiss me... And if I remember last night correctly... You definitely don’t wanna fuck me.”

 

Surprised that Sam would pull that card, the shorter man crosses his arms. “That’s not what this is about,” he responds, sounding borderline disgusted.

 

“Then what’s it about?” Sam squints at Lucifer, feeling not only heartbroken, but also not good enough. But, then again, he’s never exactly felt like he’s honestly deserved anything in his life. Well, he probably has, but Sam’s being dramatic right now.

 

“I don’t know... But it’s _definitely_ not about me not wanting to have sex with you. I’m still figuring this out.” How many times is he going to have to explain that to Sam before he finally accepts it?

 

Crossing his arms, Sam looks at the ground. “Never said it was. But... You don’t need to go on a fucking soul search to figure out if you love someone or not.” Sam’s eyes meet Lucifer’s again. “If you felt it before and don’t feel it now... You just don’t love me anymore.”

 

“I’m sorry, okay? This is hard for me.”

 

Sam growls. He raises an eyebrow, asking incredulously, “And you don’t think it is for me?”

 

Lucifer really hates how Sam’s changing the words that come out of his mouth. “I know it’s hard for you! I’ve been listening to you crying your fucking eyes out, Sam!”

 

Continuing to stare, unimpressed, the brunette says, “Then we’re just acquaintances, I guess. Cuz I can’t force you to love me, I’ve already ruined it with this ‘break’ bullshit.”

 

“Just wait, okay?” Lucifer says, making a face. Doesn’t Sam realize that time is needed to fix these kind of things? “Let me try and figure it out.”

 

“You’ve been ‘figuring it out’ for days now! If you’re not interested in loving me and kissing me and fucking me then stop trying to fix this!” Sam yells, eyes starting to burn with angry tears. “There isn’t anything to fix! You know why? Because it’s so fucking broken that it’s _gone_!"

 

“Fine! You want me to be done?! I’m done!” Lucifer throws his hands up and walks back to the bedroom. He lies on the bed and stares at the ceiling, upset.

 

Sam follows him into the bedroom, trying to ignore his splitting headache. “Good,” he growls, walking over and starting to empty out all of his stuff from his drawers, throwing them to the ground.

 

Lucifer ignores Sam and turns onto his side, taking deep breaths and trying to calm down.

 

“...I’m moving the fuck out of this room. Smells too much like you.”

 

Huffing, Lucifer spits back bitterly, “Well thank the fucking Lord.”

 

Glancing at Lucifer’s sulking form, Sam replies, “And I might be gone for a week or so. Texas. Dean. You can bring over all the fucking girls you want while I’m gone.”

 

Just to piss Sam off, the blond nods in agreement. “Fine,” he hisses. “Maybe I will. Just get the hell out.”

 

Sam all but growls, furious. “Give me a damn minute. This was _my_ room until you fucking _took over it_!” Lucifer clenches his jaw and rolls his eyes at this. He didn’t take over anything - Sam told him to sleep in this room!

 

Laughing bitterly, Sam thinks of Lucifer actually bring a girl to the Bunker to fuck. “And I imagine you didn’t find your surprise when you made the pancakes, since you didn’t say anything.” Sam continues to move out, now angrily throwing items into the hall. “Guess I can throw that away now, huh?” he muses aloud.

 

Sam lets out another one of those horribly cold laughs. “You wanna know what it was?”

 

Just wanting Sam to finally leave, Lucifer nods frantically. “Sure!” he yells. “Humor me!”

 

Going into the bathroom quickly to grab his hygiene supplies, Sam returns, saying, “A fucking butt plug! I wanna gonna get all ready for you - _so that you wouldn’t have to wait_!”

 

“Well now you don’t have to worry about it!” Lucifer shouts at him, not even thinking about the words coming out of his mouth. “Now get out! I... I hate you!”

 

Talking over Lucifer, Sam states, “And, of course, because you did an amazingly awful job at preparing me, I gotta do everything by myself, don’t - “ In the middle of throwing something, the brunette freezes, and a single tear drop slides down Sam’s face. He continues moving around without his previous anger, just complete silence.

 

Lucifer’s body is filled with anger and he doesn’t realize what he just said.

 

As Sam finishes moving his things from their - _Lucifer’s_ \- room, he looks back at the blond with a bitter smile. “Well, I’m happy you finally figured out your feelings, Lucifer.” He shuts the door, quietly. Sam begins to kick his pile to the spare bedroom, moving stiffly.

 

Lucifer flips onto his stomach and shuts his eyes. Again, he has to think about everything that’s happening and calm down. He doesn’t really hate Sam - that’s just the rage talking.

 

Tears burn in his eyes, and Sam suddenly screams, “I GUESS I’LL HAVE TO WATCH OUT NOW, SINCE YOU HATE ME, HUH? WHO KNOWS WHEN YOU’LL SNAP AND START TORTURING ME AGAIN, RIGHT?” A beat passes, and the brunette screams at the top of his lungs, “I BET YOU MISS THAT, YOU SICK BASTARD!”

 

Lucifer winces at Sam’s words and tears escape his eyes, but he ignores him and continues to take deep breaths.

 

Frustrated and angry, Sam continues. “IS THAT WHAT YOU NEED TO PAY ATTENTION TO ME? YOU WANNA BE THE ONE TO CUT MY SKIN? FEEL MY BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS?!”

 

Lucifer pulls the blankets over his head and covers his ears, hoping to block out Sam’s voice. This ultimately fails, but it’s the gesture that counts in the blond’s mind.

 

Sam marches back to Lucifer’s room, and pounds on the door. “C’MON! MAYBE I WANT YOU TO HURT ME!” he screams at the wood in front of him. “BE A MAN, ASSHOLE! HIT ME AGAIN! C’MON!”

 

“SHUT THE HELL UP, SAM OR I MIGHT DO IT!” Lucifer roars from under the covers, wanting to be left alone for the rest of eternity. The Cage is sounding like a paradise right now, which means that something is very wrong.

 

“YOU DON’T HAVE THE BALLS!” Sam retorts, still banging on the door.

 

“GO AWAY!”

 

“NO! FIGHT ME! I WANNA FEEL YOU HIT ME AGAIN! I WANNA BE HURT AND LEFT BRUISED AND BLEEDING!” Sam jiggles the doorknob. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF BED AND BEAT THE SHIT OUT IF ME!”

 

Again, all Sam receives is an equal amount of anger and despair. “NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Lucifer screams back, close to snapping.

 

“OH, REALLY?” Sam laughs again. “NOT IN THE MOOD, HUH?” Swallowing, Sam screams loudly again. “WHY DON’T YOU COME OUT HERE AND RAPE ME, THEN! I’LL PROBABLY FEEL THE SAME AS BEFORE!”

 

Lucifer finally loses it and stands up. He unlocks the door and opens it. He doesn’t hesitate to punch Sam square in the face.

 

Sam stumbles back, but quickly regains his composure, and grabs Lucifer by his shirt. He pushes him against the hallway wall, hissing in his ear, “You like it, don’t you? Deep down you know you do, and that’s what scares you. That’s why you can’t trust yourself to love me.”

 

Lucifer struggles against Sam’s grip, but eventually manages to push him away. He throws another punch and pushes him, making Sam hit the wall.

 

The brunette grunts, looking at Lucifer. “C’mon! Again! Make me your bitch!” And, as more motivation, he adds, “I’m the one who put you back in that fucking box, remember?”

 

Pushing Sam to the ground and pinning him, Lucifer throws punch after punch, not caring who he’s hurting. All the blond can feel right now is hot rage, and Sam’s just the punching bag he’s decided to take it out on.

 

Sam’s eyes close instinctively, and whenever he isn’t in danger of getting his mouth punched, he yells out the most horrible things he can think of, already feeling the bruises forming on his body. “HARDER! NO WONDER YOUR BROTHER BEAT YOU INTO THE CAGE!”

 

“THIS IS WHY YOU’RE ALL ALONE!”

 

“GABRIEL WOULD BE SO PROUD!” That gets him a few extremely violent blows. Lucifer’s clearly sore about that subject.

 

“MICHAEL WAS ALWAYS BETTER THAN YOU - WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE LIKE MICHAEL?”

 

Sam’s words hit Lucifer hard and he punches Sam as hard as he can. “JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!"

 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER LOVED YOU! YOU’RE SUCH A FAILURE!” Sam squirms under Lucifer, but doesn’t actually try to free himself. HeA kind of feeling lightheaded, and barely notices that he’s still being hit.

 

“COULDN’T EVEN BEAT MICHAEL! HE WASN'T EVEN IN HIS REAL VESSEL! YOU WERE STOPPED BY TWO FUCKING KIDS FROM KANSAS!”

 

Lucifer hits Sam so hard that his knuckles are sore, but he doesn't stop. They’re probably bruised so badly that blood is trickling out of his skin, but the blond couldn’t care less at this moment.

 

Sam’s mind is too foggy to come up with anything else, and he hurts really bad. Trying to get out of Lucifer’s grip, he struggles as much as he can, only to find that he can’t. Sam no longer feels in control, and tastes blood in his mouth. He coughs as Lucifer continues to beat him, and says rawly, “Wait, stop, I - “

 

The blond beats Sam until the brunette is unconscious. When Sam’s eyes close, Lucifer stands up and looks. He doesn’t even care that he hurt Sam. He’s angry. He turns around and walks into his room, slamming the door behind him.

 

When Sam wakes up, he realizes that he can’t move - he’s too sore and _Jesus, did that really happen or was it just a dream?_ Noticing he’s in the hallway, Sam comes to the conclusion that he actually _did_ allow that to happen. He groans, in unspeakable pain.

 

Hearing Sam in the hall, Lucifer ignores him. Hatred fills his body. He’s still extremely upset. Or, well, furious enough that the shorter man still hasn’t noticed how damaged his knuckles are.

 

Sam coughs, and rolls over on his side, and his body screams in discomfort. He coughs into his hand, and pulls it back to see it come back bloody. A little slips out of his mouth, and he blinks, disorientated. “L-Luce?” he calls weakly. Sam’s head is spinning, and he wonders if he has a concussion. _Did_ that fight really happen? What’s going on?

 

Lucifer covers his head with a pillow, not even wanting to _hear_ Sam’s voice. He knows it won’t do any good, however. The only things that make sound in the Bunker is him and Sam, so any little noise is enough to wake one of them up.

 

Sam blinks wearily, and gently rests his head on the ground, wincing. “Lu...” he whimpers, not understanding because _what happened_? “Haalp...”

 

Taking the pillow off of his head, Lucifer yells, “God, Sam! Why don’t you understand when I want you to leave me alone?”

 

Sam keens, not liking how loud Lucifer sounds. “Shhhhhhh...” he whispers, his eyes closing and opening very sluggishly. He can’t move, and he’s scared because he can’t - he can’t - _Sam’s so confused_! “Luu... H-Haalppp...” he repeats.

 

Growling, Lucifer just pushes him away again. “No!” he snarls furiously. “Go away!”

 

The brunette coughs up more blood, and it splatters onto the ground. He reaches forward painfully, and scratches at the door weakly. “Halp...” he whimpers again. _Why isn’t Lucifer helping me?_  


Lucifer rolls his eyes. Why would he go to all the trouble of beating the shit out of Sam to only patch him up? “No, Sam! I hate you, remember?” he reminds, still extremely irritated.

 

Sam mumbles something too quiet - or maybe too jumbled - for Lucifer to understand, and his body decides he’s been awake long enough. He falls unconscious, his hand still outstretched to Lucifer’s bedroom door.

 

When Sam doesn’t continue, Lucifer’s relieved. He pulls out his phone and starts playing on it. Lucifer wants to get his mind away from all this, and playing _Angry Birds_ is the only thing he can think of right now. At least it doesn’t have anything to do with Sam.

 

-

 

Sam’s been quiet for too long and Lucifer gets up and walks to the door. He opens it and sees Sam unconscious on the ground. “Sam?” Lucifer bends down and shakes him. “Sammy!” He doesn’t even groan, and continues to lay there, unresponsive.

 

Lucifer grabs Sam’s head in his hands. “Sam! W-Wake up! Please!” Again, the brunette remains unconscious.

 

Continuing to hold Sam’s head, tears escape Lucifer’s eyes. “Please, Sammy. I-I’m so sorry. Wake up. I’m... I’m begging you, please wake up!”

 

Sam stays asleep, barely breathing. Fresh blood drools out of his mouth, and he chokes on it.

 

“Sam! Oh, my God! Sam, please!” Lucifer is sobbing by now. “Sammy, please! Wake up! P-Please.” Lucifer looks at Sam’s face and can’t help kissing his forehead. “Please. I love you. P-Please!”

 

Sam’s head is swimming, and he grumbles. “Why’re there four of youu?” he slurs, leaning against Lucifer.

 

“Oh, God! Sam!” Lucifer holds Sam close and kisses his head before looking at him. “Come on.” He grabs Sam and tries to help him up.

 

The brunette can’t hold himself up at all, and lets Lucifer take his weight. He blinks, and his head throbs because of it. “What ‘appened?”

 

“I-I’ll explain later. You need help right now.”

 

Groaning, Sam stumbles to his feet, leaning against Lucifer. He winces at every movement. “Ugh... Luce...” He blinks around helplessly. “Hurts...”

 

Lucifer leads Sam to the garage. “I know. I'm so sorry...” Now that the blond is in a different state of mind, he more than regrets his actions. How could he do that to his true love? His true vessel? Lucifer’s losing it, and Sam’s paying the price. Right now, though, Lucifer needs to focus on getting his friend - _lover_ \- some help.

 

The brunette grunts, his head falling to the side. “Huh?” he grumbles. As he observes the world passing around him, he asks, “Where...?”

 

Lucifer takes him to the car. “We’re going to a hospital.” He puts Sam in the passenger seat and buckles him in before getting in the driver’s seat.

 

Sam looks over at Lucifer, and smiles dumbly, melting into his seat. “I love ya...” he garbles.

 

Lucifer looks over at Sam and sighs. He nods. “I love you too, Sammy.” This whole situation just proves it finally. He loves Sam. And now they have to deal with his mistakes.

 

Grumbling something in agreement, Sam’s head rolls to the side again, eyes fluttering shut.

 

On the way to the hospital, Lucifer looks over at Sam. “How ya doing, Sammy?” At this question, the brunette grunts, though doesn’t respond further.

 


	13. Unercoin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You fell in love with a unicorn. It was beautiful, then sad, then sadder. I laughed, I cried, I puked in my mouth a little. And honestly, I kind of get it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I haven't updated in awhile. I just started high school as a freshman and it's hectic. Hopefully the smut in this chapter will help. :D

About twenty minutes later, Lucifer gets out of the car and rushes over to Sam’s side. He opens the door and helps him out. “It’ll be okay, Sam,” he promises, not knowing if he's lying or not. Lucifer practically carries Sam into the hospital. “Help!”

 

Everyone looks up, but only two nurses run over to assist Lucifer, and the desk manager pages a doctor at the sight of them. One of the nurse, a skinny thing with purple fucking hair, asks, “What happened?” After all, how are they supposed to help the injured man without any knowledge of what happened to him? Sam’s head rolls to the side, following the gravity. The other nurse helps the doctor with the wheel table, and everyone is shouting things as they hook Sam up to wires and tubes.

 

Lucifer quickly tries to think of something but the only thing that comes out is, “Well it definitely wasn’t assault, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

 

Thankfully, no one but Purple Hair hears Lucifer, and she gets tugged away quickly, blinking at Lucifer until she’s out of sight. More people appear, and soon Sam is being pushed away on a stretcher by the doctor and a few nurses.

 

Running after them, Lucifer calls out to no one in particular, “Wait! Is he gonna be okay?” 

 

She - her name tag supplies: Bailey - turns to him quickly. “Sir! Please wait by the front desk!” They continue moving Sam quickly, and disappear into the hospital.

 

Lucifer rubs his face and walks back to the front desk. He sits in a chair and hopes that Sam will be okay. This is all his fault. Why did he hurt the thing most precious to him?

 

Purple Hair pops out of nowhere,  _with paper work_. “Sir - “ she starts anxiously. “You need to tell me what... What happened...” Thankfully for Lucifer, while the nurse  _heard_  him, she assumed that the strange man meant the injured one got into a fight of some sort - maybe a drug deal gone wrong or something else illegal. She pushes the paper and clipboard into his hands. “Fill this out, too, please.” Purple Hair stands there almost sassily, waiting for an answer.

 

Lucifer takes the paper and looks at her. “I'm... I’m not really sure. I was walking by and I saw this guy beating him and I screamed at him to stop. When he saw me, he ran but, uh, Sam was unconscious,” he lies, hoping that the nurse doesn’t see through his lie.

 

Purple hair squints at him a little, though her facade suddenly goes up again when she looks down at her hospital pager. “Wow, you’re a hero!” she states. “Sam you said? Sam’s being stabilized. If he would of gotten here any later he would’ve died.”

 

This information only serves to make Lucifer feel worse, but at least that Sam has a chance of survival. He should of taken the brunette here sooner, though. “So... He’ll be okay?”

 

Purple Hair - and Lucifer finally looks at her chest, obtaining the name: Carly - looks at him again and nods before pointing to the paper in Lucifer’s hands. “You need to fill out those papers. Do you - Here.” Carly gives him a pen.

 

Lucifer starts filling the papers out but looks up at Carly. “What... Um... What are these?”

 

Carly blinks at him, wondering if he’s one of those undereducated folk. “Um, do you have Obama Care?”

 

“Um... Why would I care for a guy named Obama?”

 

Carly is paged for a report, and snatches the clipboard from Lucifer. And quickly reads over what he filled out. “Don’t worry, people who have life insurance will pay for Sam... Winchester... Mr... Lucifer?” The purple haired woman gawks at him.

 

Carly shakes her head, saying, “And don’t worry, we have a specialist in neurotrauma coming in to take a look at Mister Winchester.” She marches away.

 

Lucifer sits back down, feeling a little better. A few minutes pass, although it feels like an eternity to Lucifer, and when the blond sees Carly coming back he stands up. “Mister Winchester is requesting your presence. But... You never filled out the relation you have to him. You said you found him on the street, did you know him before so?”

 

“Yeah... We’re... Together.”

 

Carly marks it down. “Ah, don’t worry. We get all kinds around here.” She looks up, saying, “You can come see him now.”

 

A sigh escapes Lucifer’s lips. “Thank you.”

 

“Is there anyone we should call?” Carly asks, leading Lucifer to Sam’s hospital room.

 

Lucifer shakes his head. “Nope. Just me.” He wishes that there actually was some more else to inform, like Dean, but another part of Lucifer loves how he’s all Sam has. Maybe that makes him selfish, but that’s nothing new.

 

“Okay, he’s in room forty-three, top level.” They pass a male nurse, who seemingly appears to be a bedpan cleaner, and he notices the bloody bruises on Lucifer knuckles. He pulls Carly, whispering something in her ear. 

 

Carly’s eyes fall to Lucifer knuckles, too. “Wait here...” she tells Lucifer, darting away.

 

Lucifer ignores Carly’s order and goes straight to searching for Sam. When he finds his room, he takes a shaky breath and walks in. “Sam?”

 

Sam’s laying in the bed, looking sickly. He has a blood bag, and other one with clear liquid in it. He’s been given a bit of acetaminophen, but it’s not helping much as far as Sam can tell. His covers are pulled back, and he has ice packs covering more of his body. A special one is on his face, along with some other things Lucifer doesn’t have any knowledge of.

 

Lucifer walks over to Sam’s bed and sits in a chair right by it. He gently takes Sam’s hand in to his. “Sammy?”

 

The brunette’s eyes flutter open, and he giggles, “Lu!” he explains, giggling again.

 

“Hi, Sammy,” Lucifer says breathily, biting his bottom lip.

 

“They ‘ave me d-drugs...” Sam giggles. Well, that explains why he looks so fucking high for a medical patient...

 

Lucifer laughs slightly, glad that he still has the ability. “How are you feeling?” he asks softly, a small smile starting to tug at his lips. It’s not a nervous one either - It’s simply because of how cute and funny Sam is.

 

“Awe-somme... There’s a un-i-corn over there and - ah!” The brunette looks at Lucifer dopily. “Yer ma unercoin,” he slurs happily.

 

A smile washes over Lucifer’s for the first time in a long time. He laughs at Sam’s adorableness.

 

A little more serious, Sam blinks dully. “Wa ‘appened?” he asks, looking at the hospital room.

 

“You don’t remember?” Pause. “It doesn’t matter right now. I’ll tell you later. After you get outta here. Okay?”

 

The brunette giggles again, and suddenly a nurse enters the room. She has long strawberry hair, and Sam perks up at the sight of her. “Tracie!” he squeals.

 

The nurse chuckles at Sam, and walks over to removes his icepacks, since he cannot have them on his bruises longer than fifteen minutes. Though, when she notices Lucifer, she jumps a little and her face falls. “Sam, do you know this man?” The brunette nods, and she tuts at him for it. Tracie looks at Lucifer skeptically, put goes about her business and removes his icepacks. “And you are?” she asks the blond, unwrapping and unstrapping things.

 

“I’m Lucifer... Sam’s boyfriend.” Where are all these homophobia reactions that Sam always talked about?

 

Tracie fumbles with an icepack, shuttering in disbelief, “ _L-Lucifer_?” She stares at him warily. “As in, the Devil?”

 

The brunette on the bed pipes up before Lucifer can. “No,” he says, “like the angel.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Tracie looks at Lucifer and Sam, her eyes darting back and forth. She doesn’t say another word, and carries out her job. Before she bids then a goodbye - or at least Sam - her pager rings. She blinks at it for a moment, trying to subtly look at Lucifer’s knuckles. Leaving abruptly, she swallows as she carries a tray of icepacks out of the room.

 

Lucifer looks back at Sam. “How’s your, um, everything? Are you still in pain?”

 

“Nope,” he answers, popping the ‘p’ playfully. “I told ya, they shot me up fulla drugs...” Sam moves a little, and groans at how different it feels without the heavy weight of the icepacks.

 

“G-Good, I guess. Do they know when you can come back to the Bunker?” Lucifer’s not an idiot. He knows that they need to leave soon.

 

Before Sam can answer, the doctor comes in, carrying a clipboard. “No. Maybe a night or two, depends on...” The human double takes on how Lucifer said ‘bunker' instead of ‘home’ before continuing. “Trivial matters.” He walks over to the side of Sam’s bed.

 

“Okay.”

 

The doctor presses a few buttons, and writes a few things down. He looks at Lucifer. “He’s suffered from severe bruising and a mild concussion - we’re pretty sure there was no internal damage, but we’re still checking. We’re definitely holding Sam here overnight.”

 

“Okay. Can... Can I stay here? I’ll sleep on the chair or something. I-I don’t want to go home without him.”

 

“Of... Course...” the doctor answers, scanning Lucifer. “You need to answer a few questions for me...”

 

Lucifer starts to become nervous. Is this mandatory? He already filled out some paper work, so why does he need to answer more questions? “Um... Okay. Like what?”

 

The doctor smiles a little and looks at the paper, asking, “Do you have a last name?”

 

Lucifer tries to think quickly. “Um... Smith.”

 

“Ah,” he breathes, squinting his eyes at the paper. He doesn’t really believe Lucifer, but he rolls with it. 

 

“Anything else?”

 

“Carly has said you’re in a relationship with Sam.” Doctor Edmond looks at the blond. “How’s that going? I’m sure finding him being beaten bloody on the street was quite the surprise.”

 

Lucifer opens his mouth but it takes a couple seconds for words to actually come out. “Yeah. It was hard...” Why is it so hard to lie all of a sudden? He used to lie all the time! Hell - He still does!

 

Sam blinks at that, and looks at his boyfriend. “Is that what happened?” he asks tiredly.

 

Lucifer bites his lip and looks at Sam, not looking him in the eye. “Y-Yeah.”

 

The doctor writes something down, and pulls a syringe out of his pocket. He sticks the needle into the line of the clear bag, and injects it with another clear liquid.

 

“So... Do you have a guess about when Sam can get out of here?”

 

A moment later, Sam yawns, and falls asleep again. Doctor Edmond laughs. “Unrelated,” he informs, ignoring Lucifer’s question. “Concussions make people very sleepy, but he should be fine to rest now, I’ve just given him some more acetaminophen.”

 

Isn’t that just a fancy word of painkillers? “Okay...” This guy hates answering his questions.

 

The white haired man sighs, looking at Lucifer. “Mr. Smith, do you mind describing the person who assaulted your...” Doctor Edmond looks like he has trouble continuing, and tries to hide his cringe, “Partner?”

 

Lucifer’s stomach drops and he tries to make something up. “I don’t really remember... I think he had dark hair and he was tall and muscular. I’m sorry... That’s all I remember.”

 

“Hmmm...” He writes more things down. “Can you tell me everything you remember?”

 

“I don’t know... He was wearing sweatpants and a gray shirt. That’s... That’s everything. I’m sorry.” Lucifer’s so frustrated with himself. He should be way better at lying than this! “I was just... I was taking a-a walk and I passed a parking lot and that guy was there beating Sam up.”

 

“And what did you do about that?” the doctor asks, not looking like he believes Lucifer at all. More like he’s reading the blond, trying to figure him out.

 

“I-I yelled at the guy to stop,” Lucifer answers, eyes darting to the left for a split second. He silently curses himself. “Then I helped Sam to the hospital.” Well, at least that part is true.

 

“And the perpetrator ran away?” the doctor asks, folding his knobby fingers together like he’s some kind of super villain.

 

Lucifer nods curtly, swallowing. “Y-Yes.” God, he really sucks right now, doesn’t he? Being in the Cage after exposure must of messed up his skills or something. Or, perhaps, this is different. He doesn’t like what he’s lying about - Maybe that’s the difference.

 

Starting to write again, Doctor Edmond asks, “So you didn’t get a chance to defend Mister Winchester here?”

 

Nodding a bit too quickly, Lucifer gestures to his lover. “No. I just started running towards Sam yelling at the guy and he took off.”

 

“Ah...” the doctor says. “Would you like an icepack?”

 

“Me? N-No I’m... I’m fine,” Lucifer assures, a tad taken aback. Why would he need a icepack?

 

“Are you sure? Your knuckles seem to be in bad shape,” the Doctor comments, writing things down still.

 

Lucifer looks down at his knuckles, remembering the blood and bruises on them. He quickly tries to hide them, even though it won’t do any good. “I’m fine, thanks.”

 

“Do you mind if I asked how that happened?”

 

Lucifer closes his eyes and sighs before opening them again. “I-I got in a fight earlier.”

 

“Oh?” Doctor Edmond says, uninterested. “You see, Mr. Smith, this is a peculiar situation, because Sam here isn’t able to give a statement.” The Doctor looks up from his clipboard.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“You seem like you care about Mister Winchester... But, as a caring hospital, we have to take precautions...”

 

Lucifer waits for him to continue, but he doesn’t. “And?” the blond presses.

 

“Mr. Smith, I’m afraid you’re going to have to join me in the hallway,” Dt. Edmond states, motioning to the door.

 

“Wait. Why?” Lucifer doesn’t want to leave Sam’s side, even though he’s asleep. He could watch his Sammy sleep for hours and never get bored. Sam’s just so beautifully peaceful when he slumbers.

 

The Doctor adjusts his glasses, shuffling towards the door. “Precautions...” he mutters in response.

 

Butterflies fill Lucifer’s stomach as he stands up with shaky legs and follows the Doctor out into the hallway. He feels like he knows - which the guy probably does, considering Lucifer forgot about his knuckles! God, he’s really losing his touch, isn’t he? Hell, he’s probably already lost it.

 

“Follow me please.” Doctor Edmond leads Lucifer into the hallway, escorting him into a counseling room. He closes the door, and locks it, pointing towards the interrogation table disguised as comfortable furniture. “Sit.”

 

Lucifer sits down and looks up at the Doctor. “Well?” It doesn’t matter if he’s busted or not. He’ll get out of it. All that matters is Sam right now, and Lucifer sure as Hell isn’t with him currently.

 

The other sits across from Lucifer, stating, “Me and you are going to have a little chat.”

 

A little annoyed that this guy won’t just spit it out, Lucifer presses, “About?”

 

Doctor Edmond looks at Lucifer warily, and sends a message on his pager quickly. “Lucifer - “ He takes a breath. “Can I call you that?”

 

“S-Sure...” Lucifer curses himself for not lying about his first name. He didn’t even think about it at the time, too anxious about Sam. Now he’s scolding himself, because how could he be so foolish?

 

“Odd choice of name considering, but I’m no one to judge,” he absentmindedly comments before continuing. “ _Lucifer_ , you can make this very easy for yourself, all you have to do is tell me the truth.” Doctor Edmond takes another deep breath, preparing for backlash. “Have you ever hit Sam?”

 

Lucifer’s leg bounces up and down, and he fights the urge to pull at his ear. Is this a human thing? Maybe that’s why he’s suddenly a horrible lair. That explains it. “N-No.”  _Shit! I’m a stuttering mess!_  


“Do you think after I approve Sam for leave that he’ll tell a different story?” the doctor asks Lucifer, not looking like he believes the blond in the slightest.

 

“No. I... He’ll tell you exactly what I just did.” What if Sam does admit to this guy that Lucifer attacked him? The blond wouldn’t blame his partner. A part of him wants to pay for all the shit he’s done, and prison certainly sounds like a good place to pay for your sins.

 

Folding his hands, he comments, “Lucifer, why was Sam in a parking lot?” That’s a good question, and if Lucifer was telling the truth he’d easily have an answer.

 

Though, the ex-archangel doesn’t, so his lie sucks ass. “I-I don’t know,” Lucifer stutters, trying to still his leg. It seems impossible for some reason.

 

“Do you remember which parking lot?”

 

“It was some bar. I don’t know.” Lucifer’s getting a tad more comfortable now. Lying used to be so easy. It was like honey, rolling off his tongue like it was the most natural thing in the world.

 

“Oh,” the Doctor says with a nod, “so when Sam’s able to give his statement we can check the security footage at this bar?”

 

Not knowing what else to say, the blond’s hand tugs at his ear on impulse. “Y-Yes.” Fuck! Now he sucks again.

 

The Doctor smiles. “That’ll certainly clear everything up, won’t it?” His face falls and he squints at Lucifer. “I’m not an idiot,  _Mr. Smith_ , I don’t appreciate your kind anyway, but abuse? That’s sick.” He adds, “I’m not even a police officer and I can tell you are lying. You’re bad at it because you’re guilty.”

 

Lucifer sighs shakily. “I - I’m sorry.”

 

“Are you? Are you really? You are aware he could’ve died, correct?”

 

  
_But I was just so angry_. “Yes, I know but - I’m sorry, okay?”  _As if saying sorry will fix any of this; as if saying sorry will mend the damage I’ve caused_.

 

“Has this happened before?”

 

Lucifer nods slowly, reluctant. He’s in too deep now, so he might as well tell the truth. “Once.”

 

Doctor Edmond scribbles more things down, nodding. He stands up, walking over to the door. The white haired man pulls out his card, saying, “You’re going to have to stay here.” He fumbles with it, and picks it off the ground, his back to Lucifer.

 

“Why? Can’t I stay with Sam?” Lucifer asks, as if he doesn’t already know.  _It’s because you beat him, Brother. Your precious, untouchable vessel_ , Michael’s voice purrs. Lucifer knuckles turn white.

 

Still trying to open the door, Doctor Edmond supplies, “I don’t think you’re going to be with Sam for a long while, Mr. Smith.”

 

Lucifer starts to panic. They’re going to take him away - Probably to prison. Sam will most likely get him out, but what if he doesn’t? It’s not like the blond doesn’t deserve to rot in jail, though. “No, wait. Please. I have to see him!” He gets out of his chair quietly, rushing over to the doctor.

 

“Should of thought about that before you - “

 

Lucifer hits the doctor and picks up his messenger. On the way the way to Sam’s room he tell the others that there’s nothing to worry about. He gets to Sam’s room and sees that he’s still sleeping. He shakes him awake. “Sam. Wake up. We’re getting out of here.”

 

Sam stirs, mumbling tiredly. “Huh?” He watches Lucifer dash around the room, trying to open up a wheelchair. “Why? Doc said I gotta stay here...”

 

“I’ll explain when we get to the bunker.” Lucifer brings the wheelchair over to Sam and tries to help him into it. “Come on."

 

Sam falls onto the wheelchair with a painful whimper. “Bring the drugsss...” he mumbles, on the verge of falling asleep. He gently takes out the tubes going inside his body.

 

Lucifer kisses Sam on top of the head. He wheels Sam out into the hallway and to the elevator. Thankfully, there is another emergency in the hospital, and the staff is too busy to recognize Sam and Lucifer. They make it to the car, and the blond takes a moment to put Sam into the passenger’s seat before pushing the wheelchair away, running to get inside the vehicle himself.

 

Once Lucifer is in the car, he looks over at Sam. “You okay, Sammy?”

 

The brunette hums, nodding off. Sam sleeps the whole way there, but awakes when they enter the garage.

 

Lucifer gets Sam out of the car and helps him to their room. He sets him on the bed and covers him up before sitting down. “Do you need anything?”

 

Feeling the strong drugs gone, Sam comes down from his high and blinks at Lucifer. “Huh? What did you say?”

 

“Do you need anything?”

 

“Advil would be nice. And water,” Sam answers, carefully pealing the outside splint off of his nose, groaning.

 

“Okay.” Lucifer gets Advil and water from the kitchen after a minute or so, and brings it to Sam. “Anything else?”

 

Sam takes the items graciously, swallowing the pills down. “I don’t...” He sets the water down, looking confused. “No, but... What... What happened?” Sam yawns, recalling, “I was throwing my stuff out of our room and then... I dunno, then I’m high as hell in a hospital.”

 

Lucifer sighs and sits down on the bed. “You - you said some pretty awful stuff... And I couldn’t take it anymore so I... I beat you.”

 

It’s silent, then, “Oh.”

 

“Yeah.” It’s literally the least he can do; to say that he’s sorry. “I’m sorry.”

 

Instead of some kind of forgiveness - which Lucifer definitely doesn’t deserve - Sam breaths after a minute, “Thank you.”

 

Appalled, Lucifer’s eyebrows furrow. “For what?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper. What is Sam  _thanking_  him? Sam should be yelling at him, screaming at him to go away and never come back.

 

“I mean -  _I don’t remember_  - and you coulda lied. But you didn’t.” Sam looks at Lucifer tiredly. It’s simply comforting that it didn’t even cross the blond’s mind that he should cover this up. It would of been so easy to tell Sam that he just fell down some stairs, or actually got whooped after a drunken journey. Lucifer came clean, though. “And you helped me in the end, anyway.”

 

Not able to comprehend this, Lucifer asks with bafflement clean in his tone, “So... You’re not pissed at me?”

 

“I’m not exactly anything right now. Do you... Do you love me? I mean, that might be a stupid question since you apparently - “ Sam feels his face and looks at his arms. “Beat me.”

 

Lucifer looks Sam in the eye, saying intently, “Yes. I love you so much, Sammy.”

 

The brunette smiles, and they look at each other for a moment. All of a sudden, Sam makes a face.

 

“What?” Lucifer asks with a small frown.

 

“I - “ Hunching over the side of the bed suddenly, Sam throws up. It’s nothing that the ex-archangel should panic about, but he starts to anyway. In the back of Sam’s mind, he admires it. Lucifer’s so caring and protective. It reminds him of Dean...

 

“Oh, God!” Lucifer puts a hand on Sam’s arm, rubbing the damp skin. For whatever reason, the brunette has a thin layer of sweat on his skin. “What - what’s going on?”

 

Looking at his vomit, Sam notices his not-digested Advil, commenting with an odd tone of voice, “Dammit.” He looks at Lucifer, carefully rubbing his bruised skin around his eye. “That explains why the doctor didn’t just give me the capsule form...”

 

Lucifer nods in agreement, understanding that Sam’s stomach is upset right now. “What do I do? How can I help?” 

 

The brunette coughs a little. “I’ve had a concussion before, vomiting is a side effect,” Sam answers Lucifer’s previous question. Blinking at the puke, he says, “You can be a doll and clean that up, and... Damn, I dunno.” Pause. “Crush up the pills and mix them in a tiny cup of water maybe?” Sam suggests, wincing as the smell hits him.

 

Lucifer nods before getting the stuff the clean the vomit up. When he’s done, he gets more Advil and crushes them. He puts it into the water like Sam said and gives it to him.

 

“Thanks,” Sam mumbles, drinking it like tea instead of a shot. He sets the small cup aside, looking at Lucifer. “I might be bedridden for a couple days... I... It hurts to move.”

 

“Understandable. Is there anything else I can do for you?” Sam realizes that Lucifer’s most likely going to be asking him that for a week or so. It’s clear as day how bad he feels about this.

 

Sam shrugs, immediately rejecting the choice. “I - I don’t think so.” He looks at Lucifer for a moment. “You can cuddle me if you want. Gotta be careful, though, I’m tender.”

 

Lucifer nods and carefully lies down next to Sam. He starts to rub circles in Sam’s back as they spoon. It’s nice, honestly. Lucifer’s tense body relaxes along with his lover’s.

 

“Sorry, I - Said stuff? Yeah,” Sam apologizes.

 

“Don’t apologize.” Lucifer’s eyes fall shut for a moment, but he opens them again within the minute. “I mean... You can’t really apologize if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for.”

 

Sam doesn’t know how to respond, and uses what little strength he has to give Lucifer a sweet kiss. It’s really uncomfortable, but he manages.

 

“I love you, Sammy.”

 

Smiling, the brunette replies, “I love you too.” His grin falls suddenly, and he comments, “I must not look very pretty right now l, huh?”

 

“You look pretty all the time. No matter what shape you’re in.” Lucifer sounds like he genuinely believes that, too.

 

“That’s sweet,” Sam says, blinking sluggishly. “So... Why did you kidnap me from the hospital?”

 

Lucifer holds up his hand, making a fist. “The doctor saw my knuckles and figured out I hit you. He said that I wouldn’t be seeing you for a long time so I knocked him out and came and got you.”

 

“Ah,” the brunette pauses, nervously asking, “so are we... Are we together now? All better?”

 

Nodding - although Sam is turned away - Lucifer agrees, “All better.”

 

Sam sighs, suddenly making a focused face. “I - Ugh.” 

 

“What?”

 

“I don’t remember anything up after I left our room - but I do remember that I said some awful things beforehand... Sorry.”

 

Giving his lover a reluctant nod, Lucifer responds, “Yeah. It’s okay.” After a moment of comfortable silence, Sam decides to turn over, and the ex-archangel helps him.

 

Sam groans, seemingly carelessly slipping his head into the crook of the blond’s neck. “Also ruined your surprise. And the crap I said after it - That obviously matters more, but...”

 

“Be quiet. Don’t apologize for anything. I’m the one who should be saying sorry.” Lucifer’s definite that he couldn’t say sorry enough over this, but he’s figured out that Sam gets annoyed when someone apologizes over and over.

 

Sam hums. “I think we’re even at this point,” he says honestly, thoughtfully. “I’m been mean, you’ve been mean... It cancels out in my opinion.

 

Relived, Lucifer allows this to comfort him. “Agreed,” he says, nuzzling Sam’s head gently with his chin.

 

A moment of silence passes, and Sam mumbles to himself, but still aloud, “You’ve probably never even heard of a butt plug...”

 

“Nope. I haven’t. I was just so angry when you said it I didn’t even care.”

 

“Don’t worry about it...” Sam whispers, closing his eyes. He’s tired, and wants to fall asleep. Funny thing is, Sam also wants to continue talking to Lucifer.

 

Lucifer is silent before asking, “Do you still love me the same as... Before I beat you?”

 

Sam pulls away, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s kind of hard to believe, I guess. But, yeah. I mean, I think it’s mostly because I don’t remember it.”

 

Eyes narrowing, Lucifer asks, “So, if you  _did_  remember it, you wouldn’t love me the same?”

 

Pondering for a moment, the hunter settles for, “I don’t think either of us can answer that. I mean... How did it happen? I pushed you to it again, right?”

 

“We both pushed each other,” Lucifer agrees with a nod. “I mean, I was an asshole... Which caused you to be one... Which caused me to... You know.”

 

“Yeah,” Sam replies quietly. “I’m only mad at you a little bit.”

 

Lucifer snorts at that. “A little bit? I should consider myself lucky.” Sam should hate him, but instead he’s just mildly upset. That’s a win if Lucifer’s ever heard of one.

 

“No, not because of that,” Sam huffs, he leans over again, halfheartedly licking and sucking Lucifer’s neck. He stops a moment later, sighing. “It’s cuz now we’re reunited and everything is good and nothing is hurt and I'm too injured to  _do anything_...” Sam explains, pouting.

 

“Oh,” the blond breaths with an internal smirk, smug to no extent. Lucifer kisses the top of Sam’s head and plays with his hair.

 

Sam squints. “Well...” he breathes after a moment.

 

“Well what?”

 

“You only really got me on my upper body, and I could just lay on my stomach and - “

 

Lucifer smirks outwardly. “Nice try, Sammy.”

 

Sam raises an eyebrow, and his hand suddenly finds its way into Lucifer’s boxers. “‘M not  _that_  sore...” He wets his lips with his tongue, smiling smugly. The brunette’s hand gropes Lucifer.

 

A groan escapes Lucifer’s lips but he still pulls away. “You’re too weak,” he protests weakly, honestly wanting Sam to continue. There’s nothing better than make-up sex, but then again, the last thing Lucifer wants to do is to accidentally hurt Sam.

 

Scoffing, Sam says, “No. You just gotta be slower than last time.” He tugs Lucifer back over, still stoking him. 

 

Lucifer glares at Sam. “No. Again, you’re too weak, Sam,” he says like a parent. Although he’s body definitely isn’t complaining, and Lucifer’s not pulling Sam’s hand out of his underwear either.

 

With a stubborn expression, the brunette states, “I can take it.” He twists his wrist on the downstroke, his thumb rubbing Lucifer’s crown.

 

Lucifer moans quietly but continues being stubborn. “Stop it, Sam.”

 

Sam rubs the calluses on his hand against the bundle of nerves under the head, stating again. “Like I said, you just set some pillows down for my arms and chest to lay on and then you can just go to town.” Sam squeezes Lucifer’s cock lightly. “Carefully. I - “ His hand slows, becoming sensual, and the brunette says softly, “I want you to make love to me.”

 

Lucifer sighs and smiles fondly. He gives in, responding, “Well, how can I say no to that?”

 

Sam looks at Lucifer with surprise, his hand freezing momentarily. “Really?” He didn’t really think the blond would actually allow himself to be convinced - after everything that happened. So Sam’s kind of just a tad surprised. In a good way.

 

“Only if you guide me. I mean, you’re pretty weak.”

 

Giving Lucifer one more long stroke, Sam gets his hand back. “What do you mean ‘guide’?”

 

“Lead me through it...” Lucifer explains in response. “I  _really_  don’t want to hurt you.”

 

Sam blinks, understanding. “Well, I’m okay concussion-wise, I think - And I really don’t have any bruises down there, so it’ll be fairly easy not to hurt me  _that_  way. But... I have a feeling that’s not what you mean.”

 

Lucifer sheepishly nods, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Yeah...”

 

“Well...” Sam thinks for a moment, suddenly smiling. “I will if you do the same for me. I wanna hear you - I always imagined you’d be a talker in bed.” The brunette caresses Lucifer’s nearest arm.

 

All Lucifer does is smiles and nods at his lover.

 

Scooting away from Lucifer, Sam sits up very slowly. “Okay. Well, first things first, prop up the pillows for me.” The brunette bites his lip.

 

Lucifer gets the pillows and props them up, hoping Sam is more comfortable. He must be, because Sam says, “Great. Thanks,” as he looks at the pile of pillows, turning to Lucifer. “I know this probably isn’t very sexy, but can you undress me?” Quickly, the human adds, “I mean this situation in general, not the undressing part.”

 

Lucifer smiles warmly. “Gladly.” He kisses Sam passionately before pulling Sam’s shirt over his head. He moves down to his pants and takes them off before yanking his boxers down.

 

Sam hums into Lucifer’s mouth, hoping he won’t be put off by the bruises littering his skin. “Get the lube,” he says, remembering their deal. As Lucifer grabs it, the brunette scoots up again, and attempts to get comfortable.

 

“Okay, got it.” Lucifer opens it up and pours some onto his fingers.

 

“Wait. I - “ Sam looks around, getting an idea. “Do we have anymore pillows?” His gaze settles on Lucifer, explaining, “I wanna prop myself up.”

 

Lucifer spots one on the ground and picks it up. It must of fallen off the bed at some point. “Yeah,” he answers, holding out the fluffy pillow.

 

Taking the it from Lucifer, Sam sets it across from the pile, but only a foot or so away. “Thanks, give me a second.” Sam settles onto the pillows, and adjusts his legs so his butt is in the correct position.

 

“Okay,” the hunter breathes, in a relatively comfortable position. “Now, you’re gonna take one finger and slowly ease it in there.” Sam rests his head on the pillows.

 

“M’kay.” Lucifer follows Sam’s instructions and slowly slides one finger into Sam. It’s really tight and warm, making the blond’s cock twitch in interest.

 

Sam lets out a small groan at the intrusion, and sighs deeply. “I’ll tell you when you can add another one. For now just move that one around and, y’know, stretch me.” He doesn’t know why he's not as bashful as before, but Sam isn’t complaining. Despite the situation, this is already better than last time.

 

Lucifer does as Sam says and moves his finger around. It makes wet, dirty sounds. While doing this, he places another passionate kiss on Sam’s lips.

 

Thinking of last time, the hunter realizes there wasn't much foreplay this time around. “You should touch yourself.” Sam can’t turn around to check if this act has an arousing effect on Lucifer, and is just going to have to assume it isn’t. Because if Lucifer barely has an erection, it’s going to be terribly difficult to make love to him. And, of course, because Lucifer should be enjoying this, anyway.

 

Nodding, Lucifer brings his free hand to his cock. He pumps it tightly, getting himself harder from the thought of being inside of his lover, pounding his tight hole.

 

A minute passes. “I’m sorry I can’t be more involved.”

 

“It’s fine, Sammy.”

 

Sam hums, internally disagreeing. Another moment passes, and he says, “Okay. Pour some lube on one of your other fingers and add it. Slowly.”

 

Lucifer pours more lube on the next finger and adds it in. “Fuck, Sam. You’re tight,” he groans, moving his hand a little faster.

 

Taken aback, Sam actually does blush. “What?” He chuckles as to save himself from feeling awkward. “You didn’t notice before?”

 

“Of course I noticed before before. I just... Didn’t mention it.”

 

Changing the subject, Sam says, “Make sure you stretching me. I... Feel around... There’s kind of this thing - it’s a little bundle of nerves - when you touch it, it feels really nice. It’s called the prostate.”

 

Lucifer moves his fingers around more, wanting to make Sam feel good.

 

“I’m not sure exactly were it is, but you accidentally found it last time, when you were... Well, fucking me.” Thinking about it, Sam continues babbling, “It might be further in, since, like I said, you found it when -  _Oh_!”

 

“What?” the blond asks, a smile creeping onto his face as his fingers freeze. “Did I find it?”

 

After taking a deep breath from the shock of it, Sam comments, “It’s wherever you just touched. Obviously.”

 

Lucifer goes back and tries to find where he touched. The blond’s fingers brush over Sam's prostate again, and he whines, gripping the bedsheets. “T - There...”

 

Smiling, Lucifer says, “I found it, then.” He continues to move his fingers around that spot.

 

“Don’t touch it too much, though...” Sam whimpers. “I - Okay...” Sam pants, “Add a-another one...”

 

Surprisingly, Sam lets out a real moan at the feeling of Lucifer’s fingers, and he agrees with the internet that the second time  _is_  better. “M - Move your fingers apart from each other... To s-stretch me...”

 

“Y - Yeah...” Sam mewls at the feeling. This continues for a minute or two, the brunette doesn’t know - How is Sam in the position to be telling time? - But at some point it starts to feel  _really good_ , and the hunter’s praising Lucifer and moaning like a porn star. “I - Okay. That’s enough... Pull out your fingers carefully. Then put a lot of lube on and... Y’know,” Sam instructs, either too tired to elaborate or too horny - He sure can’t tell. “And this time - you’re suppose to wait before you start moving, so... Push in slowly and just... Wait until I tell you to move.”

 

Lucifer pulls his fingers out. “Okay, Sammy.” He puts the lube on his length and positions himself at Sam’s entrance before slowly pushing in carefully. “Fuck.” It’s so tight and warm...

 

The brunette hisses softly at the stretch, and pants in the pillow.

 

“Okay... Tell me when you’re ready.”

 

Sam’s breathing sounds kind of weird, like he’s gasping, but he feels fine. “Just give me a second... Sorry.” A minute or two passes, and Sam pushes back a little, but stops himself from doing anymore. “Okay... Okay, go,” he says, “slow. Or... Careful? I don’t know, but I want you to feel good, too.”

 

Lucifer starts thrusting slowly, and Sam moans lewdly, whimpering, “L - Luce... Y-Yes...” The brunette groans, grunting every time Lucifer pushes in all the way. “ _Lucifer_.”

 

The ex-archangel continues to thrust in and out of Sam as a loud moan escapes his lips. “Sammy...”

 

“C’mon...” Sam pants. “Gotta talk to me, remember?” The brunette continues to make cute, little shallow grunts. “Ugg... Lu!” Sam makes a desperate, high-pitched noise. “You feel so good!”

 

Nodding in agreement, Lucifer’s squeezes Sam’s buttocks while he thrusts. “I - I love you. You make me feel so good... You feel so wonderful.”

 

“Oh, God!” Sam moans loudly, squirming under Lucifer. “L - Love you too...  _Uhh_... What else?” The brunette manages to say playfully, “Tight?” A smile tugs at his lips.

 

A smile finds it way onto Lucifer’s lips. “Y -Yeah. You’re really tight. It feels like you’re trying to suck me in.”

 

Blinking blissfully, Sam squeezes Lucifer’s cock. He smirks, agreeing, “You know that I’ve always begged you to be inside of me...”

 

Lucifer screams out, “Sammy!” It gets so much more tighter when the brunette does that.

 

The hunter continues to pant, a thin layer of sweat emerging off of his skin. “Mmm... Ahhh...” he moans, “deeper...”  _Prostate_ , Sam thinks, _prostate, prostate_... “Luce! I - I need it! Please,  _p-please_!” Sam babbles. “F - find it, please!”

 

Lucifer thrusts deeper in and tries find Sam's prostate. He angles his hips differently, waiting to see Sam’s reaction to his movements.

 

When Lucifer’s cock touches Sam’s prostate he begins to whimper and mewl unintelligibly. His only regret is not being able to see Lucifer. “ _Gah_!” he yelps.

 

Lucifer smiles. “I - I’m guessing I f - found it.” He continues to moan at every movement they make, sounding like a virgin. “Sammy...”

 

Almost crying from the pleasure, Sam manages to mumble, “What else? What else does it feel like? Do you love it?”

 

“I... Mm...” Lucifer struggles to find the words to describe how spectacular this feels. “I love it so much... I - I love you... so much.”

 

The brunette clenches down on Lucifer again, face red from breathing hard and the sex in general. “Ahhh!” Sam exclaims. “ _Lucifer_!” He clutches the pillows harder. “Love you t-too... Uggg... So - so amazing!”

Sam pushes back just so to situate himself differently on the pillows. He can now snake his hand around to stoke himself, and he does just that.

 

Lucifer moans lewdly, warning his lover, “Sammy, I-I’m not gonna last much longer!” His hips snap erratically, moving out of their own accord.

 

Sam grunts in agreement, pumping himself faster. “L - Luce!” he groans, practically drooling. “Me t-too...” Wanting to help push Lucifer over the edge, Sam tries his best to continuously clench around him, moaning and grunting all the while. “C’mon,” the brunette purrs lewdly, “fill me with your cum...”

 

At the command, the blond can’t hold it any longer and Lucifer throws his head back as he comes inside Sam. It’s even better than he remembers from the first time. He’s so sweaty and uncomfortable, but the most tantalizing feeling is racing throughout his blood stream. His cock starts to slowly soften as he gives a few more weak thrusts.

 

The brunette feels Lucifer shutter as he orgasms, still thrusting as to milk himself through it. He whines, his hand moving frantically along his length.

 

“Lu - I need - “ he pants desperately.  _So close_  but he needs something and -

 

Lucifer continues to breathe heavily as he brings his hand to Sam’s hair and starts to tug on it lightly. “I love you, Sammy.”

 

Sam produces a strangled yelp as he ejaculates, his hand still moving halfheartedly. When he finishes, he slumps over completely, and gasps when he feels the fabric rub against his oversensitive dick. His eyes flutter shut, and he continues to pant, absentmindedly noticing Lucifer has stopped thrusting.

 

Pulling out gently, Lucifer lies down by Sam and looks over at him, still breathing heavily.

 

Sam grunts when Lucifer pulls out, and feels his lover settle beside him. He’s too tired to open his eyes, but he recalls something foggily. “I... Love you too...”

 

Without saying anything, Lucifer kisses Sam’s head and continues to play with his hair.

 

For a moment Sam groans internally, knowing that he ruined the damn sheets and that Lucifer’s semen is just kind of  _inside_  him. While he doesn’t know if not cleaning himself out afterwards has a negative effect on his body, he doesn’t want to find out. Suddenly though, he realizes that he’s mostly bedridden, and that Lucifer is obligated to care for him. His lips part, and he mutters, “Gotta clean up, Lu...”

 

Lucifer sighs tiredly, still out of breath.

“Alright.” Lucifer stands up and helps Sam become vertical.

 

Sam swats Lucifer’s hand away and grunts in disproval. “No,” he grumbles into the pillow, “‘m staying here...”

 

“We have to shower, though.”

 

“Too... Tired...” Sam retorts lazily. Not only is he technically sore, but he’s too boneless from reaching his climax, so it’s not entirely false. Though, if he  _has_  to, Sam wouldn’t mind having Lucifer bathe him. But he’s too weak and out of it to give him any instructions, and he really doesn’t want to drown today. “Clean up,” he adds lamely.

 

“What to you want me to do, Sam? You can’t just tell me to clean up and expect me to know exactly what you want me to do.”

 

Grumbling, he manages to open his eyes, and looks at Lucifer disinterestedly. “Sheets and me.”

 

“Okay... Well you’re gonna have to get off of the sheets if you want me to clean them.”

 

Sam makes the best puppy dog face he can, whimpering helplessly, “Move me?” His eyelashes flutter, and the brunette doesn’t even bothering feeling bad about being a tad manipulative.

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes playfully and helps Sam off the bed. It’s cute how Sam thinks he needs to be a suck-up for the ex-archangel to do stuff for him. He’s his caregiver as-of-late, so it’s kind of Lucifer’s job to help Sam.

 

Looking at the blond with half-lidded eyes, Sam asks softly, “Where are ya gonna put me? I’m...” Sam whines painfully, his chest burning. He looks at the bed, then the floor, dreading the inevitable. 

 

Apparently getting the same idea, Lucifer’s asks in return, “Um... Can you sit on the floor?”

 

Sam sighs sadly, almost nodding but stopping himself. “Yeah...” he mutters. He doesn’t want to lay on the floor, since it’s hardness with make his bruises ache. And, well, Sam would usually explain this vocally and add a ‘but I usually  _love_  hard things,’ but he’s too frail currently.

 

“Okay.” Lucifer gently sets Sam down on the floor - which even the brunette realizes was impressive beyond belief, given his size - against the wall before he starts to take the sheets off. It’s almost comical to see the Prince of Lies doing something so mundane.

 

Flinching as he is placed on the ground, Sam leans tiredly, and absentmindedly thinks about the cum seeping out of him. “I’m makin’ more of a mess,” he states apologetically.

 

“It’s fine... I’ll get it later.” Lucifer finishes taking the sheets off and brings them to the washing machine. He opens it up and puts them in. Closing the lid, he stares at it, realizing he never learned how to wash clothes when he was on his own. He shrugs and dumps in some blue liquid after turning it on and walking back to Sam. The clothes will most likely be okay.

 

Sam looks up at Lucifer’s naked body as he enters the room, silently appreciating the sight. He extends his hands, outstretching them like a child who wishes to be picked up. He hisses at the pain.

 

“You okay to take a shower?” Lucifer grabs Sam outstretched hands and helps him up with much difficulty.

 

The brunette blinks at his lover, resting against him, still panting. “No. Bath.” Sam nuzzles his neck, asking, “Do you know how to run a bath?”

 

“Yeah.” Lucifer helps Sam to the bathroom and sets him down again while he starts the water.

 

“Thanks.” Sam forces a dopy smile, feeling even less comfortable on the bathroom tile. He blinks. “You... Are you washing the sheets?”

 

“Yeah... Um... I forgot to mention I don't know how to work a washing machine so... I winged it.” That’s usually what he does, anyway.

 

Not really listening to Lucifer, Sam closes his eyes, drifting. He wrongly assumes Lucifer discovered the directions printed on the inside of the lid - or figured out how to wash clothes during his adventures as a human - the hunter hums in response, making a face at how loud the water is. “Can you wash me?” he asks, eyes still shut.

 

“Yeah, of course.” Once the bath is ready, Lucifer helps Sam up and into it. He wishes that the brunette would realize that it’s okay to be completely dependent, at least for a few days. It’s the least Lucifer can do after... What happened.

 

Sam hisses a bit when he hits the warm water, head still rolling sleepily. “But...” he yawns, about to nod off.

 

Lucifer lifts Sam’s head up, trying to wake him up. “Wake up. We’ll sleep after your bath.”

 

The brunette's eyes open, and he blinks sluggishly. He looks at Lucifer, remembering what he was about to say. “...You gotta clean down _there_ ,” he mumbles, blushing a little. He doesn't know why, since Lucifer’s had his fucking fingers in his ass before - it’s just that washing feels more personal. Somehow.

 

“Okay, I will. No need to be embarrassed, Sammy.”

 

“No. I mean...” He looks away. Sam’s never educated Lucifer on how this works for him - post-sex or pre-sex - and he’s too clumsy and weak to do anything himself at this point. “You need to clean  _in_  there...”

 

Lucifer is a little taken aback, but he figures that it makes sense. Truthfully, he thought it would all just seep out and somehow go away. “Oh... Um... Okay... How?”

 

Sam’s eyes dart here and there, and he feels so exposed. “I... Y’know, I’m sure it doesn’t really have permanent damage... I...” he trails off.

 

“What?”

 

Not really wanting this to happen at all, the hunter mutters, “Don’t worry about it. Just do what you know. The bath’ll wash most of it out, anyway...”

 

Lucifer doesn’t seem convinced, and he asks, “You sure?”

 

“Yeah,” Sam responds. The brunette thinks foggily. “I looked other stuff up, before everything happened,” Sam explains, thinking of the first time Lucifer hit him. “And you,” he pauses, pointing at Lucifer’s limp penis, “gotta wash that afterwards. And apparently piss, too.”

 

“Okay. I’ll take a shower after your bath.”

 

Sam hums in approval, his eyes closing again. “Why can’t I sleep exactly?”

 

Lucifer picks up the soap and starts rubbing it all over Sam. “Because you’re in water. If you fall asleep and you go underwater, I can't promise that I’ll be able to hold you up.”

 

Sam does open his eyes at that. “You’re joking right? I hold myself up by taking up the entire bathtub.”

 

Laughing a bit, the blond rolls his eyes. It’s true, though. “Fine. Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to get out.”

 

“Thanks. Don’t get too handsy.” Sam’s eyes fall shut again, and he falls asleep in no time at all. The brunette slides a little, but not enough that he slips under the water.

 

When Lucifer finishes washing Sam up, he looks at Sam’s beat-up but peaceful face and realizes he’s genuinely happy for the first time since the day he hit Sam. He smiles to himself before shaking Sam lightly. “Wake up. Time to get out.”

 

Sam grumbles in discontentment, not wanting to move. “I...” He groans, knowing Lucifer will have to dry him off, as well. “Sorry I can’t take care of myself.”

 

“No, it’s okay. It’s my fault, anyway.” Lucifer grabs Sam’s hand and helps him out of the bath. He grabs a towel and starts to dry Sam off.

 

Leaning on the blond, Sam says into his neck, “Are the sheets done yet?” After all, he has no idea how long he was asleep.

 

“Uh, I don’t know. I’ll take you to one of the spare rooms and then check them.” Lucifer finishes drying Sam off and helps him to a spare room.

 

“M’kay,” Sam responds, allowing Lucifer to lead him to a spare room. “Thank you, Luce.” He’s really lucky that the other has taken him back, because he doesn’t know how much he could of handled after so long.

 

“No problem.” Lucifer walks out of the room and goes to check on the sheets. He opens the lid and guesses that they’re done. After he takes them out, he puts then in the dryer, again, pressing random buttons before turning it on and going back to their room. He picks up some clothes and brings them back to the spare room. “I brought you some clothes, Sammy. Do you want help getting them on?”

 

“Yeah,” Sam mumbles into the covers, not under them and kind of just... Laying there. When Lucifer gets closer with the clothes, he can’t help himself, and scans Sam’s body. There aren’t many bruises on his back at all, but the thing that catches his attention is Sam’s angry-looking hole, gaping and flushed. 

 

Lucifer helps Sam up and puts on his shirt, Smiling at Sam’s sleepy face. He then gets Sam’s boxers and gets those on before putting a pair of sweatpants on him. “That okay? Do you need anything else before I go shower?”

 

“Help me under the covers, please?” Sam asks, thinking for a moment as Lucifer follows through. “And could you mash up some more Advil for me?” the brunette requests, tugging the blanket up pass his mouth.

 

Lucifer nods and goes to get more Advil. He crushes them and pours the in water before bringing it to Sam. “Is that it?”

 

Sam sits up a little. “Yeah,” the hunter answers, taking the cup and drinking it. He sets it aside, slipping under the covers again. “You’re going to sleep in here after, right?” he asks, his voice muffled from the fabric.

 

“Yeah... Okay...” Lucifer walks out sort of awkwardly and goes to the bathroom. He starts a shower and washes himself. When he’s done, he grabs a towel and dries off. He puts on some clothes before going into the spare bedroom with Sam. He lies down carefully, not sure if Sam is asleep or not. He whispers, “Sam? You awake?”

 

The brunette doesn’t respond, and continues to breathe softly.

 

Lucifer takes a deep breath and snuggles close to Sam before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS ARE MY LIFE BLOOD!


	14. Spiraling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The nightmares start.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry this took so long, but hey, here it is! I have a lot of excuses actually - I was going to publish this about a week earlier, but I didn't have access to a computer, due to the fact I went on a school trip and our flight was cancelled due to snow... But otherwise I am just a poop. Sorry, everyone. I hope the chapter is good enough that it makes up for it.

  
_Lucifer’s fist keeps hitting Sam’s face. It keeps_ replaying _and it won’t_ stop _. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER LOVED YOU! YOU’RE SUCH A FAILURE!” Sam’s words ring throughout Lucifer’s head and he hits Sam, the man he_ loves _even harder. He doesn’t want to stop. He_ can’t _stop._  


 

Lucifer thrashes around. He whimpers. “Stop it... Just shut the hell up, Sam.”

 

  
_Sam’s still shouting insults at Lucifer, but the look on his face is_ begging _him to stop. Lucifer stands up and goes into Sam’s old bedroom. He grabs one of his guns before going back out to Sam and aiming it at his heart. “You won't shoot me. You’re too weak!”_  


_Lucifer kicks Sam, demanding, “Shut up!”_

_“Come on! Do it! Shoot me! Prove that you aren’t weak, you bastard! SHOOT ME!“ There’s a loud bang as bits of Sam fly everywhere from the blow of the shotgun._

 

Lucifer screams as his eyes shoot open. “No! Sam! What have I done... Oh, God, what have I done?” Lucifer looks around, panicked and confused.

 

The brunette’s just about disoriented as Lucifer, and wakes up to being kicked. When he looks over at Lucifer, he notices his distraught face, since he’s so close to him. He’s about to wake him up, but suddenly he screams, making Sam jump from the shock, and cringes at his loud babbling. “Lucif - wha...?”

 

Lucifer jumps at Sam’s voice. He _killed_ Sam. He’s supposed to be alone. The blond looks over at Sam’s beat up face and winces. _He_ did that. “Oh, my God... S - Sam. I - I’m so sorry.”

 

Sam blinks at him with confusion, and looks over at the digital clock before looking at his lover again. “‘S fine,” he mumbles dismissively, “you just kicked my leg. And we got a good few hours.”

 

Lucifer puts his hands on his head and rocks back and forth slightly. “I-I’m so s-sorry. I-I almost... Oh, God...”

 

His eyebrows knotting together, Sam frowns, and places a hand on Lucifer’s now exposed forearm, rubbing the underside. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

 

Lucifer jumps a little at the touch and looks at Sam. He almost says something but he doesn’t want to cause anymore trouble. “Y-Yeah. I’m fine. Just a d-dream...” Lucifer lies back down, shaking.

 

With a worried expression, Sam scoots back a little, noticing Lucifer not wanting to be touched. “You... You’re shaking,” he comments, still frowning. “Please, what’s wrong?”

 

“N-Nothing, Sam. I’m... I’m fine.”

 

“Please. Luce, tell me.” Not really knowing what kind of nightmare Lucifer could of been having, he continues, “...It’s okay. You’re safe...”

 

Nodding in agreement, Lucifer continues to try and brush the issue off. “I-I know. I’m being ridiculous... R-Really... It was nothing.”

 

The brunette lays back, looking up at the darkness. He reluctantly takes Lucifer’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “Please,” he whispers.

 

Lucifer jumps again at Sam’s touch. “N-No, Sam. I’m fine... B-Besides, I know you’re tired. S-Sorry I woke you... Come on. Let’s just go back to sleep.”

 

Hurt and dejected, Sam tries one more time, making sure he’s not touching Lucifer at all. “ _Please_ , Luce.”

 

“ _No_ ,” the ex-archangel practically hisses in the darkness before his tone softens. “Sam, I’m fine. I-I promise.“

 

“I thought that we were past this,” Sam muses, still staring at the darkness. He suddenly turns on his side, away from Lucifer, even though it hurts like a bitch.

 

Lucifer looks at Sam’s turned back and turns away from him without saying anything.

 

“The lies, the secrets...” Sam continues, itching to be tucked in his lover’s arms once more.

 

Lucifer becomes irritated with Sam’s prying, but manages to stay calm. He’s figured out by now that bad things - very bad things - occur when he’s angry. “Please. Just let it go.”

 

Mourningly, Sam sighs, as if something unspeakably horrible has occurred. “ _Please_. We both know what happens if we don’t talk about these things.”

 

“Sam. Let. It. Go.”

 

“Lucifer! It can’t - “ The brunette freezes, thinking. “I - “ He blinks in the darkness sympathetically. “It was about me, wasn’t it?” he asks in a quiet voice, but it’s all too loud against the silence. Sam realizes that this is probably a stupid question. Why else would Lucifer have been apologizing; why else would Lucifer have been rejecting his comforting hands? Hell, what else would Lucifer be having nightmares _about_?

 

Lucifer is silent for a few seconds. “No... I told you... It was nothing. Now let’s go back to sleep.”

 

Whining, Sam says, “Lucifer, you don’t wake up shaking and scared over _nothing_.”

 

Sighing deeply, the blond nods sharply in agreement. “Yeah, that’s true, I’m okay now. I swear.”

 

A beat passes before Sam breathes, “I’m not.”

 

Lucifer moves a little so he can only see Sam out of the corner of his eye. “What?” _What could possibly be wrong with Sam?_ The thought slaps him in the face, because what _isn’t_ wrong with Sam? His lover is an angry, abusive _devil_. Literally. He’s literally the Devil.

 

“I’m not going to be okay until you tell me, Lucifer.”

 

Those words have Lucifer before turning completely away from Sam. They have much bigger things to worry about rather than his minor problem, like Dean. “No. I’m going to sleep now.” Lucifer closes his eyes, but he doubts he will end up falling back asleep.

 

The brunette twists around too, only to realize that the shorter man had turned as to not face Sam himself. “I love you, Luce,” he mumbles, voice hurt, “and I’m okay. I’m here for you, okay? If you don’t want to talk... Fine. But, please, don’t bottle everything up until something bad happens.” The hunter stares at the back of Lucifer’s head, hoping that he’ll turn around at his words.

 

Lucifer hears Sam’s words and ignores them. He breathes deeply and hopes that Sam will think he’s asleep.

 

“I know you’re awake, asshole,” Sam breathes playfully, trying to lighten the mood. “If everything’s fine, can you please cuddle me?”

 

Lucifer hesitates but slowly turns around and snuggles closer to Sam. It’s almost painful to touch Sam without thinking about his dream - _nightmare_ \- but he manages. Sam wants to be cuddled, so he’s going to be cuddled.

 

Despite his still very present frustration, Sam leans up and kisses Lucifer passionately before nuzzling under his chin. “I love you,” Sam mumbles into his stubble, making a note to remind Lucifer to shave soon. His eyes close, and he sighs softly, drifting back asleep in Lucifer’s hold.

 

Lucifer whispers softly, “I love you too, Sammy.”

 

-

 

About three hours later, Lucifer’s eyes flutter open and he remembers his nightmare. He feels Sam in his arms and reminds himself to be strong and act like nothing’s wrong. He carefully gets out of bed, trying not to wake Sam, before making his way to the kitchen and finding the pancake mix. When he’s finished making the pancakes he brings them to Sam and forces a smile. “Sammy, wake up. I made breakfast. Blueberry pancakes again. I really need to learn how to cook more.”

 

The brunette’s eyes open slowly, and he yawns before becoming oriented. “Oh,” he says with a smile, not remembering the event that occurred hours earlier yet, “thanks.” He sits up, reaching his arms out carefully as to take it from Lucifer. “Are the sheets done?” the brunette asks.

 

With everything that went on last night, Lucifer had forgotten about the sheets in the dryer. “Oh, yeah! Um... I’ll go put them on our bed real quick. Be right back.” Lucifer gets the sheets out of the dryer and is thankful that they’re dry. Once he finishes putting them on their bed, he returns to Sam. “Are the pancakes good?”

 

Sam hums positively in response, chewing a mouthful. He swallows, looking at Lucifer. He remembers their earlier conversation with a start. The hunter looks down at the pancakes. He’s halfway done with them, and loses his appetite the more he thinks about Lucifer’s bad dream. “I... I’m done,” he mumbles disconnectedly, pushing them away and not meeting Lucifer’s gaze.

 

Lucifer forces a playful smile. “What? Not enough blueberries for you? Picky...”

 

“Lucifer...” Sam says softly, crossing his arms over his stomach and looking up at his lover.

 

This is a red flag to the blond, because he was expecting a ‘of course, the more balls in my mouth, the better’ joke. Lucifer’s face falls slightly. “What?”

 

“We need to talk about your... Dream.”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes and stands up, going his side of the bed and sitting down again. “Sam, don’t.”

 

“No!” Sam snaps suddenly, and flinches at the sound of his voice. He takes a breath, calming himself. “Please, we have to. I can’t have these walls between us anymore, so spill.”

 

Lucifer sighs. “There’s nothing _to_ tell. I had a nightmare. It’s over now. I’m okay.” _No, you’re not, baby brother. You’re far from okay_ , Michael’s true voice rings in Lucifer’s ears. _But you can’t let Sam help you, hm? That’d be way too beneficial. You want to suffer because you know you enjoy it._  


 

“What was the nightmare about?“ Sam presses, snapping Lucifer out of his thoughts.

 

Shaking his head as to clear it, Lucifer says, “Sam, please. I don’t want to talk about this right now.” To be frank, he doesn’t want to _ever_ talk about it.

 

The brunette takes Lucifer’s hand, looking deeply into his eyes. “We have to do this right now, Lucifer.”

 

Lucifer looks at their hands and pulls his away. “I - Okay. Fine. It was me beating you... And then... I-I... I killed you.”

 

Sam blinks, and a few moments of silence pass. “I... That’s... Expected.” Lucifer takes a deep breath and lies down, staring at the ceiling.

 

“Lucifer, it was just a nightmare, though,” Sam says lamely. That sounded different in his head. He shakes his head, adding, “I’m okay. I’m still here.”

 

*Lucifer manages to look Sam in the eye. “I could have killed you! It would have been real.”

 

Sam takes a risk, and grabs Lucifer hand again. “I... I don’t think it’ll ever get that bad, that it’ll ever go that far.” He squeezes it reassuringly.

 

Lucifer tries to pull his hand away, but Sam doesn’t let him. “It almost did, though! That nurse at the hospital said that if I had waited any longer to bring you there then you would have died.”

 

“No, that’s - “ Sam looks away, and his solid grip on Lucifer’s hand lessens. “Really?” he asks with a small voice.

 

Voice weak, the blond answers, “Yeah.”

 

The brunette looks at Lucifer sadly. “But you didn’t. You got me there in time. I don’t know what happened still - But from what I was saying before, and what you’ve told me - I deserved it.”

 

“Nothing you do makes you deserve to nearly die.”

 

Sam squeezes Lucifer’s hand again. “Please, it was just a dream. We’re... I don’t think _anything_ like that’ll happen again."

 

“You don’t know that.” Lucifer pulls his hand away from Sam’s finally.

 

Having been subtly going in for a kiss, Sam blinks when his hand is left alone, and moves back, recovering sloppily. “Well, I’m not going to try and initiate it. Do you really not trust yourself? Do _you_ think you could go that far if I wasn’t _trying_ to upset you?”

 

“Of course I don't trust myself!” Lucifer exclaims with disbelief. Why is Sam being so ignorant? “Why would I trust myself after almost beating you to death?!”

 

Sam flinches at Lucifer’s outburst. Hoping that the blond realizes it was because of the suddenness and volume, not because the taller man is scared of him. He’s passed that. “That’s not what I meant,” Sam clarifies lamely, apologetically.

 

Rubbing his face stressfully, the ex-archangel asks slowly, “Then what did you mean?” Lucifer doesn’t want to get angry ever again. Rage, he supposes, is one of the seven deadly sins. He falls victim to it often it seems, though at least he isn’t too greedy anymore.

 

“I - “ Sam comes back with nothing, his head dropping for a moment before tilting up a tad, looking at Lucifer sadly. “Please. _I’m_ okay. _We’re_ okay. I just...” Sam’s voice cracks. “I just got you back...” The brunette reaches out to caress Lucifer’s arm, down all the way to his fingertips.

 

Lucifer winces when Sam touches him. He gets up and starts walking toward the door. “I can’t do this.”

 

“No! No please!” Sam’s eyes start to burn, and jerks forward reaching out to Lucifer. When he keeps walking away, the brunette attempts to follow him, and hits the floor with a whimper of pain. He begins to crawl, trying to ignore the blooming agony he’s inflicting on his body. Tears start to run down his face, a mixture of emotional and physical pain.

 

Finding the strength not to look back, Lucifer closes the door and leans against it. He breaths deeply, ignoring his fallen lover. It’s probably a dick thing to do, but he _can’t_ touch Sam without seeing himself beating the ever-loving shit out of him.

 

“NO! COME BACK!” The brunette starts to frantically paw against the floor, trying to get to the door. He continues to sob, blaming himself for not handling the situation correctly.

 

Lucifer knows he should go back and help Sam but he doesn’t think he can face him. He doesn’t want to face any issues right now. Maybe that makes him a coward, but frankly, Lucifer couldn’t care less at the moment.

 

When Sam reaches the door, he finds that he can’t reach the fucking doorknob, and scratches at the wood, mewling in pain and sorrow. “Lucifer... Please... Don’t leave again...” It was traumatic enough the first time.

 

Biting his lip, Lucifer turns around and opens the door. “I’m sorry, Sam.” He helps Sam get back onto the bed. It’s kind of hard, considering how big the guy is, but the blond manages. “I’m so... So sorry.”

 

The brunette sobs into Lucifer’s chest, refusing to let him go. “Stay, I’m sorry, please, _stay_...” he weeps.

 

Lucifer starts to cry himself, even though he’s told himself many times that he needs to be the rock in this relationship. Sam has already been through too much; he deserves to be fretted over and loved unconditionally. “Me too... I-I’m so s-sorry...”

 

“I just want us to be okay again!” Sam admits, ignoring the horrible pain he’s. He feels Lucifer nod in agreement. Sam clutches his fist in Lucifer shirt, looking up at him desperately. “Then tell me what I’m supposed to do! I-I don’t know what to do and - and - “

 

Lucifer looks Sam in the eye, which, while it sounds easy, is the hardest thing he has had to do all night. “You don’t have to do anything, Sammy. There’s always going to be something to keep us apart, but I promise you... We will _always_ get through it. This isn’t... We _aren’t_ normal... But we’ll get through this, okay?”

 

Nodding in agreement, Sam wipes his face with the back of his hand. Trying to lighten the mood, the brunette tries, “I’d really like some more drugs if that's alright.”

 

Lucifer smiles lightly. “Drugs? Do you have drugs?”

 

“Fuck no I don't have the drugs,” Sam answers, smiling a little, too. “You gotta hook me up.”

 

Lucifer sprawls out on the bed, smiling bigger. “I think you’ve had enough drugs. Besides, where am I supposed to get drugs?”

 

Sam follows him, laying on the other side, smiling. “The hell if I know. I still don’t know where you got the freakin’ sombrero.”

 

“I told you! I took it off of a little kid’s head!”

 

“And still I didn’t notice this, _while I was standing beside you_.”

 

Smiling playfully, Lucifer shrugs. “You’re just oblivious to what's going on around you.”

 

Sam sniffles, and rubs his face again. “But seriously, I need a lot of drugs. And... What am I suppose to do all day in this damn bed?”

 

Lucifer shrugs, saying, “I’ll take care of you.” There’s a brief pause. “And... Sammy?”

 

“Yeah?” the brunette asks, expression sober. Sam’s lover doesn’t sound like he’s being playful anymore.

 

“Before I... Beat you... We were fighting... You told me that you were gonna go to Texas... You saw signs of Dean or something. Are you gonna go? You know... Once you’re better?”

 

Sam blinks, happy that Lucifer’s question didn’t make him feel bad or anything negative. “Yeah. I was hoping that now we’re... Better... That you could join me.”

 

“Sure. Yeah, of course.”

 

Sam looks around, sighing, “Still need those drugs...”

 

Lucifer laughs lightly. “Where am I supposed to get drugs?... You know, you were really cute in the hospital. So fucking high.”

 

“I’m referring to the Advil, jackass.” Sam rolls his eyes, laughing. “I bet I said some pretty stupid stuff.”

 

Nodding in agreement, Lucifer says, “Sammy... You thought there was a unicorn in the room. You called me your unicorn. Or... If I remember correctly... ‘Your unercoin’...”

 

Sam bursts out laughing, understanding what his high-self had been referring to. He looks a Lucifer, and manages to stop giggling. Leaning over, the brunette kisses his partner, making sloppy sounds as he does so.

 

Lucifer kisses Sam back before pulling away. It’s different than an actual touch, and the brunette’s happiness is distracting him from his nightmare, anyway. “You want those drugs now?”

 

Huffing, Sam pulls away. He mutters, “Yeah.”

 

Lucifer gets up and gets the Advil. He grabs a cup of water before crushing the Advil and pouring it into the water. He brings it to Sam. “Here ya go.”

 

Taking the water graciously, Sam mumbles his thanks, and drinking it like a shot, his head having not been hurting for a long enough while to comfort him. He sets the cup aside with the other ones, looking at Lucifer. “But seriously, what the hell am I going to do in this bed all day?”

 

Lucifer shrugs. He smiles brightly afterwards. He is in a much better mood now, no longer dawning on his previous night horrors. “I don’t know... You could... CUDDLE!” Lucifer climbs into the bed.

 

Snorting, the brunette nuzzles into Lucifer’s hold. “You’re such a nerd.”

 

“I’m your nerd, though.” Lucifer scoffs, smiling. “‘My unicorn’... Where the hell did that even come from?”

 

“Well, there was this demon that we used to know - her name was Meg. She and Cas had this... _Thing_... I dunno, but anyway, we were on a mission of sorts with her and she referred to Cas as her unicorn. So...”

 

At this information, the ex-archangel hisses thoughtfully. “She sounds...” Lucifer searches for the right word. “Fun.”

 

Sam smirks. “Yeah. She was inside me for a week once.” It’s a horrible memory, but it’s funny when he says it like that. It makes him frown though, remembering that Dean made a snide remark about the matter before, back when they were still looking for Dad.

 

“Whoa. Dirty.”

 

“You jealous?” Sam asks, pinching Lucifer side playfully. He’s overjoyed that the blond doesn’t seem to have any holds up with him touching him.

 

Lucifer chuckles. “No, of course not. Why would I be jealous of a a girl being inside my lover for a week?” Suddenly curious, he asks, “What’d she make you do?”

 

Sam’s brow furrows in concentration. “Ugh, y’know, the usual. Harassed people, tried to kill Dean. They’re never creative,” the brunette complains.

 

“They’re so boring, aren’t they?” Lucifer says, mocking the stereotypical teenage girl gossiping.

 

Scoffing, Sam carefully rolls on top of Lucifer. He manages to find a position that isn’t painful. Well, unbearably painful. “This is shit,” he states. “I’m bored.”

 

Not wanting Sam to get any ideas concerning them fooling around, Lucifer adds, “You’re also weak.”

 

Sam lazily sticks his tongue out. “Yeah. That’s why I’m bored,” he responds, sighing. “And don’t worry, I understand that we can only do stuff so often without it getting boring.”

 

Lucifer pecks Sam’s lips before carefully pushing him off. “You’re heavy.” After all, Sam is basically a giant moose person.

 

Rolling his eyes, Sam replies, “Thank you. Everyone dreams of hearing their boyfriend say that.” He snuggles against Lucifer.

 

“Well, it’s true! You’re like a fucking moose!” Lucifer exclaims. Sam gives the blond a weak bitchface at this, quickly pitching his butt as retaliation. Lucifer just laughs and snuggles up against Sam. He kisses the top of his head. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” Sam sighs dramatically. “I wish you were stronger. And that I was shorter.” Sam thinks for a moment. “Damn, never though I’d say that.” He remembers wishing for the exact opposite of that, since all the bullies he came across called him ‘shorty’ and ‘midget’.

 

Making a sound that Sam translates into ‘what the fuck, you idiot’, Lucifer rambles, “Why do you want to be shorter? You can easily get the best seats at the movie theater by going up to people and just _standing_ there. They’d be so intimidated by your height they’d run away and there you go! Best seats in the house!”

 

“Because I want you to carry me like a bride,” Sam admits, thinking for a moment again, smiling smugly. “Or a conquest. Depends on my mood.”

 

Lucifer chuckles. “I wish you were shorter too. Then I could be taller!” Or, well, his vessel would be. Nick isn’t too short, nor tall,  but it’s unsavory to be the dominate in the relationship but still the smaller one.

 

“You’d like to carry your conquest, throw me over your shoulder and onto the bed like a caveman,” Sam says to the ceiling, looking almost lost in his thoughts.

 

“Exactly...” Lucifer breathes, starting to play with Sam’s hair. He imagines Sam as a princess, him the prince. He’d save the brunette from the evil dragon and carry him all the way to his kingdom, tossing Sam onto his silky sheets before ravaging him. That’s how it went in the fairy tales he’s read, anyway.

 

“But I’d keep my magic hair, of course,” Sam comments, watching Lucifer fondly. “Since you love it so much.”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes. “Your magic hair? You mean the magic hair that you got two fucking centimeters shorter when you got a haircut?”

 

Sam gives Lucifer a look. “I got it cut like two inches! And it’s layer differently.” Looking away in mock hurt, Sam takes on a stereotypical high school girl voice. “I can’t believe you didn’t notice. God!”

 

Lucifer laughs out loud and says sarcastically, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m a horrible boyfriend! I’ll do better next time, I promise!

 

A few beats pass and Sam starts to drift off. “We... We should do something...”

 

“What? Like take a nap? You look tired.”

 

“No, something productive.” Sam shakes his head, moving around a little as to wake himself up.

 

Lucifer shakes his head in disagreement, saying, “You can’t do anything. You’re bedridden.” _And who put him there, Little Brother?_ Lucifer shivers.

 

Scoffing, Sam bites back, “Oh, really? Didn’t notice, Einstein.” He huffs, wiggling his toes.

“Fine. Do you wanna do something not productive?”

 

Taking a deep breath, Lucifer holds his lover close and blinks lazily at the ceiling. He takes a moment to appreciate the fact that he’s here, alive, with Sam. “I just wanna lay here forever.”

 

“I second that,” Sam agrees, his eyes drooping shut again. “If I... You need to be the housewife while I sleep.”

 

Lucifer whines like a child, exclaiming, “I don’t wanna be a housewife!” Sam’s the girl in this relationship, so he should be the housewife. Though, considering how injuries the man is, Lucifer understands why this isn’t the case currently.

 

“This place is a mess,” the brunette states, thinking of the cups. Sam leans over and kisses Lucifer, sucking on his bottom lip.

 

After making out the Sam for a few minutes, Lucifer reluctantly pulls away. “Fine. Go to bed, Sammy. I’ll clean up.”

 

“M’kay...” Sam mutters, pulling away. He falls asleep almost instantly, breathing in Lucifer’s smell. It sticks to the bed.

 

-

 

The brunette wakes up with hand over his chest, and his eyes twitch open. Thankfully, he’s more or less better - able to walk, anyway - and so the light touch doesn’t have a negative effect on him. He looks at Lucifer, and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. With a dopy smile, Sam scoots over until he sits up halfway, and leans over Lucifer carefully but sleepily. He begins to pepper kisses onto his lover’s face, nuzzling his nose, too. 

 

Lucifer’s eyes open slowly and he groans tiredly but smiles once he sees Sam. “Morning, Sammy.” He, thankfully, didn’t have that nightmare once he managed to fall back asleep again.

 

“G’morning,” he murmurs back, placing one more loving kiss on his lips before moving away. “We gotta get one the road today,” he reminds aloud, thinking of how there really isn’t anytime for being lazy.

 

Lucifer sighs, obviously more than content to stay home and chill like they have been doing. “Okay...”

 

“We should get breakfast at McDonald’s. Which means we gotta start packing, like, now.” Despite his words, the brunette doesn’t move.

 

“We just woke up. Can’t we rest a little?” Lucifer places a long kiss on Sam’s lips before pulling away and giving him the best puppy dog face he can.

 

 “No. It’s a long drive, and Dean moves quickly,” the brunette says, finally getting out the bed. He starts to walk towards the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower. Could you start? You just gotta throw in a few shirts and pants of yours and mine in that duffle bag over there.” Not waiting for an answer, the door closes, and a moment later the sound of water running is heard.

 

Lucifer groans and grabs his phone. He checks the time before putting it down on the bed. After a few minutes of laying in bed, he get up and starts packing. He throws some shirts and pants in there like Sam said. When he’s done, he plops down on the bed and reaches for his phone, but it’s not there. He quickly looks over but it’s not where he put it. The blond gets on the floor and looks under the bed. _There it is_. He rolls his eyes and reaches for it but, of course, his arm isn’t long enough. He stands up and looks at the ground, mumbling, “Shit.”

 

About ten minutes later, Sam emerges from the bathroom, a towel tied around his waist. He walks over to his dresser, and begins to rummage for an outfit.

 

“Hey, Sam?”

 

“Yeah?” the brunette responds, grabbing underwear, already walking back to the bathroom. He enters, and only shuts the door halfway, beginning to change. It’s funny how even though Lucifer’s cock has literally been inside him Sam still deems it necessary to hide when he changes.

 

“You know my phone? The device I use to call and or text? And occasionally play angry birds?”

 

Sam laughs from within the bathroom, responding, “Yes, what about it?”

 

“I kind of... Dropped it... It’s under the bed... And I can’t reach it.”

 

Coming out of the bathroom, clothed, Sam looks curiously at the bed. “How’d that happen?” he asks.

 

Shrugging, Lucifer gestures to the disheveled bed. “I’m not sure... I set it down and one minute it’s there and the next... Poof! It’s gone.”

 

The brunette walks over beside Lucifer, asking, “Where is it? I can probably get it.” His arms are probably longer.

 

Lucifer points to the area it is under the bed. “There.”

 

“Do you wanna talk a shower while I try to get it?” he asks, walking over and kneeling down by the edge of the bed. He presses his head to the ground, and scans for it under the bed.

 

“Sure.” Lucifer grabs some clothes and goes into the bathroom, starting his shower. He dislikes taking showers after people, because it’s so steamy and wet all around the bathroom. It just gives off a gross feeling to the ex-archangel.

 

As Lucifer leaves, he spots it, and army crawls towards it. Even with his long arms, he still can’t reach it, and pushes himself onto the floor and hard as he can. Managing to slip his head and shoulders under. He wiggles forward, twist and turning as to shimmy under the bed.

 

Lucifer gets in the shower and washes up. When he’s done he grabs a towel and dries off before getting dressed and going back into the room. “Did you get it yet?”

 

“Nope. Almost,” Sam answers, voice strained. The blond’s phone managed to fall to the most odd area ever, and Sam actually ends up having it slip most of his upper body under the bed. He sighs tiredly when he snatches the phone. 

 

Trying to back up, Sam finds himself unable, and experimentally moves his knees down, forcing his lower body up. Frustrated, the brunette pushes them towards him, and _now his fucking knees are stuck_. Between the pressure of his position and the bed digging into the middle of his back, his body has manages to lock up. “Dammit,” he breathes.

 

Concerned, Lucifer frowns and asks, “Something wrong?”

 

“I - “ Sam struggles again, still convinced that he _can’t actually be stuck under the fucking bed_. He struggles, baffled that this actually happened. But no matter how hard he tries, his knees wouldn’t move, and therefore he is unable to get out from under the bed.

 

“What? You okay there?”

 

Trying one more time to shimmy out, he realizes that only his not-stuck body parts are moving. He huffs, frustrated. “I’m stuck.”

 

Lucifer watches Sam struggle, more amused than worried at this point. “Okay...”

 

Squirming again causes his lower body to wiggle, but he’s too distracted to realize that. The hunter continues to do so, a little annoyed at Lucifer. “Well? Is there anything you can do?” he asks, still pushing and struggling.

 

Lucifer smirks to himself. “Oh, Sammy, there are a lot of things I could do from this angle...” he purrs.

 

“This isn’t funny! I’m _stuck_!” Sam exclaims unhappily, squirming harder. Lucifer just smirks even wider as he walks up to Sam and slaps his ass.

 

Sam jerks a little as he squeals, and his eyes widen. He sighs deeply, practically growling afterwards. “I’m serious...” he mutters halfheartedly, a blush blooming on his face.

 

“So am I,” Lucifer says with a meaningful tone. “I mean, the things I could do to you right now.”

 

Lucifer’s words admittedly send a shiver down his spine, and his cock twitches a little in interest. “We don’t have time for this...” he murmurs, blushing even harder. He wiggles again, trying to see of his flinch loosed his knees.

 

“Alright, fine. I’ll help you.” Lucifer parts Sam’s legs and pushes up against Sam’s butt with his groin.

 

The brunette winces, borderline embarrassed. And aroused. It’s like puberty all over again. “Lucifer...” he whimpers, his face beet red.

 

Lucifer can practically see Sam’s face. He smiles even bigger and continues. It feels good even though that there are so many layers. Just to have Sam’s beautiful ass so close to his manhood makes his entire body happy. It’s also refreshing to feel like he has power over someone. It’s been so long since he’s felt that.

 

Sighing again, Sam accepts his fate, and suddenly smirks. _Two can play at this game_. He starts to struggle again, rubbing Lucifer thoroughly, and pretends to be oblivious. “Lu, really! Stop it!”

 

Lucifer chuckles. He puts his hands on Sam’s hips and yanks him, making them go back and forth.

 

Knowing that he really can’t win in this situation, Sam groans, biting his lip. “Lucifer, I - _Fuck you_!” 

 

“No. Fuck _you_.”

 

Sam rolls his eyes and whines. He starts making this soft, desperate sounds, his face in his arm. “We... Dammit, Lucifer...” Feeling heat pooling in his gut - probably from the familiarity of the position - Sam whimpers helplessly, knowing it’s only time before he pops a fucking boner.

 

Lucifer continues for a couple minutes before stopping. “Alright. You want help?”

 

The brunette, now possessing a raging, inappropriate erection, mewls. “Now I have an entirely _different_ problem.”

 

Lucifer laughs and stands up he grabs onto Sam’s ankles and starts pulling gently. He doesn’t want to accidentally snap Sam in half or anything. Hell, he doesn’t want Sam to be hurt ever again.

 

When he feels himself being pulled, Sam’s head kind of flying up, and he hits the top of the bed. “Son of a bitch!”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Wanting to rub his head, but being unable, Sam mutters, “Fucking peachy.” Lucifer continues to help him out, and when Sam’s knees are free, he army crawls backwards, squirming and struggling his way out from under the bed. He whimpers loudly as his groin rubs at the floor, the pressure immense.

 

“Can I have my phone?” Lucifer asks, the bastard.

 

Trying to hide his erection, because Sam got a good look at Lucifer’s crouch and the most he has is a waning half-boner. He sits up weirdly, and hands the blond his cell.

 

Taking his phone, Lucifer practically chirps, “Thank you!”

 

His face is flushed, and he’s frustrated in oh so many ways. Sam shoots Lucifer a bitchface.

 

Lucifer smiles before kissing Sam. “My hero.”

 

As Lucifer moves away from the kiss, the taller man grabs his collar, and yanks in down. He kisses him hungrily, and rises, immediately pushing up against Lucifer, whining helplessly.

 

Lucifer automatically kisses back. He brings his hands to Sam’s hair and starts tugging on it lightly. He knows that Sam has a thing for getting his hair pulled.

 

Sam squeals into Lucifer’s mouth, and pulls one of the blond’s hands down between them, pushing his groin into it. “N - Need you,” he pants.

 

It’s hard for Lucifer to pull away, but he eventually does. “Sam... We have to... Go find your brother.”

 

Practically sobbing from the frustration, Sam begs, “P-Please…”

 

Lucifer kisses Sam only to pull back again. “Sam... Come on. We gotta find Dean.” Lucifer isn’t really in the mood for that kind of contact. He’s not sure if he’d be able to handle it. When Sam is here, supportive and smiling, it’s easy to not think about his nightmare. But to be touching each other so intimately raises a red flag for the ex-archangel.

 

A little hurt that Lucifer would actually leave him hanging like this, Sam pulls away completely from his lover and begins to unbutton his pants, deciding that he can just do it himself. When his hand meets his cock, the brunette moans lewdly, and starts to waddle to the bathroom.

 

“Sam - “ Lucifer sighs and plops down on the bed. While it’s annoying that they can’t just get on the road, the blond is internally smug. He got Sam pretty excited considering that they were barely touching; considering that they were both fully clothed.

 

“Just - just give me a minute!” Sam half-yells and half-moans. He stumbles into the bathroom, and finds enough anger to shut the door. He gets a few tissues ready, jacking off to the thought of being handled roughly, bounded and gagged. Anything sounds like a good idea when you’re this turned on, at least that’s how it’s always worked for Sam.

 

Lucifer stares at the ceiling and waits for Sam to come back. He considers playing on his phone, probably Angry Birds, but he knows that it’ll be in vain. After Sam is done they’re hitting the road. He wonders silently to himself whether or not he’s going to be doing the driving.

 

Sam screams when he comes, and he quickly tosses the tissues away - exiting the bathroom dopily. Though, he shoots Lucifer an angry look, and grabs the duffle bag without a word. He heads towards the garage.

 

Lucifer follows Sam, carrying his things. “Are you seriously mad at me?” he asks with bafflement. What right does Sam have to be mad? It’s Lucifer decision if he wants to do something or not, and while he didn’t say it aloud, he thought it was implied that he just doesn’t feel like doing anything at the moment. Which is a strange, strange feeling to him. Usually he’d do anything for Sam, or have Sam do anything to him.

 

“Yeah!” Sam snaps, a little annoyed that because of this he didn't get to have a blissed-out period that usually accompanies a orgasm. “You don’t just - you don’t do that!”

  
Beyond aggravated at this point, Lucifer snaps, “Do what? Remind you that we’re trying to find your fucking  brother ?”

  
“He’s not even alive!” Sam retorts with bitterness, stopping and whipping around to face him. “That  thing  is wearing him!”

  
Lucifer’s face falls. “I-I’m sorry.” Again, it’s hard for even Lucifer to process that Dean is finally gone. He never liked Dean, hated him really, but the fact that he’s actually dead is so surreal. 

  
Sam continues to pant angrily, but takes a big breath, and continues to walk to the garage. Though, he’s slower, and his head is a tad lower. Lucifer follows Sam, watching him worriedly.

  
Wanting to change the subject, Sam mumbles, “Don’t do that again.” Feeling like he sounds a bit too harsh, he adds softly, “Especially when it’d be easy to lend a  hand .” He manages a small smirk, walking into the garage.

  
Still worried about Sam, Lucifer smiles slightly. “Okay. Fine.”

  
They approach the Sam’s favored car, and he gets in, throwing the duffel back into the backseat. “C’mon, we gotta go get some quick breakfast, then we got a seven hour drive ahead of us.”

  
Lucifer gets into the car, saying, “Okay. You said McDonald’s?”

  


“Yeah. It’s really early, but they got breakfast right now... And, surprisingly, a few edible things.” Sam starts the car, buckling up before backing out and pressing the garage door button. He exits the bunker, shutting the door by pressing the button again.

  
Out of nowhere, Sam states seriously, “Also, I’d like to formally apologize for teasing you with a hotdog and sex noises.”

  
Laughing, Lucifer recalls the memory fondly. It feels like that was forever ago. “Awesome. I’m starving,” he replies, rubbing his stomach and licking his lips for emphasis. “You’re forgiven.”

  


“It’ll take about half a day to get to Wisconsin... I don’t think we should stop driving - save for getting food and gas. That alright with you?”

  
Lucifer nods. “Yeah. Okay. Aren’t you gonna be tired, though? From driving for that long?” he asks his lover, a concerned look on his face. Sam sighs at the sight because it feels like Lucifer always looks like that these days. How did they go so wrong?

  


“I’ve slept less before,” Sam answers dismissively. “But if it makes you feel better, you can drive halfway through. As long as you don’t hit any children.”

  


“Can't make any promises..”

  
Sam rolls his eyes. “How did you drive yourself all the way to the hospital when I was unconscious?” He never taught Lucifer how to drive, just gave him money for buses, and the blond has mentioned hitchhiking before to him.

  
“I managed…” Lucifer says almost sassily. Truth be told, he drove horribly, but Sam doesn’t need to know that. “Though… I almost hit a tree.”

  


“Ah,” Sam says, “that makes more sense.” He turns, driving quickly but legally. “Figure out what you want at McDonald’s.” They’ve been there enough that Lucifer basically has memorized the damn menu.

  
“Um... two breakfast burritos,” the ex-archangel answers thoughtfully, as if this decision affects his entire existence or something equally ridiculous.

  
Nodding in agreement, the brunette continues to switch lands, turns, and pull up into the drive thru. He’s going to wrap the car around a tree - apparently like Lucifer - if he’s not careful. Thankfully, years of driving during times where there was no time to lose has thoroughly prepared him. Sam places their order: two breakfast burritos, two egg McMuffins, and a fruit parfait. They roll onto the interstate afterwards, eating, talking.

  
“How’s your food, Sammy?”

  
The brunette laughs softly, swallowing. “As good as a heart attack in a sack can be. You?”

  
Taking another bite, Lucifer answers, “It’s good. And it’s not a ‘heart attack in a sack’! It’s delicious!”

  
“That’s what they all say before they choke to death from their own gluttony,” Sam comments, changing to the fast-moving lane. “This might be a shot in the dark... But... Who knows? Maybe we’ll get somewhere with this lead.” Sam takes another bite of his breakfast, chewing quickly and swallowing.  “At least we’re doing something.”

  
Swallowing himself, Lucifer optimistically agrees, “Yeah. Hopefully.”

  
The hunter quickly inhales the rest of his food, tossing the garbage aside. To a concentrated area, though, as to not give the vicinity a distasteful aura. “But from your lack of disapproval I gather you’re okay with a long ass drive?”   


Taking another big bite, Lucifer mumbles with a full mouth, “Yeah. As long as I’m with you, nothing can ruin it.”

 

Sam nods, checking the car mirrors. “I... I’m glad your here with me,” he comments out of the blue, voice soft and raw and exposed. 

 

Lucifer swallows and smiles. “I’m glad I am, too.” He’s quiet for a moment before he adds, “I’m also glad that you’re here.” Yeah, Lucifer is beyond thankful that Sam is alive, breathing next him. Rather than rotting six feet in the ground with a bullet in his chest.

 

The brunette hesitates, tapping the steering wheel. “But... When we - _if we_ \- actually get close enough to pull off... Y’know... I don’t think that...” Sam trails off, eyes sad. “It still looks like Dean.”

 

Lucifer finishes his burrito and throws the trash to the side. He gives Sam an apologetic look. “I know... I’m sorry.” Judging from the Winchester’s track record, it will probably be close to impossible for Sam to kill the demon wearing his brother.

 

Shaking his head lightly, he responds, “’S not your fault. But... I... What if I can’t when it’s the time to do it?” he asks.

 

“I don't know... It’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.” Lucifer sure as Hell doesn’t want to be the one to do it. Sam will probably be stuck with the image of him killing his big brother for the rest of their lives, and the blind seriously thinks that’s the last thing they need right now.

 

“Yeah, best case scenario!” Sam yells, hating how Lucifer is trying to brush this off, just saying what he thinks the brunette wants to hear. “But when do Winchester’s ever get that?” Sam pauses, continuing, “but if I can’t, I will probably get _very_ hurt.” Looking at Lucifer for a brief moment, Sam states, “I’m just being realistic.”

 

There’s no way Lucifer is going to sit here and be a pessimistic asshole, so he says, “I know. I just... You’ll be fine. I’m leaving it at that.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Sam mutters under his breath, “And I’m sure as hell not gonna let you do this for me.”

 

“Stop, Sam. Okay? I told you. You’re gonna be okay. I’m done with this conversation now.” Maybe it makes him a fool for wanting to ignore all this, but it’s not like this is the first time he’s made a foolish decision.

 

Rolling his eyes, the brunette gives, the only noise the sound of the wheels spinning against the ground, large cars passing them.

 

Lucifer stares out the window, glad that Sam stopped trying to continue the conversation. Ignorance is bliss, they say.

 

“This is going to be a long drive,” Sam states. “You could cut the atmosphere with a knife right now...” He laughs a bit at himself and Lucifer. Sighing, the brunette asks lamely, “So... How are you?”

 

Lucifer looks back at Sam incredulously. What, are they going to talk about the weather next? “Um... Fine.”

 

“Ditto, more or less,” Sam mumbles, sighing again. A little guilty about what he’s about to say, Sam bites his lip. He doesn’t think this was the kind of subject change the blond wanted. “Any nightmares?”

 

Lucifer’s stomach drops. “N - No,” he stutters, like he’s new at this whole lying thing.

 

Glancing at his lover, Sam asks, “Honest? I’m relying on you to tell me the truth. Because I try to give you the same courtesy.” Sam turns to the road again, lips pressed together tightly. 

 

Lucifer avoids looking at Sam and stares straight ahead. “Yeah... Completely honest...”

 

“I don’t believe you,” Sam states sadly. “I wanna be able to trust you to tell me the truth... I wanna be able to trust you completely. Why do you have to lie to me?”

 

“Why don't you believe me? I - I’m not lying,” Lucifer insists.

 

Switching to the slow - practically empty - lane, Sam looks over at Lucifer. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you’re telling the truth,” he demands softly.

 

Lucifer turns and looks at Sam, but once their eyes meet, his drop to the floor.

 

Sam scoffs disbelievingly. “Really? You still deny it? Even when it’s so obvious that you’re lying...” Lucifer stays silent. “Jesus Christ! Can you just... You really...” Sam looks away dejectedly before hitting the gas, switching over to the fast lane with a scowl, lips pressed together.

 

Lucifer continues to stay silent, wanting the topic to go away so that can talk and laugh again. He just wants them to be happy, and in order for that to happen, none of this stupid nightmare stuff can see the light of day. Sam might think that keeping this stuff buried will have negative effects, but Lucifer disagrees. And who is Sam to talk? Burying issues is basically the Winchester way of life!

 

A few minutes later, Lucifer take a deep breath and looks at Sam. He smiles. “Hey, we should stop and get skittles!”

 

Sam remains silent, though his eyes squint angrily at the road for a moment. “Hello? Anyone home? I want skittles!” When the brunette doesn’t reply, Lucifer tries once more. “Sammy? Come on! I want skittles.”

 

Whipping to face Lucifer, Sam’s throat contracts, and he snaps, “And I wish that you would tell me the truth, but we don’t always get what we want, huh?” His voice is stained and dry, like he needs to drink some water and maybe cry for an hour or so.

 

Lucifer’s face falls. “I’m sorry...”

 

“No. You’re not.” Sam looks at the road again. “If you were, you’d stop lying to my fucking _face_.”

 

“Please, Sammy. I _am_. I’m _sorry_.”

 

The brunette swallows, trying not to get too upset. He asks softly - though it sounds like an underlying demand - “Then please, just admit it.”

 

Basically growling at Sam, Lucifer asks with renewed irritation, “Admit what? That I’ve been having fucking nightmares about me killing you? Fine. I’m having nightmares about me killing you. Happy?”

 

Sam glances at Lucifer sadly, asking, “Why would I be happy? I’m over it, and I want you to be, too.” He eases off the gas a tad. “But you need to talk about it to get your feelings out. _You_ told me that.”

 

Lucifer laughs bitterly. “I’m not over it. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it.” How is he supposed to get passed something so horrific?

 

“I know it feels like that now, but these things? These things  _can_ be fixed. You helped me, remember? I haven’t had any bad dreams.”

 

Nodding, Lucifer makes sure not to let Sam’s optimism affect the truth. Or, at least, his truth. “Yeah, but I just... How can this be fixed?”

 

Sam responds with a calmer tone, saying, “I don’t mean it like _that_ \- I just - “ His tone becomes a bit frustrated. “But I’m here, aren’t I? I’m okay and _here_. Lucifer, it’s okay now. I feel so horrible that your subconscious is forcing this shit on you. It’s not fair. I’d take them from you if I could.” Looking off at the distance, Sam admires the trees, sighing almost contently.

 

“You’re here, yeah. But...” Lucifer points to his head, the movement causes Sam to look over and see what his lover is getting at. “In _here_... In those nightmares... I have to watch myself kill you. Do you have any idea how horrible that is?”

 

With sympathetic eyes, Sam nods so softly most would past it off from the bumpy road - if they weren’t on a highway. “I can... Imagine.” He’s silent for a few seconds, before asking, “since the first one that night... How many have you had?”

 

Lucifer is about to lie, but he remembers how upset Sam was last time he lied. “I have at least one every night. There were a couple of nights when I had two.”

 

Sam’s eyes widen, and he grips the wheel harder. “You - “ He’d assumed it was one or two nights, because that’s how his usually work. “I know I’ve been a little harder to wake up but how have you kept this from me?!”

 

Shrugging, Lucifer says softly, like a shy child, “I... I wake up in the middle of the night... And I don’t know... I just stay quiet. I try not to scream... I’ve only been getting like three or four hours of sleep a night.”

 

“You... Lucifer, why... Why have you been so hellbent on not telling me this? This kinda stuff is important!” Sam exclaims with disapproval, still clutching the wheel tightly.

 

Lucifer doesn’t really have a good answer, because looking back, he realizes how foolish he has been acting lately. “I just... I didn’t want you to worry.”

 

Flashing the blond a baffled look, the taller man says with a high-pitched voice, “Worry? Well, I’m definitely worried now!”

 

“And that’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you!”

 

“We’re a couple! Your problems are my problems and mine are yours!” Sam retorts.

 

Lucifer turns completely and nods. This is one of the things he has been meaning to bring up and talk like an actual adult about. He points at Sam and agrees with his point, but argues, “That’s the thing! I don’t want my problems to be your problems! You have enough to deal with!”

 

Scoffing, Sam responds, “You need to stop being so self-sacrificial! I’m no better than you! We’re equal and we’re together which means we face these things _together_!”

 

Lucifer doesn’t know how to respond so he takes a deep breath and says, “I’m sorry.” He’s been apologizing a lot these days. Lucifer wonders if there will ever be a time where he doesn’t need to be remorseful, but he knows that there won’t be.

 

“Are you? Are you actually going to stop lying? Wake me up when you have a nightmare and talk to me about it? Because I’m not sure if it works this way for everyone, but night terrors are next, and I really don’t want to know what that would consist of.”

 

Being his stubborn self, Lucifer lies again, “Yeah... I will.” And just like that those foolish actions seem necessary again.

 

Sighing, Sam says, “Thank you. I... Thank you...” If Lucifer lies to him just to avoid worrying him, how are they supposed to trust each other? Lies are what ruined Sam’s previous relationships - most, anyway - and he really can’t deal with Lucifer lying anymore. 

 

The next few minutes are silent, but the hunter breaks it, asking, “Are they... Are they the same every time?”

 

Lucifer coughs out a quick, “Yeah.”

 

“Really? Mine were always different.” Man, Sam needs to stop thinking that everyone experiences the same thing. Sam thinks for a moment. “Oh.”

 

“Oh?” Lucifer inquires.

 

Meeting Lucifer’s eyes as to be polite, Sam answers, “You have reoccurring nightmares. I had... Well, PTSD nightmares. That’s why they’re _very_ different, I think. I’ve had different kinds of nightmares before - but I haven’t had a reoccurring one in... In a long time.” Sam sighs nostalgically, thinking about how naive he was when he left with Dean all those years ago. 

 

_“Dad’s on a hunting trip, and he hasn’t been home in a few days.”_

 

Lucifer blinks at his lover for a few seconds before deciding that it would be okay to ask something extremely personal, considering all the things they have been through thus far. “What was your reoccurring nightmare?”

 

Sam looks at the road, answering quietly, “About Jess.” He pauses. “I know what you mean. Watching and... Not being able to do _anything_.”

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

“But... Those just kind of stopped. I just got over her. Things... Got complicated. And she just... I didn’t have time to grieve anymore.” Sam laughs humorlessly. “God, I remember when I was there - thought I knew everything about everything - I was so young and naive. Didn’t know jack shit,” he muses aloud. It’s nice to talk about to someone, even if he's moved past it.

 

Lucifer just nods, listening to Sam.

 

Taking the hint, the brunette continues. “I really wish I knew what I know now back then. Lives would have been saved and... Maybe things would be different. I mean, I can’t help but wonder what would’ve of happened if Jess wouldn’t of died... If... If I’d still be with her. Dean would’ve given up trying to get me to tag along at some point and... I dunno, but I can’t help but wonder sometimes, y’know?”

 

Nodding like he can relate, Lucifer responds, “Yeah. I know.” Truth be told, he can relate to a certain extent. Sometimes he wonders what would of happened if he never was put in the Cage, if he would still be in Heaven.

 

Quickly looking at Lucifer for a moment, the brunette states, “Not that I’d prefer that over this. This... I couldn’t be happier. I mean, I’d like it if Dean were alive and you didn’t have nightmares but... I’m actually content otherwise.”

 

Lucifer smiles. “Yeah. I like this... I love you.”

 

Sam grins gently. “I love you too. More than I ever thought I could.” He blinks a few times, realizing that they’re getting off topic. “But... Have you ever tried to stop? I mean, I’m not saying it’s easy, but I’ve managed to divert my nightmares at least twice in my life... Since you haven’t had them for too long, it’s quite possible that you could.” Sam swerves around a few cars, trying to get in front of them. The sun’s shining on the hood, and he wishes that he had sunglasses.

 

“How do I do that?” the ex-archangel asks, intrigued and a bit hopeful.

 

Laughing humorlessly again, Sam responds, “Too long ago, Luce. I... Just focus. You just have to realize it’s a dream. Cuz once you know it’s a dream, you can change it. Hell, if you manage to turn lucid, you can do _whatever you want_." Sam waves his eyebrows suggestively, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m sure you have a few kinky as fuck fantasies you’d like to try out,” he adds with a small smug smile.

 

Lucifer laughs, and it isn’t a fake one either. “I’ll make sure to try that... Thanks, Sammy.”

 

“You just have to remember it’s a dream; that I’m save and sound and completely fuckable,” Sam repeats, still trying to make the atmosphere a little easier to breathe in. 

 

It must work, because Lucifer smiles with something close to joy shimmering in his eyes. “Thank you.”

 

Sam takes a deep breathe, smiling softly. “Anyway, anything else you wanna tell me? No, wait. Not _want_ \- think _I would want_ to know? Or any other factors I should know about?” he asks seriously, expression sober.

 

“Nope... But I wasn’t kidding about the skittles. I _really_ want them.”

 

They seriously cannot just stop for candy, they need to kill the demon inside of Sam’s brother ASAP. “Now what did I say about stopping?” Sam asks rhetorically.

 

“ _Please_?” Lucifer whines. He thinks of the Seven. _Greed_.

 

Looking at Lucifer for a moment, Sam concedes, “Maybe when one of us has gotta pee.”

 

Lucifer sighs. “Ugh. Fine.”

 

Sam smiles, but it quickly falls. “Are you sure you don’t have anything else we gotta talk about? I _need_ you to be honest, Lu. I - I don’t think I can take being lied to anymore.”

 

“I’m sure. I’m not gonna lie. Not when I know it’ll bring you down with me,” the scorpion said to the frog.

 

“Thank you,” Sam says, releasing a sigh of relief. “I... I dunno what else we can talk about and I really... Can you distract me, please?”

 

“Okay... Um... I don’t... How am I supposed to distract you?”

 

Sam shrugs against his seat. “Just talk. What do you wanna talk about?”

 

Lucifer thinks for a moment before finally picking a topic. “I want to talk about your fucking hair. You need a haircut.”

 

With a perplexed expression, Sam replies, “What? I _just_ got a haircut!”

 

“And like I said. You got _two fucking centimeters off_!”

 

Scoffing, Sam rolls his eyes. “I got it cut at least two _inches_!”

 

Lucifer rolls his eyes, unimpressed. “Yeah right! If someone looked at you from the back, they’d think you were a girl.” Not that that’s a bad thing. Lucifer secretly loves Sam’s long hair, because it’s so much fun to pull on.

 

Sam looks at Lucifer with disbelieving eyes. “No they wouldn't! That’s never happened!” Sam’s glad it hasn’t, because God knows Dean wouldn’t of ever let him live that down if he happened to be there during the misunderstanding.

 

“I bet it has but they just didn’t say anything.”

 

“Fuck you! My shoulders are far too board and I’m way too tall.”

 

“The point is you need a haircut.”

 

The taller man laughs, saying, “If anyone ever mistakes me for a girl, it’s for my beautiful ass, not my hair.”

 

Nodding, Lucifer smiles dopily. “I will admit your ass is pretty nice. You win this argument.”

 

Sam sticks his tongue out, looking at Lucifer smugly with disbelievingly eyes. “Just ‘ _pretty nice_ ’?”

 

Lucifer shrugs with a steely look. “I’ve seen better,” he bluffs.

 

There’s a split second where Sam looks at Lucifer with a hurt expression. But it quickly is masked and he looks away. “Oh, Really?” he asks, but there’s no heat behind his words.

 

Realizing that Sam is taking him seriously - _now_ , of all fucking times - Lucifer laughs. “No, not really! You have the finest ass in the history of asses. And I would know, I’ve been around to see a lot of asses.”

 

Feeling better, Sam glances at his lover with a wide smile. “That’s better!” he chirps.

 

Lucifer just smiles and rolls his eyes. He’s still unbelievably unsure how he ended up like this, so damn lucky to have Sam by his side.

 

Sighing deeply, Sam starts making clicking sounds for a moment before looking at Lucifer out of the corner of his eye. “Next? I can’t... What else?”

 

“I don’t...” Lucifer yawns. “I don’t know.”

 

“You tired? I mean - that’s a dumb question.”

 

There’s no way Lucifer is going to go to sleep, because he can’t face that fucking nightmare again. “No. I mean... I’m fine.”

 

Sam presses his lips together. A minute passes. “Y’know, you actually need a haircut, too.”

 

Lucifer puts his hands on his hair, in denial. “No I don’t. It’s not that long.”

 

The brunette slouches in his seat, side-glancing at Lucifer. “Yeah. It’s pretty long for Nick, I think.”

 

Lucifer turns up his nose, saying snobbish lay, “Whatever. I think it’s perfect.”

 

“We should get you one when this is all over. But... I’ll have to help you because you’re going to scare everyone with your crazy talk.”

 

“Me? Scare people? Now that’s crazy talk!”

 

Sam laughs. “You would. And you’d probably be upset about the scissors.”

 

Shaking his head, Lucifer disagrees. “No way. I’d be on my best behavior!” he insists.

 

“Yeah, like your best behavior at the mall? I don’t think so,” the brunette retorts, looking at Lucifer fondly.

 

Lucifer looks at Sam with bafflement. “Hey! I behaved great at the mall!” He thought he did, at least.

 

Looking accusingly at the blond, Sam exclaims, “You referred to yourself as the Devil and talked loudly and _stole a sombrero from a little kid_!”

 

Lucifer smiles, remembering that hat. “Oh yeah. That was a very nice sombrero.”

 

As punishment, Sam pokes his lover’s side. “No. Not nice.” He focus on the road again. “You don’t steal from little kids.” Sam makes a thoughtful face. “Though, I do have to admit, that was pretty hilarious.”


	15. Trouble in Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam dies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We didn’t know this was actually going to be a fan fiction, my co-author and I just did it for fun, so this chapter is kind of a joke... It’s making fun over the way the Winchesters die all the time and just come back like that. I decided to include the joke.

They babble on and on for a while, finding odd things to talk about. Soon the cars thin until there aren’t any at all, and Sam wonders if he took a wrong turn for a moment. Though, he didn’t, and him and Lucifer are going the right way. It’s a little boring, but not unbearably so. A part of him knows that they don’t really have anytime, but they kind of do. It’s not like Dean is being tortured or anything. He’s dead, and not in danger. They have nothing to do after this, so what harm is it if they draw out their time a bit? So what if the demon wearing his brother is gone by the time they get there - if Dean’s involved at all with this case - because it’ll last longer.

 

Side-glancing at Lucifer, when there haven’t been any cars for a good while, Sam curses himself for not thinking ahead, and ignores it.

 

But then he spots a sign announcing a convenience store a couple miles away, and Sam gets a delicious idea. He hides his smirk and rolls his eyes at Lucifer, whom has been whining about the damn skittles. It isn’t lunch time yet, but Sam mentions grabbing a few snacks for the road, so they don’t have to stop. When they reach the Gas N’ Sip, Sam turns and pulls in. He takes a moment to debate whether or not they’re open, but notices that they are, and parks the car. Sam thinks quickly, wondering how he’s going to pull this off. 

 

Sam’s eyes light up when he realizes that the bathroom is on the outside of the building, and hands Lucifer about ten dollars. He hopes that the blond won’t get thrown out of the damn convenience store. “I gotta come in with you to get the key to the bathroom,” he states, unbuckling. “Grab your fucking skittles and some snacks like trail mix or whatever. And remember, best behavior!” Sam reminds his lover, getting out of the car.

 

“Of course, of course...” Lucifer gets out of the car and goes inside, immediately looking for the skittles.

 

Following him inside, Sam quickly gets the bathroom key, runs outside, and get what he needs from the car before quickly getting into the bathroom. He’ll have to do this quickly, but he thinks he can pull it off. But, again, Lucifer could quite possibly get thrown out.

 

Lucifer finds the skittles and some trail mix. He also gets some soda and candy. He walks to the cashier and sets the stuff on the counter. The cashier rings the stuff up and Lucifer hands him the money. After the cashier tells Lucifer he doesn’t have enough for everything, the blond picks up one of the sodas and throws it aside, causing it to spray all over. The cashier glares at him. “What the hell?” he says. Lucifer shrugs before grabbing the stuff and running out to the car.

 

Lucifer opens his skittles and starts eating them. He opens the soda and takes a sip. After eating a few more skittles, he looks over and see the trail mix. He’s never had it and he thinks  _why not?_ as he opens the package and dumps some into his mouth. He chews it a little while making a face before opening the door and spitting it out. It tastes like _death_. The blond takes a big drink of the soda to get the taste out of his mouth. _How can Sam eat that?_ Lucifer sighs and yawns, realizing how tired he is. He closes his eyes and leans his head back, waiting for Sam to come back.

 

After a couple minutes, Lucifer opens his eyes. Still no sign of Sam. He rolls his eyes, getting impatient. He pops a skittle into his mouth and chugs some more of the soda, leaving about half. He decides to leave the rest for Sam. After Lucifer finishes his skittles, he pulls out his phone and starts playing angry birds, hoping to pass the time.

 

Sam stumbles out a minute later, carefully taking the key inside. It only takes him a second to conclude Lucifer threw a glass soda, and he gives the cashier enough money to pay for the damages. He walks out a bit stiffly, trying to look causal.

 

Lucifer looks up from his phone and smiles when he sees Sam, but notices he’s walking a little weird. He waves.

 

The brunette rolls his eyes, and slowly gets into the car, grunting a little bit. He makes a odd face when he’s settled, and buckles with a deep sigh, starting the car.

 

“I tried your fucking trail mix. It was awful.”

 

“You also threw a fucking soda,” Sam retorts, backing the car up. “What happened to being on your best behavior?”

 

Lucifer crosses his arms with a huff. “Well, what else was I supposed to do with it? I didn’t have enough money.”

 

“You put it away! You don’t throw it!” They head back onto the road, hitting a few bumps, Sam makes a few weird noises at the ground turbulence, and turns onto the road.

 

Realizing that something might be wrong with Sam, the blond asks softly, “You okay, Sammy? You were walking kinda weird when you came out.”

 

Looking at Lucifer for a moment before diverting his eyes, settling then on the road, Sam responds, “‘M fine.” It’s technically not a lie. Sam is fucking _dandy_. He pushes on the gas some more.

 

“Okay. Whatever you say.” Lucifer knows better than to press. Especially when Sam clearly doesn’t want to address the problem. This situation kind of makes them both hypocrites, doesn’t it?

 

Sam sighs, relieved. He taps the wheel. Still making grunts every time they hit a bump or pothole. “And what did you say about my trail mix?” he asks, recalling the blond’s earlier statement.

 

Snorting, Lucifer looks over at Sam with blaming eyes. “It tasted horrible!” he repeats unhappily.

 

“Let me try some,” the brunette suggests, holding a hand out expectantly. There’s always a chance that whatever Lucifer picked up is simply bad or something. “You probably just don’t like it.”

 

Lucifer pours some trail mix into Sam’s hand carefully, glancing at the road even though he’s not the one driving. “I don’t see how _anyone_ could like it.”

 

Sam brings the food to his mouth, and tosses it in. He chews it for a moment before swallowing. Looking at Lucifer like he’s an idiot, the brunette states, “This is amazing! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

Making a fake pewking noise, Lucifer shakes his head in disagreement. “Gross,” he mutters in disgust.

 

“You uncultured swine!” Sam teases. “Trail mix is one of the greatest achievements of humanity!” The brunette glances at Lucifer is mock bafflement.

 

Shaking his head again, Lucifer points at the bag of trail mix. “You’re crazy! That shit is disgusting!”

 

“Your opinion.” Hitting another pothole, Sam makes a noise in the back of his throat. He starts to subtly squirm in his seat.

 

Lucifer looks at Sam, unimpressed. “Alright, what’s up?” Clearly his lover his having some sort of issue.

 

In denial, Sam looks at Lucifer in fake confusion, trying not to make any bedroom sounds or move. “What?”

 

“You’re acting weird. What’s going on?”

 

“Nothing’s going on. What are you - “ They hit another bump, and Sam whines a little lowly, trying to muffle the nose. “Talking about?” he finishes, his voice almost breaking.

 

Gesturing to Sam, Lucifer raises an unimpressed yet concerned brow. “That. I’m talking about that. Come on. Spill.”

 

The taller man scans the road, checking the mirrors before swallowing. He pulls over the car, and resists the urge to move back. 

 

“Well?” Lucifer inquires.

 

“I - “ Sam actually blushes, and he looks at Lucifer board line shyly. _It’s now or never_ , the hunter thinks. “I... Listen, the way I see it, it doesn’t really matter if we’re _a little_ late to Wisconsin... I mean, it’s not like Dean’s in trouble or anything, and he might not even be involved and - “

 

Interrupting Sam as per usual, the ex-archangel encourages his lover to get on with it. “Sammy? What exactly are you saying?” Sam tends to ramble when he’s nervous.

 

“I want you to fuck me against the car,” Sam blurts. Sometimes you just have to swallow your doubts and rip the bandaid off quickly.

 

Lucifer appears flabbergasted. “Sam - are you really willing to give up the opportunity to find Dean?” he asks with bafflement clear as a window cleaned regular with Wendex in his tone.

 

“ _It’s not Dean_!”

 

“But you know what I mean! This is the closest you’ve ever been,” Lucifer derails, not wanting to admit that he doesn’t want to have sex with Sam. Because that’s a red flag, isn’t it? If he says something like that, Sam will be bothered until Lucifer reveals the problem.

 

“It’s...” Sam looks away, feeling like a selfish fool. “And... Never mind... I’m so sorry. This was a stupid idea - “

 

“Sammy, you - I just don’t see why you... It’s your brother...” Lucifer _knows_ Sam, and he knows that the brunette would do anything for the bastard. So why is he acting like this?

 

Sam’s face flushes with embarrassment and begins to start the car again. “But it’s not,” he whispers. “Dean’s dead and... This might be a shot in the dark, anyway... And...” The brunette trails off, feeling like an idiot and a little rejected.

 

Lucifer sighs, rubbing his face stressfully. He likes the feelings of all the wrinkles and indents on Nick’s face. Or, well, it’s his now. “But it might not be a dead end. Don’t give up. This could be it.” Sam’s supposed to be the optimist. What’s gotten into him? Horniness really clouds his judgement, doesn’t it?

 

“I - Yeah, I know...” Sam pulls onto the road, he looks away. “I’m so stupid... Jesus, I’m sorry...” His face feels so warm with blood, he must be as red as a stop sign.

 

“It’s okay...” Lucifer smiles slightly and tries to lighten the mood. “You apologize way too much.” _And you don’t apologize enough_ , Michael sneers.

 

“Fuck...”Sam mutters, “we gotta find another rest stop now...”

 

Confused, Lucifer asks, “Why?”

 

Sam can’t meet Lucifer’s eyes, and he watches the road. “I kind of... Used your... Surprise.” And then brunette looks like he wants to just _disappear_.

 

Lucifer nods and looks at the floor. “Oh. O - Okay.”

 

They hit another bump and Sam whines, he pants a little. “I - sorry…”

 

Lucifer chuckles again, trying to make Sam more comfortable. “See what I mean? You apologize a lot!”

 

Sam makes a sound, and feels fucking tears coming because he's being such a girl about this. He watches the road, dejected and embarrassed. He crosses his legs. God, he screwed up so bad this time.

 

Realizing that Sam isn’t going to respond, Lucifer stares out the window in silence.

 

A minute passes, and Sam's still making those soft sounds, and he’s fighting against his erection because that’s going to make it even more awkward because apparently Lucifer doesn’t want to have sex with him against the car and why did he think he would?

 

Lucifer watches the cars pass by them. Yes, he likes having sex with Sam, but is it really the best time? They’re searching for his dead brother and having sex wouldn’t help anything. And honestly, the archangel doesn’t really feel like touching Sam, or having Sam touch him. The thought… Lucifer dislikes the idea of it.

 

And dammit is Lucifer just not attracted to him anymore? First the handjob and now this - where he’s throwing himself the blond. He’s frustrated, horny, stupid, and apparently not pretty enough anymore. Lucifer hadn’t touched him like that since the last time they had sex, and... And... Why doesn't he want to? Sam’s going to fucking cry and embarrass himself even more.

 

Lucifer leans his head against the window, tired and frustrated. His eyes droop a little and he tries to keep himself awake but eventually his eyes close and he falls asleep.

 

Sam actually does start to silently sob when he realizes that Lucifer fell asleep. He fell asleep. A part of Sam’s brain is saying that it’s because he barely gets any sleep but the rest is screaming out in pain and he feels sick. His erection falls thankfully, and he waits for the next stop. He’s crying over this, and he feels so dumb.

 

The same nightmare starts to replay for what feels like the thousandth time. Sam’s screaming insults at Lucifer and Lucifer just wants it to stop. He beats Sam and grabs the gun, aiming it at his lover. He doesn’t care who it is, though. He just wants to kill him... so he does.

 

Lucifer's eyes shoot open and he gasps, looking around and remembering where he is and who he’s with.

 

“Whoa, Lu! Are you alright?”

 

Lucifer jumps at Sam’s voice. He decides he can’t look at him so he just stares at the ground. “Y - Yeah. It was nothing.”

 

He doesn’t bother to get Lucifer to tell the truth, because if he asked why Sam looked like he’d been crying he’d definitely say he hasn’t been. The hunter understands what Lucifer said about the worrying thing.

 

Relieved that Sam didn’t pry, Lucifer stares out the window.

 

Sam might actually just die though, because he’s here being the worst, most horrible person because he has a fucking toy up his ass and is crying about how Lucifer won’t fuck him. He feels more tears coming and more silently face down his face. He really hopes Lucifer doesn’t look over.

 

Lucifer starts to close his eyes again but stops himself. He can’t have that nightmare again. He won’t watch himself kill Sam another time.

 

Accidentally making a sad, muffled sob, Sam freezes, and puts a hand over his mouth.

 

Lucifer’s head snaps toward Sam. “Are you okay, Sammy?”

 

“Don’t look at me!” Sam’s hand comes away so he can say that, and he looks away, turning his head.

A small bit of him feels a little better at Lucifer calling him Sammy, though.

 

“Come on. Tell me.”

 

He stops the car again, and pulls over. He can’t risk this, because he has a feeling he’s going to have a breakdown. A beat passes, and Sam can’t hold it back anymore, and he slowly looks over a Lucifer, tears streaming down his face.

 

Lucifer’s stomach plummets at the sight of Sam's face. “What’s the matter, Sam?”

 

“Why - “ His voice cracks, and he tries again, asking through tears, “Why won’t you touch me?”

 

*Lucifer closes his eyes. “I can’t…” He opens them. “I can’t talk about this right now.”

 

“Fuck, Lucifer, I - I can’t drive right now, I - “ He starts to weep, feeling stupid and ugly and horrible.

 

Lucifer wants to hug Sam and make him feel better, but he just can’t. “How can I make this better?”

 

The brunette wipes his face, looking at Lucifer. “Please... Please, just tell me why…” he pleads.

 

“I-I can’t... I just... I can’t.”

 

“What - what is it? Am I... I thought you liked - “ He sobs again. “What isn't a-appealing? I-I’ll fix it, I s-swear, just w-why won’t y-you?”

 

“It's not you, Sam.”

 

“That’s what they always say! I-I know it’s me - it has to be me!” Sam continues to cry, folding his arms over the steering wheel and weeping into them.

 

Lucifer hates seeing Sam in so much pain. “No, it’s not you.”

 

“Please, I’m sorry, okay?" he wails, his voice a bit muffled. “I’m a horrible person thinking that you - you who have been going through all this shit because of me and my problems would ever - ever want me! I should be comforting you! You just had another nightmare and I’m over here crying about how I want you to wanna fuck me!”

 

“Sam, please. You don’t have to be sorry.” This doesn’t have anything to do with him, really. It’s more of a Lucifer problem than a Sam problem, more than a _them_ problem...

 

“Tell me... Just get it over with...” Sam groans with insistence. “I’m the idiot with his ass plugged...”

 

Lucifer shakes his head. “No. I don’t want to... I can’t.” It’d hurt Sam, make him believe that he isn’t attractive to Lucifer anymore.

 

Looking up at Lucifer, Sam pleads, “Luce, _please_! What am I doing wrong?” He hesitantly leans over, grabbing at the fabric he’s wearing.

 

Lucifer tries to scoot farther away. The contact almost burns him, images of a bloodied and battered Sam flashing before his eyes. “You’re not doing anything.”

 

“Why...?” Sam lets go and moves back as he notices Lucifer’s discomfort. Lucifer doesn’t want to touch him at all. _Because I’m fucking disgusting, worthless, pain-causing, piece of shit_. He asks with a small voice, “Am I not enough anymore?”

 

“No, Sam. You are... _You are_. I-I love you.”

Sam can’t breathe, because Lucifer’s lying and _it’s_ happening again. “Please! No, please! I want you to want me - why - please! You can’t - I-I'm s-sorry...” He sobs.

 

Lucifer starts to get annoyed, despite Sam’s oncoming tears. “Stop saying you’re sorry!” He understands why Sam got upset bad when he was bedridden, telling him to stop apologizing.

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Sam’s babbling, sinking into his seat, having not heard Lucifer’s request.

 

“Stop it, Sam!”

 

“Please...” Sam whines, finally looking over at Lucifer again. “I’m so - so s-sorry...”

 

“Alright.” Lucifer unbuckles, stopping the car. He exits, breathing, “I can’t.” He leans against the car, stressed. He takes deep breaths.

 

Sam recoils, and suddenly this feels all too familiar and now he really _can’t_ breathe.

He grips the stirring wheel, and he can’t breathe and oh, God. Sam pants, weeping and choking on his own tears.

 

Tears sting Lucifer’s eyes and he slides down the side of the car. Sam’s too busy crying in the car to notice him having a breakdown. The blond’s body shakes with sobs as he covers his face with his hands.

 

The brunette mewls and whines. He’s having another fucking panic attack because he’s the most damaged person in the world and can’t hold himself together like a normal human being.

 

Lucifer continues to sob, thinking of the damage he’s caused. Why hasn’t Sam left yet? This is such a dysfunctional relationship... But, of course, it’s not like Sam isn’t used to those.

 

Sam twitches a little and he’s on the verge of passing out because he can’t breathe properly through his nose and every time he opens his mouth he sobs harder. He honks the horn, hoping Lucifer can help him somehow.

 

Lucifer flinches from the sound of the horn but ends up ignoring it. He can’t face Sam right now.

 

The brunette tries to stop crying, because he’s not going to die this way. Nope. He’s a fucking _man_. The taller man sniffles, and he continues make whining noises, breathing raggedly.

 

Lucifer runs his hands through his hair. _How am I supposed to deal with this?_  


But it’s just not enough, and he kicks around the car, pushing the horn again desperately. Sam feels like he’s trying to breathe through a straw, and he starts to sob full-force again and he’s going to die.

 

Lucifer continues to ignore the horn, trying to figure this whole thing out.

 

Sam’s vision is turning black around the edges, and he can’t breathe. Sam weeps a little more, wondering why Lucifer isn’t helping him. He quickly opens the door, falling out of the car and onto the road, gasping and squirming like a fish out of water.

  


Lucifer jumps when he hears the door open. He wipes his face and tries to breath deeply and steadily. He has to stay strong. For Sammy. He sees Sam and stands up, rushing over to him. “Sammy, are you okay?”

  


“Lu - help - “ he whimpers, his tone dry and breathless. Oh, God - the hunter wants to scream so bad - but he can’t find the air.

  


“What... What do I do?”

  


Sam kind of just yanks Lucifer down, and he really fucking hopes that the blond doesn’t cringe away. He finds his pulse, and focuses on it, taking shallow breathes. He leans against him, calming down.

  


Lucifer immediately pulls away when he sees his lover dead before him. “I’m sorry, Sammy.” And whom is apologizing now? Michael sneers.

  


And Sam doesn’t know if it’s because of that - Lucifer’s rejection - his heart feels like it’s going to stop or if it’s because it is. The brunette sobs harder, staring at Lucifer with disbelief. He doesn’t have time to ponder how Lucifer can’t touch him to the point where he refuses to help him not die. His vision darkens, and he reaches out to Lucifer before it fades completely.

  


And he can’t breathe.

  


“Sam!” Lucifer kneels by Sam. “Sam?” But he just continues to lay on the cement, unresponsive. Lucifer gently shakes Sam and screams hysterically, “Sam! Wake up! Please, Sammy!” It’s easier to touch Sam when he’s actually dead, when his greatest nightmare has came true.

  


Sobbing, Lucifer continues shouting, “Please! Don’t leave me!... This is all my fault... I’m so sorry, Sam.” Just when Lucifer starts to think there’s no hope, that Sam’s gone and he’s never coming back, a blue car pulls up. A beautiful, brown-haired girl steps out and rushes over, her eyes wide. Lucifer lets out a relieved breath, pleading, “HELP HIM! PLEASE!”

  


The girl kneels down and pushes Lucifer aside. “What happened?!”

  


“I - I don’t... I don’t know! He was crying and he... He couldn’t breathe and he just collapsed! Please tell me you can help him!” Lucifer explains desperately, making multiple strangle gestures with his hands.

  


Taking a deep breath as to calm herself down, the girl nods. “I think so. I know CPR,” she assures, starting to make her way over to Sam’s unconscious body.

  


Lucifer stares at her like she’s insane. “CANNED PIZZA ROLLS?!” he screams. “THAT’S NOT GONNA HELP HIM!”

  


The girl looks at Lucifer weirdly for a moment before she remembers that she needs to act fast. Lucifer stands up and watches anxiously. She places her hands on Sam’s chest and starts pressing down repeatedly. Then she pinches Sam’s nose and places her lips on his, which upsets Lucifer. “WHY ARE YOU KISSING MY BOYFRIEND?! I ASKED YOU TO HELP HIM, NOT MAKE OUT WITH HIM!”

  


Looking angrily at Lucifer, she yells, “Shut up. I am helping him.” The brunette continues giving Sam CPR while Lucifer watches, hoping,praying that Sam will be okay.

  


Sam remains still for a few moments - maybe thirty seconds - before he coughs, his body spasming. The woman that saved his life gets off of him, standing off to the side. She feels so proud of herself; she just saved a man’s life! That’s not a usual occurrence!

  


It feels as if a huge weight lifted off of Lucifer’s shoulder at the sight. He kneels down by Sam again. “Oh, my God! Sammy! Are you okay?”

  


Blinking at the bright light reproachfully, and he looks to the left of his form, spotting beautiful brunette looking down at him. He coughs a little again.

  


Lucifer looks at the woman. “Thank you so much.” She smiles and nods before getting back in her car and driving away.

  


Sam pants with bafflement, because he just died, didn’t he? Did he just die? The brunette looks around. His eyes land on Lucifer, and he stares at him for a moment before realizing that the weird sound he hears is a car driving away.

  


“Lucifer?” he dares to hope. He’s definitely not in hell or heaven, and it wouldn’t be the first time he ever came back from the dead, but, did he really just choke to death? That’s weak, especially for a Winchester. Death by panic attack - How graceful.

  


“Yeah. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

 

 

Still blinking in confusion, Sam tries to locate the correct words to use. “Wha - “ He looks over at the car disappearing into the distance. “Did - What happened?” he settles for.

  


“You... I... I’m not really sure. You were crying really hard and... I don’t know I guess you couldn’t breathe.”

  


With a face of hurt, Sam recalls what happened, and gets to his feet. He rubs his head when he gets a head rush. “I - You…” Did Lucifer let him die?

  


“Thank God you’re okay. I don’t know what I would have done.” Lucifer gives him a soft smile, glancing at the Impala. He’d of helped Sam up, but he really doesn’t want to touch him.

  


It takes Sam another moment to realize that he still has the butt plug in him, and that’s why he feels a little weird. Swallowing, the brunette thinks, in response to Lucifer’s previous comment, Well, not help me, apparently.

  


Sam looks at Lucifer again. “Get in the car,” he says, already opening his side.

  


“O - Okay.” Lucifer gets in the car and buckles his seat, feeling like he’s done like something wrong. When have you ever done anything right, Little Brother?

  


The brunette buckles in himself, and starts the car. He’s silent, and they start down the road again. It’s like nothing happened, like Sam didn’t just die or anything.

  


Lucifer tries to talk to Sam. He smiles halfheartedly. “I’m really happy you’re okay. I love you.”

  


Sam peers at the blond quickly, and wipes off his face at the sight of himself in the mirror. “Yeah,” he mumbles in agreement, staring at the road. Lucifer thankfully bites his tongue and looks out the window, getting the message that Sam doesn’t want to talk.

  


Sighing, the brunette can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable. “I - Okay. Just a moment, I’ll be right back.” Sam looks at Lucifer as he pulls over the car again. “Stay here,” he mumbles, undoing his seatbelt.

  


“Okay…” Lucifer watches Sam get out of the car and ends up fumbling with his fingers. Sam’s probably going to take out the toy inside of him. But that’s just a deduction.

  


Sam gets out of the car, and walks to the back of it, scanning the road. He pops the trunk. Sam looks around once more, making sure Lucifer isn’t looking, that no cars are coming before reaching into his fucking pants and taking the toy out. “Ah!” he exclaims as he takes it out quickly, fearing that someone might see him. But just can’t deal with it any longer, and, actually, who the fuck cares if someone sees? He groans at the feeling, and quickly puts it in the trunk.

  


Sam checks himself again, slamming the trunk shut and getting back into the car. He buckles once more, and pulls onto the road without a word. He feels so empty, but he likes the burn a little. Because it’s a reminder.

  


Lucifer just stares out the window.

  


“Sorry I gave you a scare,” Sam mutters, the ‘but I’m starting to think you wouldn’t of minded if I would’ve died’ not passing his lips. Lucifer loves him, and accusing him of anything less is too cruel.

Waving a dismissive hand, Lucifer assures quietly, “It’s okay. Like I said, I’m just glad you’re okay, Sammy.”

  


The brunette nods, swallowing again. “You... I died, didn’t I?”

  


Lucifer almosts chokes the one-word answer. “Yeah.”

  


“You…” Sam cringes, wanting to check it unspoken but knowing that he has to. “You let me die.”

  


Looking at his lover, Lucifer shakes his head in denial, although he is guilty of Sam’s accusation. “What? No... Sam, I didn’t want you to die, but... What was I supposed to do?” he replies, sounding like he’s more trying to convince himself of this rather than Sam.

  


“I dunno, you could’ve - could’ve left me touch you! I was calming down and you pulled away!”

  


Since Lucifer has no real excuse for his actions, he simply slumps, turning towards the window once more. What’s wrong with him? “I’m... I’m sorry.”

  


“You don’t - This is way more serious than I thought it was. You - “ Sam pauses, his eyes glossing over mournfully. “You don’t want to touch me so bad that you’re willing to let me die.”

  


Lucifer whimpers, shaking his head curtly. “No! I didn’t want you to die!” he exclaims.

  
“Then why didn’t you help me?!” Sam shouts incredulously, baffled that Lucifer would aruge with him about this when he’s so obviously correct.

 

 

“I didn’t know what to do! I’m sorry.”

  


“YOU PULLED AWAY FROM ME! YOU WOULDN’T SAVE ME! WHAT THE FUCK IS SO UNBELIEVABLY HORRIBLE THAT YOU’D DO THAT?!” Sam grips the wheel tightly, and he’s so scared he’s going to start crying again, because of what happened last time.

  


Lucifer wants to scream at Sam. He wants to tell him what’s wrong, but he takes a breath and remains calm. “Can we... Can we please not do this right now?” Why is it always in the car, anyway?

  


“I’M SO SICK OF HEARING THAT!” Sam screeches. “‘Can we please not do this right now’?” he mocks before continuing to yell. “FUCK NO WE CAN’T!”

  


Lucifer takes a shaky breath. “Please, Sam. I’m not doing this. I can’t.”

  


“I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL BAD - BUT YOU BETTER FUCKING TELL ME WHY! RIGHT NOW!"”

  


Lucifer jumps at Sam’s volume. He refuses to do this. He won’t. Instead he ignores Sam and stares out the window again.

  


“Are you serious? You - Fine. Ruin our relationship again, why not? I’m used to it at this point.”

  


Lucifer’s eyes sting with tears, but he knows if he talks to Sam then he’ll have to tell him what’s the matter and he won’t do that.

  


Sam notices his lover gazing out the window, and he scoffs, shaking his head. “I swear to - You don’t get to cry, you better not cry. You don’t get to, because you’re the one who won’t talk about this.”

  


Lucifer closes his eyes. It sounds stupid, but maybe if he can’t see Sam, then it’ll be easier to ignore him.

  


“I can’t deal with this right now, Lucifer. You have to tell me right now, and I’m not kidding. I’m tired of being pushed and pulled in this relationship - I love you so much and I just want us to be happy. I don’t... I used to admire you for how open you were.” The brunette sighs.

  


He was wrong. It’s hard to ignore Sam either way, but he still tries. Lucifer closes his eyes tighter and breathes deeply.

  


Sam feels the familiar burn in his chest and his lips part. “You say that you don’t want me to worry - but I died over this. Over whatever doesn’t - “ the brunette freezes in his spot. Pondering the last week, ever since they had sex. Sure, Lucifer had touched him since then, but only if many layers of clothes separated them. “Are you pitying me? Is this - Do you even fucking like me anymore?” Sam shakes his head to himself. “No, you do. At least like. But... You remind me of when we were on a break, of when you were uncertain if you loved me or not. Did you stop? Is that what this is? Pity?” the taller man thinks aloud, his voice thoughtful and calm.

  


Lucifer lets Sam keep talking. He can’t talk to him right now. He never really wants to open up to Sam. If he just deals with it on his own, then maybe it’s less stress for Sam.

  


Sam’s quiet for a moment, but he continues soon enough. “You don’t like to touch me - which... It’s the nightmares. That’s why you won’t touch me, isn’t it? That - that makes sense. I - "” He doesn’t continue and frowns.

  


Lucifer’s thankful Sam’s stopped talking, at least for a little while. He relaxes a bit.

  


Again, after a pregnant pause, Sam presses on. “I think if it was guilt you’d still have it in you to touch me. Because you’d want to make me happy. God - I really hope that never happens,” he muses. Sam taps the steering wheel, continuing. “Though, after you actually - “ Sam pauses, feeling like it was effective enough that Lucifer would realize he was referring to when the blond beat him, “me, you touched me afterwards. But then the nightmare happened. Jesus, they’re that bad, aren’t they?”

  


Lucifer says nothing.

  


“We could get you some sleeping pills. I used to take them for some nights where it was just unbearable. The nightmares, I mean. They knock you out, and you don’t dream.” Sam looks over at Lucifer before the road again, sighing softly. “But I guess that until you... And I mean this in the nicest way... Get over it, because this is a platonic relationship if you’re not interested in anything sexual.”

  


Lucifer just tries to breath steadily, seeing if he can zone out Sam's voice.

  


Sam adds quickly, not wanting to give his lov - his friend - the wrong idea. “Not that I’m saying I wanna take a break. That’s not at all what I mean. I’m just saying that if you’re not interested that I’m not going to pressure you.” The brunette breathes softly, rubbing the steering wheel a bit.

  


Hoping that Sam’s done talking, Lucifer opens his eyes back up and looks at the floor.

  


“But,” the hunter continues, musing internally about how much he sounds and feels like a therapist, “if... If you’re not even going to try and make this better... I guess we’ll have to take a break. A permanent break. Because... I don’t think I could handle not being able to do all the things that we’ve done together…”

  


Lucifer’s stomach twists in knots. He doesn’t want to take a break, but he definitely doesn’t want to talk to Sam about this.

  


Sam sighs again, still frowning. “It’s your choice. Either you can open up to me, tell me what’s the matter and let me help you - or you can just keep doing what you’re doing. And then... Then…” The brunette feels his eyes burn again, but he quickly wills the tears away. “Then you’re telling me you don’t want this anymore, whatever we have between us.”

  


The ex-archangel decides on the latter. He can figure his relationship out later... But he can’t talk to Sam about his problems. He stays quiet.

  


Watching the road sadly, Sam states, “I hope you talk to me - Soon, anyway. Because... Between Dean and this... I need someone there for me. Because I latch onto things to feel better. To actually be able to get up in the morning to tread through the shit that is my life. Our relationship has been the best one I’ve ever had - even better than Jess and Amelia.”

  


Lucifer feels bad but he continues to stay silent.

  


“I understand that maybe... Maybe the wound’s too fresh. That you can’t talk about it right now. And I respect that, because I’ve been in your spot before. So I’m going to give you a few chances. But... Lucifer... If you keep this up... I’m not bringing you back to the Bunker.” Sam pauses again, knowing that Lucifer probably appreciates the breaks.

  


The blond closes his eyes again and leans his head against the window, knowing that Sam will continue talking eventually.

  


Sam continues, saying, “I don’t think that I’ll be able to look and see you everyday without whining and bitching about how you don’t love me. Because I’ll drive you crazy - And while I just want to get this shit outta the way and go back to the Bunker with you and grow old with you and fuck like bunnies... I realize now that maybe that’s not what you want.”

  


Lucifer’s eyes open and he keeps ignoring Sam.

  
“So, if you’re looking for a way out in this relationship, here’s your chance. I don’t know if you are, cuz you won’t talk to me about it, but either way, it’s out there. I’m sorry if there’s something I’m missing, something that I am not realizing - Because I sure don’t see it.” Sam takes a watery, shaky breath. He’s having trouble holding back his tears, but he’s managing. “All I see is the man that is my universe... Myeverything... Being too stubborn and self-righteous to talk to me about his issues. Maybe he doesn’t think I’ll understand. Maybe he doesn’t want me to worry or stress or whatever.” With a smaller, quieter voice, Sam adds, “Or maybe he simply doesn’t love me anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, the new episodes on the CW... Um, yeah... Lucifer is really out of character, am I right?


End file.
